In Paridisum
by Silent Dagger
Summary: Can love really overcome your other feelings? Can it triumph over hatred, over the lust for dominance and victory? Once he sets his mind and heart to something, can Light Yagami really change his vow?
1. Resurrection

**In Paridisum**

**Rated: M (to be safe) for sexual content, language and adult content**

**Summary:** Can love really overcome your other feelings? Can it triumph over hatred, over the lust for dominance and victory? Once he sets his mind and heart to something, can Light Yagami really change his vow? Will he change his heart in time or will he lose everything?

**Silent Dagger: **This is my first Death Note fanfiction and also my first yaoi. I accept valid criticism, but please do not flame me for unnecessary things (such as complaints about yaoi, you already know it is a male/male pairing so if you do not like that, feel free to read another story).

**Chapter One: Resurrection**

_Those eyes…coal black and soulless, to me that it how I see them. An empty shell, but that is not truly correct now is it? You are not an empty shell. Behind this ridiculous look is the mind of a genius, my enemy, my one worthy opponent. I assure you; your time is running out, my 'friend'…_

Light Yagami smiled darkly to himself. His memories were restored, he was whole again. The past had caught up to him in a flash. He was Kira, he was the new God of the world, or he was going to be very soon. The man sitting next to him had his attention elsewhere, on the scene taking place outside of the helicopter that they were both sitting in.

Higuchi was being led towards them. 'Kira' had been caught. Light wondered if L felt any pride in seeing him defeated. After all, all evidence showed that Higuchi was definitely Kira. L had caught his killer. The smile could not be kept off his face. A light smirk in the darkness of the night. If only he knew…

Well, he was hoping to see some surprise in that face once Higuchi dropped dead. 30 seconds…that was all the life he had left. Light turned his attention away from L and watched Higuchi being brought closer. 20 seconds…

_10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…sayonara, Higuchi Kyosuke._

Higuchi stopped; he threw his head back and yelled a rasping, choked yell. His heart was failing him. Light had to fight back a laugh as L leaned forward, those round eyes of his opening even wider. Just as he predicated, the man was surprised. It made him feel even better than before. Still, there was no need to throw the game after all this. He leaned forward as well, opening his eyes to their widest.

"W-What just happened?" he demanded to no one. "What happened to Higuchi?!"

He saw his father leaning over Higuchi, as if he could do anything. The man was dead. Still, Light was actually having fun acting as if he too were ignorant. "Father! If Higuchi dies now!" he shouted, knowing that everyone present would know exactly what that meant. No more Kira, no one to blame, and yet here people were still dying.

He chanced a glance at L. The great detective looked stumped. How wonderful, he truly was going to win. With Higuchi gone…it was L's turn next. He grinned into the darkness. Everything was going according to his plan.

Light was standing in the main room of the investigation headquarters with the others from the team. On the monitor was Misa, reading, minding her own business but still being watched closely…by one man, L. The others were still in awe of Rem, but Light could not blame them. It wasn't every day you saw a Death God. They were also pouring over the Death Note and Light was thrilled at the way they reacted to the rules in the back of the notebook. The fake rules he had Ryuk write before relinquishing his hold on the Death Note.

That would be sure to clear his name and Misa's as well. He honestly cared nothing for the girl, but he would rather not have Rem breathing down his neck. If he had to protect the girl for now, then so be it. Rem would be out of his way soon enough. Finally, after much murmuring and quick conversations, Matsuda looked up to address everyone.

"Well, there is one good thing out of all of this," he began. "If the person who writes down a name in this book has to keep writing every 13 days…well then, Light-kun and Misa-Misa are cleared."

Light looked at him and smiled. Good old Matsuda, moving his plans along nicely. Once he was free of L he could do as he pleased again. He looked at L, who was still watching the monitor. Light wouldn't be surprised if the guy was sulking. He did admit that he hated losing, and Light would consider this his biggest loss. Well, until the grand finale that was. He grinned to himself again as he waited for L to be forced to agree.

"Yes," was all he said.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the key to the handcuffs that had been around both boys' wrist for over a month now. The click of the lock being opened was a signal to Light. It was the signal for his victory. L tossed him the key and he undid his own and rubbed at the wrist. It felt wonderful to be free. He had hated being stuck around the detective twenty-four seven. His insufferable insomniac, his forever unsatisfied sweet tooth, everything about him was annoying. He realized he had not felt that way before because he was not whole, thank goodness, he may have killed himself during that time to save his sanity.

He noticed that the monitor had been switched from Misa's room and that Matsuda had gone to inform her that she could leave. Not wanting to seem suspicious, Light followed him. A relieved boyfriend sharing a precious moment with his lover, they were free to be together again. He almost laughed at the very thought.

He stood at the main entrance; Misa was looking at him with that devoted stare as usual. Mogi and Matsuda were there as well. Mogi waved a simple farewell and had to drag a stricken Matsuda away, who was very upset at seeing Misa leave. Once they were gone, Light placed his hands on Misa's shoulders and then drew her in close for a hug. He frowned as he felt her bury her face into his chest. This level of devotion…it was pathetic really, but definitely useful.

"Misa, when you're certain no one else is around, I want you to go to the place I'm about to tell you about and dig something up for me," he whispered.

Misa looked at him adoringly. "Misa will do well for you, Light," she replied dreamily.

Light smiled. "I know you will," he said before giving her directions to where her Death Note lay waiting for her. He watched her as she left the building, a smirk playing about his lips. Misa would find the Death Note, Ryuk would appear since he had had the Death Gods switch Death Notes. Inside, Misa would find a letter that he had written to her. He would ask her to remember the real name of Ryuuga Hideki and thus kill L. He could hardly wait and he knew Misa would do exactly as he told her since he had written that he would love her forever if she did. Really, manipulating people was so much fun.

Misa returned the very next day. Light had to hand it to her; she was punctual in the very least. He was standing with his father and Matsuda in the main control room. Rem was standing close and L was perched on the couch with a large ice cream in his hand. He excused himself so that he could go see Misa and when they embraced, Misa, following his commands, touched him with a piece of the Death Note. Light smiled and looked towards the door.

"Long time no see, Ryuk," he said softly.

"Yo," Ryuk replied.

"L-Light, I'm so sorry. I can't remember Ryuuga Hideki's name no matter how hard I try," Misa whined.

"I see, well that's too bad," Light said, intentionally making his voice sound a little cold.

As expected, Misa latched herself onto his arm, her eyes wide. "It's okay! I've traded eyes with Ryuk!" she insisted.

Light allowed a smile before he turned to face her. Yes, he knew that she would resort to that, it was why he had the Death Gods switch notebooks in the first place since Rem would never do the deal again. He had to keep acting though, he would not give up the game, not yet.

"You idiot! That means your lifespan has…" he trailed off, sounding perfectly concerned.

"It doesn't matter, I want to help you, Light," Misa said, smiling lightly.

"I want to live in an ideal world with you for as long as possible, Misa, that's how I feel," Light whispered. Misa was overcome with joy at this and hugged him again. "So let's build it together," he added. "Just you and me."

"Yes, just the two of us," Misa whispered.

"Listen, I'm not in a position to judge criminals right now, My Misa," Light said. "So I want you to do it for me."

A few days had passed and once more Light was in headquarters. He was alone with Rem and L. L was asking Rem about the Death Note. Well, let him try all he wants, it wasn't going to change the fact that he was going to die soon. He glanced over when he heard the detective call his name. "Yes?" he asked pleasantly.

"You've finally been freed and yet you never leave this place," L pointed out.

_Don't you want the company? You'll be sleeping eternally alone before long…_

Light would have loved to say that, but no, he still had to keep up the charade. "The Kira case is far from over," he replied. "I don't care for romance at the moment." He paused and smiled to himself. "Or are you saying you've got a problem with me always being here?" he asked. He shouldn't have sounded so harsh, but there was also some joy in demanding answers from the great L.

L didn't even look at him. He didn't answer right away and when he did it was soft spoken and simple. "No…" he said.

But Light could feel his eyes on him and he looked right back._ So what now, L?_

Later on, when the rest of the team arrived, Light had to fight back laughter at how very well his plan was going. His father stormed into the room announcing that more criminals were being killed. All of which occurred after Higuchi's death.

"Which means that Higuchi wasn't Kira after all," he sighed heavily.

Light shook his head. "No, we know that he was before we captured him," he pointed out. "He admitted it himself."

"So has another Kira appeared then?" Aizawa guessed.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Matsuda complained.

L was silent for a moment. He was holding a teddy graham delicately with two fingers. After a few minutes went by he spoke. "This began right after Amane was freed," he said.

"I can't believe you would say that, Ryuuzaki," Light said instantly, defending his girlfriend for all to see.

"Well in any case, if there is someone out there using a second Death Note we'll definitely catch that person," L replied, crushing the cracker to pieces.

Light saw as L looked at the opened Death Note in front of him. He had discovered that one of the pages had been torn, a piece missing. He smiled. Perhaps the great L was about to figure something out. Light gave him some time to think about things and then decided to step in once more.

"Ryuuzaki, even if we were to catch this Kira, would we be able to get a conviction from them?"

"Of course!" Matsuda exclaimed. "They were writing down these names knowing the people would die. If we can't make the Death Note public knowledge like that, we should obliterate them!"

"That doesn't sound like the best option, but chances are the higher-ups will go that route, or close to it anyway," Aizawa replied.

"If we can prove the murders were a result of the notebook, there will be the death penalty waiting…or a life sentence in the very least," L said.

Light glanced at Rem. _You know what this means, I wonder how you can just stand here and act indifferent when it's your Misa they're talking about._ He smirked. He knew that Rem would have figured it out by now. Obviously the Death God would save Misa's life, which in turn would get rid of both herself and L since she was clearly interfering with a person's lifespan. Let L figure it out. He would die before he succeeded.

He was alone now, walking down a corridor. The rain was lashing against the windows. It was pouring down fiercely. Light was planning on just taking a brief walk about the place and then heading back home when he noticed a door that was usually closed was ajar. He walked towards it. Apparently it led to the roof. Light shrugged and walked up the stairs. He reached the roof and looked about, and froze. L…he was up here, standing in the rain, soaked and looking far more solemn than Light had ever seen him look.

He was looking up at the cloudy skies, and then slowly, he turned his head and his black eyes met Light's chocolate ones. _What the hell are you doing up here, L?_

"What are you doing out here, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked.

L stared at him and then held a hand up to his ear to show that he couldn't hear him. How infuriating. Light asked the question again, louder this time, but L shook his head and smiled, holding the hand up again. Damn you L. Light sighed and walked away from the protection of the overpass and out into the chilly rain. When he reached L he considered yelling the question into his face, for making him come out here, but he controlled the urge.

"What are you doing, Ryuuzaki?" he asked for the third time.

"It's nothing worth mentioning," L replied.

_Oh really? Then why didn't you just ignore me so I could have saved myself from an unwanted rain shower?_

"The sound of bells…" L continued.

Light raised an eye brow. What was he going on about? Still, there was something very sad about him right now, not that Light cared really.

"They are incredibly noisy today," L said, looking away from Light and back towards the city.

"I don't hear a thing," Light said truthfully.

"Really? They've been ringing nonstop…I can't stop thinking about them," L replied. "I wonder…maybe it's a wedding…or…"

"What are you _talking_ about, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked, fighting to keep the exasperation out of his voice. "Stop talking nonsense, let's go inside."

L looked at him and then looked away, hanging his head in what…defeat? Well that was appealing. Did he know that he had lost?

"Sorry. Everything I say is made up on the spot so don't believe a word of it," L said softly.

Light frowned as he continued to look at him. This definitely wasn't the L he was used to. Where was that confidence? The assertiveness? Light had never imagined L to admit to something like that, even if he knew that it was a true statement. He looked incredibly sad and…alone.

Light chuckled a bit. "You're right, Ryuuzaki. The majority of what you say isn't true," he said.

"Yes…but the same applies to you," L said.

Light narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Have you ever uttered a single completely true thing since you were born?" L replied.

Light didn't answer. His eyes just locked with L. What was with this guy? Honestly, Light was getting a bit annoyed at how he was acting right about now. Oh well, he wouldn't have to deal with it soon. So soon, he was going to win soon!

"I'm human, I lie every now and then, but I never lie to hurt anyone," Light answered.

"I knew you'd say that," L said with a soft smile.

_Did you now?_

"Let's go back inside, we're both soaked," L suggested.

_The first thing that you've said today that's made sense!_

"Yeah," Light replied.

He followed L back into the building. Great, he was soaked and cold and all he had to show for it was a sullen detective. He could say it was worth seeing L like this, but he wasn't so sure…he was pretty cold.

Once inside, Light grabbed the towel L offered and began to scrub himself dry. He was sitting on the steps, his shoes discarded by his side and the towel about his head as he attempted to dry his hair. He heard L approach but didn't look at him. He had spent far too much time looking into that pale face. He was counting down the hours until he wouldn't have to see it ever again.

"Well, that was quite the ordeal," L said casually.

"It's your fault for being out in that storm," Light pointed out.

"True, I'm sorry," L said simply and Light sincerely doubted that he really was.

He heard L moving towards him, but he kept his eyes closed, wiping at some stray drops on his face. He only opened his eyes when he felt a cold hand grab his bare foot. L was hunkered down by his feet.

"What are you doing, Ryuuzaki?" Light demanded.

"I thought I'd help…you seem so adamant about drying yourself and it was, as you said, my fault to begin with," L replied.

"It's fine, you don't have to do that," Light insisted.

"I'll throw in a massage? Just let me atone for this, I'm not at all bad you know," L suggested.

"Do as you please then," Light sighed.

Hey, why not add a bit of insult to injury? Here was the world's best detective, drying and massaging _his_ feet. He was a God after all, and this was L bowing to him. He fought off a smile and simply looked at the other boy, wincing when he put pressure on his foot. Were massages supposed to hurt?

"Oy," Light said in warning.

"You'll get used to it shortly," L assured him.

Light felt water hitting his foot and he glanced at L's hair. It was still dripping wet. He felt something then, something that was not at all according to plans. L was looking down at his feet, his eyes hidden behind that mop of unruly hair. He still had Light's foot in hand, but he was not drying it or massaging it anymore. He looked…like he could be close to tears. Light felt a very human throb of pity in his heart. No, NO! L was going to die! He was going to triumph over him!

Still, he couldn't help himself. He grabbed his towel and leaned in close to L. He brushed it over his hair, watching drops of water raining down. "You're still wet," he whispered.

"Sorry," L said simply.

He took hold of Light's other foot and began to dry it as well. They sat in silence. Light had no clue about what could be going through L's head, though he wished he could escape his own. What were these thoughts suddenly? He had lived with the man for months and had thought of him as nothing more than a partner in the Kira case. But now…he couldn't even describe what he was feeling.

"It's sad isn't it?" L asked when he finished.

Light looked at him quizzically.

"It's nearly time to say farewell," L replied heavily, looking into Light's eyes, a sad smile on his white face.

Light's eyes widened. _So you do know, L? Or are you referring to my end? No…that look on your face would definitely be different if you had some evidence pointing to me. You know…and I hate you for knowing. You have to die! It is your time to die!_

L's cell phone rang but Light wasn't paying attention to what he was saying over the phone. His heart was racing. He wanted to dominant L that had not changed; he wanted to be the victor. But he suddenly realized that after tonight, he wasn't going to see this face ever again. This beautiful, unique face that only he could possess. No…what the hell was he thinking? Beautiful? More like deathly, the face of a wraith…or a fallen angel.

"Shall we go, Light-kun?" L asked.

Light blinked. L was standing, looking at him. If they went, it was the end. L would undoubtedly learn of Misa, and Rem would kill him before he could make the assumption out loud. L was turning now, walking towards his death. It was as if he were moving in slow motion. Light could stop it. He could be a merciful God.

He stood and hurried forward. He gripped the detective's shoulder tightly and turned him around. L looked at him with some surprise in his eyes.

"L-Light-kun?" he asked.

"No," he said. "You are not going in there, Ryuuzaki," he whispered.

"I don't understand, Light-kun," L replied, his eyes narrowing.

"Don't call me 'Light-kun' right now L…call me…Kira," Light ordered softly.

He didn't give L time to respond to that. He saw those narrowed eyes open their widest and he grinned, wrapping his arms about the thin detective and crushing his lips against L's.

**Silent Dagger: OK, I understand that most of this is just a summary of episodes 24 and 25, but that is exactly where the story started and I wanted Light to be dealing with all of this so yeah, that's why. From here on in the plot does not follow the anime as closely as this chapter did. You know I thrive off of reviews ;)**


	2. Enjoy the Silence

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: Well, here's chapter two. Hope you enjoy! Though this chapter starts from Light's point of view, it's going to focus mainly from L's.**

**Chapter Two: Enjoy the Silence**

Pain, a sharp flare in his stomach, caused Light to let go of his prey and stumble back a bit. The bastard had kneed him in the stomach. L was standing there, looking at him flabbergasted but quickly regaining his composure. The surprise was melting away to be replaced by his usual stoic look.

"Light-kun would do well to explain himself," he said threateningly.

Light grinned and straightened, ignoring the pain momentarily. Honestly, here he was offering L a chance to live, and the detective was _still_ fighting him. He was starting to realize, slowly but surely, that this was the reason he did not want to kill L, as crazy as that sounded. He liked having a rival. He thirsted for the competition. He loved having someone who was as smart as he was for once. It made him want L, not want to kill him. To have the man twisting and writhing beneath him, to hear him moan in both pain and pleasure. That would be the ultimate victory. To keep him as nothing more than a pet.

"I am sorry, Ryuuzaki," he said, forcing his voice to be apologetic and confused. "I do not know what came over me."

He took a step towards L, but L backed away, a distrustful look on his face. "You said you wanted to be called Kira, I can only assume that you have finally given me the confession I have been waiting for," he replied.

Light stopped and just stared at him for a moment. It could be fun to keep playing at being confused. But it may be even more fun to just say to hell with it and do what he wanted to do. Besides, if he kept up with being confused, L might put the matter on hold until after he tried to reveal Misa, in which case he would be dead before Light had his fun with him.

Well, nothing else for it then. Light lunged and tackled L. L grunted in pain as he landed on the hard floor with Light's weight on top of him. His dark eyes flashed. He was mad, very mad. The idea made Light smirk. What could he do? Yes, L was strong, but Light was heavier and that would be a huge advantage from where they were now. He straddled L and pinned his hands down to the floor by the wrists before leaning in, his face inches from L's.

"All right you stubborn bastard," he whispered, almost purred. "You're right, you've got my confession, but in the end I have won."

"Only as long as you keep me here," L said.

"Exactly," Light replied.

He suddenly let go of L's wrist and brought his fist up quickly before punching L as hard as he could in the face. He could only imagine the burst of lights that must have been swimming before the dazed detective. With a laugh, Light stood up and lifted L into his arms. He then ran to the main control room and kicked the door open.

"L-Light?" Chief Yagami asked in surprise. He noticed L unconscious in his arms. "What happened to Ryuuzaki?!"

"I don't know!" Light said, sounding earnest. "He suddenly collapsed! I'm going to take him to the hospital right away!"

He saw Watari in the monitor and the old man's eyes were focused right on Light's eyes. His gaze was intense, but as long as he wasn't here then Light had no need to worry about him. He looked at Rem instead and she returned the gaze, a searching look in her odd eyes. He willed her to understand this much at least. He was taking L away from here and she would not touch him. She gave him the barest of nods. Light knew that Rem cared nothing about himself or L, but as long as Misa was safe, she would not do anything. Still, Light would find a way to get rid of her before long.

"Do you need any help, Light-kun?" Matsuda asked.

Light shook his head. "Don't worry about us, just focus on finding Kira," he said firmly.

Matsuda nodded and Light made his way out of the building. The smile that had been threatening to lift his lips was allowed to blossom. He looked down at the silent L. "You're mine now," he whispered. "And if you prove to be too much of a hassle, I shall simply kill you."

Darkness, a splitting headache, various aches and pains on his body, but what hurt the most was those eyes. The eyes that had loomed down on him, swallowing him in failure. Kira had been with him the entire time. He had fooled him, and now L couldn't even be sure as to where he was. He sat up slowly and felt his nose. Well, it wasn't broken at least, but it hurt.

Pain could wait, for now, L wanted to know where he was. He looked about him, but all was darkness. No, there was a point of light, a very small red light in the corner of the room. He stood up and slowly shuffled over to it. He touched it, it was a camera. Was it recording? He could not be sure. Kira could be watching him right now. And they called him the pervert?

He frowned and ran the back of his hand across his lips, as if that would erase the kiss. What had possessed Kira to behave in such a way? L was sure that he had been marked for death that day, he had heard the bells. So if Light Yagami really was Kira, then why on earth had he prevented him from being killed? Why had he kissed him? L was definitely not interested in Light in that way, had never felt that way towards anyone and definitely not towards another man.

Could it be that Kira was attracted to him? It could be a possibility. When he thought about it, Light who was now known as Kira was incredibly intelligent for his age. He must not have had an equal his entire life. Now L was in the picture and for once Light had someone who stood at the same level as himself. Come to think of it, isn't that what L would look for in a person? Maybe, but he was too pissed off at Light to even think like that. Besides, he had never considered himself homosexual, though this could have been beyond that.

He sighed. It was hard to think with such a bad headache. He blinked when a flash of light burst into being in the corner of the room. The camera was on and now L could see that there was a small TV connected to it. He stared at it and realized that it was showing the main control room back at headquarters. The team was there, including Watari…and Light.

"What are you planning now, Kira?" L whispered into the dark room.

He could not be sure if this was live or recorded beforehand, but he was interested all the same. The audio didn't seem to kick in right away and he was forced to listen to silence for the first few minutes of the tape, but he could tell they were all talking and they all looked concerned.

"…Sure?" Chief Yagami asked as the audio finally came through.

"Y-yeah," Light said, he sounded as though he were crying. "It was awful; it must have been…Kira."

"I just do not see how this has happened," Watari said and L could sense the distrust in his voice. Good old Watari.

Light looked over at Watari. "I wish I could say it didn't happen. But I'm telling the truth, all of a sudden, Ryuuzaki gained consciousness…he fought with me, and before I could stop him, he disappeared. I tried to find him," as he continued this tale, his voice became more frantic and panicky. "I looked for hours, but I couldn't find him!"

"Calm down, Light-kun, I'm sure you did all you could," Matsuda said kindly.

_Damn you, Matsuda-san_.

Light held a shaking hand to his face, covering his eyes. "I just know…something awful could be happening right now."

Mogi sighed heavily. "If it was Kira…" he trailed off and L knew what he was thinking. If it was Kira's doing, then he, L, was already dead. That was Light's plan then. He wanted the investigation team to assume him dead. That would be one effective way of getting him out of the picture. However, Light was forgetting something. He was dealing with the world's three best detectives. He would not be so easy to retain. L would find a way to get in touch with Watari.

It was cold when he woke next. L blinked. There was light in the room now, a cold grey light that reminded him of the predawn of a winter's day. A door was open revealing a long hallway. It was probably a trap of some sort, but L would not simply sit by in this small, circular room and wait for Kira to come in here. He stood up, shivering slightly as he made his way out of the room and down the dimly lit hallway. The question was where was this place? It was not headquarters; it was not Light's house.

The hallway ended, leading into another room that was dark. All this darkness, L was already sick of it. Too theatrical, but then again, Kira using a Death Note, the notebook of a Death God, well, that could be considered a theatrical way to kill someone. When he entered the room he waited a moment for his eyes to adjust and then he walked further into the room. The door closed with a sharp click and he glanced at it over his shoulder.

Blinding light flashed. L held a hand to his eyes and squinted. Curtains had been drawn back revealing the gray sky. L could see his surroundings now. He was in a small room, it was very plain. There was a dresser and a bed that seemed too large for the room. He narrowed his eyes, something was about to happen.

It happened out of nowhere; two powerful arms grabbed him from behind and crushed him close. L grunted and looked over his shoulder. Light Yagami was standing there, keeping his firm grip, a cruel smile on his face.

"Ryuuzaki," he said softly. "I've missed you these past three days."

"What are you planning, Kira?" L asked darkly.

Light smirked and brought his mouth close to L's ear. "Well, what do you think?" he asked. "What is the sole object taking up most of this room?"

L frowned. He figured as much. Well, he would not play Kira's game. "Do you think I will just let you do as you please?" L asked.

He suppressed a shudder as Light's tongue trailed over his ear. "No," Light whispered. "I would be disappointed otherwise."

He smirked again and then heaved, bodily throwing L onto the bed. L was ready though. He rolled and regained his feet, facing off against Light. He was beyond angry at this point, but he was not going to let it get to his head. He was going to teach Light a lesson and then report back to headquarters with Kira in custody.

"I'm coming for you, L," Kira said.

He walked slowly towards the bed, like a cat stalking its prey, his eyes never leaving L's face. L watched just as closely, trying to discern his enemy's next move. Light paused and grinned, shaking his head.

"You know, Ryuuzaki," he began. "You really should just cooperate. I can easily have you killed, you know."

"I expected better of you, Kira," L replied. "I signed up for the case knowing full well that my life was on the line, why should it make a difference to me now?"

"Because I am proving to you that I am not a merciless killer," Light pointed out. "I am being kind, I will let you live in my world."

"Such a world cannot exist," L said coldly.

Light narrowed his eyes. L could tell that he was getting tired of chatting. Well fine, let him come. He was ready to lash out and take him down. Light rushed forward, as L predicted. He kicked out and his foot connected to Light's chest. Light gasped in pain and fell to the floor. L got off the bed and stood over him.

"It is finished, Yagami-kun," he said.

Light coughed and looked up at him with fear in his eyes. Perhaps his little plan had been ruined then. They flashed suddenly and the younger boy kicked out and his foot crashed into L's ankle. He buckled and Light darted forward, grabbing his wrist and yanking him to the floor. Once more he got on top of him and straddled him. His face was flushed now though, L's kick had done some damage.

"Stop resisting me, L," Light growled. "You will bow before me! I will have you squirm from my very touch. You will be drawn to my voice; you will love me and be devoted to me, me, your God, the one who conquered you."

"I will not," L snapped, punching Light in the gut.

Light groaned and rolled off of him. L tried to stand, but his punch hadn't hurt as much as he had hoped and Light managed to lunge at him before he had regained all of his balance. They fell back together, onto the bed. Light scrambled to grab something while trying to keep L in place, but L was putting up one hell of a fight. He punched Light in the face and while he was temporarily dazed, he kicked out from under him.

He was about to get off the bed when he felt a hand grab his wrist and tug him back down. Something cold clasped around his wrist. A handcuff…not good, not good at all.

"Now hold still," Light taunted.

He grabbed L's other wrist and soon the handcuff clicked into place and L was trapped with his hands behind his back. He still wasn't going to give up, not yet. Light tried to lean in close, but L brought his knee up and it hit Light's chin hard. Light snarled in anger and wiped at a trickle of blood running down his chin. He slapped L across the face.

"Be a good boy, won't you?" he asked. "I go out of my way to save your life and this is how you repay me?"

"I owe you nothing," L replied.

A serious look crossed Light's face. "It does not matter how you feel about anything, L, you're opinion means nothing," he said. He smirked and grabbed something else. L saw what it was a little too late. It was a third handcuff. Light clicked it around the chain between the ones on his wrist and he saw that this second set was connected to the bed. Now he really couldn't get up.

Light shifted so that he was sitting on him again and he looked down at him, a small smile playing about his lips. He lifted a hand and ran it over the pale skin of his cheek, letting it run down the cheek and over his throat.

"I must say, I've picked a beautiful pet," he whispered.

He leaned forward and captured L's lips in another rough kiss. L did not make it easy for him. He did not respond in the slightest and though he could feel Light trying to gain entry to his mouth, he kept it firmly shut. Light broke away and chuckled.

"You're amusing as well," he said. "But it won't stop me."

His hands ran slowly over L's chest, but still L just looked at him with his dark eyes, not showing any hint of emotion. Light seemed undaunted. He slid his hands under the thin, cotton shirt and his fingers brushed gently against his nipples. L felt something, but he did his best not to show it and judging by Light's face, he was doing a good job because he seemed to be getting frustrated.

However, L hadn't really counted on how dirty he was willing to play. He suddenly pinched his right nipple with his fingers, hard and then twisted. L could not help himself. He opened his mouth to curse at the pain and at Kira, but in that moment, Light pushed his mouth against his and captured him in a hot kiss. His tongue plunged into L's mouth and wrapped around his own tongue in an act of dominance. It then roamed around the mouth, tasting him, dominating him.

L tried to push him away, but it was hard to do so with no hands. He could not really buck him off because Light knew how to use his slight weight advantage to good use. He tried to turn his face away, but Light's hands reached out and held his head at either side, keeping him firmly in place.

He broke away eventually and looked down at him with a cruel smile. "You taste good, L, must be all those sweets," he teased. "But I want more of a reaction out of you."

He rubbed their groins together and leaned in close, nibbling L's ear lobe. "I know how busy you are with your work…so I know you must deny yourself certain pleasures," he whispered seductively. "I can't help but think you've never had any experience when it comes to this. Let me break you in."

"You will not get the satisfaction you seek," L said firmly.

Light laughed and his hand darted out and took a firm hold of L's groin. L bit back a gasp but Light's laughter filled with mirth. "You are human," he said. "I was beginning to worry for a while there."

He had been holding L through the denim of his jeans, but now he was sitting up and undoing the button of his pants. L glared daggers at him and Light caught the look and only chuckled.

"Why didn't I see it before? The subtle things about you, L, that makes you so unique? So beautiful and…dare I even say it? Cute?"

"You will pay for all of this, Kira," L growled.

Light shook his head and slipped his hand inside L's pants, under his boxers until he was touching bare skin. He grinned and let his hand explore. L hated the human body at times, and this was one such time. He arched his back slightly as Light's touch stirred his body into life. Light grinned and raised an eye brow.

"Will I now? Does it make you sick, 'Ryuuzaki', that you're being turned on by a murderer?" he demanded.

"G-go to hell, Kira," L snapped, aware that his breathing sounded more like panting.

Light only smiled and continued to stroke L. Seeing the detective like this, already beginning to writhe a bit, it was definitely turning him on. He figured L was the type of person who ignored any sexual feelings that his body might have. Therefore, any attention his body got, well, it must have been torture for L to try and resist.

"Are you getting hot for me yet?" Light demanded.

"Never," L growled.

Light increased his speed and L hissed trying to twist away from him but since Light was still sitting on him, he had no luck there. He couldn't help but laugh. "You should see your face right now, L," he said. He paused. "It's quite lovely. I don't think anyone has ever had the opportunity to see you look so…human."

"What…do you hope…to accomplish…by this?" L asked, his body now begging for release from this building pleasure.

"To break you," Light answered bluntly. "To have you begging for me to stop and yet to keep going, to hear you moan, to pant, to scream my name; this is what I want from you, this is what I _will_ accomplish."

L managed a mocking smirk. "You…better get used to disappointment…I will not be broken. I hope you enjoy the silence."

Light paused and took his hand away, and though L was aching for him to finish, he said nothing. Light chuckled softly. "I can deal with silence for now. I'd hate for you to succumb right away."

**Silent Dagger: I know, I know, I keep leaving off at really hot spots. Do not worry. Chapter Three begins right where this left off, so no worries, you shall get your action in the next chapter.**


	3. Pain and Retribution

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: **And it's Chapter Three woot woot! This is where the rating M really starts to apply to the story. Just wanted to give you fair warning.

**Chapter Three: Pain and Retribution**

Light knew that L was probably not as composed underneath that stoic mask. His large black eyes were glaring at him and he could see the rage within them. However, there was something else. He could tell the man was calculating, even now, he was thinking, even now percentages were running through his pretty little head. Funny, Light would have thought that with his confession, there would not be much to think about. He grinned. Well, that was fine, let him think. Light was ready to break him now.

"You tried to stop me from building my new world, L," Light said, his voice was dark and serious now. "For your digression, you shall be punished."

L said nothing. Well, he could try and stay quiet for as long as he wanted, but Light would have him moaning, crying, and begging for more while screaming at him to stop. He could hardly wait. He felt a stirring in his groin. He was going to enjoy this, oh so much. But he would not make this fun for L, no, he was punishing him after all.

Light smirked and leaned forward, shifting his weight so that once more their groins would rub together, and seeing as how he had gotten L erect only moments before, and he knew it must have been painful for L to bite back a moan. His lips brushed against the soft, pale skin of L's neck and he ran his tongue over the flesh. He smiled to himself and suddenly bit down, hard.

L gasped a little in surprise and then tried to twist away from him as Light continued to bite down on the skin as hard as he could. He could taste blood in his mouth, it was arousing. Feeling L writhing beneath him was explosive. He felt the action alone was enough to make him climax. He was hard now, but he was not quite ready for ultimate victory.

He released L's neck and looked into the detective's face. He chuckled. L had been biting his lip hard to prevent himself from making any noise. Light knew he'd be stubborn, but really, this was quite amazing. There was a small trickle of blood from his lip to his chin and Light leaned in close and licked it slowly. He kept the blood on his tongue and then he forced entry into L's mouth again.

As he kissed him, he rocked his hips forward again to keep contact with L's groin and L shuddered beneath him. He chuckled into the kiss and then broke away and stared down at his fallen opponent. With a dark smile, he grabbed L's shirt and yanked on it. As he had expected, the material was thin and he had no problem tearing the shirt from L's body, exposing the white flesh underneath.

L was thin, he had known that, but seeing him bare like this, well, it showed how much. Still, he looked fit, that made him that much more desirable. He leaned forward and ran his tongue over L's left nipple. L arched his back and Light could actually hear him fight back a moan.

_Sensitive much, Ryuuzaki?_

He bit down gently and heard L released a shuddering breath. He licked it once more and then bit down harder. He kept his teeth closed on it while he tongue played about the tip. L was shaking in an effort to stay silent. Light loved him for this, it just made him harder and he was quite sure L would be able to feel his erection now. He released the nipple and moved forward to capture L in another harsh kiss, but L moved his head to the side in time. Light was not deterred, he simply went for the exposed neck, sucking at the skin and laughing to himself as L began to pant.

"You sure you don't want this?" Light asked teasingly.

He moved back a bit and let his hand run slowly up L's leg across his inner thigh and then it stopped at the waistband of his jeans. It was time to get these off. He knew that it was easier said than done when dealing with the detective. He would have to do this quickly. He gripped the waistband with both hands now and then he lifted himself from L while yanking down the pants. As expected, L lashed out and his knee hit Light's thigh painfully, but he managed to get his pants out of the way.

"I never would have considered Kira being a homosexual," L snarled.

Light looked at him for a moment and then he started to laugh. He shook his head. "Come now, Ryuuzaki, you know as well as I that this isn't about being gay or not. I want to dominate you; this is the best way how. Besides, I am not attracted to men in general…just to you, my rival."

He became serious again. "And didn't I tell you before that your opinions mean nothing now? You mine as well not even speak them."

He suddenly punched L in the stomach and he grunted. Light took the opportunity to pull his boxers out of the way, fully exposing the great detective. He smiled at him. "Am I the first one to see you like this?" Light asked.

"Does it matter?" L asked and his voice was laced with anger.

Light only shrugged and ran his hands over L's chest. He leaned in and suddenly closed his mouth over him. L gasped and he could hear Light chuckle as he moved his tongue slowly over the length of him. L managed to fight back a moan that was threatening to surface, but he was panting now and he could not help that at all. He arched his back and strained at the handcuffs that were keeping his hands firmly in place.

_You're so close to letting me hear you moan, so close for me to hear you being vulnerable. I cannot wait another second, L, you will give me what I want._

Light suddenly bit down on the sensitive head and L, despite his own conviction about saying he would not give Kira the pleasure of hearing him, moaned. Light felt the low moan as well as heard it. It was like a signal to his groin and he was suddenly aching for more. He wanted to hear L scream.

He released L from his mouth but replaced it with his hand and began to administer to L's needs. He said nothing about the moan, though he longed to gloat about it, but he needed L to hurry it up and taunting him might ruin any chance of that happening. While he continued to stroke him with his hand, he returned to kissing L's nipples, biting them, licking them, knowing that this inexperienced man was not going to last much longer.

L seemed to freeze for a moment and then he climaxed with a shuddering breath, covering them both. His face, usually as white as snow, was flushed and he was glaring at Light once more. "Are you done?" he snapped.

Light shook his head. "No, you are," he said. "It's my turn now."

He kicked off his own pants and boxers to reveal how hard he was. He grinned cruelly down at his captive. "Are you ready?" he asked. "This will not feel good, I can assure you."

He grabbed L by the shoulders and shoved him hard against the headboard so that he was sitting more. Light wasn't merciless after all, he would at least give the guy support. He rubbed L's climax over him and then he forced himself between L's legs. The detective was still looking remarkably composed, something Light could not wait to change. There was no preparing for this sort of pain.

He would have to prepare him somewhat, otherwise this would never work. So he started by slipping two fingers inside. L clenched his teeth together, but still nothing. Until Light began to stretch him out.

"L-Light," he growled.

"Yes, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked sweetly, not quitting at what he was doing.

He could tell what L was about to say was going to hurt him as much as Light's fingers were at the moment. His eyes were alight. _What it is, L? You can tell your Master._

"I…can't," L finally said.

Light's lips lifted into a sadistic grin. To hear the great, unstoppable L admit that he could not do something was literally music to his ears. Even better was the fact that he thought Light might consider stopping because of it.

"Oh…well, I can," Light replied.

"You…sick…bastard," L growled.

Light removed his fingers and frowned. "I told you I would punish you. You should have left me alone, L," he said.

Without warning, he thrust himself inside and he almost climaxed instantly when he heard L yell. Finally, he was getting the reaction he wanted. He moved within him and L screamed again.

"G-get out…I can't, I can't!" L shouted.

Light kissed him harshly, biting on L's lower lip. He released him. "I. Am. Your. God. You will do this because I command you to do this."

L moaned and it only spurred Light on. He moved faster and harder and L screamed again, making Light laugh. Yes, this was better than having L killed. This was true suffering and there was nothing better than hearing L scream like this. He did not stop, even though it wasn't so comfortable for him either, the noises L was making was worth the effort.

"You are mine, L," Light said firmly and loudly.

"S-stop this, Kira!" L shouted.

"Hmm…you screamed my name, I knew you would."

"D-damn you!"

Light only laughed and continued having his way with L. He could feel his fiery passion building and too soon for his liking he climaxed. He moaned loudly, his voice joining L's pained cry. His natural reaction was to just lay down and nap after that, but not yet, he would not show weakness to L, not after this.

He backed away from the detective and stood up, looking down at his panting form. L's eyes were closed and Light was hoping he was holding back tears. His face was red and his chest was heaving. No, he was sure no one else had ever seen L like this before. It made him feel even more powerful than before.

He leaned forward and grabbed L's chin harshly and jerked his head up. L opened his eyes and Light smiled.

"I was being kind today," he whispered. "Consider yourself lucky."

He let go and for good measure slapped L across the face again. He chuckled. "I wonder, would you return these feelings towards me if I had admitted them to you before getting my memory back?" he asked.

"No…I wouldn't," L growled. "Because I always knew, in the back of my mind, that I could never trust you."

Light shrugged and pulled his pants on. He brushed off his clothing and headed towards the door. "Well, either way, it does not really matter," he said. "You are my enemy, L, _mine_. Therefore I feel no remorse for keeping you here and using you in any way I see fit. Unfortunately, I'll have to get back now or the others will worry…they are sad, you know, about your 'death'," he finished with a malicious smile.

He opened the door. "By the way, you sound irresistible when you scream in pain, L," he gloated.

He stepped out and closed the door. L heard the lock click into place. Not that Light needed to bother. L felt torn in two. He didn't think he could even try moving. He cursed Kira for what he had done. And now he was lying on a bed, his hands cuffed behind his back, the only people who could help him thought he was dead and Kira, his enemy, was getting away with everything.

L hated to lose; he would not lose to Kira. He would find a way to defeat him. But how? What could he do in this situation that would hurt Kira? He couldn't help but think about the last question Light had asked him before leaving. Was he trying to communicate something? That he had real feelings for him even before his memory was returned to him? Well, L could honestly admit that he hadn't shared them if the boy had, but perhaps that was something he could use. L wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty; he had proven that on a number of occasions. Perhaps it was time to fight like Kira now.

**Silent Dagger: I hope you are still enjoying this story. Believe me, it's not all about rape and whatnot, but you shall have to wait and see how events unfold.**


	4. The Riddle

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: ** And here is Chapter Four! **Anom., whitelilly, Shenive-chan, isamu-michi, **thank you very much for the reviews. Your encouragement is much appreciated :)

**Chapter Four: The Riddle**

Light was sitting in his usual spot in the main investigation room. Honestly, this was just amusing now. Every one was put out by L's 'death' and did not seem motivated to continue in the Kira investigation at all. However, Light was insisting that they keep it up. He even went so far as to swear vengeance on Kira for what he did to L. There was still no solid evidence to say that L was dead, however, seeing as how it had been about a week without any sign of him, they had figured that the worst had happened.

It was going to be very hard for them to capture Light. Now that L was out of the way, Light could easily use the Death Note in his spare time and he was in the clear since Misa had been judging criminals the entire time as well. There were two Kira's, but the team wasn't sure about that anymore. They could not be sure if it was just one or not. There was just one thing that needed to be taken care of: Rem.

"This is still very dangerous for Misa," she growled.

It was lunch time, but Light had insisted on staying behind and working. Matsuda had promised to get him something, but Light waved it away, acting as though food was the last thing on his mind. Kira was still out there after all. Truth was, he was quite hungry and he had nothing to worry about in regards to Kira. It was fun, pretending to attempt to catch himself while manipulating the entire team.

He sighed. "Misa is fine," he said.

"That is not true," Rem said. "Just because you have removed Ryuuzaki from the picture it does not mean she is in the clear. He did mention her name beforehand; eventually they will look into it."

"Then kill them and stop complaining to me about it," Light replied smoothly.

Rem just looked at him for a moment. "Even though your father is among them?" she asked and it was clear that she did not think Light would be able to kill his father.

Light only chuckled. "I've said it once to Ryuk…Kira may have to kill his family," he whispered darkly.

Rem shook her head, obviously disgusted with the thought. Well, let her be, it did not matter to Light. Honestly, he would have preferred if the damn Death God had never given Misa her notebook. Still, Misa had her uses.

Light turned his attention to the door as it opened and the team returned bearing food. Matsuda went over and handed Light a small pizza.

"Thank you, Matsuda-san," Light said.

"We were talking," Matsuda said. "And we think we should focus on what Ryuuzaki-san was saying before…he…" he trailed off, took a moment to collect himself and fixed a determined look on his face. "We should check on Misa-Misa again."

Light's eyes narrowed, but he just pulled it off as though he were an angry boyfriend, not because L was still interfering even without being there.

"I thought we agreed that Misa was innocent," he said. "If you're going to accuse her again, you mine as well accuse me as well."

"Light, I know this is hard to hear," his father said. "But we cannot rule anyone out. Ryuuzaki would be appalled to see how much time we have wasted."

Light sighed and nodded. "I understand that," he said. "And as much as it hurts me to say this, Ryuuzaki…no, L…L is gone. We cannot rely on him as we used to. We have to do this our way and hoped for the best results."

They all looked at him. What? What the hell had they been plotting? Did they suspect him? Was it something L had instructed without his knowledge? He would not be surprised if that were the case. After all, it was clear that even though L had released him, he never stopped suspecting him. Damn detective, he would pay for this.

They had decided, after L's disappearance, that they would keep it secret from the Chief of Police for fear that the investigation would be cancelled. He had thought he had them all wound about his finger, he hoped that there was not something his missed. Finally, his father approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"We are glad to hear that you are still intent upon this case, Light," he said. "Truth is if we're going to pretend L is alive then we need someone to pretend they are L…we decided that if you were up for it, you'd be the best choice. We haven't heard anything from Watari, so we are going to go with this decision unless another one comes up."

Light just stared at him. He almost grinned maniacally. Not only did he stage L's death, but now he got to act in his name! It was like an added gift. He was both Kira and L, this was better than he could have imagined! He nodded solemnly.

"I would be honored," he said. "And I will be sure to make Ryuuzaki proud. He did not die in vain, I will bring down Kira!"

They all nodded in assent. Well, time to weave the perfect riddle. Light would have them running around in circles, endlessly searching, always a step out of reach. They would never solve this case. Never.

"Perhaps we should try and contact Watari?" Aizawa suggested.

Light nodded. "We should, but if we cannot, we shall have to keep note of everything we say so that we can catch him up when he comes back."

"A good point," Chief Yagami said.

Light sighed. This was almost…too easy. He tried to picture what it would be like if L was really dead. Well, once he broke him he was going to be as good as dead. Light was almost 100 percent sure that in the end, he was going to kill L anyway. Until then, he would just have something to look forward to after he was done here. Still, going back to an abandoned building was much too risky. He needed a secure place.

"My computer is not very different from this one," Light said, indicating L's laptop. "I can even use mine to manipulate my voice like he did. However, if mom or Sayu were at home, it would be very difficult to do anything."

"There would be nothing odd about me getting my son to live on his own," Chief Yagami pointed out. "You are close to eighteen now anyway."

"Yeah, that's a great idea! We can use Light-kun's apartment as our new headquarters!" Matsuda exclaimed.

"Right," Light replied with a smile.

_Around and around you go, where you'll stop…well, that depends on where I want you to land, now doesn't it?_

He looked at them, which one was expendable? He had to get Rem to kill one of them in order for her to die. His eyes widened. Of course…Watari! He was his main threat right now. He remembered the look in the old man's eyes when he had been holding L. There was mistrust in those dark eyes. Watari probably hadn't made any contact with them because he was probably trying to find his precious L. Well, it must have burned him. L was no longer his to worry about, L belonged to him now.

Watari, Watari had to die.

It was late, but Light was awake. He was still in headquarters, but the rest of the team had decided to go home. Light had made some stupid excuse about wanting the last few nights to stay there to mourn for the loss of his friend. It was almost pathetic, how easy he had it.

When he got up from bed, he returned to the main room and was glad to see Rem was in there. Excellent, she had not been around while they were discussing Light being L, so he could just say whatever he wanted had happened at that meeting. He forced a look of mild concern in his eyes.

"Rem, I'm glad you're here," he said.

"What are you planning now, Yagami?" Rem asked.

"I am not planning anything," Light replied. "The one who is plotting now, is Watari. He is furious with L's loss…and so he is focusing all his attention on the one name L suspected before he 'died'."

Rem stared at him, but Light could tell she was buying it. "Misa…" she whispered.

Light nodded. "Yes, he is trying to finish what L started. He is trying to get to Misa. I'm stuck. I don't know how to help her," he said.

"I got the impression that you did not truly care for her," Rem said darkly.

Light sighed and looked away, the perfect expression on his face for what he was about to say. "I didn't," he said. "I found her aggravating and a pain. I wanted to get rid of her…but, lately, I don't know, she's sort of grown on me. I don't want to see her hurt. She's already halved her life twice; I want the rest of it to be filled with happiness."

Rem looked at him with an expressionless face. Now he could not be entirely sure whether she was buying it. Perhaps he had played it up a bit too much.

"I believe you," she said.

_Another victory for me then._

Light looked at her and there was some resignation in her eyes now. Yes, go on and kill Watari and yourself now. Rem melted back into shadows. Light chuckled to himself. He waited ten minutes and then he went into the hallway where Rem had disappeared to. As expected, there was a large pile of grey sand on the tiled floor and her notebook was in the middle of it.

Light picked it up and looked at it. There really was no need to keep it, really. It was much too risky keeping a hold of it. What would the others think? No, he would suggest locking it away while having Misa move in with him and that way the Death Note would be close at hand. After all, Misa would listen to anything he said. All he had to do was say the name and she would write it down for him. Before long, everyone would be doing exactly as he said. It was a wonderful feeling.

"Light-kun!"

A day had passed. Light turned towards the door. Matsuda had just come barging in, waving a newspaper around in his hand.

"What is it, Matsuda-san?" Light asked.

Matsuda handed him the paper and Light looked at the headline. There was a picture of Watari, though his real name was printed. Quillsh Wammy and apparently he had founded an orphanage and was an inventor. The article was about his death. Good, he really was out of the way. He gasped as he read on.

"Died from a heart attack…" he read softly. He slammed his fist into the wall. "Damn you, Kira!" he shouted.

He hung his head and gritted his teeth together, pretending to fight back tears. Matsuda patted him gently on the back. Light stayed like that for a few moments and then straightened, with a cold determined look in his eye.

"Kira has gone too far. He has killed innocent people and now he has killed both Ryuuzaki and Watari…it is time for us to stop him once and for all," he said, his voice dangerous.

The others looked at him with respect, awe and some trepidation in their eyes. Light was sure they had never seen this side of him before. Well, they would just get to see how very serious he was about this. After all, Kira had killed his friend and his friend's assistant.

He turned and walked towards the computer and sat down with purpose. He looked over the data they had collected. It was the same data they poured over every night. He remembered the time when he had been chained to L and had felt boredom at looking at the same information night after night. It had meant something to him then, now it was just useless.

"Where do we go from here?" Aizawa asked.

Light glanced over his shoulder and looked at him. "We need to speak to that Death God," he said. "I'm sure she knows something."

Matsuda looked around the room. Stupid thing to do, Rem was easy to spot and it was obvious she wasn't in the room. He scratched the back of his head.

"That's odd, she's usually in here," he said.

Light sighed and rubbed at his eyes. His father came over and rested his hand on his shoulder. "You should get some rest," he said. "You've been working nonstop. I've found a nice apartment for you, it'll be ready by tomorrow, but for now, you should go home or spend some time with Misa, something relaxing."

_Time with Misa… that is anything but relaxing…_

"Yeah, maybe you're right," Light replied.

He stood up and walked out of the room. As he was heading out the building, he texted Misa and asked her to meet with him outside the building. He waited briefly and then her limo pulled in and she jumped out and hugged him. Light sighed. He would put up with it for now, but if she continued to annoy him…no, Misa was too useful to kill. He needed his devoted subjects after all.

"Let's walk together," he suggested.

"Misa would like nothing better!" Misa exclaimed.

Ryuk, who was now with Misa, chuckled. Light smiled at him. He knew the Death God was not so easily fooled. He knew Ryuk must have realized that he was only using Misa, but he also knew Ryuk would not sell him out.

"Oy, Light," Ryuk said. "You've finally got rid of L…I guess things aren't going to be as interesting anymore, eh?"

"It's a victory for Light!" Misa sang.

Light smiled. He wasn't sure if Ryuk knew that L was in fact, still alive, but he knew Misa thought he was dead. Best to keep that fact to himself.

"Yeah, he is out of my way, just as I planned," he said. "However, there will still be things to interest you, Ryuk. This is only the second step of my new world. No one is as smart as L was, but that does not mean they will all jump to Kira's side. I'll still have opposition to deal with."

"Light, you are so cool," Misa cooed.

"Still plotting I see," Ryuk chuckled.

"Always," Light replied.

_You know by now that I am not afraid to involve anyone, Ryuk, including yourself. If you fit into my plan, you shall be caught in the riddle as well._

"Misa, let's live together," Light suddenly said.

"WHA?" Misa asked loudly.

"I've already got an apartment set up," Light added.

"Oh Light-kun! This is my dream come true! I would love to! Nothing would please me more!" Misa exclaimed, latching herself onto his arm and pulling him close.

"Good," Light said. "I'm glad."

Silly girl. She really thought that she had captured his heart. Too bad for her his attention was aimed towards another. Even if that other was not nearly as willing as Misa, he preferred it this way. Light did not feel as though he had broken L yet. He had heard him scream yes, but he wanted him crying. He wanted him pleading with Light. Screaming for mercy, and if he was lucky, Light would show him mercy, if not, well, at least Light would enjoy it.

**Silent Dagger: **I know, no L in this chapter. It was just as hard for me, believe me ;)

So yeah, Light is still plotting away. Do not worry…I know he just seems incredibly evil and heartless right now but you may see another side to him soon…maybe ::innocent grin::


	5. I Will Lead You

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: **Yay thanks for the wonderful reviews! **Zedin, Shenive-chan, Sommar, Matty, Eli**, you are keeping me going. I'm glad you like it so far!

**Chapter Five: I Will Lead You**

"Wow! Light it is amazing! Misa loves it!" Misa exclaimed.

Light smiled. They were standing just inside of the apartment his father had secured for them. It was perfect. They were on the first floor, which seemed the most spacious and there wasn't even anyone living on the second floor. Chief Yagami had brought Light here a few hours ago and Light had expressed his approval and did feel very grateful. His father had just found him the perfect place after all.

The apartment was in a nice part of town. They even had a small backyard (though it was very, very small) and a tiny shed. Light had checked out the shed. There were no windows and nothing inside of it. When the couple from the third floor came down to welcome him, he asked them about it and they said it was rarely used since it was too small to do much good for storage.

_That just depends on what you have to store_.

He had asked them if they would mind if he used it and since they said they had no use for it, he thanked them and they had returned to their own floor. Well, he had a use for it. First he would have to buy a secure lock though, because the last thing he needed was for the couple to stumble across a man being kept captive in the shed.

After a few hours had passed, Light decided to let Misa see it, though he would not have her move in right away. He didn't want her to know about L and would have to get the detective here first before he let her move in. Good, he could have some fun in the actual bedroom instead of just the shed. He could hardly wait.

"I am glad you like it, Misa," Light said. "Shall I give you a tour?"

"Misa would love you forever if you did," Misa cooed.

Light chuckled. "You can come along too, Ryuk," he said.

"I was planning to anyway," Ryuk replied and Light chuckled. Same old Ryuk.

He showed her about the place. There was a small kitchen with a circular table. Following that was a living room where Light had placed his television and computer. There was a sofa set before the TV and a small bookcase filled with movies, books and magazines. Light led the two down a narrow hallway to his bedroom. He had set it up like his room back at home so there was not too much to see here. He led them out of there and further down the hall, past the bathroom, to the guest bedroom.

"I still have to furnish it," he said. He looked at Misa. "Until further notice, you'll have to sleep in here, so you'll have to wait until I get a bed for it."

"EH?! Why can't I share the room with you?!" Misa cried.

Light chuckled and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Because my bed would not be too comfortable with two people in it, do not worry, I am looking for a larger one, but until then you'll have to sleep in the guest room, okay?"

Misa pouted but sighed and nodded. "All right, fine," she said. She looked around. "We should show Rem this place, she would probably like the idea of us staying close."

Light looked away from her. How to break this to her? He could tell her that he just didn't know where Rem was, but sooner or later the truth would have to come out. Misa thought that L had been killed by Kira, so he could not very well say that it had been Rem. Mine as well tell the truth, or part of it anyway.

"Misa," Light said heavily. "Rem…Rem is no longer a part of this world."

"Huh? Did she go back to the other Death Gods?" Misa asked, glancing at Ryuk, who only shrugged.

"No," Light replied. "Listen, I know this will be hard, Misa, but what happened was…well, before Ryuuzaki died, he planned on questioning you again, he would have found out that you were the Second Kira. With him dead, I figured you were safe, but Watari was carrying out Ryuuzaki's final suspicion, he was getting closer to learning your identity.

"Rem, she cared about you a lot, Misa, and she wrote down Watari's name in her notebook She sacrificed herself for you."

Misa looked at him with wide eyes. The smile that had been present in her face the entire day slowly faded. She cast her gaze to the floor and Light saw a tear fall down her face.

"So then she too gave up her life for Misa," she whispered.

Light raised his eyebrows. She too? Light had a feeling there was more to this, but he did not want to deal with a break down from her right now so he would not ask her about it at the moment. Later, when the pain went away, then he could ask her because it might be important later on.

"Yes," he replied softly. "I'm sorry."

Misa shook her head. "Rem wanted Misa to be happy with you, Light-kun, it is why she did it," she said. She smiled. "So Misa will stay happy, and be grateful to Rem forever for letting me stay with my Kira."

Light ran a finger down her cheek. "I will make you happy, Misa, all I ask is that you trust in me completely."

Misa threw herself on him, hugging him tightly and burying her face in his chest. "Misa has always trusted you; she loves you with all her heart, Light-kun."

Light held her, ignoring Ryuk's low chuckle. "I know, Misa," he whispered. "I will lead you to happiness. Our world will make every one happy."

Misa's eyes misted over with tears. "Yes, we shall prevent the world from suffering, and no one will be bad anymore."

Light looked at her. He already had her wound so tightly around his fingers, but it was time to strengthen her need for him. He had kissed her once, but never again, it was time to remind her just what he could offer her. He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. He felt her practically melt into his arms. She returned his kiss passionately and though he felt nothing for her, he returned the passion, matching hers so that she would give herself to him, body and soul.

He broke the kiss slowly but stayed close to her, smiling warmly at her. "Promise me you will stay with me forever, Misa," he whispered.

"You have Misa's word, Light-kun," Misa said sincerely. "Misa will stay by your side until the end."

He hugged her closer still. "I'm grateful. It was lonely, being Kira, but with you, I don't have to worry about that anymore."

It amazed him sometimes, how well he could lie. He sounded convincing, even to himself. He would have preferred it if there had been no other notebooks dropped in the human world. He had felt some real panic when Misa had first shown up, only because she had seemed so stupid and likely to be caught. After all, L had set eyes on her once and then had her arrested on the spot. She was a liability then, but Light had free reign now, and servants would be hard to come by.

"Misa is so happy to be of use to Kira," Misa said and her voice was filled with emotion.

Light liked her better like this. When she wasn't being so damn annoying and loud, he found he could bear her company. She was a pretty girl after all. If he hadn't had so much to do, he might have made the final pact with her, binding her to him ultimately through the act of sex. That was something he had to be careful about though. Light was quite sure that once the act was committed, Misa would grow completely dependent on him and that could become a problem.

_Not your time today, Misa, too bad for you. However, you have another kiss to think about and the sense that I am loyal to you. That is enough for you now; it is time for you and Ryuk to head on home._

Light smiled at her. "I'm glad I was finally able to just admit that to you, Misa, you deserve to know how important you are to me," he said, continuing to plant seeds. "However, I have a lot to do. I am acting as L for the police, I should probably head back to headquarters, plus I have to find more furnishings for this place."

"All right, Light-kun, Misa understands," Misa replied. "I love you, Light-kun, I am so glad I got to meet you."

"And I you," Light replied.

Misa smiled and tears welled up in her eyes. Light kissed her once more, a quick and gentle peck on the lips and she turned towards the door in a dream-like state. Ryuk hung back for a moment and looked at Light with a gleam in his eye.

"I think you've gotten better," Ryuk said.

"Well I have been working on the case longer, being that involved has naturally made me better than before," Light answered.

"Heh, I didn't think it would make you better with the ladies," Ryuk taunted.

"It's just her," Light said. "She's completely obsessed."

Ryuk didn't say anything for a moment. He chuckled and started heading out after Misa. "Pity, I thought maybe once in your life you were being honest about something," he said, disappearing through the wall.

What Ryuk had said really burned him. What, did everyone think that he lied with every word that he spoke? He twisted the truth, yes, but he didn't completely lie. He was grateful to have Misa around now, it gave him protection. Did he have to love her? He couldn't force the feelings to come. Light wasn't sure if he could love anyone at this point. It was too dangerous for a God to be romantically involved with anyone. It would just make hurting him all the more easy.

He looked around, but no one was watching him. He slipped behind the battered fence and pulled out the key, unlocking the lock he had placed upon the decrepit old door. He closed the door behind him and just stood in the musty hallway for a minute, a frown on his face. Damn Death God, who was he to say such a thing?

Light shook his head and walked sullenly down the hall to the end room. He unlocked the door and opened it slowly. He glanced around the room. Nothing had changed. He glanced at the bed and couldn't help but smile. L was curled up, his arms still bound behind his back, but he was asleep. He looked paler than usual, which led Light to believe that this must have been the first time he had fallen asleep since getting to the place.

The detective had managed to pull his pants back on, which was a pity, Light would have liked to look at him completely, but oh well. He was breathing evenly and a soft beam of light illuminated his face which looked innocent and peaceful. There were no percentages running through that pretty head now, no calculations. Light treaded softly into the room and stood at the side of the bed, just looking down at L.

He had planned on grabbing him and dragging him back to the new apartment. Well, not literally. He had a small bag in his back pocket and in the bag was a cloth full of chloroform which would easily knock L unconscious the moment it was pressed over his face. But the will to do that was draining from him the longer he looked down at him. He just looked so at peace…Light felt like it would be a crime to wake him. He looked like a small child.

Light sighed. _Great, the mighty Kira is already showing pity towards his worst enemy._

He headed towards the far end of the room and stopped in front of the drawers. He opened the middle one and pulled out a small key. He headed back towards the bed and undid one of the handcuffs, the one on L's left wrist. He would not release him from the bed, but this way he would be able to sleep in more comfort. One of the blankets was lying in a heap on the floor, evidence of the night they had spent together, and Light picked it up now and placed it over L since it was a bit chilly in the room and he had no shirt on anymore.

That was good, he could leave now and just come back when he wasn't feeling in such a pitying mood. He turned to leave, but stopped. Light did not want to leave. He wanted to escape the stress of being both Kira and L. He just wanted to be himself, maybe try and figure out the emotions running through him. He sighed and sat down at the very foot of the bed. L mumbled something in his sleep and turned his head further away from Light but slept on.

Light just looked at him. Why? What was it about L that was drawing him in? From the moment he had heard of L, he had wanted to get rid of him. He had done so much to himself in order to get rid of the detective. So why couldn't he just forget about him and kill him? He had his way with him; he had raped him for crying out loud. Wasn't that enough of a show of dominance? What else could he do to take away from the man? The logical thing to do would be to kill him. He could do it now; he could just wrap his hands around that pale throat and choke the life right out of him.

But he couldn't. He knew he couldn't already. Could it possibly be that Light had real feelings for L, beyond being Kira and wanting to beat him? But then why hadn't he felt them when he had completely forgotten about being Kira? Would they not be the most powerful during that stage? When there was nothing between them except for L's suspicion of him?

Maybe they had been there; maybe Light had just failed to recognize what it had meant. Did he love L?

_Get a hold of yourself, Light Yagami! This is L, this is your enemy. He would have done the same to you if our position had been changed. L would have ordered my death if he realized who I was before._

Even now, L probably wished for nothing more than his demise. Why would L feel anything towards him after what had happened? He frowned. No, any chance he had of loving L was gone, and so he would destroy these feelings. He would make it utterly impossible so that he would not long for it any more.

L muttered something again in his sleep and Light stood up and walked over to where his head lay. He leaned forward, his lips brushing against L's ear. L frowned in his sleep.

"Rise and shine, Ryuuzaki-chan," Light whispered.

L's eyes snapped open and Light backed away. L fixed him with a deadly glare. He moved his hands and realized that they were no longer bound to each other. He stood, his right hand still cuffed to the bed, but Light knew full well that he was still very dangerous like this. He smirked.

"Did you miss me?" he asked.

"Not at all," L said coldly.

"You look cute when you're asleep," Light said with a smile.

"What do you want, Kira?" L demanded.

Light didn't expect it to hurt, feeling the complete hatred coming from L. Hatred that was directed right towards him. He wished that he could take L by the hand and explain everything. Lead him through his thoughts and let him know why he did what he did and that they could be together if only L would see it his way. Instead of trying this, however, he only grinned cruelly. Better to destroy it all so he didn't get attached.

"Well, since you were so close, I figured I'd let you know what has just happened," he said. He paused. He could tell L was wondering what he was talking about. "It seems the Death God felt threatened by Watari…he's dead now."

L's eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly. "Watari?" he whispered and Light was once again reminded of a child.

Until the child suddenly turned very twisted from anger. Light had never seen this amount of emotion on L's face, not even when he had admitted to being Kira. L was furious, his dark eyes were blazing and his body was tense.

"Damn you, Kira! He was no threat to you!" he shouted. "Watari was a very important man for many children! You have just tainted many innocent lives by your own self-centered desire for control and protection of your own soul!"

Well, Light had made a good call when it came to how to destroy any chance of rebuilding their fragile friendship. Light could tell that L would never forgive him for this. He frowned and his eyes darkened. He was God, why was this happening to him? He was victorious; things should have been going _his_ way! It was his world!

"Who are you to say anything about self-preservation?" Light demanded. "What about Tailor? What about the people on the investigation team? You don't care at all about throwing their lives away. And not even for your own, just to test a theory you may have!"

L glared at him. "You are just shouting empty accusations, Kira," he growled. "I care deeply for everyone on that team. I cared for you; I meant it when I said you were my first friend. You taught me well enough that friends are for fools."

"Don't put all the fucking blame on me!" Light shouted. "Do you _understand_ the situation you are in? I could kill you in such painful ways; I could destroy everything about you! But I won't…I can't!"

L just glared at him. "Are you seeking sympathy from me?" he asked coldly. "You kidnapped me, raped me, killed the one person I was close to and now you are expecting me to warm up to you because you have decided not to kill me? I would prefer death than enslavement."

Light lunged out with a hand and grabbed L's throat, though not hard enough to cut off his ability to breathe.

"You're such a stubborn little shit," he snarled. "Why can't you get what I'm trying to say to you?"

"And why can't you understand that I know exactly what you're trying to say and that I will never accept it," L replied darkly, doing nothing to break Light's grip.

Light felt as though an arrow had just pierced his heart. He had had a small hope, a very small hope in the back of his mind, that maybe, just maybe, if L heard the truth about the feelings Light was beginning to understand, maybe he could fix things between them. But if L knew, then there really was no hope. He felt a stab of anger. He should have accepted it! Who was he not to accept it?

He growled and twirled L around so that he was behind the detective. "If you will not accept it willingly, you shall be taken forcefully," he snarled.

He unbuttoned L's pants and pulled them away once more. He wasted no time this time; this was not for pleasure, not for either of them. This was just a way to channel out his rage and pain and let L know just how much he was hurting. He didn't care if it didn't make sense. He knew that L had far more of a reason to be feeling angry and upset, but it did not matter. L was denying him his feelings and Light would not stand for that.

He spit on his hand, using it to make entry possible and then thrust into L. L cried out softly, but it wasn't enough for Light. There was no passion in it, he just thrust hard, and the only thing he wanted was to cause L pain. He was being a lot rougher than he had been the first time. For one, he had not really prepped L at all this time and the detective was still tight, but he didn't care, he just didn't care about how badly it was hurting L.

"K-Kira," L groaned.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up," Light growled.

"Y-you're hurting me, Kira!"

"Good," Light snapped, pushing harder.

L started to pant, his breath coming out in pained gasps. Light moved faster and harder still and as his body began to naturally react to what was happening, it became more uncomfortable for L. He started to whimper and it only spurred Light on. He slammed into him and L screamed again.

"Scream for me! I want to hear you beg!" Light shouted.

"J-Just stop! Stop!!" L yelled.

"Keep begging me, L!"

L gritted his teeth together. Light growled and wrapped his arm around L's neck and pulled, forcing his body closer to his own. L was sweating and Light was pretty sure there were tears running down his cheeks.

"Beg…for…me," Light whispered in his ear with every thrust. "Call…my…name."

"Y-Yagami…" L pleaded.

Light bit the back of L's neck, hard. He cried out.

"Kira! Stop, please stop! I can't take this, I can't take this!" L shouted.

"All you have to say is that you are mine! Say it, L! Tell me who your Master is!" Light shouted.

He was not enjoying this. He wanted this to be filled with passion and longing. But no, it would never be like that and the only thing he could do to make up for it was by having L at his mercy, as he had planned at first. Well, it was L's choice. Light was no where near hitting his climax. He was just too irritated to get into it.

L had his teeth clenched together again and his eyes clamped shut. Light tightened his hold around his neck and thrust even harder. L cried out and the sound went right to Light's heart. He saw a tear fall slowly down the pale face.

"Just…say it L!" He shouted, but his own voice sounded like he was now pleading with L.

"I…am yours!" L finally relented.

Light let go of him and shoved him away, onto the bed once more. He had thought that he would feel no satisfaction to hear those words, but to his own sick pleasure, he found that he was satisfied. The part of him that was Kira was rejoicing in yet another victory over L, but he, Light Yagami, felt rather miserable right now.

He turned away from L as he silently began to pull his pants back on once more. When he turned, L was seated on the bed, looking right at him. He wished that he could have chosen to look at the wall or something. Those eyes were like daggers. Had he once thought they were soulless? He was a fool. There was so much to be seen in those dark pools, though right now the dominant emotions were hatred and disgust.

"Don't look at me like that," Light said quietly.

L did not listen; he just continued to stare directly into his eyes. Light stared back, but he couldn't take it, he felt guilt starting to crush him.

"Dammit, I said to stop it!" he shouted, raising a fist as though to punch him. L did not flinch.

"Are your thoughts troubling you, Yagami?" he asked and his voice was as cold as ice.

Light needed to let Kira handle this situation. He could not stand against this man, this man that he both hated and loved.

He smirked. "No, I was just thinking about how you said you'd never succumb to me, looks like you lost again, Ryuuzaki," he said.

The words hurt him probably more than they hurt L. He turned away and crossed the room to the door. "I have a new place," he said. "I was going to take you there today, but I don't feel like it right now. I'll take you later; I don't want to look at your face for a few days though."

"It makes no difference to me," L replied.

Light sneered. "It wouldn't matter if it did or not," he said.

L narrowed his eyes slightly but said nothing. Light continued to look at him for a moment longer and then he left the room and locked it. He walked out of the abandoned building and kept composed. However, the moment he was outside, he dropped to his knees and covered his face with a hand and took great, shuddering breaths.

_I wanted to lead you to another world, L, a world where we lived together. I wanted to show you what my world would be like. A world in which you don't have to spend your entire life trying to capture evil people, a world where there are no evil people. Why did it turn out this way? Why do I have to have these feelings for you? When did it even start?_

He leaned against the cold stone wall and looked up at the grey sky, ignoring the tears spilling from his eyes.

**Silent Dagger: **Awww, poor Light. I know he was being awful again, but I couldn't help but feel for him by the end of this chapter. Chapter Six is going to be back during the time when Light didn't remember he was Kira…back to where his feelings for L really originated…I hope you have enjoyed the story so far!


	6. You're My Flame

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger:** Ready for a blast from the past? Lol. **matty, sweet little cake, isamu-michi, sommar, corvin, shenive-chan, eli, whitelilly**, again thank you all so much. You're continual support is keeping this ff going.

**Chapter Six:** **You're My Flame**

Was it humanly possible to stare at a computer screen for this long? How on earth did Ryuuzaki manage to stay so focused on this? Light Yagami wanted nothing more than to find out who Kira was. He was devoted to the case, he wanted to solve it as much as every body else…but no one else was chained to Ryuuzaki and no one else was able to concentrate for hours on end on the same data they had a month ago with only a few added details.

Light rubbed his eyes. This was painful. He glanced at the clock. One in the morning, the rest of the team had left at ten. They were probably all asleep by now, comfortable, resting up for another day…but not him. He was stuck staring at the screen, not really reading it anymore, while Ryuuzaki didn't appear tired at all. He glanced over at the detective and nearly sighed in exasperation.

He had a cup of coffee sitting before him and he was adding sugar to it. Light could see him adding cube after cube of sugar. Well, if Kira didn't get to him, the sugar probably would. No wonder the man never slept, if Light consumed half the amount of sugar Ryuuzaki did, he would be bouncing off the wall.

"Are you all right, Light-kun?"

Light blinked. "Huh?" he asked.

"You seem to be staring off into space," Ryuuzaki pointed out.

Light shook his head. "Sorry," he simply said, turning his attention back to the computer. But it was no good, he just couldn't concentrate. He could hardly read the information on the screen. It was just a great blur to him at the moment.

"Are you tired?" Ryuuzaki asked.

Light didn't say anything for a while. He wanted to prove himself, to show Ryuuzaki that he really was as determined as he was to solve this case. After all, it was no fun being stuck to someone who still thought he was the murderer. It hurt, a lot. Ryuuzaki had said they were friends, and Light agreed, but a friendship could not really strengthen when one thought the other could turn around and stab him in the back at any second.

"Yeah," Light decided to be truthful. Ryuuzaki seemed to be a human lie detector so there really was no point denying it.

"Understood," Ryuuzaki said simply.

He stood up and Light felt immense relief. He knew Ryuuzaki would probably work much later into the night using his laptop, but the chain was long enough for him to sit at the desk while he could lay down in bed and drop off. Light stood up as well and Ryuuzaki began leading the way to their shared room in headquarters.

Light followed him, suppressing a yawn. He had stayed up much later than this for the past week, but it seemed it was catching up to him. It was fine for Ryuuzaki, he was an insomniac after all, but Light was not about to do that. He knew how important sleep was. A faint memory came to mind. Hadn't he told someone about how he would not tire himself out before? He shook his head. He could not remember.

They reached the room and Light waited politely for Ryuuzaki to grab his laptop and get it set up at the desk, then it was off to the bathroom so he could get ready for bed. He stepped inside, closing the door as much as he could; they could never close it all the way because of the damn chain. He brushed his teeth, washed his face and changed into pajamas and then stepped back out. Ryuuzaki was actually staring at his laptop. Impatient man, really, when it came down to it.

_Well sorry I'm human._

He walked over to the bed and sat down, finally letting out the suppressed yawn. Ryuuzaki perched on the chair and began to type away. It had bothered him at first, the constant clacking of the keys, but he was used to it now and the noise would not prevent him from sleeping.

He turned on his side, away from the illumination of the screen and closed his eyes. He almost smiled to himself as soon as he was settled in. He felt so comfortable and knew sleep was just around the corner.

"Light-kun?"

Or not.

"Yeah, Ryuuzaki?" he asked, trying to not sound as tired as he was.

"Sleep well."

Light glanced over his shoulder at the detective. Did he detect the smallest hint of a smirk upon that pale face? Well, glad he was getting a kick out of all of this.

"I'd say the same to you, but I know you won't sleep," Light murmured.

Which was true. Light could not recall ever seeing Ryuuzaki actually sleep in the bed. Matsuda had told him that on occasion, very rare ones, he would actually sleep in his chair, perched like that. How he managed to drop off in that position…well, Light had no idea though he supposed even L could not fight off sleep forever.

"Does it bother you?" Ryuuzaki asked.

"Does what bother me?" Light asked in return.

"Me not sleeping?"

Light sighed and turned his face away again, staring at the wall. "Not really, if you don't want to sleep, then that's your choice."

Ryuuzaki did not say anything for a minute and Light was hoping that it was the end of that so he could get some sleep. They never really talked when it got to this hour, it was solely work time. However, Ryuuzaki seemed to be in a talkative mood tonight. Light wished the guy could find better times to want a conversation.

"I would sleep more often…but Kira never rests," Ryuuzaki said.

Light could feel his eyes on him. If this was turning into another 'I know you're Kira, Light-kun' then Light was going to get pissed. He really was not in the mood for another one of these arguments.

"Well that's Kira's problem then," Light replied. "I, for one, do rest and I enjoy it."

"There is no need to get defensive, Light-kun," Ryuuzaki said and Light could tell by the tone of his voice that he was calculating percentages in his head again. He didn't answer him, but he was quite sure the level of his annoyance could be felt and that it sufficed for a vocal response.

"You should be happy about my accusations, Light-kun," Ryuuzaki continued.

Light looked at him again with a frown. "And why would being accused as a murderer make me happy, Ryuuzaki?" he asked.

"It shows I have motivation, does it not?"

Light narrowed his eyes. He remembered all too well the time when they had first moved into this place. Misa had insisted on a date and, being chained together, Ryuuzaki had to tag along. Since Misa was not allowed to leave the building because of her connection to the Second Kira, they had to have it in her room. It was then Light had questioned Ryuuzaki's level of motivation since the detective had seemed a bit put out.

Ryuuzaki admitted that he didn't have any. And the reason why? Because he, Light Yagami, was _not_ Kira. His theory had been wrong and because Ryuuzaki hated to lose, he decided to act like a little kid and sulk about it. Light had decided there was only one way to fix the problem, by literally knocking sense into Ryuuzaki.

The fight that had followed hadn't been a long one, but it was one that would remain with Light forever. For one, Light had learned that Ryuuzaki really was strong physically; he was surprised his kicks hadn't broken his jaw, but he had also learned that Ryuuzaki would never stop suspecting him because he wanted Light to be Kira. He was sure that he was, just that it wasn't enough to solve the case.

"I guess so, but it's not fun for me, Ryuuzaki," Light said bitterly.

"It is not supposed to be fun, Light-kun," Ryuuzaki replied.

Light was starting to get really irritated by this. He just wanted to sleep! He turned over so that he was facing Ryuuzaki and fixed him with a cold glare.

"You know, if you spent half as much time looking into the actual evidence instead of constantly claiming I'm Kira, you may just catch him," Light snapped.

Ryuuzaki stared at him. His skin appeared even more ghostly white by the light of the screen.

"So you believe Kira is male then," he said.

Light groaned. "It's too late for this, Ryuuzaki," he complained.

"Are you avoiding it?"

"Ryuuzaki!" Light exclaimed. "Will you leave me in peace for two minutes?! What is with you tonight?"

"Nothing," Ryuuzaki answered. "I am simply doing whatever it takes to solve this case."

"So keeping me awake is vital to solving it?" Light demanded.

"It could be."

"You are so infuriating sometimes, Ryuuzaki," Light sighed in exasperation.

Ryuuzaki shrugged and chewed lightly at his thumb. Light was quite sure that his little outburst had probably, in some obscure way, made Ryuuzaki suspect him more. It was like anything he said was twisted in such a way to prove him guilty. But he knew he wasn't Kira. That wasn't something you could just deny over and over until you forgot. If he had killed anyone, he would know about it.

"You are mad at me," Ryuuzaki stated. It did not sound like he cared much if Light was upset.

"Think about it from my view for just a second," Light began. "I want to sleep, I've been helping you all day, and now I'm getting drilled about Kira. I. Am. Not. Kira."

"I wish I could just believe you," Ryuuzaki said, his gaze fixed to his laptop.

"Why don't you give it a try, then?" Light growled.

Ryuuzaki looked at him with those round eyes of his. "But that would not be prudent," he said. "I cannot rule you out as a suspect when you are my chief one."

"Can you at least wait until tomorrow?" Light asked hopefully.

"I could," Ryuuzaki said.

Light frowned. He had a feeling that this was a way Ryuuzaki amused himself sometimes. He knew that he really did suspect him, but honestly, he didn't have to try and force a confession out of him at this hour. Light was beginning to think that Ryuuzaki was bored and was trying to find a way to entertain himself. Bastard…

Since Ryuuzaki did not seem to be thinking of anything else to say, Light turned again so his back was to the detective. He closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down again. He was about to drift off to sleep now. He could deal with this in the morning.

"Light-kun?"

"_What, Ryuuzaki_?" Light hissed, his eyes snapping open.

"I want some cake," Ryuuzaki said.

If he hadn't been so annoyed, Light might have laughed at that. He might have considered it a little cute, but not right now. Ryuuzaki wanting cake meant that he would have to get up, go with him to the kitchen. Wait for him to cut a piece and then go back to bed.

"If I get up so you can get cake will you promise to stop talking to me so I can sleep?" Light asked.

"Maybe," Ryuuzaki replied.

"I'm not moving unless I get a yes," Light grumbled.

"That's rather demanding of you."

"So is asking me to get up so you can feed your sweet tooth," Light pointed out.

Silence from Ryuuzaki. _Yeah, that's what I thought. When you actually realize that I have a valid point you just don't know how to respond._

"All right," Ryuuzaki said.

_Dammit, I was hoping you'd just forget about it._

Light sighed heavily and threw back the blankets and stood up. Ryuuzaki stood as well and shuffled towards the kitchen. Light waited impatiently as he opened the refrigerator and looked at all his choices. If only Watari hadn't stocked the thing with different cakes. Ryuuzaki was taking his damn time choosing what one he wanted. Finally he chose what seemed to be his favorite: vanilla with white frosting and strawberries on top and cut a piece.

They headed back to the bedroom and Light sat down with a huff, pulled the blankets right up to his chin and turned resolutely away from Ryuuzaki. There was a moment of silence. Light was expecting to hear the detective's voice any second now, but nothing. Good, he could relax. Once more he was drifting off.

"Light-kun?"

Light gritted his teeth together. "Yes, Ryuuzaki?" he growled.

"Good night."

"…Good night."

Light woke up the next morning at seven. He groaned to himself and hoped he wasn't developing Ryuuzaki's sleep pattern. He felt like he could sleep for another hour or two. He glanced at the desk and blinked. Ryuuzaki was not sitting there. Light was used to waking up and seeing Ryuuzaki in the same exact spot as where he left him, still working away. He lifted his head and looked over his shoulder and nearly chuckled. Ryuuzaki had finally decided to sleep like a normal person.

He was lying in bed; his back was turned to Light. Light almost thought he could be playing a trick on him, but his breathing was too even and Light knew Ryuuzaki would never play a joke like this. He couldn't resist lifting himself to one elbow to take a look at Ryuuzaki's face. He had never seen him asleep before.

The detective was curled into a ball and he had a thumb in his mouth. He looked like a little kid. His hair was in even more disarray than normal and he looked peaceful. For once there was not concentration written in his face and if Light did not know him, he would never even think that he was L.

Ryuuzaki shifted a little, his mouth open a little now and a slight tremor ran through his body. Well, the reason for that was probably because Ryuuzaki hadn't made it under the blankets before dropping off and the room was a bit chilly. Light forgot about being annoyed at him and pushed himself to his knees. He slid one arm under Ryuuzaki's legs and lifted slowly. Ryuuzaki murmured something, but did not wake up. With his other hand, Light pulled the blankets out of the way and then rested Ryuuzaki's legs back on the bed.

He took hold of the blankets again and pulled them over Ryuuzaki. He shifted again, snuggling further into the blankets and Light couldn't help but smile. Ryuuzaki really was…cute sometimes.

Light got settled in again and rested on his side, facing Ryuuzaki's back. If he was lucky Ryuuzaki would sleep in since it had probably been over a week since he had slept and that meant Light would get a few more hours himself. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep again.

When he woke up again, Light glanced at the clock to see that it was already noon. He blinked in surprise; surely Ryuuzaki would have woken him up by now. His eyes focused and this time he did chuckle out loud. Ryuuzaki was still asleep. He was facing Light now, his thumb was still in his mouth and there was still that air of peace about him.

Knowing that if Ryuuzaki slept much later he would be in a foul mood, Light decided that he would have to wake him up, even though he didn't really want to. The rest of the team was surely downstairs, wondering where they both were. Since they usually came in around nine, they had probably been waiting for hours, though Light wouldn't be surprised if they hadn't done much. It was rare to get a break when working with L.

He sighed. It was a pity, Light wouldn't have minded just lazing about in bed for another hour or so. He reached out and gently grabbed Ryuuzaki's shoulder and shook it lightly.

"Oy, Ryuuzaki," he said softly.

Ryuuzaki mumbled in his sleep again and did not wake up. Light shook him a bit harder. "Oy, Ryuuzaki," he repeated, raising his voice.

Ryuuzaki's eyes slowly opened and he blinked a few times, as if confused about where he was. Light smiled at him.

"Sleep well?" he asked.

Ryuuzaki just stared at him and Light found it a bit disconcerting because Ryuuzaki did not seem very amused.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"Er…noon," Light answered.

Ryuuzaki sat bolt right-up. "Noon?" he repeated a bit sharply. "How long have you been awake, Light-kun?"

"Two minutes," Light replied.

Ryuuzaki sighed; sounding annoyed, but Light wasn't too troubled. This was what you got for keeping others awake. He should have known it would catch up to him eventually.

"We have to head downstairs now," Ryuuzaki said, standing up.

Light nodded and stood up. Ryuuzaki started to head immediately for the door while Light was heading to the bathroom so he could change. Ryuuzaki felt the pull of the chain and stopped, looking at him with a frown.

"Ok, I know you're not used to sleeping and all, but it won't kill us to take another five minutes so I can get ready," Light sighed.

Ryuuzaki made no show that he was going to move. Light shrugged and continued heading towards the bathroom. The chain was taut and still Ryuuzaki did not budge. Light turned and frowned at him.

"What?" he asked.

"Is it so important?" Ryuuzaki asked and he sounded very annoyed.

Light crossed his arms. "As a matter of fact yes," he said. "Like you with your different way of sitting…if I am not dressed and presentable, my deduction skills will be lowered because working in pajamas tends to make me lazy and not focus as much."

Ryuuzaki sighed and finally started to follow him towards the bathroom. Light almost wanted to take his time, like Ryuuzaki had done when choosing his cake, but he really did not want to test the detective, so he changed quickly, ran a quick comb through his hair and rejoined Ryuuzaki, who immediately headed towards the door.

As Light had expected, the rest of the team was already assembled and there was an air of relaxation that lifted immediately when Ryuuzaki entered the room. He looked at them, his eyes narrowed just a bit, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he immediately crossed the room and took his customary position in his chair. Light sighed. Another day of endless reading, endless searching for a clue that could lead to some sort of answer.

Already three hours had passed. Light was searching aimlessly for something and paused. He frowned in concentration at the data he was reading. This could very well be that clue that they had been looking for.

"Ryuuzaki, come take a look at this," he said.

Ryuuzaki glanced at him and used his foot to guide his chair over to Light. He looked at the information Light had pulled up on his screen.

"What is it, Light-kun?" Ryuuzaki asked.

"Look at this carefully: it seems like this could be hinting at something," Light replied. On the screen was a list of recent deaths of rather important business people. The top three had all been listed as deaths from heart attacks. "All three of them held important positions within enterprises that represent Japan.

"They all died from a heart attack. As a result, Yotsuba's share prices have risen while those of other enterprises have fallen. To put it simply, all of these deaths have benefited Yotsuba."

He clicked on another tab to pull up more data. "If you search a little deeper, there have been thirteen incidents within the last three months," he added. "What do you think? To me I'd say that Kira is definitely backing them."

Ryuuzaki leaned in closer to look at the data. "Yes, but if that's true, killing criminals isn't Kira's primary objective," he replied.

"It's possible they're using the act of killing criminals as camouflage for killing people for their own benefit," Light said.

Ryuuzaki nodded. "This is definitely something we must look into further," he said.

Light smiled. They seemed to be one step closer now. Perhaps what Kira had been doing before was just a set up, a way to keep Yotsuba in the clear. After all, many people believed Kira was just judging criminals; therefore, this behavior would seem unlikely of Kira, a perfect way for them to overlook these incidents.

"Light-kun?"

Light blinked blearily. His eyes settled on the clock. Three in the morning, this was getting a bit ridiculous.

He turned over to his back and glanced at Ryuuzaki. He was sitting at the desk, his laptop still on, but he was looking down at Light.

"What is it, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked softly.

"Good job today," Ryuuzaki said. "That was a very good clue to find, I think you have brought us one step closer to catching Kira."

Light's eye widened. Ryuuzaki had never given him such a huge compliment before. It meant more than just the compliment. If he was talking about capturing Kira, could it be that he was suspecting Light less? He smiled. Well, if Ryuuzaki was going to be honest, he would too.

"To tell the truth, when I found the data, I told myself to look at it as you would," he said. "When we first met I told you that you are a man I admire, that has not changed. I figured if I could think like you, I'd catch some sort of clue."

Ryuuzaki just stared at him for a few minutes and then he smiled lightly. "Is that so?" he asked and Light nodded. "I'm flattered."

Light chuckled. "Well you should be," he said. "It's not every day I tell myself not to think like myself. I happen to like the way I think."

Ryuuzaki smirked good-humouredly and shrugged. "I'm honored," he replied. He paused and turned back to the computer screen, undoubtedly tracking down Yotsuba. He was still smiling lightly. "You can go back to sleep now, Light-kun, I just wanted to let you know that you did well today."

"Thanks, Ryuuzaki," Light said. "Don't stay up too late," he couldn't help but add, smiling at the image of Ryuuzaki fast asleep.

"I have slept more than enough," Ryuuzaki replied and Light was pleased to hear humor in his voice. Good, he hadn't wanted to annoy the detective.

He settled back in to sleep again. Ok, so Ryuuzaki could really grate on his nerves sometimes. He never slept, he had an incurable sweet tooth, and he constantly grilled him about being Kira…all these things annoyed Light to no end. But it was nights like these, where there were no suspicions, no trying to out do the other, these nights made all those annoying times worth it. Light liked Ryuuzaki; he really was his first true friend, even if there was the barrier of Kira between them.

Light slowly opened his eyes. He was lying back on his bed, his bedroom was dark and smelled like fresh paint. He just stared at the ceiling for a good ten minutes, reflecting on the memories he had just thought about.

_So that was when it started…first true friend, I can't believe I didn't see it earlier. It wasn't that L was my first friend; he was the first person I ever loved. I wonder, if I had realized it earlier, would I be in this mess or would we be happy together? Ryuuzaki was the flame that kept me going, I am lost without him._

Light covered his eyes with his hands and willed the tears back, but they fell anyway. What he wanted to say sounded great in his head, but he already knew it was pointless to say aloud, it would only hurt him even more. It couldn't happen, it just could not be…still, if he didn't say it aloud, at least to himself, then he was going to go crazy. "R-Ryuuzaki," he whispered into the darkness. "I love you…"

**Silent Dagger: **::sniff sniff:: Is it bad that my own story is making me sad? Lol

OK, so Light realizes that he loves L. From here on out, that sadistic side of him may not be so dominant anymore. Be prepared for a crazy love triangle. Misa's obsessed with Light, Light is obsessed with L and L…is not interested in either of them haha.

And just so you know, chapter seven might be a little longer in coming out. It's been a while since I've watched Death Note so I'm going to have to catch up on the second season in order for me to keep everyone in character and whatnot. I apologize in advance, but I can also promise that it will come within the week.


	7. Obsession

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger:** ACK! You know what I have forgotten to do?! A disclaimer!! . . 

Well…no one has to know hahaha. But anyway, I do not own any of the characters from Death Note (which is a pity) and I am not making any money off of this story. It is purely for the enjoyment of me and those who read it.

::munches on one of the cookies Nusku provided:: I can't even express how much your reviews are encouraging me to keep going. **Internallybrokendown, matty, lillithrose, sommar, black.is.the.new.blood, nusku, lisa, pareidolia, ann**…you are all awesome and I really appreciate your feedback! Also, Pareidolia, I will write what inspired me to write this story in my profile if you want to check it out, as for all you other awesome readers

By the way, the point of view of this chapter is going to change around instead of just remaining from one person. It's mainly going to switch between Light and Misa, with some L in there too of course ;)

**Chapter Seven: Obsession**

_I see you everyday but I don't know anything about you…I love you so much it hurts but I mine as well love a wall. I'd do anything for you and the only thing I get in return is a reluctant kiss. What would it take for you to really love me, Light-kun?_

It had been a few days since Light had shown Misa his new apartment. She had been thinking that she'd already be moved in there by now. What was taking him so long? No, she had to be patient; she had to believe in her Light. But it was so hard sometimes. She knew she came off as an airhead, well, she knew she _was_ a bit of an air head compared to Light, but she was not blind. She could see that though Light said he loved her, she did not think he meant it as sincerely as he said it.

She sighed deeply. She was sprawled out on her bed, looking at the ceiling. She missed Rem; Rem had always been there to talk to. She glanced over at Ryuk and smiled. The Death God was munching away at an apple, a happy look on his face.

"Misa wants to know if you eat anything else, Ryuk," she said.

Ryuk took a final chomp on the fruit and shrugged a bit. "I could," he said. "But I see no point when the apples here are just so delicious. You know what I've been dealing with in my own world when it comes to apples."

Misa stuck out her tongue. "Blahhh it tasted like sand," she replied.

Ryuk nodded. "My point exactly," he grinned.

Misa sighed. "Ryuk, can Misa ask you something serious?" she asked.

"Hmm? Sure, go for it," Ryuk replied.

Misa paused and closed her eyes, gathering her courage to put this into words. "Do you think Light-kun really loves his Misa as much as he says?" she asked, keeping her eyes closed because she did not want to see the look on Ryuk's face in case it told her that which she did not want to hear.

But the answer did not come as quickly as she hoped. She wanted Ryuk to laugh at her paranoia and tell her that yes; Light did love her and no one else. She opened her eyes slightly to look at him and saw that he was looking right at her, a thoughtful look on his face and a smile still plastered across it.

"Yeah," he said.

Misa perked up immediately, bringing herself to her knees and smiling widely at him, her hands clasped together and held up to her chin. "You do?!" she exclaimed, bouncing up and down on the bed. "Did Light-kun say something to you about Misa?!"

Ryuk shook his head. "Nah," he replied. "But you know, Light does a lot of acting, but he's never shown anyone affection of any sort before, so I'm guessing he's got some feelings for you."

Misa's mood deflated. "Only some?" she repeated.

Ryuk scrambled around to think of something else to say. "Err, well, just picture how he acts. It's rare to get anything out of him, right? So it'll probably just take time."

Misa brightened again. "You think so, Ryuk?" she asked dreamily. "Misa is so happy to hear that!"

She clenched her hand into a fist. "Then Misa will not give up! She will continue to be completely devoted and Light-kun will see and grow to really love me!" she exclaimed.

"…That's the spirit," Ryuk replied.

Misa giggled and lay back down on the bed with a smile on her face. Who could resist her after all? She was cute, she was lovable and she was, though many people didn't think it, rather smart. She was perfect for Light because she was the Second Kira and Light needed her. Her smile faded slowly from her face. She hoped that was the case, because if she couldn't have Light there really was no point in living. She needed him to be happy and if was not there for her, she would not even try to continue on without him.

Her phone started ringing and she let out an excited squeal and lunged for it. She looked at the name and let out a happy shout. "Yay! It's my love!"

She flipped the phone open. "Hello, Light-kun! Are you ready for me to live with you forever?!"

"…No, actually," Light said. "I wanted to call to let you know that it might take a little bit longer than I thought…sorry."

"Eh?! How much longer?" Misa whined.

"No longer than a week," Light said. "I'm sorry, Misa, I know you wanted to move in right away, but there are a few things I need to fix up around here."

"Awww but Misa could try and help," Misa suggested.

She heard Light chuckle and though she was feeling upset, the sound melted her heart. "Misa, I'm hiring someone to do it," Light said. "Even I won't be staying there."

"Ohhh," Misa said feeling disheartened.

"Hey, don't sound so put out, Misa," Light replied. "I'll see you sometime soon."

"Ok," Misa said. "Loves!" she said, but Light had already hung up the phone. Misa sighed and tossed her phone to the end of the bed. She could sense Ryuk's eyes on her, but she didn't look at him. She was smiling, but she knew it was a sad smile and her eyes were filled with tears.

_Is there any way for you…to love me, Light-kun?_

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Light dropped the phone in his pocket and sighed. He'd have to do something for Misa soon, she had sounded really put out after that conversation and even though he knew she was completely in love with him, if he mistreated her then she might get some sense and move on from him.

Well, he could deal with that later; there was something he had to do now. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the apartment, in fact, it was all set for Misa to move in and had been that way for three days now. However, the only problem was that Light hadn't move L to the place yet. He hadn't been able to look the detective in the face, let alone stay in the room long enough to approach him. He had left plates of food in there at various points in the day, but never a word was spoken, though he could feel those black eyes searing a hole in him whenever he entered the room.

He took a deep breath. This was going to be incredibly awkward. He had now had his way with L…twice, he had been sadistic and taunting, he had tried to break L into submission and now he had to get him to move to another place. Light was hoping he could do it without knocking him out, but he had the cloth with him again, because try as he might, he could not picture him calmly walking with L to the apartment. No, L would likely knock him down and get away and that would lead to one thing: Light being found out…being sentenced to death.

Light had dug his own grave at this point. If he had just killed L, then this wouldn't be a problem in the least. If he had just killed L then all would be perfect. But he hadn't and now he was stuck with this responsibility…but it was more than that. Light couldn't imagine a world without L in it. He didn't want a world like that. And so, to save himself he had to destroy other people, manipulate them, and protect his own soul. Light would forever remain Kira, he would forever remain God, controlling his people.

He paused outside of the room. He wasn't sure how he was going to find L. He almost wished he would be asleep so he wouldn't have to see those piercing eyes. He unlocked the door and glanced immediately at the bed. There was L, sitting up, his eyes already fixed upon his face. His time here was obviously starting to take effect. He was thinner than before, his hair was longer and tangled and his skin was even paler than before. Light needed to get him somewhere better. Maybe the shed wasn't the best idea…maybe he could do something about fixing up the guest bedroom, though Misa would get in the way in that case.

"I'm moving you," Light said bluntly, trying to distance himself, trying not to let his emotions show in his voice or face.

L did not say anything, but his eyes narrowed a fraction of a bit and the slightest of frowns could be seen on his ghostly face. Light stared right back and cursed himself. He could actually feel his heart beat starting to increase. He suddenly wished that he did love Misa, it would make this easy. Hell, if he loved Misa, he could just leave L here to rot and be done with it.

"I take it you won't just walk with me," Light said, still keeping his voice cool and composed.

"I am not broken yet, Kira," L said quietly, his voice was deadly and it stabbed at Light like an icy blade.

"The hard way then," Light replied and he was still amazed at his level of acting. He wanted to throw himself at L's feet and plead with him. Tell him that he loved him, wanted to be with him, have L return the feelings so that they could go off and live together and forget about Kira and all this death and sadness.

He made his way closer to L and paused, standing before him. The chloroform would work quickly, but Light knew that the real challenge would be holding L down long enough for it to take effect. L made no movement when Light approached, but Light knew well enough that he could lunge out at any second, so he kept his guard up.

"Is this necessary for your new world, Kira?" L suddenly asked, his voice laced with hatred.

It was that hatred that caused Light's eyes to widen. He collected himself quickly so that the pain would not be shown. He narrowed his eyes and forced a smirk to lift his lips, hating himself for this.

"No," he whispered. "But it is for my…amusement."

He hadn't meant to hesitate, because he knew with every word he was deepening the grave he had been digging. He couldn't look L in the face anymore, instead he was staring at his chest, but once more, he could feel those eyes on his face, looking into his very soul.

"You do not sound so sure," L said softly.

Light frowned and hardened his resolve. He took another step towards L, and was met by L's foot smashing into his face. Light yelped in surprise and pain and tumbled backwards to the floor. He looked up to see that L was standing now, ready to continue to fight. Light was suddenly very relieved that he hadn't released him from the bed as he had planned to the last time he had come to drop off food. He had thought that maybe letting L roam around the room would lighten his mood, maybe get him to see that Light did care for him, but he had decided against it.

Judging by the force of that kick, if L had been released, Light would probably be knocked out by now. He rubbed his jaw and growled, getting to his feet. Yes, he loved L, but that did not mean he was too happy about getting dropped to the floor by one attack. He thought about forgetting the whole idea of moving L to the apartment, but it was just too risky to keep coming back to this place. Sooner or later someone would recognize him and question why he was coming here so frequently, and in the end, they would discover L locked away and once more his game would be up.

"Why are you being so stubborn about this?" he spat. "It's for your benefit as much as mine!"

L raised an eye brow and Light hated the look on the detective's face right now. He knew it meant one thing; L would never trust a word he spoke ever again. His heart was racing; he could feel heat in his face. All he wanted to do was capture L's lips in a passionate kiss, a kiss that could maybe, just maybe, show how he really felt, because if words couldn't do it, well, maybe action could. But he would not do it now, he was smart and a logical thinker, and him trying to kiss L after everything that happened would not get his message across. L would probably just think he was trying to show his dominance again and even more distance would be put between their hearts.

_I'll cross any distance, no matter how far. I will have you L; I am perfect for you and you for me…_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_He stands there with that look on his face. He's trying to hide emotions but they're clear as day. What is Kira up to? Why this change? Is he just trying to get me to drop my guard? Is it all just part of his plan to 'break' me?_

L watched Light with mistrust in his eyes. No, he could not listen to Light, because Light had already shown his true colors. He was Kira, and Kira was sadistic and cruel. L could never let himself trust a man such as the one standing before him. The only thing he could do was to try and think of a way to get free from his clutches. He would call Chief Yagami right away; force him to see the truth even though it would condemn his son. Even if he died in the process, as long as Kira was brought to justice that was all he needed.

He saw the younger man's hand reach towards his back pocket and his mind immediately began to work. He had some sort of drug. He was stupid if he thought L would really walk next to him down the street like an old friend. Knowing Light, he had it all planned out. He wasn't sure what time it was, but he bet it was evening, late enough for someone to have had one too many drinks, a perfect show of friendship, carrying an inebriated companion home.

He took a step closer to L and he got prepared to kick the boy again. If he had to break his jaw, he would gladly do it, he was a little annoyed that the first kick hadn't done as much, but he was feeling a bit weaker these days. He looked at Light icily, his eyes daring him to take another step. Whatever Light had, and L was betting it was chloroform, he had to get close to L's mouth, but L could easily keep him at bay with his legs.

"Do not resist me," Light said.

"Do not test me," L replied.

Light seemed to face a brief internal struggle, and then his face turned very mean, his eyes narrowed and a frown upon his face. He drew himself up, a commanding posture, and glared at L. "You will do as I say, L, you are mine now," he growled. Why was he hesitating to say these things? L had an idea, but he did not believe it, it just didn't seem plausible. It had at one point, but it had gone on too long, he would have expected him to cave when dealing with something like this.

"Your obsession maybe," L replied darkly.

Light smiled cruelly. "Call it what you want, it makes no difference," he sneered.

He paused, just out of reach, one more step and he would find himself eating L's foot again. There was a tense moment, neither of them were moving and then suddenly, they moved as if one. Light lunged, L brought up his knee. He felt his knee bury itself into Light's stomach and the boy's pained gasped as the wind was knocked out of him. However, Light had basically thrown himself at L and he collided with him, and since he was only standing on one leg, he overbalanced and fell. His head hit the frame of the bed painfully and his shoulder felt like it was pulled from its socket as his arm was wrenched behind him since the handcuffs were connected to the headboard.

They were both still, regaining their breath, Light doubled over in pain, L's eyes shut, trying to drive the screaming throbs in his head away to a dull murmur. Light started to get his composure back. There was anger alight in his brown eyes, but it was nothing compared to L's. Light had reached into his pocket and, as L expected, withdrew a cloth that he could tell was damp. He started bringing it towards him, but L lashed out with his free hand, gripping Light's wrist painfully tight and keep the hand away from his mouth.

"Dammit, L!" Light growled.

"Is this how you react when things don't go exactly as planned, Kira?" L demanded. "Do not take me for a weakling!"

Light grabbed hold of L's wrist and tried to pry it from his own. L shifted his weight and managed to get his leg up. He was too close for a kick to do much damage, but he slammed his foot as hard as he could into Light's chest and pushed at him. Light was thrown back and rolled. He immediately got up and planted his foot on L's stomach, panting, hair disheveled and an aggravated frown on his face.

"Hold still!" he ordered.

L made as though he were not going to fight anymore and Light started to lean in closer, his arm leading the way, the hand clenched around the cloth and coming closer to L's mouth. When he was close enough, L grabbed his wrist again and pulled as hard as he could. He rolled out of the way and Light's head connected painfully to the bed frame. He cursed loudly and immediately clapped his hand to his forehead. L could see blood making its way down his face.

Light didn't bother to get up, he simply lunged again and his full weight landed on L, making him hiss as his shoulder screamed in pain as it was jerked harshly once more. Light was straddling him, he thrust forward with his hand, L caught it, but Light anticipated it and dropped the cloth into his free hand and clapped it over L's nose and mouth. He held his breath and tried to throw Light off, but he didn't have good leverage. His arm was being painfully pulled by the chain connected to the bed, and Light had grabbed hold of his free hand.

Finally, L could not hold his breath any longer, and with his incoming breath was the bitter fumes of the chemical. It raced through his head, surrounding his eyes with darkness as the roam slowly started to fade.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

Light was furious by the time he had gotten back to his apartment. He had had to spend time mopping up the blood running down his face, but now his head was throbbing painfully. His stomach felt winded and he knew at least two of his ribs were bruised. His jaw had swelled a bit but he didn't have any ice in the place so he could do nothing for it. Finally, when he managed to get himself as respectable as he could, he removed the handcuff from L's wrist and hoisted him upright, thankful he was so light.

Making his way from behind the abandoned building took him a good fifteen minutes. It would be too odd for him to be seen carrying an unconscious person from behind there, so he had to wait until the coast was clear. Night had already fallen, which helped a lot, so once the streets had thinned out for a small period as everyone headed in for dinner or a movie, Light escaped the small alley and slung L's arm over his shoulder, dragging him along.

Luckily, a taxi drove by and Light flagged it down. The ride back was aggravating because the cabbie was talkative. He asked about L, Light told him he had passed out from one too many drinks and the cabbie had laughed. He asked Light a bunch of silly questions that he was in no mood to answer and when they reached the apartment, Light gave him a horrible tip.

Light brought L into the apartment. He was thinking about putting him right in the shed since his head felt it was splitting, but the chloroform would work for the rest of the night and he was in no mood to set up the shed so he brought him to the guest bedroom. He practically threw him down on the bed, because he was very pissed off at him and decided that he would enjoy a nice bath.

He was leaving the room when he heard it….

"Light-kun."

It was a soft whisper, barely audible, but it made Light freeze at the door. The voice had not been filled with hate as it usually was these days, no; there was longing and sadness in that voice. Light turned and looked at L. He was still out, but apparently he was having a dream of some sort.

"Light-kun…come back to me," L whispered.

Light's eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly. Had he heard that correctly?! Could it be that these emotions he felt had not been his alone? He crossed the room quickly, standing at the edge of the bed and looking down at L. His heart twisted painfully as he stared at his sleeping form. Why? Why did things have to happen this way? It wasn't fair!

He kneeled down by the bed and took hold of L's hand. The detective held onto it firmly in his sleep and Light brought the hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

"I am here for you, L," he whispered.

A ghost of a smile graced L's pale face and Light's heart felt both elevated and crushed at the same time. To know that he could have had a chance but had taken it away, it was too painful to even think about. He stood again and leaned over L, kissing his lips softly, as a lover, not a master.

L had said Light was obsessed with him and Light knew, as he gently ran his hand through L's messy hair, that it was true. He needed L to survive, but it was not just his body he needed, he thirsted for L's love and approval. Something he had probably destroyed with his rash actions. All he could do was continue to let Kira take over when speaking to L, driving them further and further apart.

However, judging by the way L had just spoken; maybe he was not the only one who was obsessed. L had never shown any signs of romantic interest in him, never, but then again, L never showed that much emotion to begin with. He could not picture L admitting anything like his true feelings, even when Light hadn't remembered he was Kira. So what should he do? Call him out? Tell him he had heard the completely longing in his voice, or pretend it hadn't happened. Could Light be satisfied just knowing that L cared for him? Or…had cared for him anyway.

L had quieted now, though his hand was still holding Light's loosely. Light gave it a quick squeeze and then drew it away. He couldn't, he couldn't be in this room right now. He felt an overwhelming rush of love towards L, but he could do nothing about it. He didn't want to make love to L until L loved him in return. He left the room and closed the door, locking it just in case. He leaned against the wood heavily, sighing deeply.

_I love you, L…I won't live without you._

…………………………………………………………………………………………

_I love you Light-kun…I can't live without you…_

Misa had just finished a photo shoot and was now sitting in a café, alone, without her Light. He was never with her. She lowered her head, resting it on her arms and staring at the dark wood of the table. Ryuk was sitting across from her, not that anyone would see him, but he wasn't saying anything. Misa had some feeling that he was not very good with this sort of thing anyway.

"You should cheer up," he suddenly said.

Misa looked up at him.

"Maybe Light is just planning something big for you," he suggested.

Misa smiled brightly. "Misa would love if that were true!" she sang. She had her phone to her ear, though no one was on the other line, she did not want people to think she was talking to herself after all.

"Sulking is very unbecoming of Misa-Misa," she said. "No one will want to take her picture if she is sad!"

"Exactly!" Ryuk exclaimed. "It's no fun for me if you're moping around."

"Misa loves Ryuk right now!" Misa laughed.

Ryuk chuckled and shrugged a bit. "What did I tell you about saying stuff like that?" he replied.

"That you're a guy so it's embarrassing," Misa giggled. "Misa remembers." She smiled at him and stood up. "Misa is leaving now," she said, putting her phone away.

She left the café and Ryuk followed her. "Misa will have something to offer Light-kun when he comes for her," she said softly. "Misa will continue to judge criminals for Light-kun, just as he asked."

Ryuk's eyes glowed with a mirthful light. "I am sure he will appreciate it," he said.

Misa giggled again and skipped back to her place. Light-kun would love her, because if Light did not love her, Misa would have to do something drastic to show him just how much she cared.

**Silent Dagger:** Oh love triangles are so fun! Light knows now…L did have feelings for him. Whether they still exist or not remains to be seen…


	8. Trust Me

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: **Chapter eight already…man, this fanfiction is going a lot faster than I originally thought. Things may be looking more positive (slightly) in this chapter, but you're just going to have to read it to see what I mean

Once again, thanks very much for the lovely reviews. **Mim chan, whitelilly, killerbanana101, nusku, black.is.the.new.blood, pareidolia, sommar, lunabasketcase, kuroi kitty, killerbunny20, ann, eli**…I'm so glad you are still enjoying this story! Arigatou!

**Chapter Eight: Trust Me**

When his eyes opened he would be met by him sitting in a chair, watching over him. Light had no choice but to return to the room. He just could not sit around the apartment knowing L was so close to him. He had restrained the detective because he knew the chloroform would be losing its effect soon and though he hated having to do it, he could not really leave him free after the last fight they had just had. Light like his jaw where it was…

L stirred slowly, a soft moan escaped his lips and Light felt a stirring within him. How on earth was he supposed to keep acting like Kira when the simplest things L did filled him with an overwhelming sense of passion for him? Those obsidian eyes opened slowly, wincing slightly and Light knew he probably had a headache from breathing in the chemicals. They stared up at the ceiling for a minute and then slowly moved towards Light, coming to rest on his face. Light stared right back.

_I know now…it's not just me, you feel the same towards me. Or you did and I am determined to revive those feelings, L._

L tried to sit up, but his arms were tied above his head and his legs were restricted as well so he couldn't. He did not struggle against the bonds, he simply continued to look at Light and Light could see that the hatred was quickly becoming visible in his dark eyes. No, he would not let this wedge drive them apart anymore. He was Kira, yes, but he was still Light too, he was still the person L had been attracted to. He stood up and stood at the edge of the bed, looking down at the detective. He could not think of anything to say. While he had been waiting for L to wake up, he had come up with two different approaches.

One, remain detached and cruel, let Kira take over and continue to brow bash L until the only thing he could do was pray for him to be nice at some point and thus end up broken and dependent on him. That way had seemed appealing at first because Light still had some sadistic part of him that wanted to see L begging at his feet. However, he knew that in the end, neither of them would be happy and it would forever destroy any hope that might remain.

Two, Light could be honest. He could present himself before L, apologize for everything, explain that he could not let L die and had thus captured him instead, keeping him safe. It would not do to show weakness to the world if he was hoping to become the God of it. There was, however, a huge problem with this scenario. Light had admitted to being the man L had been tracking for months. Admitted to being the man who had played the endless game of cat-and-mouse, who had killed people, many people, all the while pretending he wanted to help catch Kira. He was the man who had degraded L, having his way with him, hurting him, keeping him locked away like a caged animal. So then how would an apology ever make up for that? It was a simple answer really, it couldn't.

However, now as he stood there, looking down into those endless black orbs, nothing seemed appropriate. No words could be expressed for they would shatter everything. Only action was all that was left to him. Light reached out with a hand and rested it on L's forehead. L recoiled from the touch, but there was no way for him to move out of Light's reach.

"Planning on damning yourself more?" L asked harshly.

Light ran his thumb up and down on L's forehead in a gentle caress. "Shut up, Ryuuzaki," he whispered.

He saw L's eyes widen a bit at the response. _Yes, I know…I'm confusing you right now, aren't I?_ Light knew that L probably expected him to continue being Kira, but he couldn't. He would not apologize because that was pointless, all he could do was listen to his heart and hope that it would not lead him astray anymore.

"Why didn't you just let me die?" L demanded. "Why keep me here?"

Kira wanted to answer that question, to protect Light from being hurt, but Light did not let that happen. He was going to talk to L as himself this time; he was not going to let the God ruin everything.

"I don't want to…" he began but trailed off.

"Don't want to what?" L snapped.

_I don't want to live in a world without you_. Those were the words he desperately longed to speak. He opened and closed his mouth a few times. Why? Why would they not come? What was holding them back? Just tell him! TELL HIM!

"I don't want to live in a world without you in it!" Light exclaimed, the sentence was rushed and his words tumbled with each other, but he knew L would quickly discern what he had said. Yeah, he was figuring it out because he froze, the look of anger quickly being replaced by one of controlled shock.

L did not say anything for a long time, and Light could not say anything until he spoke. He withdrew his hand from the detective's forehead and now both hands were resting at his side, clenched into fists, shaking with the effort to bite back a torrent of words that were threatening to spill from his throat.

"Is this how you show it?" L asked coldly. "Trussing me up to a bed, raping me, trying to break me?"

Light panicked, he could not lose L. He leaned over him, knowing how desperate his eyes were right now, but not caring. He could not hold back his emotions anymore. He was shaking with fear and sorrow, anxiety and frustration. L had to see, he _had_ to understand how much Light loved him!

"That was Kira!" Light said earnestly. "I know I am Kira, but I hide behind him, L! I was afraid you would never love me! When I got my memories back…it was true that I wanted to win, that is why I did those things, but as time went on, I began to realize that it was not a simple lust for dominance. I need you L!"

"I don't believe you," L said bluntly. "You are a wonderful actor, Yagami."

"No!" Light shouted.

And even though L tensed in protest and hissed, he rested his head on L's chest, crushing their bodies close. "It's not that, I'm not acting anymore…I don't want to act anymore!" he said desperately.

"Get off of me," L said in disgust.

"I will not," Light replied.

Light could hear L's heartbeat, it was faster than it should have been, however, Light decided that it was probably from anger. He sighed to himself. He was supposed to be a genius, and here he was with no answers. Nothing came to mind, he felt helpless. He was scared too, he had waited too long, had done too many things that could never be undone and he was afraid that it truly was hopeless. This was L; Light had never seen much emotion from him, except for this recent hatred that was practically tangible. Simply put, he could not picture the detective opening up at all, he would never relent because perhaps he would consider it another loss and L hated to lose.

He lifted his head from L's chest and just looked into his face again. That pale face, contrasting so heavily with his ebony hair and eyes, eyes that were searching for an answer. L didn't have the answer either, apparently. Light was guessing that L was trying to decide whether he was being serious or not and Light was afraid that L would come to the conclusion that it really was just an act after all.

"L," Light whispered all the emotion plain in his face. "Trust me…I love you."

"Just stop," L ordered immediately. "I cannot believe you, I cannot ever trust you."

Light ran a hand over L's face and L frowned at him, clearly not impressed by the gesture. Light sighed. "I know," he replied sadly.

He took a step away from the bed, his eyes cast to the ground. There was a long moment of silence; neither of them moved a muscle.

"If you know, then why the hell are you even bothering?" L demanded.

"Because I know," Light replied simply.

"Know what?" L asked after a pause.

"I know that…at one point…you," Light began, trailing off. He took a breath and looked into L's eyes once again. "You felt this way towards me."

L's eyes widened to their fullest. The part that was Kira smirked a bit, but Light's face remained serious, solemn. Finally it was L who looked away, could not meet Light's eyes which meant that it had been true, he had not just been having some sort of weird hallucination and Light had not just imagined it, twisted L's trance-like words into that which he longed to hear.

"Well?" Light prompted, his voice was soft and gentle.

"Well what?" L replied, looking pointedly at the ceiling.

"You did, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did," L answered, stressing that it had been the past.

However, to Light, this was huge. He had admitted it; there was some hope, maybe. Light returned to the bed side and placed his hand on L's cheek, turning the detective's face so that it was directed at his own. He leaned in, so that L had to look at him as well.

"I know I fucked up," Light said. "I just have to know, I have to try…to get those emotions back."

L's eyes narrowed. "It cannot happen now," he said firmly. "You are Kira, I am L…we are natural enemies."

"Or natural lovers," Light replied.

L closed his eyes, as if summoning patience, which was not the best of signs. Light watched him intently. It was in the open now. They both knew how the other felt. Light would do it, he had to do it, he had to get L to open his eyes and see that he was still here. He wasn't all Kira, he still had the capability to love, his screaming heart attested to that.

"No," L whispered.

"Yes," Light replied.

A humorless smile lifted L's lips and he shook his head, opening his eyes. Unless Light was mistaken, there was a flash of sorrow in those eyes before the emotion was completely hidden behind a stoic mask.

"_Trust me, L_," Light pleaded. "I won't hurt you anymore!"

"How do I know this isn't some sick game you've thought up?" L asked, his voice filled with skepticism. "Try and pull me in only to try and destroy me in the future?"

Light shook his head empathetically, a sad smile on his face. "No, it won't be like that, L," he said. "Because I love you, I really love you."

"Stop saying that!" L suddenly snapped harshly.

Light backed away in surprise. He looked at L quizzically. It wasn't only anger lacing his voice. There was something else, but Light didn't trust his own emotions at this point to try and place it. He wanted to interpret it as L having a hard time denying it, that he was trying desperately not to admit that he wanted Light as much as Light wanted him.

"Why?" Light asked.

"Because you know that it isn't true," L replied coldly.

"You're wrong," Light whispered. "I think you know that it _is_ true and you're scared because you think it's all a trap. You think I'm trying to weave a web about you, tangling you in love only to one day break your heart."

"Definitely sounds like something Kira would do," L smirked.

"L, you're forgetting something terribly important," Light said with a frown. He placed a hand over his heart. "Though Kira is inside of me, I am still here too. I am still Light Yagami; I am still the man you loved."

"The man I loved wasn't a murderer," L argued.

"That's bullshit!" Light shouted. "Who was it who constantly chanted that I was Kira?! Who was it who kept me chained to your side _because_ I was your prime suspect? You knew, deep in your soul that I was Kira all along even when I myself didn't think it was true! If you loved me then, despite knowing this, then you loved Kira too!"

L was silent. Light knew he had it right. He had to be. He had never really thought about that before, but it had suddenly come to mind and now that he had a hold of this, he would not let it slip away.

"You may have loved Light more than Kira," he continued. "But even though you knew there was a high chance that I was Kira, you felt strongly towards me anyway. It didn't matter if I was Kira, because as long as you could follow your heart, you knew you could be happy!"

"Which is why…it hurts all the more," L whispered.

His voice was so soft that Light had barely heard him. L sighed heavily and his eyes slowly closed.

"Because back then, I could keep a faint hope that I was wrong and you weren't Kira."

Light shook his head. "You're still wrong," he said urgently. "I don't think that it was the chance of me not being Kira…I don't think it mattered if I was or not."

L's eyes snapped open. "What would you know of my own emotions?" he snarled.

"You said I was your first friend," he reminded him. "I think you said that because I understood you more than anyone else. You and I are alike, L, I know you…and I know you could love me despite the barriers that were presented to us."

"And yet Kira showed just how cruel he really is," L said bitterly.

Light looked away. "It was the rush of power that came back with the memories," he admitted. "Of knowing that I…had this sort of control, it was as if…a piece of me had been replaced, that I had been made whole."

"Are you proud of your actions?" L asked angrily.

"No," Light answered. "But just remember that many people consider you to be rather ruthless yourself, L…You sacrifice people to prove a point, to test a theory. You are no saint."

"I never claimed to be," L pointed out.

"And neither did I," Light said forcefully. "I am not an evil person, L. I am justice; I am trying to create a world in which good people can live without fear. Where you can walk the streets without that chill down your spine when you cross a dark corner, where innocent people; men, women and children, aren't murdered in cold blood!"

"Ahh, the words of the benevolent God," L said sarcastically.

"Do not mock me, L," Light growled. "You know as well as I that the people will appreciate this release, this purge of evil souls."

"And who gave you the right to judge these people and take their lives?" L asked. "What makes you think you can play God without consequences?"

"Because no one else can," Light replied. "This horrible task has been given to me; the burden of saving this world is on my shoulders."

He looked at L seriously. "But I cannot do this alone. I need someone, someone to save me…I want you to keep me from falling to darkness, L."

"Why should I?" L asked. "To me, you are just as guilty as any other serial killer."

Light let out an aggravated groan and pressed his forehead against L's. L looked at him impassively, not a hint of relenting could be seen in his face. But despite this, Light felt some sort of connection with him. He couldn't help but feel L was testing him somehow, and Light was determined to pass.

"Because no one else can," he repeated. "I have given this task to you."

"You may have accepted your 'task' but there is no reason for me to accept as well," L pointed out.

"Please, L," Light pleaded. "Can you honestly just forget about your emotions entirely? Just move on without a second thought?"

"Do I seem the type to hang on to emotions?"

"What else can you hold on to?"

"Everything else," L said simply.

"But you won't be happy," Light argued stubbornly.

"You don't need happiness to live, Yagami," L said coldly.

Light had to stop himself from screaming in L's face. He continued to rest his forehead against L's, his skin feeling hot compared to L's. "Why deny yourself that, though?" he asked. "Doesn't it bother you, being alone?"

"…No," L whispered.

"Now I don't believe you," Light said, unable to stop the smile from crossing his lips. Really, L was still quite childish.

"Believe what you want," L said.

"Stop being a brat," Light said, backing away from him slightly to stare fully into his face. "I won't hurt you, L, it's okay to cast away your loneliness."

L turned his gaze from Light's face and said nothing. Light watched him, also remaining silent. He had said his bit; it was time for L to talk. Light knew that his next words would choose whether or not there was any hope at all. It could spark new life or it could smother it. He could hear his watch ticking, ticking and it seemed to slow down and stop as he watched L fervently, hoping and praying, actually praying that L would not remain stubborn anymore.

The detective sighed deeply and closed his eyes. "I'm hungry," he said suddenly.

Light blinked. Hungry? That…wasn't exactly what he had been expecting at all. Still, a small smile brightened his serious expression. It was better than L telling him to forget about it. "What do you want to eat?" Light asked.

"Doesn't matter," L replied, and though his voice was still cold and distant, Light was having trouble placing the hate that had been present before.

Light nodded and left the room. He remembered that the couple upstairs had bought him a house warming gift that had included a small cake. They were nice people; it was people like them who would appreciate what it was he was doing for the world. He opened the refrigerator and peered inside. He had only nibbled from the cake, finding it a tad too sweet for him, but it would be perfect for L. He cut a big piece and put it on a paper plate, grabbing a fork and then heading back to the guest bedroom.

L was staring at the ceiling and appeared to be deep in thought. When Light came back in the room he tensed, on guard, and Light sighed. He hadn't made as much progress as he had hoped. He grabbed a stool that was in the corner of the room and brought it over to the bed. L stared at him flatly as he speared a small piece of the cake and held it towards him.

"You won't even let me eat on my own?" he asked bitterly.

Light sighed. "And risk having a fork shoved down my throat?" he replied.

"You deserve worse," L pointed out.

"Just eat it," Light snapped.

"Why should--"

But Light cut him off my shoving the piece of cake in his mind. L coughed and just managed to swallow it without choking. He coughed a few more times and then fixed Light with a deadly look. Light smiled innocently at him.

"What? You presented the perfect opportunity," he said with humor in his voice.

"You're a bastard," L snarled.

Light sighed heavily and looked at L with half-closed eyes. "L…what's it going to take for you to stop hating me?"

"You can do nothing to change that," L replied, looking up at the ceiling again.

"Not even feeding you this cake?" Light asked hopefully.

"That might make me hate you less," L finally relented, his black eyes fixated on Light's.

Light blinked and presented another piece of the chocolate cake. Instead of snapping at him this time, L opened his mouth and Light fed him the cake. Yeah, L was a brat all right. Light could have talked for hours and hours on end to no avail, but now that he was giving him cake, well, apparently that just changed everything. Kira couldn't be completely heartless if he wasn't denying L his sweets. He chuckled to himself, yeah, L was definitely cute.

The rest of the piece was eaten in silence, as Light did not want to ruin the mood. There was still a lot of tension, but it had lessened now and he felt a lot more at peace being near L now then he had since the night of L's planned death. When the cake was finished, Light just held the plate in his lap and looked down at L, who was looking up at the ceiling again.

"Yagami-kun?"

Light's eyes widened. It wasn't quite back to his first name, but it was a lot better than just 'Yagami' or even worse 'Kira'. He smiled warmly at him.

"Yes, Ryuuzaki?" he asked, deciding to refer to him as he did back when none of this happened.

"…Can I have another piece?"

"Of course."

Light got up and headed back to the kitchen. He paused and leaned against the counter, breathing deeply. There was a smile on his face and his knew his eyes were swimming with tears. L hadn't forgiven him, Light wasn't sure if he ever could, but maybe he was willing to move past it. Just maybe…

He returned to the bedroom with another piece of cake and this time, instead of staring at the ceiling, L was watching him. Light sat down on the stool again and smiled a bit. L did not return the smile but his expression was not so cold. Once more he fed the cake to L in silence and when the second piece was gone, L let out a relieved sigh.

"Better?" Light asked.

"Yes," L replied.

Light placed the plate on the floor and stood up. He leaned over L and L flinched. Light bit back a sigh; he wanted to be close to L. He frowned; well he was going to show that and to hell with hearing complaints.

"Ryuuzaki," he whispered.

He sat down on the bed and L did try to move away from him but the restraints made it impossible.

"Yagami," he hissed.

Great, he dropped the honorific and that meant he was one step closer to being called Kira again. But he did not move closer, he was just sitting there and he looked down at L with longing in his eyes.

"Ryuuzaki," Light said softly. "Trust me…" he said again.

He laid a hand on L's chest and L's eyes flashed in warning, but he said nothing. Light just stayed like that for a long moment, his hand upon L's chest, his eyes focused on nothing. What was the detective thinking right now? He would give anything to know, but he would do anything but ask.

He leaned in and L frowned again, but he still said nothing in protest. He leaned in closer and even closer, until his lips were a mere hair's breadth away from L's. And still there was no word telling him to stop.

So, Light did was his heart was telling him to do. He closed the distance between them and kissed L passionately, but gently. L did not protest, but he did not respond much either. Still it was better than nothing. Light's hand trailed down L's side and then L groaned and tried to squirm away.

Light backed away immediately and looked at L with raised eye brows.

"No more," L said. "Don't do that…"

"I'm sorry," Light said.

He got up from the bed and stood there for a moment, at a loss for words. He had just kissed L without L telling him not to. Or, it had started good, but apparently L was not quite as sure as Light thought he was. He turned his back on L and picked up the discarded plate and fork.

"I'll see you later, Ryuuzaki," Light said, averting his eyes.

L didn't say anything, but Light saw in the corner of his eye, the slightest of nods. He left the room and headed back to the kitchen once more and slid to the floor. Closer, he was closer. There was some sort of bond, just the smallest signs of one. All hope was not lost. L was not ready to forgive him, he wasn't ready to be intimate with him, but there was something there and it made Light's heart feel like it was expanding within his chest.

One day, L would trust him again; even more so than he did when Light hadn't been Kira. Light would prove that he was trustworthy, that his love was not just a game. He smiled and leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. Love would find a way. It always did in the end and he and L would be together and happy in the new world he was creating.

**Silent Dagger:** So close and yet so far!! They shared a real kiss but L isn't quite ready to commit to someone like Kira! Next chapter: Kira's reach is spreading; more people are showing support than anything else. Can Light ignore the thrills of being Kira while with L? Or will this barrier really be unbreakable?


	9. Nation of Slaves

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger:** And here we are again, another chapter. The plot thickens…lol

**Mim chan, sommar, Nusku, Nocens, Kuroi Kitty, Pareidolia, Kamichiro Eris, eli, inu-youkai 911, K.E., black.is.the.new.blood, Addictedreader09, killerbanana101**, I know I say this a lot, but thanks. Honestly, it's getting to the point where I can't even put my appreciation into words. To know that you're all enjoying this, it's a huge encouragement. You're reviews really make me want to keep going with this story. To be honest, when I first started this ff, I wasn't sure if it would be read at all, you have all made this fic possible because it's you who is keeping me going! To quote K.E., with love and appreciation, Silent Dagger!

xo

**Chapter Nine: Nation of Slaves**

Light headed into the investigation room early. They were still making preparations to transferring the data to be accessible for Light in his apartment. He walked in and was surprised to see his father and Matsuda were already there and was watching one of the televisions.

"What is it?" Light asked, walking over.

"Light-kun, take a look at this!" Matsuda exclaimed, moving over so that Light could see the screen better.

The two of them had been watching a special news report that was about Kira. Light's eyes widened as he continued to watch the program.

_"As you witnessed after several interviews with people around the street, it appears as though the fear of Kira is disappearing and instead approval for his actions is taking over the minds of the daily people. Most said that Kira was a savior, making the streets safe and keeping people from committing crimes for fear of the ultimate punishment. However, friends are turning on friends, threatening to tell their secrets, using Kira's name as blackmail. Also, there are now websites dedicated to Kira asking him to kill someone they do not like. Is this really what we want our world to be governed by?"_

"Approval?" Light asked, making his voice sound disgusted. "Who could show approval to a serial killer?"

"Exactly what I was thinking," Soichiro sighed. His removed his glasses and cleaned them absent-mindedly as the report was cut for a commercial break. "What is the world coming to?"

Matsuda sighed. "And where is Kira?" he asked. "We have almost no clues…I wish Ryuuzaki was still here."

Both Light and Soichiro gave him a cold and exasperated glare. Matsuda rubbed the back of his neck, looking away from them with a guilty expression on his face. "Sorry," he muttered.

Light slammed his hand down onto the computer panel. "Ryuuzaki was undoubtedly a great detective," he said, his voice filled with the perfect amount of sadness and determination. "But we agreed that I am L now, and I cannot sit by and just let this happen!"

He turned to look at Matsuda and his father. "The threat of Kira is growing ever greater. The more people who blindly follow him, the less of a chance we have of capturing him because those people will try to protect him!" he exclaimed. "So we have to cut him off now, before it gets that far!"

Soichiro nodded. "Light, I agree," he said with a faint smile, obviously proud of his son. "What do you propose we do?"

Light thought about it. "We know for certain that there are two Death Notes in this world," he said. "There is the one here that belonged to Rem…and there is the other that Kira is using…"

He paused, thinking about the best way to go about investigating the second notebook. "Misa will be moving in with me soon, and though I don't agree with what Ryuuzaki said, I cannot rule out the possibility that she is being manipulated by Kira again, so if she is with me, I'll be able to keep an eye on her."

"It's too bad we couldn't help out with that," Matsuda said. "It must be hard suspecting your girlfriend."

"Light will be able to handle it," Soichiro said.

Light nodded. "Yeah, I won't do anything too drastic that will affect our relationship, I just want to make sure she isn't being used," he explained.

He paused again and sighed. "I'll start with her and maybe I'll learn something. She definitely had something to do with the Second Kira, and for all we know, that Kira is still out there."

Matsuda sighed loudly and placed a hand over his eyes. "All these Kiras…it's like there's no way of knowing how many there are!"

Light shook his head. "That's not true. This Kira who is acting out now, I believe it's our original Kira because the people who are dying are still criminals. I'd support the idea of a new Kira if the philosophy had changed, but no innocent people have been killed so I can only conclude that it is the same one as before."

"An excellent point, Light," Soichiro said.

Matsuda nodded in agreement, a smile on his face. "I think with you on our side, Kira won't stand a chance!" he said, trying to sound encouraging.

Light allowed a soft smile to lift his lips. "Thank you, Matsuda-san," he replied. He turned his attention back to the TV as the news report started up again. The woman giving the report was speaking to another person on the street.

_"Sir, if I may…what do you think about the whole Kira situation?" _the woman asked.

_"Kira? Kira is the man! Crime has lowered, those sick bastards that get away with life in prison, leading lives better than the homeless that we pay for; they're getting exactly what they deserve! Kira, man, if you're listening to this, you have my full support!" _the man replied enthusiastically

Light's eyes flashed. _Oh I'm listening. I'm glad I have another person supporting me. Soon this entire world will be saying the same thing_. Matsuda and Soichiro sighed and the TV was turned off. Light frowned to himself. He would have liked to hear the people praise him more, but then again, it'd look quite suspicious if he asked them to turn it on again as they weren't going to learn too much from it.

"We need to know more about the Death Notes," Soichiro said heavily. Light saw that his father's gaze was fixed upon the safe in the room, where the notebook was being kept.

"Well, we can't exactly learn too much with it being locked up," Matsuda pointed out, though by the tone of his voice, it sounded as though he never wanted to lay eyes on the notebook again.

Soichiro sighed. "I know, perhaps the only thing we can do is have one of us investigate it," he said with a frown on his face.

Light didn't offer to take it immediately that might appear suspicious as well. He had to think. He knew he'd be able to use the Death Note since it was he who had picked it up after Rem disappeared, so the ownership was his and his alone, but still, he did not want to seem eager to possess it.

"Aizawa?" Matsuda suggested.

"No, he has a little girl after all, I wouldn't want her anywhere near the thing," Soichiro said.

"Mogi-san?" Light asked.

Soichiro thought about it. "Mogi-san may be a good person to hold onto it," he said. He sighed. "Still, this is such a huge thing to ask of anyone…"

"I'll take it," Matsuda suddenly said.

He looked horribly nervous about it, but he was forcing his expression to appear determined. Light glanced at his father and knew he was thinking the same thing. Matsuda in charge of the notebook would be a terrible decision. The guy would probably show it to all his friends one night without thinking and there would be a disaster on their hands because someone would probably try to steal it. Now was Light's time to jump in.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I wouldn't want you to have to deal with that. You mentioned Ryuuzaki earlier…I think if he were still alive, he'd be the one to take the Death Note…and so…since I am acting in his name…I-I think I should take it."

He put exactly the right length of hesitation in his words, so that he sounded unwilling, but resigned to his fate all the same. Soichiro and Matsuda looked at him and he saw pity in their eyes.

"Light…you already have taken so much responsibility; do you think this is a wise choice?" Soichiro asked.

Light sighed. "There isn't much else of a choice. You can't take it, father, because though Sayu isn't as young as Aizawa-san's daughter, she is a curious girl and the threat remains. I wouldn't want to put this burden on anyone else and I also vowed to be the one to catch Kira, I want to know exactly what I'm messing with," he replied.

Soichiro laid a hand on Light's shoulder. "Only a year ago you were my bright, high school boy, now the person who stands before me is an adult, capable of handling burdens far greater than men twice your age. I am so proud of you, Light," he said sincerely.

Light smiled. "Thank you, father, I try my best, I just hope it will be enough," he said.

"It will be!" Matsuda exclaimed.

Soichiro walked over to the safe and opened it. Light followed him and when the door opened, he reached in, letting his hand tremble once before he grabbed the notebook. No Death God appeared, since its owner was dead, but Light was happy about that. He was sick of Death Gods; the only one he wanted to deal with was Ryuk.

"I'm going to go study this," Light said. "A lot of the data has already been transferred and I would like absolute quiet when I'm dealing with this thing."

"Understood, Light," Soichiro said. "Don't strain yourself too much."

"Yes, father," Light said.

"Good luck, Light-kun!" Matsuda said loudly.

"Thank you," Light chuckled.

He put the Death Note in his bag with distaste written upon his face. He slowly left the investigation building, hiding a smile. Once he left the doors, the smile bloomed onto his face. He was in control of the notebook again! Now he could tell Misa to take a break and have the luxury of killing criminals himself. He could have done it with her, but if the number of people increased too dramatically after he was in control of this notebook, the others would get suspicious.

When he got back to his apartment, Light considered going in to see L, but he didn't. Instead, he turned on the TV and flipped through the channels until he got to the news. The same woman was still giving a report about Kira. Good, he hadn't missed it all then. She seemed to have concluded her interviews with the people walking the streets and was giving an overview.

_"A world bowing to one person, a murderer, well all we can hope is that people wake up and realize that Kira is wrong. Killing people on a whim is wrong. Criminals facing the death penalty will be dealt with by the government. Are you all willing to hand control for life and death into the hands of one person? This is Megumi Hagachi, signing off."_

Light frowned. Wrong? He was wrong? A killer? Light was not a killer, he was not wrong; he wanted to help the people of this world. His eyes narrowed dangerously.

_Presumptuous little bitch! How dare you try and fill the people's heads with such nonsense?_

He was tempted to pull out the notebook and kill the woman for saying such a thing, but he resisted. It would be too suspicious; it just would not help his cause. However, if this little woman continued to say such things about Kira, well then Kira was going to get back at her.

Still, all those people…it was obvious by Megumi's tone of voice that more than half the people she talked to approved of Kira. Well, he was just getting the nation's support wasn't he? A nation united under the new God. Light smiled cruelly to himself, leaning back on his couch, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, but seeing beyond it, seeing into the future.

People like Megumi Hagachi did not exist. Everyone was screaming their admiration for Kira. And he, Light, would continue to make them proud. Hell, maybe by then he would have nothing to worry about from the defeated government, maybe he'd be able to show his face. He chuckled to himself as a fantasy of him riding in a great pavilion, like an ancient king, came to mind, the many people following behind him. L was with him, sitting lower than he was, because Light was his master once more. Misa was there too, keeping track of things, forever being used while Ryuk floated along silently, chuckling to himself and maybe eating an apple.

He shook his head. He didn't want to think of L as inferior to him. Well, maybe that was not the right way to put it. Light was God after all, and no one could be equal to him. However, L would not be a slave like the other ignorant people, not that Light would treat them thus, but L would be given a lot more respect than the average person. Perhaps Light would have various pets in the future, but L would be his favorite, his closest one.

Light was about to get up and head to the guest bedroom and say something to L when his phone rang. He sighed and grabbed it from his pocket.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Light-kun, it's your Misa-Misa!" Misa yelled into the phone.

Light frowned. Oh yeah, he was planning on doing something for her. Well, good thing she caught him in a good mood, even if she had interrupted him from seeing L. He forced himself to chuckle a bit, so she would think that he found her antics cute, and he could hear her squeal from the other end of the line.

"Well hello, Misa," he said. "I'm glad you called, I was just planning on calling you actually."

"REALLY?!"

Light held the phone away from his ear, knowing that she was likely to explode on that comment. He laughed again, his voice infinitely softer than hers.

"Yes, really," he said, as if this should have been obvious. "Are you free tonight, Misa? I want to have a nice dinner with you."

A pause from the other end, Light was guessing Misa was holding her breath to keep from screaming out loud in delight. Finally, he heard a great shuddering breath and then Misa giggled.

"Misa is free," she said. "What time do you want Misa to come over?"

"Well, I want to have dinner at eight, so maybe seven or seven-thirty?" Light suggested.

"Misa will be there!" she shouted.

"I'll see you then," Light said.

"Light-kun…I love you," Misa said happily.

"And I you," Light replied.

Misa let out a joyful cheer and Light hung up. Well, it was just one night, he told himself. Besides, he didn't hate Misa, he just found her excessively annoying, but she was too useful for him to hate her. He stood there for a minute, thinking about where they could eat. He ended up calling a fancy restaurant not too far from the apartment and made a reservation for eight o'clock.

Light walked into the guest bedroom about half an hour later. It was still quite early in the day and as he expected, L was already up. He had a plate of food with him and when he resumed his seat by the bed, L looked at him expectantly. Oh good, perhaps he wasn't going to fight as much anymore.

"Hungry?" Light asked.

"I am human," L said.

Light smirked a bit at the remark and began to cut up the pancakes he had made. They were, of course, covered with syrup because if they weren't sweet then L probably wouldn't enjoy them. He made sure the syrup stopped dripping and then he held it out for L to eat. He ate the piece quickly and Light was struck again by how cute L could be. He ate in silence and Light didn't try to even start a conversation.

When L finished, Light chuckled a bit as he saw a bit of syrup on his chin. He leaned forward and L blinked, apparently unaware that it was there. Light smiled, flashing his famous charming grin.

"Let me help you with something," Light whispered.

He closed the distance between them and let his tongue run over the syrup, licking it from L's chin. L froze but when he didn't protest, Light moved slightly and let his tongue run over L's lips.

"Yagami-kun…" L said, his voice holding some warning.

Light backed up, that charming smile still in place. "Yes, L?" he asked innocently.

L frowned at him but was apparently at a loss for words. He stared at Light for a while. "What was on the news?" he asked suddenly.

Light frowned himself now. "Does it matter?" he asked a bit sharply.

"I heard the name Kira," L pointed out. "So I was wondering what it is you have done for the news to have such a long segment on you."

"The same thing as usual," Light said, his voice flat.

L narrowed his dark eyes. "And how is the world responding to you, Kira?" L asked.

Light did not like where this was going. It was like L was challenging him right now. Well, if he thought Light was going to back down he had another thing coming. Knowing that a lot of people supported him made him feel a lot better about what he was doing. Not that he ever felt any remorse for being Kira.

"The world is very pleased," Light said seriously. It wasn't as though he was taunting L right now; he was just telling him the truth. "Most of the people are admiring me right now."

"And does that make you happy, Kira?" L asked darkly.

"I won't lie to you," Light replied. "It does make me happy. It makes me see that I am truly doing the right thing for this world."

L opened his mouth to argue further, but Light placed a finger on his lips. "Don't," he said. "I don't want to fight with you, L."

"Listen, Kira, you've kept me locked up for…I don't even know how long. People think I'm dead, my wrists are chafing from being tied up for so long and frankly, I'm getting very tired of all of this," L snapped.

Light sighed. "Well, if you let me make it worth your while you probably wouldn't be saying that," he said. "But you're too stubborn."

L raised an eyebrow. "You expect me to play along with all your little games?" he asked.

Light looked at him for a moment. He was considering just leaving the room and studying or something, he was getting tired of this fighting, very tired. He stared at L and L stared at him and then Light grinned suddenly and leaned forward quickly, capturing L's lips in a somewhat harsh kiss.

And was almost so surprised by the reaction he got that he almost backed off. L was kissing him in return, for the first time he was getting a reaction from the detective. When the initial shock died down, Light got into the kiss more, pushing his tongue against L's mouth for passage and L actually opened his mouth to accept it.

Their tongues battled together, forming an intricate dance as each tried to outdo the other. Light was hardly aware that his hands were running up and down L's body, slipping under the shirt he had put over the detective since he had ripped his white shirt, feeling the bare skin of the man he loved. It was clear by the ferocity of the kiss that neither would back down, neither would be dominated. Even though it wasn't really passionate, it was so much better than anything else Light had experienced with L before.

Slowly, Light climbed onto the bed, straddling L and never once breaking the kiss. He grinned to himself and hummed, the vibrations would tickle L's throat and he felt the detective arch his back slightly from pleasure at his humming. Light rocked his hips slowly, rubbing his groin against L's. L moaned and Light felt a stab of heat flare in his stomach and race to his groin.

His hand slid to L's jeans and started to unbutton them and L started to strain against his restraints and started to murmur in protest. Light didn't stop kissing him, but he understood that L was not ready to go all the way with him willingly and Light was not going to ruin this by forcing it, so he left the jeans where they were and continued letting his hands roam over L's torso.

L pulled against the restraints again and arched his back further as Light continued to rub their groins together. Light finally broke the kiss but didn't relent. He moved his mouth to L's pale neck and bit down. L gasped and Light bit down a bit harder, sucking at the soft flesh and L started to moan softly. Light was feeling hard, very hard and knew that he was going to have to release soon, but he wasn't about to pass this up. L was finally showing some sort of response! Perhaps he was really letting those old emotions rise up in him again.

Light couldn't have been happier. The people loved Kira, L loved him, or was getting more comfortable around him anyway, he was in control of the second Death Note, and he was going to reassure Misa that all was well and get her off his back. Nothing could ruin this day, he was going to make L hard and maybe he would convince him to actually have sex with him. Really, nothing could have ruined this moment.

The front door burst open and he heard a voice that succeeded in ruining the moment. "LIGHT-KUN!!" Misa called loudly.

Light broke away from L quickly and cursed. He stood up and fixed his hair quickly and tried to make himself presentable. Hopefully Misa wouldn't notice that he was hard because that could be awkward. He looked at L. His face was flushed and he was breathing more heavily than normal. He wanted to kiss him again, but Misa was searching for him and he could not let her see him. Light was hoping above all else that L would not say anything.

He left the room quickly and closed the door behind him, locking it so that Misa wouldn't run in there.

"Misa?" Light called.

He saw Misa run out of his bedroom and hid a frown as she bounded towards him. She jumped into his arms and he caught her though he was quite annoyed at her for interrupting. She had the worse timing ever.

"I decided to come over early!" Misa exclaimed.

"Apparently," Light said.

Misa frowned. "You don't want Misa to be here?" she asked.

Light forced a warm smile and shook his head. "That's not it at all, Misa, you just surprised me is all. I'm very glad to see you," he said.

"Well…that's obvious," Misa said a bit deviously and Light saw that her eyes had shifted to his erection.

He frowned, feeling a bit uncomfortable but Misa laughed. "It's okay, Misa-Misa won't tell anyone, Light-kun," she said.

"Yeah, thanks Misa," Light said, chuckling a bit.

Misa smiled and ran a finger down Light's chest. "But you know, since Misa is here so early, we have plenty of time to take care of it before we head out to see a movie."

"Movie?" Light asked.

"Well, I figured we could spend the whole night doing fun stuff!" Misa exclaimed.

Light sighed. "If that's what you want," he said.

"It is! It is!" Misa cheered. "So…do you want some help with your little…or should I say big, problem?" she asked.

Light looked at her. He wanted to say no, to tell her to come back later, but he knew that even though Misa was utterly devoted to him, if he kept blowing her off then some resentment would start to build and even if she didn't show it to him, well, those feelings would build and build and Light would be in a precarious position seeing as how Misa also possessed a Death Note.

His only fear was that this would be, to Misa, such an act of bondage that she would never leave his side again. Then again, maybe once they finally got over having sex, perhaps she would not be quite as obsessed. It was all up to chance. Light hated chance, he much preferred control. When he wasn't in control, his emotions got the best of him. It had shone through a bit with L, when he tried desperately to remain civil with him even though he had been quite cruel beforehand. Because whether L chose to love him or not was chance. Well, he'd been lucky before, maybe he'd be lucky again.

"No one else can help me but you," Light whispered.

He took hold of Misa's hand and led her into his bedroom, shutting the door behind them and leading her over to the bed. He did not push her onto the bed immediately; instead, he crushed his lips against hers. Misa let out a pleasured moan already when he kissed her and he felt her arms slide around his waist and she held him close.

She broke the kiss first and sat down on the bed, a crafty smile on her face. Light had to admit that she was beautiful. If he hadn't had his heart set on L, and if Misa showed more of that intelligence more often, he might be taken with her for real. He grinned and leaned forward; placing his hands on either side of her and kissed her quickly before moving past her mouth and nibbling on her earlobe.

Misa wrapped her arms about his neck and pulled him down on her. Light let her pull him and moved so that she would feel his erection. Misa was breathing heavily already and it was apparent that she had wanted this more than he had thought. He kissed her, putting passion into it and she kissed him fiercely in return.

As they kissed, Misa started unbuttoning her designer shirt and needing to play along, Light hastened her hands, pulling the cloth out of the way to expose her breasts. Misa crooned softly and leaned forward, leaving a trail of kisses down Light's neck. It felt wrong to Light. Not that he was using her; he'd been doing that from the beginning, but this act, such an intimate act with another while the person he loved was so close. Well, Light needed release, and he never told Misa he would take a long time.

He pulled away from her and started to undo his belt. Misa's eyes were glowing as she slowly slid out of her skirt. Light looked at her momentarily and she nodded, the barest tilt of her head and he entered her. Misa gave a great gasp, as if a dream had finally come true and Light moved within her.

"Ohh Light, yes, yes Light," she breathed, her voice a whisper though to Light it was loud and clear.

It lasted longer than Light would have wanted, but that was just because he felt nothing towards Misa. She was just a pretty face to him, a pawn, and a scapegoat if necessary. If he could just experience what it would be like to have L calling his name, his voice filled with the passion Misa had for him, then Light would have enjoyed himself immensely. It was thoughts of L that fueled his climax and though he said Misa's name, she was the last thing on his mind.

"Misa has been having such a great night, Light-kun!" Misa exclaimed.

They had just left the movie, a horrible one in Light's opinion, starring none other than Ryuugi Hideki which at least made him think of L during the movie. One last thing he had to get through, dinner and then he was free! He could hardly wait. He held the door open for her as they got to the restaurant and she flashed him a cheerful grin.

Of course those who recognized Misa started pointing to her, and of course Misa acknowledged them all with a wave and a laugh. Light smiled at her when she looked at him but inside he was sighing. He gave the waitress his name and she led them to the table he had reserved.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Misa," Light said.

Misa nodded and grinned. Well, at least she didn't feel the need to be extremely loud right now. In fact, her company had been somewhat more bearable after they had had sex. Which could be good or it could be bad, Light couldn't say for sure yet. The waitress returned and they placed their orders and waited, sipping on their drinks.

"Misa has been doing a good job," she said. "Misa is carrying out what you asked of her."

"I know," Light said, smiling. "I'm very proud of my Misa."

Misa squealed in delight and Light frowned. He knew that was coming sooner or later. Misa's eyes flashed and she leaned in a bit closer. "Did you see? On the news today?" she asked and Light saw some of that intelligence in her again. Someone like Misa never guarded what they said, and yet she was being very careful not to mention exactly what it was she was talking about.

"I did, I must say, I'm very pleased with the way things are going," he replied softly.

"Everyone loves you, Light-kun," Misa whispered. "But only I get your heart, right?"

Light paused, but there was a warm smile on his face. "Of course," he said.

_Have you ever uttered a single completely true thing since you were born?_

_I'm human, I lie every now and then, but I never lie to hurt anyone._

Well, looks like Light had lied after all. Damn detective, how was it he was able to read everything so fucking well? He had said he knew Light would say that, but now that Light looked back on that day, he understood that L hadn't believed a word he had said. Had L ever trusted him? Would he ever trust him?

**Silent Dagger:** I know, I know…I left it off at a question…sorry! It just seemed like an appropriate end to the chapter. Ok, so next chapter is going to be from L's point of view (yay)! This emotion L feels…what could it be? It couldn't be that he is…falling for Light…could it?


	10. Stranger Than Kindness

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: **And so, L gets a chapter entirely in his point of view! You know we all love you, L! GASP Guess what readers? This chapter will mark 1/3 of **In Paridisum** as completed!

A special thanks to: **Nusku, lunabasketcase, Pareidolia, Lillithrose, Rim Greaper, killerbanana101, Kuroi Kitty, killerbunny20, whitelilly** (lol, sure let's get married!)**, sommar, and Kamichiro Eris** for your wonderful reviews and support.

Oh, by the way…Writing Light/Misa really was just so…WEIRD! Just remember, it meant nothing (to Light anyway). He still doesn't care about Misa in the least, his heart is focused on L and only L…still…that just really did feel…wrong. However, it was necessary for the story, you must understand. Light can't afford to lose Misa, and he's such a manipulative bastard that he just went a long way to keep her completely devoted.

Also! Kamichiro Eris mentioned the chapter titles! First of all I'm glad you like them, K.E., but I wanted to add that they are song titles. I am going to put the complete list with the artist at the end of the story because I didn't feel like listing it each chapter so yeah...that's where the names came from :)

**Chapter Ten: Stranger Than Kindness**

Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…

_"I'm NOT Kira, Ryuuzaki!"_

_"Stop accusing me of being, Kira!"_

_"Ryuuzaki…I swear if you're about to spit out another of your random 'you're Kira' theories, I may have to slap you…"_

Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…

_"Well that's Kira's problem then. I, for one, do rest and I enjoy it."_

_"You know, if you spent half as much time looking into the actual evidence instead of constantly claiming I'm Kira, you may just catch him."_

Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…

_"What is with you?! Will you leave me in peace for two minutes?!"_

_"I .Am. Not. Kira."_

Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…

_"Don't call me 'Light-kun' right now, L…call me…Kira."_

His obsidian eyes were focused on the ceiling. He could not see. He did not wish to see. All he could do was listen to his thoughts, his thoughts that were focused solely on one thing: _Kira_. Memories rushing to him unexpectedly, taunting him, oh how close he had been, and yet so very far.

Calling out Kira and trapping him, learning where he lived, drawing closer and closer, tightening the noose with every turn. Closer and closer, Kira was just beyond his grasp. Watching him, without fully knowing it at that point, watching him in his room, acting completely normal, thwarting the world's greatest detective as he continued passing judgment on criminals right under his nose.

He had put his life on the line, attending the university, admitting to the boy that he was the one who was openly challenging Kira, the one who was challenging the boy. The tennis match, one trying to learn from the other without making it obvious and the discussion that had followed. Then he had admitted that he thought the boy was Kira, and he just laughed and shook it off. But he had been right. Kira was a wonderful actor. Very talented, if he wasn't a homicidal killer with a god-complex, he really would have been a good investigator.

_"If you're truly L than you are a man I greatly admire."_

_"..I figured if I could think like you, I'd catch some sort of clue."_

"I'm flattered," he muttered into the empty room, and his memories were the only thing present to answer him.

_"Well you should be. It's not every day I tell myself not to think like myself. I happen to like the way I think."_

His eyes closed slowly. He did not know what day it was, or how long it had been since Light had been on top of him. He had reacted to the boy then and as he had figured, Light had been turned on by it. So be it, it wasn't all bad for him either. And then Misa had come and there was no question about what he was doing with her in the other room, which made L rethink everything about what Light had said. No, about what Kira had said. Had L really started to believe him when he said he loved him? When he easily took Misa and screwed her in the next room without a thought. Didn't he constantly tell her how much he loved her even though it was clearly a lie? So perhaps he was just doing the same to L. He wouldn't put it past Kira. Still, he had seemed so animated the moment L gave him some sort of response. But it had been proven before…Light Yagami was a wonderful actor…and that was all.

_"All right you stubborn bastard, you're right, you've got my confession, but in the end I have won."_

_"Stop resisting me, L! You will bow before me! I will have you squirm from my very touch. You will be drawn to my voice; you will love me and be devoted to me, me, your God, the one who conquered you."_

"Idiot," L whispered. "You already had me, you just didn't know it…I did love you, I loved you so much."

His first friend, someone who _understood_ him, could keep up with his train of thought. Light Yagami had represented everything that L stood for: intellect, clarity, determination…and so much more. He remembered the glances, feeling those chocolate orbs resting on him occasionally as they worked endlessly, reading though an infinite amount of data and still learning nothing.

He remembered looking back when the boy was engrossed in something, realizing slowly with the passage of time that he was not only feeling friendship towards Light. It took him longer to realize it, because L had never fallen in love before, he had no desire to do so because in his opinion, people who were in love tended to act as if they had lost their minds. But there it was, his heart had started making itself be heard, fighting endlessly with L's brilliant mind.

_He could be Kira…_

_Yeah, but that's just a suspicion._

_And a high one…_

_For once in your life will you just let yourself be happy?_

Looks like his heart had triumphed then. Though he didn't show these emotions, they were there constantly, nagging him, driving him slowly insane. All he wanted was to take Light into his arms and kiss him fiercely, passionately and confess it all. He wasn't sure how Light would respond to that, but if he read those little glances correctly, he was guessing that maybe he would not be disappointed.

All those times together, living together, becoming one as they had to learn to adapt to each other because of the chain. Sharing everything, being at each other's side 24/7. Even though it had been because L suspected Light, in the end, he didn't think either of them minded the chain all that much. Those secret glances, the times L actually sat in the bed and almost reached out with a hand to tuck a stray hair from Light's flawless, godlike face.

And it had all been meaningless…

All those feelings, allowing them to enter him, to invade his mind, to think constantly of all the things they could do when they were alone, all the hope that one day they could be more than friends, that they could love each other. None of that mattered anymore because Light had never loved him. He still didn't love him and L was left as an empty shell because he had been stupid enough to give his heart away. He gave it, silently, to the one person who could truly care for it, and what had that person done? He had unknowingly taken that heart and then he proceeded to tear it in two and stomp on the remains.

_He grabbed the notebook and then he screamed._

And after that fateful night, Light had disappeared from his side and was replaced by Kira. Kira had come to him during a rainstorm; had blatantly lied in his face and thought L hadn't known. He knew he was going to die that day, that was how it was supposed to happen, but Kira suddenly found a twisted attraction to him and decided to keep him around…

As a pet.

A slave.

And he tried to pretend that he was a merciful God by feeding the animal. By saying he loved him and that everything he had done to him was Kira. Funny, Light was Kira. If he was trying to say that Kira was like a separate personality than L would not believe it for a second. Light may try to hide behind Kira, but he could never escape him. Even if he decided to be nice one day there was always a huge chance that his sadistic side would come through as well.

And yet…why, why was his heart so very persistent? Light had made a good point. L had loved him before even though he believed him to be Kira. Was it so impossible for L to love Kira? Well, aside from the fact that it was just so horribly wrong and twisted. They were enemies; they had been enemies the moment L had arrived in Japan. No, the moment Kira had picked up the Death Note they were doomed to be adversaries.

_"Or natural lovers."_

"No," L said aloud.

_"L…what's it going to take for you to stop hating me?"_

"Everything…"

A pause.

"Nothing…"

Because though L would love to hate Light, truly loath him with every part of his being, he couldn't bring himself to do it. There was just no way of doing it. He wanted to oh so much, he tried to force himself to, but the emotion wouldn't come. He was neutral. He didn't love Light either. He couldn't love him if he wanted to and after coming to realize that Light was undoubtedly lying about his so called 'love for him', he knew that he _didn't_ want to love him. Love was a weakness. If he fell in love with Kira, Kira could easily break him.

L was not made to be broken. L was a winner. He was the world's top detective for a reason. He had worked hard to get that title and he would be damned before he let a criminal strip him of everything he worked for. Years and years of sacrifice, a life dedicated to justice, ignoring the path of the normal boy. Shunning the cliques, the need to be involved, being a loner, even among the others at the orphanage. Becoming brilliant, honing his mind. Everything that he had sacrificed, it hadn't seemed like a sacrifice until he met Light. Then, and only then, did L wish that he wasn't…L. He wished he was just another brilliant mind among the mass, that he would be drawn to Light anyway and there would be nothing between them.

_Ryuuzaki…Ryuuga…L…_

"But never me," he whispered. "Never just Lawliet…"

L sighed deeply and let his gaze finally wander from the ceiling, taking in the room. Not too much in here. The bed (his new home) a dresser, a closet and a small window, oh if only he could just break the restraints and fly through that window to freedom. Woe be to Kira if he ever escaped. L would give him up in a heartbeat.

As if on cue, he heard the front door of the apartment open. Light was home. No doubt he had been busy with the investigation. How dare he, really? Fooling all of those around him, even his own father, leading them in endless circles trying to capture Kira when Kira was among them. L didn't think the team would ever figure it out either, hell, even he had started to doubt it. Of course the others, who had advocated Light's innocence from the start, would not come to the truth.

He heard Light in the kitchen, opening up the refrigerator. Well good, he was a bit hungry. Though to his mild surprise, Light did not come to the room. He heard him turn on the TV instead. No doubt he was looking for the news in hopes of hearing more support for him. Arrogant bastard…

L closed his eyes again and contemplated whether he should just let exhaustion take over and go to sleep. He had been refusing sleep even though there was not much else he could do being tied up to a bed. Still, it was getting harder and harder to ignore sleep. He sighed deeply and opened his heavy eyes. Where had he gone wrong? Where had his superior skills been? Why hadn't he refused Light the Death Note? He should have never let the boy lay a finger on it. Maybe it was because he had started feeling strongly towards Light that had dulled his senses.

He heard footsteps and realized that the TV had been shut off. His eyes narrowed. All this thinking about Light suddenly made L not want to see his face. No such luck, the key jingled in the lock and then the door opened. Light stepped in with a plate of strawberries and a bowl. L watched him, his mind overtaking his heart for the moment. It was an act, just an act.

Light smiled warmly at him and once more pulled the chair over to the bedside. L could see that in the bowl was melted chocolate, so that was why he hadn't come right away, he was melting the stuff and watching TV to pass the waiting time. Considerate, yes, but L would not fall for it.

"I thought you might like a treat," he said.

"I'm not a pet," L snapped.

Light frowned a bit. "You're moody in the very least," he replied.

He dipped a strawberry in chocolate and offered it to L. "I'm not eating them, so I'm hoping you will," Light said with another smile.

L sighed and opened his mouth. It would not do to scorn food; he needed to eat after all. Light grinned as he ate the strawberry and L could not help but narrow his eyes. The master was so proud of the pet. When Light held another strawberry, L turned his head away.

"What is it?" Light asked.

L didn't answer him.

"Are you sulking?"

L still didn't answer him.

"Don't be a brat, Ryuuzaki."

"Don't call me Ryuuzaki," L said waspishly.

Light sighed and set the tray of sweets on the floor. He reached over and grabbed L's chin and forced the detective to look at him. L's face may have been turned towards him, but he kept his eyes resolutely pointed at the ceiling.

"Oy, you're starting to annoy me, L," Light said softly.

"And that would bother me because?" L asked.

"Because I'm trying to be nice to you," Light snapped.

"Like you were being nice to Amane when you slept with her?" L asked, finally looking at him with his piercing black eyes.

Light paused on that one. Then his face brightened a grin appeared on his face. "L…are you jealous?" he asked.

L looked at him with quite the nasty expression on his face. Light had seen the expression a few times in the time he had known L. It was usually a look reserved for Matsuda or Misa when they had said something especially stupid.

"I hope you are not serious," L said in a deadly serious voice.

"And what would you do if I was?" Light asked, keeping that smile on his face.

"I would think that you spending too much time with Amane," L said.

Light chuckled lightly and ran a hand slowly down L's chest. "And not enough time with you?" he asked.

"You're pushing your luck," L snapped.

Light sighed and looked at L silently for a minute and then a playful glint appeared in his eyes. L frowned. Apparently, Light was feeling very mischievous today and L definitely wasn't in the mood for that at the present time. Light leaned in a bit, a grin on his face.

"I'm tired of your bad mood, L," he said. "So let's remedy it, shall we?"

L blinked. How Light thought he would improve his mood was beyond him. However, the method Light decided on became very apparent in the next minute. He suddenly grabbed L's sides and began to tickle him. L hissed in annoyance and tried to crawl away from the merciless fingers, but being tied up, he really couldn't go far.

"S-stop it, Kira!" he snapped.

"No," Light replied.

L had never been tickled before, not even as a child, so there was no way to even prepare himself for what it felt like. Too soon the corner of his mouth twitched and a chuckle escaped him. Damn you Kira. He didn't care if Light was just playing; this was sadistic in his mind. He growled and tried to control himself, but it was impossible. Light started to laugh as well and for a moment L was thrust back into that time when he and Light really had been friends. No, _no_ he could not think this way!

"Succumb to my fingers!" Light exclaimed.

"K-knock it off!" L shouted.

"Submit!"

"I will not!"

"I can keep going, L," Light chuckled.

As if to prove his point, Light did keep going. L wasn't really laughing that much because he was just getting pissed off about the whole situation. Finally, Light sighed and suddenly lunged forward and bit down on L's nipple unexpectedly. L let out a surprised gasp and immediately stopped struggling. Light grinned and released the tender nipple and leaned in to kiss L quickly on the lips.

"That was fun," Light said.

"For you maybe," L replied with a frown.

Light didn't say anything and L looked into those eyes of his. Eyes that judged criminals while constantly spewing sweet-nothings. Why was he feeling like this? He was annoyed, but at the same time…did he dare let his heart admit that it had been…fun? No, he couldn't! Where was his cold logic going? It was Kira, Kira was smiling at him, his face close. Closer than L would ever let anyone get before, was four months really long enough to change him so much?

"L," Light whispered.

L raised his eyebrow slightly to show he had his attention. Light didn't say anything; instead, he reached tentatively towards one of the restraints holding L's hand. He hesitated. Was he really about to let him go? What would L do if he did? Punch him in the face? He would love to do that, but he had to resist the urge. Kira wanted him as a pet, well, L still had some cards to play.

"It's all right," L said, his voice equally soft.

Light looked at him for a long moment, as if trying to discern whether he should believe L or not. He smiled and L saw a flash of light as the key reached the handcuff and his left wrist came loose. Without hesitating, Light reached across L and undid the other hand. Then he moved to his feet and finally, finally…L could move again. He sat up and rubbed at his sore wrists and flinched a bit when Light grabbed hold of his ankles, but the boy was merely massaging him.

"Yagami-kun," L said. "I'm still hungry."

Play the cards right.

"I still want to feed you," Light replied.

L sighed and nodded his assent and as Light reached down for the strawberries, L sat into his favorite position, perched upon the bed. Light dipped another strawberry into the chocolate and held it towards L's mouth. L opened his mouth and ate the sweet fruit. Light stared at him again and L stared back, fighting his heart because he would never listen to his heart again.

The younger boy leaned in and kissed him deeply and once again L responded to him. Light's arms began to caress his body. L longed to wrap his pale fingers about Kira's throat and choke the life out of him, but he needed him alive after all, so instead, his arms wound about Light, holding him close, slowly tracing shapes into Light's back. Light smiled against L's lips. He probably thought he was winning, however, L was not so easily beaten.

He also really needed to learn that Light was willing to do anything when it came to this sort of thing. Before L knew what was happening, Light plunged his hand down to L's groin, causing L to gasp, his eyes widening a bit and his back arching slightly. Light chuckled and leaned in closer still, tracing his ear with his tongue before leaving a trail of hot kisses down L's throat. He paused and bit down on the tender flesh again before letting his tongue taste the skin.

L could enjoy it, there was no one saying he couldn't. He slid his hands under Light's shirt and felt his bare skin and it was like a jolt was sent straight to his heart. Light-kun…he had Light-kun. He suddenly captured Light's lips in a harsh kiss and Light returned it with as much passion. They were holding on to each other tightly, crushed against each other. Light had been on top, but he suddenly shifted so that they were side-by-side, facing each other and L moaned as Light slid his leg between his and slowly moved it up L's thigh, putting pressure on his growing erection.

However, it appeared as though Kira liked to be on top, for after only a few minutes of laying like this, in which their lips hardly disconnected from each other, he rolled back on top of L. L was flat on his back and Light spread his legs and rested between them. His hands took hold of L's and held them above his head and he just looked down at him, his eyes half-closed. L looked right back at his enemy. He hated him, but he loved him. He was indifferent towards him, but overly concerned.

Light closed the distance between them and kissed L so gently that it was like a true lover's kiss. And yet it wasn't, because Kira was just acting. Kira couldn't love anyone because he was a 'God' and he had to be disconnected from everyone. L couldn't love anyone because he needed a clear head and he needed to be able to convict anyone, no matter what his heart felt towards that person.

"I love you, L," Light whispered in his ear.

L couldn't say anything. He wanted to say "I know" or "I love you too" but he couldn't because he couldn't let Kira use that against him. He would not be broken, he would not rely on this man's touch, and he just could not leave the world to Kira's control. He had to stop him.

"I know it's impossible for you to believe me," Light said. "Even so, I'm glad I took you away from your death."

"But I may as well have died," L pointed out.

Light shook his head firmly. "No," he said, pausing to kiss him again. "I can't live without you. I would be nothing without you."

L sighed and turned his head away from him. "You should have never told me you were Kira."

"You would have figured it out sooner or later," Light said. "And if I didn't, you would have been killed."

"This is like death," L said.

Light looked at him and L was quite sure he saw real hurt in those brown eyes. Could you really act that well? Was it humanly possible? "It must have been at first, but I'm trying to be kind to you now," Light pointed out.

"This isn't kindness," L said.

"Would you rather me treat you like I did before?" Light asked coldly.

"I'd rather not be treated at all," L said, his voice equally cold. "I'd rather just be free from this room."

"You know I can't let you go," Light replied.

"I know."

"Because I love you and I don't want to be separated from you…ever," Light added.

L opened his mouth to say something, but Light did not hear him out, instead he kissed him again, letting his tongue explore L's sweet mouth once more. L returned the kiss again, but it lacked the passion it did before. On the outside he seemed like his normal, stoic self, on the inside, he was screaming.

_I hate you, Kira! I hate you for doing this to me! Death would have been so much more merciful!_

"L…"

L looked at him only because the tone that Light spoke his name. He sounded surprised and concerned and L couldn't understand why, until he felt something warm and wet course down his cheek. He blinked, was he…crying? L did not cry. And to his further surprise, Light retreated a bit and pulled L upright and hugged him close, burying his face in L's neck.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry, L."

L just looked straight ahead, his eyes still opened wide and tears still slowly falling down his face. What was Kira's true power? L never cried. He sulked and he got upset sometimes, but never cried, he had no reason to…but that was also before he had met Light. It was so unfair. Everything was so unfair! Why couldn't one thing his life just work out? No, the person he loved happened to be a murderer, someone L was doomed to send to his death if he ever got the chance.

He felt something wet on the side of his neck and realized that Light's shoulders were shaking. Looks like he wasn't the only one crying, and, as if his arms moved on their own, they unconsciously wrapped around Light, returning the embrace.

_I love you, but it will never work, Light-kun…it will never work_.

"I love you," L whispered, but he whispered it in English and Light paused, but shook his head, unable to catch the foreign words.

Light gave a great shuddering breath and then pulled away from L's hold and shifted so that he was sitting a bit away from L and he just looked at him. He had dried his tears and his face was controlled, impassive, just as L knew his own face was composed and he was dry-eyed by now. What they had shared, he would always remember it, but he also knew it would never happen again for they had each just showed the other a moment of weakness, and it was too dangerous to do that.

"I'm sorry to do this," Light said.

He reached over and grabbed one of the handcuffs and hooked it around L's wrist. L just looked at it and waited for Light to finish it up, but he didn't. He grabbed the plate of strawberries and placed it on L's lap.

"I have things to do," he said briskly, standing up and straightening his shirt and smoothing his hair. "I'll be back later."

"Right," L said, his voice uncaring.

Light looked at him and they both knew that though they had been close to moving past their differences, it was just too risky. They would never be so loving with each other again. That was passing through both their thoughts. They couldn't afford it, one moment of weakness and the other would win.

Light nodded a bit and then strode out of the room and locked it once more. L could hear him leave the apartment. No doubt he was just going to take a walk to clear his head. Kira could not be a merciful God, to do so would be to lose those supporters. Everyone had to be judged and those who stood in his way, such as L, had to be taken care of. L sighed and looked at the strawberries laid out before him and shrugged a bit. It really wouldn't do to scorn food. He began to methodically pick the strawberries and dip them into the chocolate, eating them and focusing solely on the act of eating so that those tears wouldn't threaten to surface again.

**Silent Dagger:** I know, they were so close to be all cute together! I feel really bad for them (even though I'm the one doing it to them). They really do just want to love each other, but come on now…it's rather impossible, don't you think? Maybe though…miracles do happen ;)

The next chapter is going to take place some time after this, about a month or so and, well, I don't want to spoil anything but be prepared for…cuteness lol


	11. Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger:** Sorry, I should have warned you that the last chapter was going to be a tear jerker haha. Well, here we are with another chapter; I hope you find some parts as amusing as I did.

With thanks and a heckuva lot of love to: **Kamichiro Eris (thanks for the super detailed reviews, I love them), whitelilly (happy, happy, joy, joy!! xo), Nusku (thanks much for the cookies), sommar (sorry for making you cry! hands tissues), Rim Greaper (neither did he haha), black.is.the.new.blood (did I hear someone ask for a miracle?! Let me hear ya say YAAAAY), Dackerie (always glad to have new readers), Pareidolia (stupid Misa…oblivious Light sighs), Addictedreader09 (awww I know, but it was good in a way), PirateCaptainBo (arrr, not that song be stuck in my head! Lol), Kuroi Kitty (here's your update ), Watashi wa L desu (thanks so much, this is my first so I wasn't sure how it was going to turn out!), Sha (easy there, take a deep breath….and let it all out for the new chapter haha), Hydrogen Bomb (Goodness! Get some sleep, the story will still be here in the morning!), eli (yes, L's POV is awesome because L is awesome! As for that…well, you'll just have to keep reading), NaroRau (gives out more tissues thank you for reading the story, I'm glad you like it!)**

Just a warning, chapter twelve might take a while. Finals week, I shouldn't have even spent time on this chapter since I have so much work, but oh well…here it is!

**Chapter Eleven: Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You**

A month had gone by. It was a very routine month, Light would feed L, he'd take him out of the room so he could use the bathroom and shower, and then he would lock him up again. There was no more teasing, no more kisses between them; in fact, they had hardly spoken to each other since they had shared that one tender moment. The reason for that was simple. Light loved L, he had admitted as much, but that did not mean he was willing to show that much emotion with him. True L had shed the first tear, but in the end, Light could not fight off his own emotions and they had broken through. For a moment, he forgot the things that had passed between them and he had sought solace in L's arms.

Which, when he thought about it, hadn't been so bad, until he realized that to L, it was nothing but a weakness, and so he spent more time at the investigation and less and less time at the apartment. Misa was hounding after him again, complaining about not living with him and he suggested that she just take the apartment upstairs. She had gladly agreed and was in the process of getting it under her name. Light couldn't believe he was feeling it, but he was going to like having Misa above him. That meant he could just hang around her place and ignore L completely.

Or he wished he could think that way. He was constantly looking up more information about Kira, but his mind wasn't focused on it. No, his mind was constantly wandering back to that damn detective. Those obsidian eyes of his that seemed to look into his very soul, those pale lips that had finally started to respond. Light frowned, he couldn't be thinking about that sort of thing while he was at work. He sighed heavily and looked back at the monitor. More and more websites dedicated to Kira, less and less articles about how evil he was. Good, the world was at least learning its place.

"Light, are you all right?" Soichiro asked.

"Huh? Oh yes, father, I'm fine," Light replied.

"Maybe you should go home, you've been putting in more hours than the rest of us combined," he suggested.

Light glanced at him and saw the others seemed to agree with his father. He sighed again and nodded. "I guess you're right," he said.

Home, and it was only two in the afternoon. He would take hanging out with Misa at this point, but he remembered her talking about a photo shoot taking place at this time. There was nothing else for it then. He could go home or wander around the streets. Light hated wandering aimlessly. To not have a purpose was a taboo to him, so he would go home. He could busy himself watching the news or just working from the apartment.

When he got home he stopped at the end of the hallway, looking down it and focusing on the door. The door that led to L. He was in there, undoubtedly awake and just staring up at the ceiling. Light frowned. Why was this suddenly so hard? His brain started making some split second decisions. He couldn't ignore L forever, besides, he had to feed him seeing as how he had basically neglected breakfast since he was in such a rush to leave.

He sighed and opened up the refrigerator to see what he had to offer. Nothing sweet. Well, L was just going to have to deal with that. He opened the freezer and pulled out a pizza and turned on the oven and put it in there. He walked over to the couch and turned on the TV. Nothing of importance was really on, even the news…then again, it was the afternoon, anything really important would probably be on later.

Light sighed and looked up at the ceiling, voiding his mind of all thought for the moment.

"Damn detective," he suddenly growled, getting to his feet.

He stormed down to the room and opened the door briskly. L was, as he predicted, sitting on the bed and looking up at the ceiling. His dark eyes lowered to Light's face and they just stared at each other for a while. Light frowned then and walked over to him. He undid the handcuff from the bed, but kept it around L's wrist and then cuffed L to him.

"We're watching a movie," he said bluntly.

Without waiting to hear L, he strode out of the room, dragging the detective in his wake. These were not like the handcuffs L had, there was no six foot chain between them, it was more like three and that was stretching it. Light didn't care though, and L didn't protest. He dragged him over to the TV and grabbed a movie and popped it into the DVD player and then dragged L over to the couch and sat down, pulling a bit so that L had to sit down too.

The beginning credits began to play and an icy silence settled over the pair of them, not a word being spoken. Light kept glancing over at L, but L was staring stubbornly at the TV. Light had an urge to snap at him, to do anything, but he didn't, he just stayed quiet.

About twenty minutes later, Light got up (which meant L had to as well) and pulled the pizza out of the oven. He cut it up and returned resolutely to the couch. He set the food down on the coffee table in front of the couch, but L didn't go for it.

"It's yours," Light finally said shortly.

"I don't like pizza," L replied.

"Well I don't have anything else right now, so just eat it," Light snapped.

L finally looked at him and his expression was very cold. _Great, are we back to square one? Hell, we're probably even worse off than when we started_ Light thought angrily.

"I'm not hungry."

_Stubborn little brat!_

Light grabbed a piece of pizza and held it in front of L's face. "I don't care, I don't want you to get any scrawnier," he said.

L turned his head away from the pizza and proceeded to ignore Light completely. Light growled and was about to stuff the damn food into his face, but as he did so, L countered by smacking Light's wrist with his free hand. They both watched as the pizza went sailing through the air and landed smack dab on the top of the TV.

Silence…

"YOU'RE SUCH A BRAT!" Light exploded.

L only shrugged and watched as the grease from the pizza started to run down the screen, leaving a distorted line down the lead actor's face. Light would not take that from the detective. With a growl, he suddenly tackled L so that he was flat on his back and he was sitting on him. L pushed against him, but to no avail. Light grabbed another slice of pizza.

"Just. Eat. It," he snapped.

"I. Don't. Want. It," L replied sharply.

"I will stuff this down your throat if I have to!" Light warned.

"Why--" L began to ask.

But his question was never fully asked because the moment he opened his mouth, Light did as he had threatened and stuffed the pizza into his face. L struggled madly and managed to punch Light in the jaw. He dropped the pizza and it landed on the carpet while he rubbed his jaw.

"I spent twenty minutes making this for you," Light growled, wiping a trickle of blood from his chin.

"I hate pizza," L said.

"Fine!" Light shouted, exasperated. "Then I'll just eat it."

He got off of L who wiped stray sauce from his chin and grabbed another piece of pizza and ate it with gusto. Fine, let him starve to death! The pizza from the TV slowly slipped from its perched and landed on the carpet as well. Great, pizza stains on a white carpet. Damn detective!

"Yagami," L said.

Light glared at him. "What?" he asked.

"I'm hungry."

_Is this bastard smiling? I know I just saw the hint of a smirk. He's messing with me!_

"You can't have my pizza," Light said. "You missed your chance."

L actually poked him in the ribs and Light swatted his hand away. "I'm very hungry," he said.

"Well maybe you should have thought about that before having your little anti-pizza tantrum," Light replied.

He started to watch the movie again and was about to take another bite of pizza when suddenly the piece was swiped from his hand. He closed his eyes for a minute to summon patience and then glared daggers at L, who was now quite contentedly eating _his_ slice of pizza.

"Oy…"

"Yes, Yagami?"

"That…is my pizza!" Light shouted.

He launched himself at L again and it ended with them both tumbling off the couch. L landed on the pizza already on the floor, while the piece he had been eating flew right into Light's face.

Silence…

"STOP BEING SO DIFFICULT!" Light shouted.

"I must point out that it is entirely your fault," L said simply.

Was he enjoying this because Light was pretty sure that the bastard was. There sat the great God, Kira, with pizza all over his face. He stood up and grabbed L by the collar of his shirt and pulled him up roughly. He walked towards the bathroom, L trailing behind him, and flipped on the light. He looked ridiculous. It was in his hair…down his shirt. He mine as well have smashed the entire pizza on his head.

"I hope you're happy," he snapped.

L made an odd noise and Light glanced at him. The fucking brat was laughing at him! He had never heard him laugh before, but he was actually chuckling, _chuckling_ about the fact that Light had pizza all over him. A plan formulated in his mind, he did not show how frustrated he was, and instead he turned on the facet and grabbed a face cloth. He began to wipe away the mess, working hard to get it out of his hair, all the while having to endure L's satisfactory grin.

_Keep smiling while you can_.

Light moved over to the shower and started it up a bit. As he expected, L's chuckles subsided, clearly he was suspicious. Light glanced at him, keeping his expression cold.

"Don't worry, I'm not a brat like you, I just want this shit out of my hair," he said.

He made as though to put his head under the water, but at the last minute, he reached behind him and grabbed L, throwing him in there, into the icy cold water since he had decided against hot water. L yelped as the water hit him, slipped and fell on his ass. He glared up at Light who was smiling innocently.

"Oops," he said.

L stood up, quite wet, and Light quickly turned off the water. "Now then, I believe there's still a movie playing in the other room," he said as L stepped out of the tub.

L frowned at him, sulking of course, but Light ignored it and simply strolled out of the bathroom and back to the couch. They sat down and once again a silence fell over them. L's was cold, Light's was smug. The pizza lay forgotten on the floor while the rest was uneaten and the movie continued to play.

"Yagami," L said finally, his voice was soft and dangerous.

"Yes?" Light asked sweetly.

"I'm cold."

Light didn't answer him. He could feel L's eyes on him, but he didn't return the gaze, he just pretended that he was engrossed in the movie. L poked him again but Light continued to ignore him. L frowned and continued to poke at him repeatedly in the arm. Light continued to watch the movie though he was starting to get very annoyed. Finally, he caught L's wrist and turned to face him.

"Knock it off," he warned.

"I'm cold," L repeated.

Light rolled his eyes and let go of him, turning back to the TV. He was quite sure the detective would give up, though apparently he was wrong because the next thing he knew the back of his head was smarting. The brat had just slapped the back of his head. He snarled and shifted, pulling L's legs out of that ridiculous perch and sitting right on his lap. He grabbed L's arm with his free hand to keep it in place.

"What the hell is your problem?" he snapped. "You're acting like you're a little kid! Now grow up!"

"I said I was cold," L growled. "Thanks to you, you owe me a pair of pants."

Light just looked at him unsympathetically for a moment and then grinned. "Ok then," he said. He stood and released L's arm and unbuttoned his pants. L batted at his hand but Light ignored it and then pulled with all his might until L's pants were about his knees.

"Get off of me!" L snarled.

"I'm getting you out of your cold pants," Light said innocently.

"I'm warning you, Kira," L said coldly.

Light continued to smile and instead of stopping, he pulled the pants down further. Before L could try to kick him, he spread his legs and put his weight down on him much like he did the day _it_ had happened. He pushed his groin against L's lightly.

"See? Aren't you warmer now?" Light asked in a whisper.

"Not quite," L replied.

Light laughed and backed away long enough to swing L's legs onto the couch so that he was lying down. He then positioned himself on top of him and was mildly surprised that L had already spread his legs to welcome him back. He smiled and did so, slowly rocking his hips back and forth. L moaned ever so softly. Light supported his weight with the hand that was chained to L's and with his other he traced a line down L's face and neck, trailing down to his chest then to the waistband of his boxers before slipping it under his shirt and tracing circles on his chest.

"I missed this," Light said.

L didn't answer but he said nothing to protest so Light knew he had as well. He leaned in close and nibbled L's bottom lip before moving his head down and dipping his tongue into the hollow of L's neck. L's breathing became louder and a bit faster and Light could feel him hardening. Yes, he really had been deprived of L, a month without a single loving touch; obviously it had been driving both of them insane for they were both eager for each other.

"I still love you, even if you are a spoiled brat," Light chuckled.

"Don't talk," L whispered.

Light laughed and pushed himself closer to L. L arched his back and closed his eyes. Light's hand slowly trailed down his torso again and slipped under the soft cloth of his boxers and ran the length of him. L gave a shuddering breath that made Light's erection hardened even further. He continued to stroke the detective and he squirmed from his touch, sweat starting to bead on his forehead.

L's free hand buried into Light's hair, his fingers swimming through the golden brown tresses. Light smiled and grasped L in his hand causing the older boy to gasp loudly. He administered to L's needs while he captured his pale lips once more. How he loved the feeling of having L beneath him, both of them caught in the moment, the previous arguments driven from their minds already.

Light unconsciously started to pull at L's boxers, but L's hand quickly retreated from his hair and he grabbed Light's wrist in a vice-like grip. Light looked at him and he shook his head once. Light sighed to himself, not yet then…not yet.

"Pleasure delayer," Light teased, but he did not try to remove them again.

L frowned at him, but Light chuckled and kissed him again. L didn't respond at first, but then he finally relented and kissed him in return. Light dipped his tongue into his mouth, tracing it along the roof of his mouth, twirling it about L's tongue, leading the dance, as his hand remained around L's erection.

L moaned into the kiss and Light felt a little weak after hearing it. He increased the speed of his hand and L began to writhe about, his head thrown back as Light bit into his neck again.

"L-Light,"

No honorary, in fact, it had been spoken in English. Light smiled to himself. Obviously L was really falling into the pleasure if he was forgetting to speak Japanese. He thought it was hot though and it only spurred him on as he let his fingers play at the sensitive head. Maybe it was the fact that L was holding back years and years of sexual pleasure, or maybe the month apart had taken a toll, but it did not take him long to reach an orgasm.

Light smiled as he felt the warm liquid on his hand and he pulled his hand from underneath L's boxers and raised an eyebrow at him. "Still cold?" he asked again.

L shook his head, breathing too hard to answer him at the moment. Light chuckled and L looked at him. With a somewhat smug expression on his face, Light brought his hand to his lips and slowly traced his tongue down his finger, drinking L in. He saw longing in L's eyes and he grinned, leaning forward and kissing him deeply.

When he broke from the kiss, he figured he'd start watching the movie again, but he couldn't stop looking at L. L was staring right back.

"I love you," Light whispered.

"I know," L replied.

"Do you love me?" Light asked.

"Please don't ask me that question," L answered.

"You're afraid to answer it," Light said flatly.

"Yes," L admitted.

"Because you can't love Kira."

"Yes…"

"Even though you do."

A long pause...

"Yes."

Night had settled. Light was forced to lock L up for a few hours when Misa came over. He had truly been apologetic when he replaced the chain to the bed. L hadn't said anything, but Light hadn't liked the expression on his face. He was obviously none too pleased about being back in the bedroom.

"Misa is so happy!" Misa exclaimed.

"Why?" Light asked.

"Because she is now the one who is renting out the second floor of this building!" she laughed. "Misa will be around always!"

Light chuckled, the happy boyfriend, though inside he was instantly starting to regret suggesting the idea to her. Still, it was having her live above him or having her live with him.

"When do you move in?" Light asked.

"One week from today," Misa said. "We should have a party celebrating it!"

"I don't know, Misa, I still have a lot of work to do," Light pointed out.

Misa sighed and nodded. She walked over to the living room and stared at the carpet for a while.

"Light-kun, what's this stain on your carpet?" Misa asked. She noticed the one by the TV. "And there's another one too. Misa did not notice them when she was over before."

Light walked over and pretended to think about it. "Oh, you know what that is?" he said. "The couple upstairs brought some pizza down one night. Unfortunately, the woman is a bit clumsy and she tripped, pizza went everywhere. I managed to clean up the other stains, but these two are proving to be more difficult."

Misa burst out laughing. "Oh, my poor Light-kun!" she cooed making Light roll his eyes. "Those sillys upstairs need to learn their place."

He looked at her and thought he saw a red glow to her eyes. He placed his hands on her shoulders. "Listen to me, Misa," he said his voice serious. "Those are good people, the very type of person I am trying to save. You will not kill them for a harmless blunder."

Misa immediately looked chastised and had tears in her eyes. "Misa is so sorry, Light-kun, she did not mean to make you mad," she said.

"You're forgiven," Light replied.

"Yay!"

He heard Ryuk suddenly burst into laughter and his eyes widened as he saw him drift out of the room L was in. That bastard…he knew Ryuk had known he did not kill L, but there was no need for him to be so blatant right in front of Misa!

"What is so funny, Ryuk?" Misa asked.

Ryuk's eyes were sparkling. Oh he was enjoying this, Light could tell. As long as he was entertained, Ryuk didn't care who he pissed off.

"Nothing," he said, though it was obvious by his tone that he was lying.

"Ah! You're messing with Misa again!" Misa shouted.

Ryuk looked at Light and Light glared back angrily. "I'm sure he is doing just that," he said dangerously.

Misa tilted her head to the side, clearly wondering why her precious Kira was looking so deadly right now. Maybe she was smarter than he thought for she wisely chose not to ask about it again. Instead she just smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Misa wishes she could stay with her Light-kun all night," she said. "But Misa has work to do. Misa has to film a scene and then Misa has to go to bed because she has to wake up early, early tomorrow."

"Ok Misa, good night," Light said, forcing a soft smile.

She grinned and nodded, heading out the door. Ryuk hung back and Light turned on him.

"What the _hell_ is your problem? Are you trying to get me killed?" he snarled.

"Easy, Light," Ryuk said, his voice full of mirth. "Not like I gave away too much. I just hope you never hire a maid."

"You clearly showed that something about that room amused you," Light said. "Misa cannot learn about L."

"Why not? Not like she'd do anything unless you told her to," Ryuk pointed out.

Light shook his head. He knew that would be the case if Light had just kidnapped L to get him out of the way. However, if Misa found out about the two of them, well, jealousy may just drive her to get rid of the biggest obstacle in her path to Light. Poor L, fated to be just an obstacle for two Kiras. Still, he would not put it past Misa to kill L in the hopes of having Light all to herself.

"I'm going," Ryuk said. He paused and a devious grin lifted his lips. "Try not to get too crazy, Light."

"Good bye, Ryuk," Light said with finality.

Ryuk just laughed and drifted out of the wall, no doubt following after Misa. Light sighed heavily and hurried to the room. L wouldn't be able to hear or see Ryuk, he had never touched Misa's Death Note, but still he just wanted to see him again. He opened the door to see L perched in his position, staring out of the small window.

"Amane is as annoying as ever," L said.

"Yes," Light agreed.

"Who is Ryuk?" L asked.

"Her Death God," Light replied, deciding there was no point in lying.

"I see," L said.

"Sleep with me tonight," Light suddenly suggested.

L looked at him with wide eyes. "I don't want to," he said.

Light shook his head. "Not like that," he quickly explained. "I just want you in my bed…for old time's sake."

L shrugged and Light took that for a yes. Since it was still a bit early, there was no point to going to bed yet, even though Light would have loved to. He smiled instead. "I'll be back in a little bit…I'm going to go get some food," he said. "Only, you have to promise not to get it all over the floor this time."

"All right," L said.

Time passed quickly. Light had gone to the store to get food, making sure he bought plenty of sweets. He let L eat on his own while he had a nice, hot shower and by then it was a reasonable time to get to bed. He felt excited. Even though L clearly wouldn't have sex with him, that didn't matter because he had asked him just so he would be close, so he wouldn't have to go an entire night without seeing him.

He continued with precautions of course, cuffing L to him once more and then hiding the key so that L would not be able to find it should he look. He led the way to the bed and sat down. L had been given the chance to shower earlier and Light pulled him close and buried his face in his now silken hair. He slowly pulled L down on top of him and lay on his back.

L looked down at him in the dark, he could feel his eyes, and Light reached out and touched his face. L leaned forward slowly and his lips brushed against Light's. Light did not take them. He wanted L to kiss him for once. And he did. Those pale lips connected with his and he opened his mouth as L's tongue sought passage. He smiled into the kiss and used his knee to part L's legs. He then lifted his knee to put pressure on L's groin and he shuddered from the feeling.

He broke away from the kiss suddenly and got off of Light. Light propped himself up on one elbow as L rolled to his side, his back facing Light.

"What's the matter?" Light asked.

"I don't want this to go too far," L replied. "I just want to sleep for now…I haven't slept in days."

Light sighed and gently traced shapes across L's back. "That's fine, but at least let me hold you while we sleep."

"Just…don't do anything," L warned.

Light nodded and sidled closer to L. He draped the arm chained with L's over L's chest and pulled him close, pressing his body against L's. He felt a stirring within him, but he beat it back for now. He kissed the back of L's neck and then closed his eyes to sleep.

**Silent Dagger:** Ok, so I needed a break from all the sadness so I threw this chapter in for some comic relief. I would die if I witness them throwing pizza around lol. Well, next chapter is continual romance…maybe L will be ready?


	12. Love Under Will

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: **Are you ready for sweetness and tension? I hope so!

To my readers: **Kuroi Kitty (your update is here), Nusku (eats cake before L steals it Thank you! And you're right…I hate finals, they are evil!), Pareidolia (teehee, I just couldn't resist, I was in the need to see some cuteness myself), sommar (I am glad I was able to give you a breather. Thanks for the luck and looks like you didn't have to wait quite as long as I thought haha), Morlana (yes, I got a comment about the food beforehand and fixed that lol. I'm glad you like it so much and got all caught up and yes, I do love that), sha (glad you liked it. As for taking L out of the room, it'd still have to be in the house since Light couldn't risk taking him from the house haha), shiroyuki004 (thank you, I think I know what you mean…or I hope so anyway lol), Descendant of Fianna (thank you very much, I'm glad you like it!), black.is.the.new.blood (Ohhh if only I could find an L tee-shirt lol. I'm glad you believed in that miracle, you should like this chapter then), Sushiandmanga (thanks, I'm quite glad to be alive as well haha. And yeah, this is easily my favorite pairing EVER!), xXToxicXAddictionXx (woohoo for reading it one sitting! I'm impressed and glad that you like it so much! Here's your update!), Kamichiro Eris (I love you for these long reviews lol thanks for the luck and hey, no need to apologize for grammar, quite understandable and I luv ya anyway haha).**

**Chapter Twelve: Love Under Will**

Light opened his eyes slowly and glanced at the clock. Four in the morning, well, he still had a few hours to sleep then. His eyes traveled from the clock to the still form next to him. L had fallen asleep. To be honest, Light hadn't expected L to be able to sleep while next to his enemy. Then again, it had been obvious that the man had been fighting off sleep for days now.

His back was still turned to Light and he could see how evenly he was breathing. It brought him back to that time he had caught L sleeping before. He smiled softly, no matter how much he saw him sleeping; it would always make him laugh. He snuggled closer to L and the detective muttered something in his sleep. Light knew he should just let him sleep, but he couldn't help it, now that he was awake, he wanted L to be awake as well.

"L," he whispered.

L did not respond. Light propped himself up on his elbow to look at the older boy's face. Peaceful, thumb in mouth, and unless it was the way the shadows were playing about his face, there was a small smile lifting his lips. Which made Light really want him awake. He kissed him on the cheek and L's eyes opened.

"Light-kun?" he asked, his voice heavy with sleep.

"Sorry for waking you," Light said. "But I just want to have as much time with you as possible."

"What time is it?" L asked.

"Odd thing for you to ask, seeing as how time never seems to bother you," Light replied. He sighed. "Four," he added since L was starting to frown at him.

"I'm still tired," L complained.

"Well I want to get up, you can nap later," Light argued.

"What could you possibly want to do at four in the morning?" L demanded.

Light thought about it quickly. "I have to shower, I'm heading to work early today," he said, fighting the laughter that wanted to leap from his throat.

"Then drop me off in the other bedroom," L said.

Light shrugged and stood up, dragging L with him. The detective rubbed at his eyes and yawned loudly. Light walked straight into the bathroom and closed the door. L looked around and then narrowed his eyes.

"This is not the other bedroom," he pointed out.

"I know, I know," Light sighed. "Try to use some patience, L; I'm just prepping the shower."

L shoved his hands into his pockets and looked resolutely at the ceiling again. Light smiled to himself and turn on the water, making sure it was nice and hot. He couldn't quite keep the smirk off of his face as he removed his shirt, which was a slow process seeing as how he had to change wrists for the cuffs to get it completely off, and then tossed the shirt to the floor.

"Yagami-kun," L said, his voice holding some warning.

Light sighed, apparently he had just been so tired he hadn't realized that he had called him 'Light' only a few moments ago. He smiled innocently. "What is it, L?" he asked.

"I want to go back to my room," L said.

Light noticed that L's dark eyes kept darting to his bare chest no matter how stubbornly L was trying to avoid looking. He took a step closer to L, who took a step back but then noticed that he had bumped into the closed door, no where left to run. Light put his hands on the wall, trapping L between them and smiled at him.

"Do I detect a touch of red in those cheeks of yours?" he whispered sensually.

"No, you do not," L replied bluntly.

Light took another step closer, his body was almost pressed upon L's now. "I bet I can change that," he said softly.

L frowned at him while Light just smiled. He leaned in and kissed L on the forehead in a loving manner. "I want to be with you, L," he whispered. "Do not deny me anymore…I cannot stand this."

He chanced a glance at L and saw that he was looking away from Light, gently chewing at his bottom lip as if thinking tremendously hard. Light placed another gentle kiss on his cheek, then his neck. He stayed at his pale throat, biting gently, running his teeth over the skin until he had L shuddering. When it got to the point where he could hear L breathing hard, he stopped and locked the bathroom door and then pulled out the key to the handcuffs.

He smiled and unlocked them, letting them fall to the floor. L followed their descent with his eyes and Light was ready to grab him in case he tried to run, but those endless orbs traveled back to Light's face and he stood still. Light reached out and slowly took hold of L's shirt, pulling it over his head. L did not fight, he made it easier for Light to do this.

The shirt joined Light's on the floor and then Light moved his hands to his own pants and pulled them and his boxers down. He saw L looking at him and there was definitely a blush in his cheeks now. Light swallowed a chuckle and moved his hands to L's pants now. L stiffened, Light paused, and then finally L gave the tiniest of nods and Light removed his pants and boxers.

There they stood, both of them naked, just staring at each other as if seeing each other for the first time. They were stripped of their titles. L was just L and Light was just Light. There was no detective and there was no god. It was just two men who had fallen in love with each other and were being presented another chance to make it happen. Light held out his hand and L slowly took it. The brunette led the way to the running shower and pulled back the curtain and stepped in, his ebony-haired companion following.

The curtain was closed, shutting out everything but them. They were alone; there was no one else, nothing to stop them. The water ran over them, plastering their hair to their faces, and still they just looked at each other, as if neither had ever seen anything so beautiful.

"Kiss me," Light whispered.

L hesitated and then he slowly wrapped his arms about Light's neck and kissed him passionately. It was the first time he had initiated the kiss, the first time he would ever do so because before this, he never would have listened. However, now his lips were pressed tightly to Light's and Light even opened his mouth to let L explore _his_ mouth for once. L's tongue ran over Light's, it traced its way over the roof of his mouth, behind his teeth, under his tongue and Light came to realize that L knew how to kiss, very well.

His hand was tangled in L's unruly mop of black hair while his other was wrapped firmly around his waist, holding him close, crushing him against him and he took a step back until his back was supported by the wall. He brought the hand around his waist up his chest, letting the water from the shower run over his fingers as his hand traveled up to L's face, cupping his cheek, brushing stray hairs away as L continued to kiss him fiercely.

When the kiss was finally broken, they were both breathing heavily. They held each other close, their eyes trained on each other, not breaking away, and then, slowly, Light turned L around. He wrapped his arms around his waist again, his hands rested on L's abdomen. He felt L tense up a bit and he kissed the back of his shoulder, running his tongue over it and L relaxed again.

His mouth traveled to the back of L's neck and he bit down on it and L gasped. As Light sucked on the skin he moaned and Light wanted to be in him then and there, but he resisted the urge. It would come when L was ready. Instead, he let his hands roam lower, running over L's thin thighs and then finally they rested on his manhood. L leaned his head back so that it was resting on Light's shoulder and Light licked his neck teasingly.

His hands retreated from L and L growled and actually grabbed them, steering them back so that Light chuckled, but complied. He trailed his fingers seductively down the length of him and L started to pant as his erection grew. Just seeing L like this was enough to make him hard, to know that underneath this stoic persona, there was a human being who liked his touches, who loved him.

"I want to be inside of you, I want to be one with you," Light whispered.

"Light-kun," L moaned.

"Let me be inside of you," Light said.

L couldn't answer verbally, so he just nodded his head once, briskly. Light kissed the back of his neck in gratitude. He switched their positions, so that L was supported by the wall because Light wanted to make this as painless as possible. He smiled reassuringly at L, who looked like he was preparing for pain and traced his jaw line with his fingers.

"Do not worry, the pain will only last a few minutes this time," he promised. "Sit down; it will be better that way."

L nodded again, seemingly at a loss for words. Light wondered if maybe he couldn't believe that he was agreeing to this. Light was surprised himself. He had not expected this at all, however, he was happy. Happier than he had been ever since that day, the day he had proclaimed his true identity to L. This was infinitely better.

Once L was sitting, backed against the far end of the bathtub, Light spread his legs and slipped two fingers inside of him to make it easier again. L closed his eyes and bit his lower lip because he was still tight and it was not comfortable. Thankfully, Light had thought about doing this for a while and had placed a bottle of lubricant in the shower for when the time came and he reached over with his free hand and grabbed it now.

"It won't hurt as badly this time, L," he whispered, kissing him quickly on the forehead. "I want you to feel pleasure and nothing more."

"I don't know…if I can do this," L groaned as Light slowly spread him.

"Shhh, you can, L," Light said with a warm smile.

L closed his eyes and Light withdrew his fingers. He just hoped it had been enough. He prepared himself and then drew ever closer to L. He took his legs and placed them on his shoulders and L looked at him with half-closed eyes, the eyes of a lover. Light couldn't help but smile at him again and the corner of L's mouth lifted, but that was all…and it was enough for Light.

He did try to be gentle about it. He didn't immediately thrust into L, instead he moved in slowly, pausing to let L catch his breath when he needed. It was a lot smoother than before, mainly because Light had made necessary preparations this time and because L was not fighting him anymore. When he was finally within L, he let out a shuddering moan. It felt so good, better than ever. He looked down at L, his eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily. A trail of water was falling slowly down his neck to his shoulders.

Light started to make love to him then and it was so overwhelming that it almost brought tears to his eyes. A man he had loved, a man he had lost and now found again. If he was God of this new world, then there was another God looking out for him, perhaps the Death Gods. L moaned suddenly as Light was able to thrust into him further. He still looked like he was in some pain, but his face was slowly showing the pleasure. Light moved within him, faster now and L panted loudly.

"Ahh…L-Light-kun…."

"I…love…you…L," Light said heavily.

"I…love…you…Light," L replied.

Hearing him say that almost made him climax since it was such a powerful thing to hear. His hands were resting on L's shoulders now and he continued to move within him, causing L to gasp and moan, to whisper his name and to pant. Everything that Kira had wanted to hear, only now he did not want to hear it in that context, he wanted to hear it as a lover's moan, not a pet's.

He let one of his hands trail over L's wet body to his hard on and he stroked it. L moaned loudly, calling Light's name and Light smiled. He was close, they both were. He thrust again, harder than before now that the pain seemed to have gone. L's eyes opened to their widest and his mouth opened, a soundless moan escaped. Light grinned to himself, looks like he found L's pleasure spot. He hit it again and L began to squirm in delight.

"Light….Light-kun…ahh…yes…yes…" he panted.

Light continued, panting himself now. L arched his back a bit and Light thrust deeper still until he cried out in pain and pleasure. Light couldn't fight it, he climaxed and felt L doing the same.

"_Light_!"

"_L_!"

They shouted each other's name at the same time, joined as one, completely in love despite the roles they had been asked to play. When they finished, riding it out with each other, Light pulled out and then rested his forehead against L's. L was still breathing deeply, getting his breath back and his hand rose slowly to stroke Light's cheek.

Light took hold of L's arms and pulled him from the wall and managed to switch their positions again. He pulled L down on top of him and kissed his passionately, L returning his kiss as their hands freely roamed over bare skin. Light would have loved to stay in there forever, unfortunately, the water seemed to have another plan and he felt it begin to turn cold. He sighed and nudged L.

"Time to go," he whispered.

L nodded and stood up. Light stood as well and turned off the water. They stepped from the tub and looked at each other again. The magic of the moment still held sway and they looked at each other openly, not guarding anything, not suspicious of the other. And Light could not help himself when he wrapped his arms around L again and crushed their already bruised lips together. L moaned into the kiss and Light hummed, the vibrations of each voices mingling together.

Light broke away from the kiss, but he was not done with L, he wanted to get in as much as possible before they had to go back to the way they were. He leaned in and closed his mouth of L's nipple. L buried his hand in Light's wet hair and kissed the top of his head as Light's tongue played with the supple skin. He gave it a final lick and then, with his tongue, left a trail up L's chest, running his tongue over the hollow of his throat, up the rest of his neck until he met L's lips again.

Their tongues danced. They no longer fought for dominance, but instead gave way to each other, creating a far deeper kiss than any they had shared before. Kira and L, Justice vs. Justice, God and the detective. Natural enemies…natural lovers. Was it possible to really be both? If not, Light was going to try his hardest to have them fall under lovers. He did not want to fight against L anymore, he needed him, now more than ever.

"Tell me you love me," Light whispered in his ear.

"I love you," L replied, once again in English, but Light caught it this time.

"Say it in Japanese," he said anyway.

"I love you," L repeated in Japanese this time.

"And I you," Light said, entwining his fingers with L's. He looked into those dark eyes and smiled. "Always…"

"Always," L repeated with a soft smile.

"I'm sorry about before," Light whispered, looking away. He half expected that to completely ruin the mood, maybe make L cautious and hateful again. However, to his surprise, he felt L's thin fingers cup his chin and force him to look back in his face.

"I cannot forgive you for that," L replied. "But I can try to forget and to move on."

Light's face brightened and he embraced L tightly. "L," he said, his voice so full of emotion that he knew L would not need him to say anything else on the matter. He felt L tense a bit, as though about to say something, but then he just sighed and rested his head on L's shoulder.

They stood like that for several minutes, ignoring the chill as they wrapped each other up in their arms. Finally, regretfully, Light pulled away and looked at L, who looked back.

"We should probably get dressed," he said.

"Yeah," L replied.

Light glanced at the handcuffs on the floor and then looked at L. L shook his head. "I won't run," he said. Light smiled and nodded, unlocking the bathroom door and stepping outside, shivering a bit. He was nervous that L would run, but he felt the detective's hand take his own and he held it firmly, a smile on his face.

He led the way back to his room and knowing that L would need clothing for the day, he pulled out two of everything. Two pairs of boxers, two pairs of pants, two shirts, the works. He tossed one set over to L who started to dress and Light covered himself up. Once he was done he looked at L and smiled in an accessing sort of way.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Light-kun?" L asked.

"You look good," Light said.

L looked down at himself. He was wearing black jeans that fit him better and a white, button-down shirt with a collar that was under a dark red sweater. Definitely a different look than his oversized jeans and plain white shirt, he looked…hot. Light smiled to himself as the thought came to his mind. He walked over to him.

"I like you in my clothes," he said, tracing a finger down his chest.

"I like being in your clothes," L replied, his hand rising and playing with the tie Light had on.

Light grinned and took hold of his hand, bringing it to his mouth and slowly kissing each finger. L watched him intensely and Light smiled, closing his mouth around L's index finger. He ran his tongue over it and L smiled at him. A genuine smile, it made him look so much more alive.

"Breakfast?" Light suddenly asked.

"All right," L replied.

They left the room and once more Light paused. From the bathroom to the bedroom was one thing, if he brought L into the open kitchen, well, he could easily get to the front door. He didn't want to think that L would run after all of that, but he couldn't be sure. But he had said that he loved him…

"I'm not leaving," L said firmly, sounding the touch bit annoyed. "I told you that."

Light breathed a silent sigh of relief and turned to look at him. "I should hope not," he said. "Otherwise you'd be missing a great breakfast."

L's eyes shone with a mirthful light and Light grinned before leading the way to the kitchen. As if to prove his point about staying, L walked right over to the small table and sat down, resting his chin on one hand and watching Light as he went to the refrigerator.

"What are you making?" L asked.

"Pancakes," Light said. "I even bought extra stuff for you so you can have them nice and sweet."

"How kind of you," L replied.

Light glanced at him and saw he was still smiling. He couldn't help but smile in return. He almost wanted to blow a kiss to him, but decided against it. After all, he could easily just kiss him for real in a few minutes. He turned back to the stove and prepared the pancakes.

Once they were done cooking, Light set down the large plate of them in the middle of the table. He then grabbed two plates and set one before L and another where he'd be sitting. He grabbed all of the extra toppings; chocolate chips, cherry jam, whipped cream and syrup and put them on the table. He chuckled as L took two pancakes and piled them with every single topping.

Light only put some syrup on his and began to eat his while L stared at his, as if savoring the very look before digging in. They ate in silence, but it was a comfortable silence as opposed to when they first settled down to watch the movie. He couldn't help but smile lightly as he ate, his eyes watching L.

When they finished, L helped Light clear the table. Once the plates were in the sink, they paused again. Light slowly turned and looked at L. Once again they just stared at each other. Suddenly, Light began to chuckle and then to laugh. L tilted his head, obviously lost as to what was so funny. Light grabbed his hands and spun around.

"How can you not be laughing?" he asked humorously. "We're in love! I love you so much, L! I'm too happy not to laugh!"

L blinked. "I think you're crazy," he said.

"Crazy, does it matter?" Light asked stopping and pulling L close to him. "Crazy or not, I love you with all my heart."

"No, I suppose it doesn't matter," L said. "Because even if you are…I'll still love you with all of mine."

Light stopped laughing and just looked at him. Of course this was what he'd been hoping for, but it was almost like this was a dream. He never thought L would say those words. He never thought it would work. He thought he had fucked up too much, had pushed L too far away. L's smile disappeared as Light continued to look at him so seriously.

"What is it?" L asked.

Light suddenly pulled him into another tight hug, burying his face in L's black hair. "Nothing," Light replied. "I just…can't even put this into words, this feeling…"

He felt L's arms wrap around his waist. "I know what you mean," the detective whispered. "Feels like a dream, doesn't it?"

"Yes," Light answered. "I never want to wake up."

"We don't have to," L replied.

"Yes…we do," Light said. "But not all the way."

"I don't want anything to change from this," L said, holding Light just a bit tighter.

"I don't either," Light said truthfully. "But the world is outside that door, even if we pretend it doesn't exist."

By this time, the dawn light had filled the kitchen. Light glanced at the kitchen clock. Six in the morning, it would not be unreasonable to go to the office at this time. But he didn't want to. He just wanted to curl up in bed with L and spend the entire day with him.

"You have to go," L said and it was not a question.

"Yes," Light replied reluctantly.

"Promise me something…"

"Anything."

"Love me when you get back, no matter what happens out there," L said, his voice holding a deep sense of longing.

"I already told you…I will love you forever," Light said reassuringly. "No matter what happens, no matter what barriers we come across, no matter how much distance there may be between us…I will cross it. I will find you if you're lost, I will hold you close when they try to separate us. I will be forever yours, and you will be forever mine and no matter what the world says, nothing will change that."

"Light-kun," L whispered, gratitude apparent in his voice.

"Always," Light whispered again.

"Always," L repeated.

He broke away from the hug and looked at L. He wanted to simply let him wander around the house, let him leave the house, but he couldn't. L might be tempted to leave if he was left alone, and if he was free to wander outside, chances are he'd make his way to the investigation and Light would be in a tight spot. He looked at L sadly.

"I know," L said heavily. "Not yet…"

"I'll bring in the TV," Light offered.

"That would be nice," L said.

About fifteen minutes later, Light was locking the bedroom door behind him with a frown on his face. He really hoped that the time would come when he didn't need to chain his lover to the bed to keep him from running.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

"We can only assume….that L is dead," Roger said with a sad look upon his face.

"What?!"

In the large room were three people. One was Roger, an elderly man who was currently observing two younger boys standing before him. The one who had just had the shocked outburst had shoulder length, straight blond hair and large blue eyes that were opened wide in shock. He was pale of skin and thin and at the moment, his hands were resting on the edge of Roger's death and his shoulders were shaking with suppressed emotion.

The third and final person in the room was sitting, well, more like he was crouched, on the floor. Set before him was a puzzle that was just about finished. He had white hair and skin that was almost as white as snow. His eyes were dark and his shirt was too big for him, as were his pants. His fingers were holding a puzzle piece delicately, a piece that he did not put down, but that was the extent of his emotions.

"Watari has been dead for over a month now and we have heard nothing, absolutely _nothing_ from L…the only logical conclusion is that Kira got him as well," Roger explained.

"Who? Who did L pick as a Successor?" the blond demanded.

"Neither of you," Roger replied. "He didn't have time to."

The young boy's eyes narrowed and he frowned in annoyance. Roger sighed and looked at them both. "Mello…Near, Kira must be stopped. I am asking the two of you to finish the investigation L started."

Mello's eyes twitched. "Roger…you know Near and I…don't get along," he growled. His expression darkened. "L probably would have picked Near…so you should as well. I'll work on the case, but by myself."

With that, the blond turned his back on Roger and looked down at Near, who had yet to utter a word. "Kira is obviously more dangerous if we thought if he killed L…" he began to say.

"No," Near whispered. "L lacked the courage to go forward…those who fail are just losers in the game."

Mello frowned at Near's harsh words, but Near had always been like that. He shrugged and strode out of the office. Near grabbed hold of the corners of the puzzle and tipped it, letting the pieces fall from their places and to pool out on the floor.

"Kira…" he said softly. "I will find you."


	13. The Unthinking Majority

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: **ATTENTION READERS: you will find in my profile a link to a video I made for Light and L. It's quite sweet and I like how it turned out, so if you want to watch, feel free and I hope you enjoy it!

**Pareidolia (who, L? Do something like that? Never! And yes, here comes Mello and Near to screw everything up), Letters-of-Insomnia (Thank you very much, and hey, couches are encouraging lol), xXToxicXAddictionXx (haha yeah, poor L is sooo bored but well…you'll find out), black.is.the.new.blood (aww it's the thought that counts, don't cry! LMFAO!! Yes! That would be absolutely fabulous!), Nusku (hugs Thank you! I don't like him either!! But yeah, Mello and Matt are cool and thanks for the cupcake! clinks cupcakes with L a toast to the wonderful readers!), PirateCaptainBo (Yes, they have come and yes, Matt will arrive on the scene as well), AmoChan8878 (Welcome new reader! I am glad you enjoy the story so far and yeah, if I could put music to the fic, there'd definitely be something suspenseful at the end of that chapter), Addictedreader09 (glad you liked the chapter! I'm very partial to that chapter myself lol), recluse (well, I'm not giving anything away so you're gonna have to find out, let's just say I'm not following the exact storyline), Kuroi Kitty (yeah, here they are! Hahaha and yeah, trouble is on the rise), killerbuny20 (you can never have enough YAYS in my opinion joins the marching band), sommar (lol, I think I gave you more of a chance to blink with this one. Mmm chained L is definitely HOT haha. You are very welcome hands you a drink lol), Tanka (Near and Mello equals bad news for Light and L unfortunately), moonsiren06 (thank you very much! I was a bit hesitant about keeping them so close, but I think it worked out for the best). I love all of my readers, you are all awesome!**

**Chapter Thirteen: The Unthinking Majority**

Light glanced at the monitor. He was back with the team and Ide had just changed the channel. Light's eyes focused on the now familiar face of Megumi Hagachi, the news reporter who just didn't seem to see sense. Light frowned, well, if she kept this going, Kira was going to have to punish her. Apparently, she was in charge of updating everyone as to what was happening and Light was eager to find out if there had been more progress.

_"This is a special news report. We have just found out that Kira's influence has spread outside of Japan. Entire countries are now pledging their support of Kira and are even speaking out against people who still oppose him. I fear for the future of this world, where the fate of all lies in the hands of one. What will you people do if Kira shows his true colors and starts to kill innocent people? It is bound to happen, perhaps once he has control over the entire world,"_ Megumi said in a heavy voice.

Light smirked to himself. She could complain all she wanted; she did not have the power to change the minds of the people. No, if the majority wanted Kira to stick around, then there would be very few people who resisted. And now entire countries were supporting him! His new world was building nicely. It was all he could do to laugh and proclaim his victory.

"She's such a brave woman," Matsuda suddenly said. When everyone looked at him, his cheeks reddened a bit and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, just think about it…she's on national television making it no secret that she does not approve of Kira. Well, Kira has her face and name if he's watching this."

Soichiro nodded. "I'm assuming it's an alias, she'd be a fool if it was her real name," he said.

"If there's still a Second Kira out there who can kill just by sight then she's still in a lot of danger," Aizawa sighed. "It may be time to contact her and tell her about precautions she needs to take."

_Yes, bring her right to me so I can find out whether that really is her name or not _Light thought fighting back a malicious grin.

"Contact them right away," Soichiro said. "After all, the last time someone challenged Kira directly they were killed…" he added, referring to L.

_Not exactly…_

Mogi nodded and hurried over to one of the phones as the woman signed off and commercials took the place of the report. Light did want to meet this woman. Who was she to declare war against him? Did she not realize she was fighting a losing battle? If Light could get someone like L out of the way, this woman had no chance. He heard Mogi speaking, sounding affirmative, and when he hung up, they all looked at him with anticipation.

"Hagachi-san will come as soon as possible," Mogi replied.

"Excellent," Light said. "She may a powerful asset for us."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

It turned out that as soon as possible for Megumi Hagachi was two hours later. She arrived at the investigation building and Matsuda led her to the main room. She looked at all of them and then glanced at the man by her side, presumably a body guard and nodded to him. He remained at the door while she stepped inside.

"I apologize for making you wait," she said. "My name is Megumi Hagachi, I am pleased you sought me out. I was beginning to think I was the only person in the world resisting Kira."

"No, there are others, even more than us here," Light said with a winning smile. Megumi glanced at him and he smiled. "Forgive me, I am L."

Megumi's eyes widened and Light had to suppress a laugh. Megumi reminded him a bit of Penber's finance. She had dark hair, it was a bit shorter than Naomi's had been. Her eyes were bright green instead of deep blue and her skin was darker, but she had the same build. It was a bit disconcerting.

"You are L? The man who openly challenged Kira months ago?" she asked.

"Yes," Light replied and the others nodded in agreement. "We've been working endlessly ever since then, but the case is a lot more complex than it seems."

"I noticed that you haven't been defending the people who oppose Kira," Megumi said, her voice was a bit cold.

Light raised an eyebrow. "Let me tell you why," he said. "It has come to our knowledge that Kira can kill without a name these days. I am sure you saw that program on Sakura TV. To show your face and give your name is like suicide."

Megumi smirked a bit and Light felt a stab of annoyance in his heart. She really was a presumptuous, arrogant little bitch. "That's why I haven't given out my real name," she whispered. "I'm not a moron, after all."

She looked at them all and a very assertive look crossed her face. "If we want to stop Kira we cannot just sit in the shadows, tracking him down on computers. We have to call him out, like you did before when you found out he was in this area," she said, looking at Light.

"Do you have a death wish?" Light asked a bit sharply and everyone looked at him. "It's not only Kira you have to watch out for. Like you said on the news, more and more people support Kira…eventually those people will go after you for opposing him."

Megumi didn't say anything for a while and Light smirked to himself. That had shut her big mouth up. She looked at him again, her green eyes blazing.

"Someone has to get the courage to stand up to that monster," she snapped. "This is a waste of my time."

She turned on her heel and marched back towards the door. "I appreciate you trying to warn me," she said, glancing over her shoulder. "But I'll be fine, I'm being careful."

Without another word, Megumi stormed out of the office. The door slammed behind her and there was complete silence in the room.

"Well, that didn't go exactly as I thought it would," Soichiro sighed.

"At least she hasn't been using her real name," Matsuda pointed out.

"It's not enough," Light growled. "She keeps going like this she's going to get herself killed." _I'll make sure of that…no one talks to me like that._

Light headed home and when he got there he grabbed his phone immediately and called Misa.

"Light-kun!" she shouted in greeting.

"Hey, Misa," Light said. "I need you to do something for me…"

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

Light was sitting at the main control panel, typing away but not really working hard on anything. He was waiting for something. A day had passed since Megumi had been in their office. Well, she was going to learn all about what it meant to challenge God.

"Hagachi-san's program is coming on," Matsuda said, flipping on the TV.

Megumi appeared on the screen, microphone in hand, that same confident look on her face. Light bit back a smile. _Keep thinking your safe, you'll be thinking differently before long_. As Megumi began to speak about the still slipping numbers of people who opposed Kira, the sound of a helicopter could be heard. Light's eyes flashed.

_There you are, Demegawa! You did well Misa!_

The helicopter came into view and Megumi turned to face it. Inside was seen Demegawa, the very man who ran Sakura TV and had been dubbed as Kira's spokesperson before. He had a megaphone in his hand and he was shouting down at the masses in the streets.

_"All of you down there! Do not just sit idly by as this treacherous snake walks among you! She is opposing our God, our savior! Destroy her, destroy her for Kira!"_

Megumi froze and though Light could not see her face, he was quite sure that smug expression had been wiped clean. The people surrounding her looked at her and a man took a step forward. Light's eyes widened.

"She's in trouble!" Matsuda shouted. He ran to a phone.

"What do you think we can do about it?" Light asked. "The police are already on Kira's side."

"We have to do _something_," Matsuda snapped.

Light ignored him. Let him call who he wanted, it wouldn't be enough to get rid of the growing crowd. Megumi turned towards the camera, she looked scared for a moment and then her eyes narrowed.

_"I hope you are proud, Kira, that you could not even finish one woman by yourself. You're nothing but a coward!"_

Light tensed and he felt Aizawa's eyes on him so he forced himself to relax. He could not show how much he hated this woman in front of everyone. He had a burning desire to just kill her himself, without the Death Note, but he just watched and waited as the crowd slowly surrounded her and Demegawa continued shouting encouragement.

It started with a can of soda that was flung at her feet. Megumi backed away from the mess and into a woman who shoved her back towards the middle of the circle. The crowd began to jeer, chanting the name Kira as more things were thrown at her. She was shoved towards the crowd again and someone punched her in the face. Megumi fell to the ground and the crowd closed in.

"Hagachi-san!" Matsuda shouted.

Mogi placed a hand on his shoulder. "We can do nothing for the moment," he said.

Light placed a hand over his eyes, as if at a loss for what to do now. "Hagachi-san…" he whispered. He looked at the floor. "We should have hired protection for her…"

"She should have listened to us," Soichiro said.

Light looked up and saw that Aizawa was looking at him in a peculiar way. "What is it?" he asked.

"She should have listened to you," Aizawa said. "You warned her about the crowd and now the crowd rises up…"

Light narrowed his eyes. "Are you suggesting I had something to do with this?" he asked darkly.

There was a strained silence and then Soichiro sighed heavily. "We cannot afford to suspect each other," he said. "Light was proven innocent, Aizawa."

Aizawa nodded but Light knew that he was still suspicious. Whatever, as long as his father was here there was nothing he could really do about it. He glanced at Matsuda, who seemed rather torn about Megumi's untimely demise. Well, their numbers were growing short and every time someone who opposed Kira was killed, it just reminded them that the same could happen to them.

They called it a day early since every one was a bit shaken about what had happened. Light walked into his apartment and immediately went to L's room. He unlocked it and saw that L was watching the news about Megumi. Great, that could lead to some awkward feelings. He had promised L he would love him no matter what happened, but with all these damn reminders of him being Kira popping up, well, he wasn't sure if L would be able to say the same about him.

"L," he said.

L continued to watch the screen, his eyes were calculating. Light sighed and sat down on the bed next to him. L hardly glanced at him. Light ran a hand through L's hair and L batted it away with annoyance.

"Don't play hard to get," Light snapped.

"I'm learning more about you," L whispered. "Has the world really fallen so fast?"

Light frowned. "You could be watching anything right now, but you have to pick the one channel that will turn you against me."

"I am always against Kira, Yagami-kun," L pointed out.

"Then pretend I'm not Kira," Light said with a smile.

"You had a woman killed," L said. He pointed to the screen where it was now showing Megumi being taken from the scene. She looked horrible. "Are you truly proud of that?"

Light paused and looked away. "She was getting in the way," he whispered. "She offended me."

"So if I offend you, will you do the same to me?" L asked darkly.

"No."

"No?"

"No, because I love you. I didn't love her," Light replied.

L shook his head and continued to watch the TV. Feeling quite annoyed, Light reached over and just turned it off. L frowned and since he was holding the remote, he simply turned it on again. Light growled and grabbed hold of L's shoulders, forcing him down.

"Why are you such a brat?" Light asked.

"I'm not, you're just too controlling," L replied.

"Weren't you ever told that too much TV is bad for you?" Light demanded, wrestling with L's hands to get the remote.

"No," L replied, yanking it out of Light's grasp.

Light frowned and straddled L who still held the remote out of his way. Light made a grab for it, but L tossed it to his other hand. Light lashed out but L was too fast for him. He lifted himself a bit and slid remote underneath him, a smug expression on his face. Light sighed and looked down at him.

"Once again you illustrate my point perfectly," Light said.

L shrugged a bit and turned his face towards the TV screen again. Light reach out and grabbed his chin, forcing him to look back at him, but something on L's face made him stop. L's eyes were open wide and his mouth was slowly opening. Light turned towards the screen as well, but he saw nothing of importance. He frowned as L sat up, shoving him off of him and leaning towards the TV.

"What is it?" Light asked, exasperated.

L didn't answer him; he didn't even look at him. He had that look on his face, the one of deepest concentration, as if something was on the brink of being solved. Light was getting very annoyed, what the hell had captivated L so much?

"Mello?" L whispered.

Light blinked. He hated when L spoke in English. He wasn't sure what a Mello was, or if it was a name, or something, but he glared at the TV himself but still he couldn't figure out what L was looking at. He turned towards the detective and then followed exactly where he was staring. He was looking at a small crowd of people. Most of them looked solemn except for one, who was almost hidden by a larger man. He was young and thin and had blond hair that reached his shoulders. Something about his face made him stand out. He did not look shaken about what happened, he looked like he felt nothing…in fact, the expression on his face reminded Light of L.

"Who is that?" Light demanded.

L seemed to finally remember that Light was in the room and he looked at him, masking the surprise that had been on his face. "Who is who?" he asked.

Light pointed at the figure right before the angle of the shot moved and he was out of sight. "That guy, the blond one," Light growled.

"I do not know," L replied with a frown.

"You were staring at him…you said a name…Mello," Light pointed out.

L just shrugged and grabbed the remote, turning the TV off and without another glance at Light, he shifted his position, perched once again, thumb in mouth and looking at the ceiling. Light was getting really annoyed right now. What the fuck could have L so preoccupied? Light was sure he had been looking at the blond. Did he know him? Light was under the impression that L didn't know that many people. So then who was that guy to have him so worked up?

"L," he said.

Continual silence from the detective.

"L," Light repeated with annoyance evident in his voice.

L did not say a word.

Light growled suddenly and grabbed the collar of L's shirt and dragged him close, kissing him harshly. L hardly responded and feeling extremely agitated by this time, Light forced L's mouth open and plunged his tongue into his mouth, pushing against the other boy until they were both laying down on the bed, Light on top of L. He broke the kiss and looked into L's face and was furious to see that he still looked as if he was concentrating on something, as if the kiss hadn't happened. Light was tempted to slap him.

Instead he took L by the shoulders and shook him, hard. L finally blinked and looked at him and Light was pissed to see that there was irritation burning in those black eyes.

"What is it, Yagami-kun?" L asked quickly.

"What is wrong with you?" Light demanded. "Why are you so distant all of a sudden?"

"You expect me to be clingy?" L asked.

"No, but expect you to acknowledge me when I ask you a question," Light growled.

"Pouting doesn't suit you, Yagami-kun," L said.

Light frowned at him and then got off of him, standing up and looking down at L with a dark expression on his face. "So sorry," he snapped. "I just thought…since we both admitted our feelings, that we were going to be somewhat more open with each other. Maybe you were just acting all along then."

When L didn't say anything, Light narrowed his eyes but he would not say another word. Instead he turned and stormed towards the door. He grabbed it and ripped it open.

"Light-kun."

Light stopped and glared at L, who sighed heavily and then patted the spot next to him on the bed. Light was tempted to ignore him and leave but he finally calmed himself down long enough to close the door again and walked back to the bed. He sat down, but crossed his arms and didn't look at L.

"You must understand something," L suddenly said. Light glanced at him, but he kept a rather cold expression on his face. "I love Light-kun, I hate Kira, so when I see things about Kira, I get angry because I can't do anything about it. And then you come in and you are both the man I love and the man I hate so I do not know how to act around you."

"So you'll just ignore me? That's a great solution," Light said sarcastically.

L sighed and sidled closer to Light but Light made no move to get closer to him. Truthfully, he wanted L to apologize for being a prick so he was not about to relent in showing how angry he was.

"You're the one being difficult now," L pointed out.

"I'm just annoyed because you can be a real ass hole," Light replied harshly.

L didn't reply to that. Light wouldn't be surprised if the detective just didn't care about that or not. He had proven several times that he did not care if people found his methods harsh, so why should he care if someone thought he was an ass hole? However, Light was mildly surprised when he saw L's white hand move over his lap and find his own hand, holding it firmly.

"I wasn't acting," he finally said.

Light looked up at the ceiling. Why was it that he couldn't stay mad at L for long? He wanted to point out all the man's faults, he wanted to demand why he had spent time on him when he seemed so very heartless about love, but he couldn't because he knew that L hadn't been acting before. What they had admitted to each was the truth. Still, it put a dampen on things when L admitted that he hated Light as well.

"How can you love me when you hate me?" Light asked.

"I don't know," L replied. "But I do."

"I don't know if I can believe that," Light sighed.

Silence again and then L came closer still until their shoulders were brushing against each other. He lifted his hand and cupped Light's chin and turned his face towards his own. His black eyes focused directly on Light's chocolate ones and they just stared at each other for a long time.

"I love you," L finally said.

Light blinked and suddenly L was kissing him passionately and Light's arms were around him and he was kissing him back and they were lying together on the bed, side by side and Light slowly slid his leg between L's once again and up to his groin, keeping pressure there and slowly shifting his leg to arouse the detective. L followed his lead and did the same for Light, who could not bite back a moan.

"L," he whispered. "I just want to love you, I don't want anything between us," he panted.

L didn't answer, instead he moved his mouth down to Light's neck and bit down on the skin. Light gasped because L had never really done anything to him before, but the detective seemed to want to prove his love somehow. He sucked gently on the skin and Light moaned again. He wrapped his arms around L and suddenly heaved, pulling L on top of him. L kept at his neck and Light let his hands roam over L's back, slipping under his shirt and loving the feeling of L's bare skin under his fingers once again.

L gave Light's neck a final lick and sat up a bit, the roles reverse, him looking down on Light. Light looked back at him and smiled lightly.

"I'm starting to believe you," he whispered.

"Looks like I have to try a little harder," L replied softly.

He quickly undid the buttons of Light's shirt and leaned down. His tongue darted out and connected with bare skin. Light arched his back slightly and moaned again. L left a trail over Light's chest, coming close to his already hard nipple but then retreating. L was teasing him apparently and Light liked it. He could play at this game. His hand moved to L's head and he buried it in his black hair and steered his head over to his nipple. L let him do this, but he did not do anything except for breathe slowly on the sensitive area.

"You really are…a pleasure delayer," Light groaned and L leaned in just so that his lips were brushing his nipple.

L actually chuckled a bit and then closed the distance and covered the nipple with his hot mouth. Light moaned loudly and held L's head in place and L continued to play, that was all Light could think that he was doing, L was playing because he had never done anything like this before and he was experimenting. It was cute in a way, and it was making Light hard, but he still couldn't help but wonder what that thing about the blond had been about. No, he could worry about that later; right now he was just going to enjoy this.

"Do you love me?" L asked.

"I love you," Light replied.

"Why?"

Light blinked and tilted L's head up from his chest and smiled at him. "Do you know how long it would take for me to give you all the reasons?" he asked. L smiled lightly and shrugged and Light sighed. "Let's just say it's because you're so unique and that you are the only person I can relate to."

"Because I am the only person who is not just following the majority?" L asked a bit slyly.

"Because you're a little smart ass," Light replied, pulling him closer and kissing him deeply.

L returned the kiss and ran his fingers gently over Light's chest, tracing indistinguishable shapes on his skin and causing Light to smile into the kiss. When they broke the kiss L shifted so he was not on top of Light anymore and instead just lay by his side, his hand resting in Light's hair, twirling a lock about his fingers.

"I wish I could just stay right here all day," Light said.

"But you can't," L replied somewhat heavily. "Because you have to be Kira as well as Light-kun."

"Yes," Light replied.

"And no matter what I say or do, you will continue to be Kira."

"Yes."

"Not even confessing my love to you will change anything."

"You're wrong, it changed everything," Light replied. "I was ready to let you die, L, I wanted nothing more than for you to die, now that you love me, I cannot ever feel that way again."

"You were planning on killing me even after capturing me?" L asked.

"Yes," Light replied truthfully. "When I was tired with you, when I broke you, but I fell in love with you instead. I was afraid of that, so I was going to kill you anyway, so that I wouldn't feel that way…but then you said you loved me, and I will never hurt you again because of that."

"You killing people hurts me," L said.

"Don't be greedy," Light replied.

"Asking you not to be a murderer is not being greedy," L said with a frown.

"I am not a murderer, L, I am justice," Light said.

L opened his mouth to argue but Light placed a finger on his lips and shook his head. "No more arguing," he said. L sighed and sat up and Light did so as well. "Are you hungry?" he asked.

"No," L replied. "I'm just bored of this room."

Light nodded and released him from the bed. L rubbed at his bare wrist for a minute and then followed Light as he left the room. They walked together to the living room and then sat down on the couch. L sighed and rested his chin on his drawn up knees and Light couldn't help but notice that he still looked really bored.

"What is it?" Light asked.

"You try living in one room for a month," L said with a raised eyebrow. "It's not that fun."

Light sighed and fell silent, thinking hard. He could maybe chance a walk with L, but what if someone saw them? What if the couple upstairs happened to notice and said something when Misa was around. Or worse, what if his father just happened to decide to stop by and saw the two of them together. Or what if L decided to break away from Light and make a break for freedom?

"L…"

"Yes?"

"I want to go for a walk with you," Light said. "But I'm afraid to."

"You think I'll run," L stated dryly.

"Yes."

"I won't run," L said seriously.

"You promise?"

"Yes."

Light stood up and headed towards the front door. He paused and took in a deep breath and then opened the door. He stepped outside and L stepped out behind him. Light half expected L to suddenly kick him down and then run, but he didn't he just waited patiently behind him. Light took a step down and glanced around, but no one he knew was around. L stepped to his side and looked at him.

"Shall we?" he asked.

Light nodded stiffly and L sighed. Light glanced down when he felt L's finger entwine with his own. Light smiled a bit and held his hand firmly in return and the two of them headed out that way. They only held hands for a moment before letting go and walking side-by-side as friends instead of lovers. Light glanced at L and almost chuckled, he looked happy about being outside for once.

"Anywhere you want to go?" Light asked.

"Nowhere, just as long as we're outside," L replied.

Light nodded and they just walked in silence, a very comfortable silence and Light was starting to feel that overwhelming feeling of love he had for L that surfaced at times. It was almost enough for him to forget about being Kira and just spending the rest of his time with L. Still, if it hadn't been for Kira, he would have never met L in the first place.

They both paused when they saw a rather large group of people gathered about a trio. The trio was advocating something, waving flags and shouting to the people who were cheering in support. Light glanced at L and L glanced back at him and then they both hurried towards the scene. Light immediately wished that they hadn't.

"Kira is our savior! He will lead us to salvation! Erase the darkness from your hearts, for the Lord Kira will see it and he shall smite you and rid the world of your evil!"

"Let's go," Light said in disgust.

"I would have thought you'd like to listen to this," L said.

Light shook his head. "No, not with you here because I know you'd rather not hear it," he said.

L didn't say anything and Light noticed that he seemed to be scanning the crowd. Was he looking for that blond? He felt annoyed again, maybe a little jealous even though his rational mind knew that there was nothing like _that_ between the two. L had admitted that Light was the first person he had been interested in and Light could definitely believe that. So then why, why this trepidation? What did that boy represent? Light felt that he would find out about him, whether he wanted to or not.

"Let's go home," Light said. "Suddenly I don't feel all that great."

L only nodded and the two them headed back to the apartment together. "Sleep with me tonight," Light suddenly said as they neared the door.

"All right," L replied.

"And this time…I mean it like that," Light added.

"That's fine," L said. "I was hoping that was what you meant."

Light smiled. "And now my mood is suddenly brightening again," he said.

L smiled in return and for the moment, with the prospect of being close to each other again, they could forget about Kira and Mello and just focus on each other.

**Silent Dagger:** A note about Megumi, she is in the story for the sole purpose of showing that Light is still as ardent as ever in his quest to become the God of the new world. Anyone who stands against him will perish whether they are innocent or not. Next chapter goes a bit into L's past and yes, you will get to experience their night together lol


	14. Never Meant to Belong

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: **You're all so suspicious of Mello, sheesh, give the guy a break…NOT! Lol. You thought it was bad he came into the story; wait till Near really gets going.

**Pareidolia (What can you expect, it's L? haha. Mello…you'll find out whether he saw L or not as to whether this world of Light's will work or not…you'll find out), sommar (hee hee they really are just such a cute couple. I love them! Glad you enjoyed the chapter, some steaminess is waiting for you in this one), whitelilly (awww that's so sweet! I am glad I give you something to look forward to), black.is.the.new.blood (pounces towards the cake thank you!! LMAO yes, it is rather emo now that I think about it, but lovely all the same), PirateCaptainBo (yes, it's a Mello!! Haha and now you get to find out what happens), Nusku (yeah, it's a pity Megumi didn't last longer, but Kira is Kira afterall. Thanks for the cookies, they are greatly appreciated gives some to L and Light), Shadow-of-a-Demon (yay for you stumbling on the story! I love when that happens! Oooh glad I was able to keep your attention for so long lol. feels fuzzy and happy awww thank you very much, I shall feed your addiction by updating soon haha), Lillithrose (I hate when that happens, so I try to update as quickly as possible haha. You are most welcome and thank you for the continual support), moonsiren06 (heh heh heeeeeere's Near!), Kuroi Kitty (your wish…has been granted, here's the next chapter grins), Kamichiro Eris (no need to apologize, I understand full well what it's like during exam time. Thank you once again for your very kind words and support. I am glad you like every moment, I enjoy writing every word ), xXToxicXAddictionXx (yes, fresh air!! And yes, Matt is coming into the story…right now haha. Thanks for the encouragement!)**

**Chapter Fourteen: Never Meant To Belong**

Light led the way into the apartment and closed the door behind L when he got in. He turned and smiled at L, who returned the gesture. Not a word was spoken, not a word was needed. Light walked towards the bedroom, turning the hall light off as he went and opened the door.

"After you," he said humorously.

"How kind of you," L replied.

He walked into the bedroom and Light followed, closing the bedroom door. It was dark in the room; the only light was coming from the laptop set on the desk. Light stared at L. L stared at Light. Light could not wait any longer; he took a step closer to L and took hold of both his hands. He brought them to his lips and kissed each of his fingers slowly, seductively, before he started to walk towards the bed, pulling L with him. He stopped at the edge of the bed and smiled.

"Let me undress you," he whispered.

"As you wish," L replied softly. "If I get to do the same to you."

Light raised an eye brow. "You are more than welcome to," he said. "But I get to go first," he added with a sly grin.

L smiled faintly as acceptance for this and Light slowly, very slowly, grabbed the hem of his shirt. He let his fingers trailed teasingly over L's stomach and felt him shudder a bit at his touch. As he started to raise the shirt up, L lifted his arms and Light made sure that his fingers were brushing against L's skin the entire time. He pulled the shirt over L's head and threw it to the floor. He didn't immediately go for the pants; he just looked at him for a while.

"I love you," he whispered suddenly into the dark.

"I know you do," L replied once more.

"You take me away from all this death," Light said.

"I only wish that were true," L replied.

Light leaned forward and rested his head on L's shoulder, pressing his face against L's neck and wrapping his arms around him slowly. He didn't say anything for a long while and L made no move to push him away. L glanced at the younger boy. He knew what he was feeling. Right now, Light was overwhelmed. He couldn't stop being Kira, and he couldn't stop loving L. There was no way to choose one or the other and it was tearing him up inside. L could have been a bit gentler about it, but like he had said, he hated Kira and just as Light could not leave Kira behind, L could not discard his sense of justice and let Kira roam free.

"Are you all right, Light-kun?" L asked.

Light slowly pushed away from L and looked at him. L could see that once again, the side of Light that was Kira was showing through. He slowly began to understand how Light worked. If a problem he couldn't solve showed up, he hid behind Kira. He had started to think this was true back when Light had obviously realized his feelings for L but did not want to admit them. It was disconcerting, looking into the eyes of the killer.

"I'm fine," Light said quickly.

"Understood," L replied.

Light smiled, but it was a bit humorless, and his hands reached for L's pants. He unbuttoned the jeans and pushed them down. L lifted his leg and kicked out of them and then Light returned to his boxers. He leaned in close and planted a hot kiss on L's stomach before removing them as well. Light looked at him and grinned.

"I don't know how I'm the first person you've ever been with," he said. "You're quite irresistible you know."

L stared at him rather flatly. "I am sure you are being sarcastic," he replied.

Light shook his head. "No, I'm not," he replied simply. He raised his arms a bit. "Well? It's my turn, right?"

L blinked slowly and then reached forward as well. Since Light had just been at the investigation, he had been wearing a suit, so L had to remove the jacket first. He did this rather quickly and then slowly unbuttoned his shirt. He did not remove it from Light's back right away and instead leaned in and bit down on Light's nipple instead. Light hissed in pleasure.

"I love when you do that," he whispered.

L licked the tip in response. He moved closer then, his body lightly brushing against Light's now and slowly began to push the shirt from Light's shoulders. His pale hands ran over Light's arms and he could feel Light tensing as he began to get aroused. The shirt joined the jacket and L's shirt on the floor. Now it was time for that tie. L was about to reach for it with his hands, but decided that another method would be better.

He leaned in again and closed his teeth about the tie. Despite never kissing people before Light, L was quite talented with his mouth. He began to slowly unravel the tie, pulling at various places with his teeth. He could hear Light's heart beat begin to pick up and knew it was all the boy could do to resist throwing him on the bed. He made sure that his tongue traced lightly over the hollow of Light's throat as he pulled the tie out of its carefully made knot. It slipped from Light's neck and landed silently on the floor.

As if unable to resist any longer, Light suddenly wrapped his arms about L and crushed him to his body, kissing him passionately. Their tongues battled once more as both refused to be dominated tonight and L thought he knew the reason why. Light was still hiding behind Kira and L would rather die than submit to Kira. He was the one to break the kiss but Light couldn't help but have a little more and he bit down where L's shoulder met his neck. L dug his fingers into Light's bare back and let out a breath slowly as the pain melted into pleasure.

Finally, Light let him go and L got to work on his pants. He crouched down and undid Light's belt. Then he slowly undid his pants and pushed them to the floor, pausing to let Light lift his feet out of them, and then the boxers came off. He saw Light begin to shift his weight, as if to pull him towards the bed, but before he could, L suddenly enveloped Light's hardening erection into his mouth.

Light froze and let out a shuddering breath, his eyes opened wide. L smiled to himself. Little by little he would get Kira to leave tonight and just be with Light. He moved his head methodically up and down Light's length and Light moaned deeply. He grabbed hold of L's head and then sank to the bed. L shifted so that he was on his knees and then continued.

He bit down, not too hard and Light threw his head back, arching his back and rocking his hips forward. L trailed his tongue over him and around him and Light hissed again, his hold on L's head tightening a bit. L continued to tease Light, biting gently, retreating for a minute, going back at it and he smiled to himself because he could hear Light panting and it was good to finally not be the one receiving. However, he did not want Light to climax right away, so once he had him good and hard, he slowly crawled forward, his hands at either side of Light before they rested on his shoulders and pushed him down on his back. Light looked up at him with a flushed face as L straddled him and smiled down at him in the darkness.

"Love me," Light said.

"I do," L replied.

"Prove it to me," Light added.

"With pleasure."

He suddenly reached behind him and grabbed Light's tie from the floor and before Light could even register what it was he was holding, L shifted and rolled Light onto his stomach and grabbed his wrists, tying his hands behind his back.

"Oy!" Light complained.

"Don't worry," L said. "If I could handle it, so can you."

Light frowned at him and was obviously a bit displeased at that comment but L only grinned at him and secured the knot. Light pulled at the tie, but L had tied it well and there was no way he was going to get out of it. L then grabbed Light at the waist and hoisted him further up the bed so that his feet were no longer dangling over the edge and then sat on his backside and lowered his white hands, massaging Light's shoulders to get him to relax and to stop being so irritated.

Eventually Light relented and visibly relaxed. L leaned in until his mouth was just above Light's ear.

"You never really let me be on top before," L said. "You've been missing out."

Light blinked in some shock and L knew he hadn't been expecting something like that out of the detective. To be honest, L never thought he would say something like that either, but it had come to mind and so he had said it and he rather liked the look on Light's face because of it. Besides, it wasn't a lie, so far Light seemed to have enjoyed himself immensely ever since they got into the bedroom and so, L would continue to pleasure him and if he wasn't worn out, maybe he'd even be up for Light to be on top as well.

He readied himself to enter but Light hissed at him and he looked down at him. Light shook his head and then reached for something and tossed it back to L, who caught it and smiled, nodding in understanding. He had almost forgotten to prepare himself; he wasn't out to hurt Light after all. He finished up and then got ready again, looking down at Light who nodded and closed his eyes. Seeing as how he had never let L do this before, L knew just how much it was going to hurt. Well, there was a first time for everything; Light could count himself lucky that his first time was willing at least.

And as Light had done for him in the shower, he entered his lover slowly, pausing when he felt Light gasp from pain and then moving inside of him. Light let out a long breath he had been holding that came out as a moaning sigh. L rested his hands on Light's shoulders, gripping them tightly as he began to rock his hips forward. Light groaned and bit the blanket to keep from crying out. L almost considered stopping because he did not want to inflict the pain he had felt, but he realized that there was no other way, it was going to hurt, but eventually Light would enjoy it so he kept going, knowing that Light would thank him for it later.

"Dammit, stop being so gentle and just go for it!" Light suddenly barked.

It was L's turn to blink in surprise and then he chuckled a bit and patted Light on the shoulder. "Very well then," he said.

And throwing caution to the wind, L moved harder and faster and Light began to pant, emitting regular groans and then long, drawn out moans that had L feeling like there was a fire erupting within his stomach that was quickly spreading through his entire body. He moved deeper, and Light lifted his head, his eyes and mouth opened wide in both pain and pleasure and then he gave a shuddering gasp.

"Yesss L…that's it," he managed to choke out as L continued to make love to him.

L was very hard by now and his fingers were digging into Light's skin but the younger boy was now moaning in delight and lifting his hips so that L would thrust in even deeper. L was breathing hard now; his skin was covered in beads of sweat that trailed enticingly down his spine. He knew now why Light enjoyed giving it to him so often. Both felt extremely pleasant, but there was something satisfying about giving the pleasure to the other.

"Harder…h-harder L!" Light shouted.

L complied and increased his efforts. Light's moans were loud and clear and L wondered if they would be heard, and then he decided that he just didn't care and continued to thrust and pant and clutched at Light's shoulders as Light writhed about beneath him. Kira was human then, just as L was human and it was not so unnatural for two humans to love each other like this. Then again, L didn't follow the path of most 'normal' people. His life was quite different than the average male of his age. It was a sad realization because he would never know what it was like to just be a regular person and though he had never wanted to be counted as one of the mindless mass, there were times, such as now, that he would give anything to be like those people.

It was a rather sobering thought and L started to slow down. Obviously feeling the decreasing passion, Light glanced over his shoulder at him.

"What the hell is wrong now?" he asked a bit more harshly then he needed to.

L just shrugged and undid Light's bounds and shifted away from him, standing up and heading towards the door.

"Oy, L…" Light began.

L heard him stifle a groan as he stood up and heard him stumble over to him, wrapping his arms about L's waist and resting his chin on L's shoulder.

"Why are you all dark and moody all of a sudden?" Light asked softly.

"I don't belong in a relationship like this," L said. "It's not…right. In fact, everything about this is completely wrong."

"I thought that we established that it didn't matter," Light said. "Who cares what happens out there, right?" he said, indicating the world beyond the window. "What matters is what happens here and what we feel in our hearts."

"My heart is not supposed to belong to anyone," L snapped, wrenching Light's hands from his waist.

Light grabbed his shoulders and turned him around, anger and some hurt flashing in his brown eyes. L couldn't help but notice that they looked more crimson then brown right now. They glared at each other for a moment and L expected Light to say something, but instead he heaved with all his might and the next thing L knew he was hurtling through the air until he landed with a thud on the bed. He felt a bit disoriented as he tried to sit upright, but before he could, he felt Light's weight on his back and suddenly their positions became quite reversed, only Light was holding L's arms back instead of relying on the discarded tie.

"I don't know what brought this on," Light said. "But you're hurting me right now, L. We've admitted that we loved each other, we have shown each other emotions…why can you not trust me one more time and just tell me what the fuck is on your mind?"

"My mind is not an open book," L snapped.

"Well it should be to me!" Light argued. "I've given you my heart, you have given me yours…why can we not share other things as well?"

"Because you are Kira," L said coldly.

Light rolled his eyes. "Here we go again," he muttered. "I don't think that's the reason at all. I think you're too fucking _scared_ to tell me, because you think I'm going to laugh at you, or that I won't get what you're trying to say…believe me, I can assure you that neither will be the case."

L just narrowed his eyes and tried to pull his wrists from Light's grasp, but Light kept a firm hold and just glared down at him, all thoughts of sex banished from his mind until he could get into L's. L sighed in frustration and looked down at the bed.

"It's just a story I don't like the share," L said.

"Well you can either share it or be sat on until you finally give in because I can tell you now, I am not moving," Light warned.

"And you call me annoying," L said flatly.

"That's because you are," Light replied innocently.

"Right back at you."

"See? Obviously we're just meant for each other," Light chuckled. "Now tell me," he added his voice soft and reassuring. "What is bothering you so much?"

L sighed again. "All right, I'll tell you, but you have to get off of me," he said.

"Deal," Light replied. He moved to the side and they both shifted, their backs resting on the wall. Light took hold of L's hand and traced patterns on it without really thinking, just intent on listening to everything L had to say, feeling somewhat excited that he was about to learn more about the enigmatic detective.

"I don't really belong here," L said.

Light raised an eyebrow. "Why not?" he asked.

"I was never meant to be known…"

L paused again and it was all Light could do to shake him and make him hurry it up, but he was going to let him move at his own pace, otherwise he feared the detective may change his mind about telling him anything. Instead, Light just gave L's hand a reassuring squeeze to let him know that he was still there for him.

"I'm an orphan, Light-kun," L said finally. "I do not know who my parents were. Instead of living with them, I was raised in Watari's orphanage."

Light could hear some bitterness in L's voice and he felt very guilty. He, Light, has successfully taken away the closest thing L had to a father. He chanced a glance at L, but he wasn't looking at him, he was looking into the darkness as though reflecting on that time.

"Watari's orphanage was a special place…it was not for every orphan, it was for gifted children, such as myself, who showed high intellect at an early age. Once I was settled in, my training began, you could say. I was tested, my skills were developed and I learned to live a life of secrecy and to devote myself to justice."

"Why the secrecy?" Light asked. "I thought that was just a precaution against Kira."

L shook his head. "I never show my face," he said. "Unless I am forced to…you remember me telling you that the top-three detectives in the world right now are me? Well, I'd rather keep people thinking that they are all different people."

Light looked at him but L was still looking away from him. "My life was one that was to be lived alone, except for Watari and a few others," he leaned back; his head was resting on the wall. "I was fine with it…"

"But you're not anymore?" Light prompted when L did not continue.

"Because of you."

"How did I get dragged into it?" Light asked, thinking that L was accusing him of something.

L sighed. "I love you, but there are so many things that are wrong about all of this," he said. "And so I wish that I could just be like you. An intellectual without the burden of my title, who somehow found you and was able to love you without having to worry about being killed."

"I'm not going to kill you," Light said immediately.

L finally looked at him and Light was struck by the look in his eyes. It was regret, but it didn't seem for him, it looked more as if it was targeted towards Light. He blinked and was about to ask what he was looking at him like that for, but then L narrowed his eyes and drew in a deep breath.

"Sometimes the level of your stupidity does amaze me, Light-kun," he said quite harshly.

"_What_?" Light hissed.

"You have everything that someone like you could have asked for, you had everything I wanted. You have a caring family, potential to be something great, and you are throwing it all away in some mad desire to change the world because you happened to have developed a god-complex," he snapped.

Light's jaw dropped. Was he really hearing this right now?

"Do you honestly think that you won't be caught?" L continued berating him. "If not by me, then by someone else?"

"Who else would have the brains to catch me?" Light asked. His eyes narrowed. "Unless you are still planning on turning me in."

L decided not to answer that question; he just gave Light a very flat stare that the younger boy returned. They were like that for a while and then Light frowned.

"I won't ask you to understand me," Light said.

"Why did you pick up the Death Note?" L demanded.

"Wouldn't you?" Light asked. "I thought I saw it falling from the sky and I went outside to take a look and curiosity caused me to grab it. I figured it was just a stupid joke."

"Why did you test it?" L asked.

"You were going to test it, weren't you? To see if it was real obviously," Light snapped.

"Well then why did you decide to keep using it after you found out it was real? Were you born to be a killer?" L snarled.

"I am not a killer!" Light shouted.

"You kill people, you are a killer…even the name Kira means killer," L stated.

With a growl, Light suddenly grabbed L's shoulders and shifted his body so that he was now sitting on the detective's lap. He looked right into those strange black eyes and let the level of his frustration show on his face.

"Why are you saying all of this, all of a sudden?" he demanded.

"Because I want you to stop being Kira," L said.

"Then I want you to stop being L," Light argued.

"I can't do that."

"Well I can't stop being Kira then."

"Then perhaps our love is doomed to fail," L sighed.

Light couldn't take it anymore. He lifted a hand and slapped L across the face as hard as he could. L's eyes widened and he lifted a hand to his now throbbing cheek. He fixed his eyes back on Light's face and Light could see anger flashing in them now.

"What the hell was that for?" L demanded.

"Don't fuck with me," Light snarled. "You know what I think after hearing your sob story? You're so used to being alone that anything different scares you. You're afraid to get close to someone because you've never been close to a person before, not someone your own age anyway. I think that it's such a different feeling that you can't deal with it, so you're looking for any excuse to push me away so you don't have to deal with change."

"So says you," was all L said.

"Don't try to act all high-and-mighty to brush this whole thing aside!" Light snapped, giving L a hard shake. "You've already admitted that you love me, you can't just ignore that feeling. I'm telling you here and now that you do not have to be afraid to love me. I will not hurt you and I will not break your heart because I will never love anyone else as much as I love you."

"If that's so then what is this feeling settling over my heart?" L asked. "Why do I feel as though I could be killed in any moment?"

"I don't know!" Light shouted, exasperated. "I wish you wouldn't! I love you so much, L so I just don't how to answer that question!"

L sighed and looked away. "Because I think deep in both our hearts, we know this won't work. You cannot keep me locked up in a house for the rest of our lives. Someone will discover me," he said.

"The only person who could possibly find out would be Misa," Light said with a frown.

"In which case I will die," L said.

"Misa would not kill you without my permission," Light said firmly.

L raised an eye brow. "We both know Amane is stupid…compared to us. However, she has shown that she is more than capable of handling herself. What will stop her from going mad with jealousy and demanding that you can either let her kill me or she will give you away?" he asked.

"Why are you so damn pessimistic all the time?" Light snapped.

"I'm not, I'm a realist," L replied.

"You totally ruined the mood you know," Light went on.

"And you are completely avoiding the subject," L pointed out.

"Because I, unlike you apparently, do not like to think about you dying," Light said. "I just want to have you by my side for the rest of time."

"You should have thought this out better then," L said. "You should have never told me you were Kira."

"It was the only way to save your life," Light whispered.

"Perhaps…" L granted.

Light looked at him and then leaned his forehead against L's shoulder. L looked at him and sighed. Yes, he had ruined the boy's night, but he had asked what was troubling him and he had told him. He didn't want to sound so melancholy and he had wanted to enjoy another night with Light, however, he knew it was falling apart. Mello on the news, Mello in the crowd, it meant one thing. He had been proclaimed dead and now Near and Mello were working on catching Kira. L didn't think the two were working together, they had always been bickering when he saw the two of them together, but if they ever decided to work together, they could surpass even him and they would bring Light to true justice and he would be taken from L forever.

He hissed when he felt Light's teeth close around his skin and he pushed Light's head away from him.

"I thought you said the mood was ruined," he said.

"I can bring it back," Light said with a sly grin.

L sighed and was about to protest but Light cut him off with a kiss. In that moment, with his lips crushed against Light's, with his arms around Light's neck, he could forget his troubles momentarily and he could just enjoy living in this moment. The lights were out, they would not be seen and once more they could go back to being two lovers sharing an intimate night with each other.

"I want to be inside of you," Light whispered after breaking the kiss.

L nodded and he expected Light to just go with it how they were, but he wanted to try something new. He left L's lap and pulled L further down the bed so that he was no longer sitting up. He smiled and rolled L to his side and then draped his arm over L's waist, positioned behind him like they were the first night L had slept in his bed. He prepped himself and then he entered L like that. L groaned and it turned to a pleasured moan as the pain melted away.

The detective gasped as Light's hand wrapped around him and he nearly climaxed from the sensation of feeling so much. He felt Light's teeth clamp down on the back of his shoulder and he moaned loudly. Light pushed into him harder and L began to pant loudly. He did feel a bit helpless in this position as it was almost impossible for him to do anything to Light, however, it was rather nice being enveloped in the boy's arms like this.

"L-Light…d-don't ever s-stop…loving me," he panted.

"I. Won't. Stop. Loving. You," Light said with each thrust.

And L was able to smile finally as he heard that, for he truly believed that he could be loved for the first time in his life. Ironic that a man such as himself would love what was probably going to be his greatest foe he would meet in his lifetime.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

_Crunch_

"Matt, I need you to check something out for me."

Matt looked up from the magazine he had been reading. The lit cigarette dangling from his mouth was removed slowly from his lips as his eyes met with Mello's. Chocolate, once again the guy was stuffing his face with chocolate. It had been about a month since he had met Mello. He hadn't been impressed with the boy at all, however, as time was passing, he was quickly beginning to realize Mello's potential and had decided to be a loyal friend to him as long as Mello wanted him to be.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I'm interested in finding out who Kira is," Mello said. "More so in the Death Note."

"And?" Matt prompted.

_Crunch_

Mello didn't answer until he had savored every chew of the chocolate in his mouth. He swallowed the treat and smiled. "And you're going to help me get it. The Japanese Police were the last ones to have it…also, I think I may have seen something very interesting today. A trick of the light…or an apparition…"

"I'll work on getting that note," Matt said. "As to your apparition…I'm not entirely sure I know what you mean."

Mello sighed and rested his chin on his hand, his eyes trained at the ceiling. "The reason I know about the Death Note is because of this guy, L, you should have heard the name on the TV…well, truth is the real L is supposed to be dead, but they obviously didn't want to broadcast that or else the entire world would just give up because Kira won…anyway, I thought I saw him today."

"But that's not possible if he is dead."

"I know that!" Mello snapped. "I'm not stupid! But it's something I can't get out of my mind. It was during the little speech, the one I attended while I was waiting for you."

"Where did you see him?" Matt asked.

"Well I _thought_ I saw him walking away with some other guy," Mello said.

"You sure it wasn't just two random people?" Matt asked.

"No I'm not sure and that is why I want you to investigate it on the side. Keep an eye out on that area," he said.

"As you wish," Matt replied.

"Yes, I do," Mello grinned.

_I'll beat you Near, I'll prove that you are not number one, not all the time!_

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Far from Japan, in the city of New York, in a tall building that was nevertheless discreet, a boy sat on the floor surrounded by a train track. His black eyes followed the movement of the train as the people around him sat around computer monitors. The boy had already been in contact with the President of the United States, informing him about everything that had been going on, and now, now it was time to close in on Kira.

"The phone," Near said simply.

He was handed the phone and then he lifted up a heavy device that would scramble his voice, imitating his predecessor. A voice came to life on the line.

"Hai?"

The voice was young, but confident. Near knew instantly that it was he who was proclaiming himself to be L. Interesting, their first meeting, if you could call a phone call a meeting.

"Good afternoon…second L," Near said.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

_Good afternoon…second L_

Light's eyes widened, his heart seemed to skip a beat and his hand tightened into a fist. He felt eyes on him but he didn't care. Even if he wasn't Kira, this would still be a huge shock. Who the hell was this? How would they know? Were they guessing? No, they sounded too sure of themselves to be guessing.

"What do you mean, second L?" Light asked, his voice composed. "Who is this?"

It was the very day after he had spent the night with L. They had finished the night with both of them reaching their climax and then L turned around and wrapped his arms about Light and the two slept in each other's arms. The image had been keeping Light in a good mood, a mood that was now shattered because of this mysterious call.

"We won't hide it…we're the new group formed to capture Kira without L's help, the SPK," the voice replied. "Those higher up know of L's death--"

_They're misinformed if you think he's dead…But who are you? Where the hell are you?_

"I'm the leader of the SPK."

Light was already thoroughly annoyed at the confidence brimming in this voice. Even through the disorientation of it he could hear the smugness of it. How irritating. It was like learning about L all over again, only this time he knew he would not fall in love with the owner of this voice.

"You can call me…N."

_N…are you kidding me?! This aura…it's like being back at the beginning…_

"Seeing as how the Japanese Police have been dealing with Kira up to now, we thought it would be wise to join forces," N explained.

Light could hear Matsuda whispering something to Mogi. They were clearly confused as well about the appearance of this new enigma. N…who was he? He must have known L…Light shook himself mentally, he had to focus, focus on what was going on at the present.

"I see, perhaps that would be the best course of action," Light replied softly, his voice was amiable, but businesslike all the same.

"I am glad you think so," N replied. "If you find out anything of importance…let us know."

"We will do so," Light said.

"Make sure you keep your eyes on the Death Note at all times," N added before promptly ending the conversation.

Light could not bring the phone away from his ear. Knowing about L missing in action was one thing, how on earth did the bastard know about the Death Note? That wasn't supposed to happen! He was in a pinch now. If this N was as sharp as he sounded, wouldn't he find it odd that Light was in control of the Death Note? It wouldn't matter if they explained that they had all decided upon him keeping it, if N knew about the notebook, it could be assumed he knew its properties and the powers Kira had. He could easily say Kira was manipulating them all. Once again a game of cat-and-mouse was being started. Once again there was someone out there that Light needed to kill and to kill quickly.

_N…you won't stand between me and my new world. I'll dispose of you before you can do anything to damage my plans._

**Silent Dagger: **Ohhh these boys just need to get over these issues and love each other!! Lol. And so Light is adamant about killing Near, Mello _did_ see L, though fortunately he didn't get a clear view and everything is just up in the air right now.

In the next chapter, L is getting too fed up with this life style (I would be too though being stuck with Light would be hot ahem) Will Light be able to keep L with him, or will the detective manage to escape?

On a side note...I'm just not a fan of Near's (sorry for any of you who are) so though I'll try to get his view point in there as much as possible, don't be expecting any full out chapters from him because since I don't like him, I don't think the chapter will turn out all that well if I try and write from his perspective. Just wanted to put that out there...love you all!


	15. Stay With Me

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: **Well my fabulous readers, here we are at the half way point of the story. I am so glad that you've stayed with it for this point and hope you will enjoy the rest.

SORRY for the long wait! Now that I'm home I don't have the greatest internet connection and so my ability to upload is rather bad.

QUESTION: Do I have an rpgers who read this story? Or anyone interested in a forum-based rpg? If so I was thinking of making a Death Note rpg forum but I want to know if people are interested in joining before I do all that work. Let me know through a review or feel free to send a private message!

**Kagome-chn LP (thank you! I'm glad I'm not the only one haha. Yeah, I like Mello because they didn't just try and make him L…no one can replace L! L nods in agreement See? Lol thanks for the review!), Nusku (lmao yeah, how painful would that be? I think I'd kill myself before I was done! Ooh cake! Thank you!!), Kuroi Kitty (glad you're still liking the fic, thanks), PirateCaptainBo (I think if L did escape, he'd go to the closest person who is on the Kira case and tell them that Light is Kira. L nods again while Light looks highly affronted), Pareidolia (gives a cookie excellent job predicting that! Haha wow, you must have been really worried if you couldn't focus on hot sex scene lol. I love suspense), Lizzie24 (and here I thought I was going to find a Near fan to tell me to write in his POV, guess no one is really a fan lol. Haha yeah, Light can tie me up any day Light presents handcuffs 'I can?' o.0), black.is.the.new.blood (Yay I feel loved lol. Heh, same here. It is sad that they have so much holding them against each other. grins let me just contact Miracle Max, I'm sure he'll help me get on the way…as long as I don't mention Humperdinck), x sinister (Yeah, I think it was something the anime just added in…it's a very sad scene. Glad to have you as a reader, thank you for all the wonderful reviews and yes, the rape has stopped which is good. You know, L building up an immunity towards Chloroform…wouldn't surprise me all that much. L smiles innocently I'm on to you mister!), xXToxicXAddictionXx (yes, they have arrived and there will be more scenes with the two of them in the future! You shall see what L will do haha), shiroyuki004 (yay to steaminess hahaha. I love intensity), sommar (and the story is just going to keep on getting more and more intense from here lol. No need to apologize for ranting, even I rant at my own story sometimes…which is bad haha. I'm glad you liked the chapter so much! Thanks for the review!)**

**Chapter Fifteen: Stay With Me**

Light was in a foul mood for the next two weeks. He hardly spoke to L, who said nothing though there was definitely something in his expression that told Light he was none too pleased with the current situation, but Light did not care. All he cared about was getting rid of 'N'. He was so preoccupied, that he hardly noticed when Misa finally moved into the floor above him and he was even more distant with her when she came down to visit.

"Misa is worried about Light-kun!" she wailed. "You seem so cold!"

"Misa…we have another problem," Light said and his voice was dark and heavy. "I was contacted recently by someone who is calling himself N…I have a feeling he's connected with L, but I'm not sure what that connection is."

"You want to get rid of him?" Misa asked, once again showing her ability to catch on occasionally.

"Yes," Light whispered. "I want him dead."

"Misa would suggest something, but Misa does not do well with these sorts of things…" she admitted.

Light thought hard. "I need to know where he is," he said, suddenly remembering the whole incident with Megumi Hagachi. He looked at Misa. "When I find out where he is, I'll send Demegawa over there and he can get a crowd going again. They can storm the place N is hiding and then, when he's forced outside, you can be watching and write his name into the Death Note."

"Misa would be thrilled to do that!" Misa exclaimed.

Light smiled for the first time since the phone call. "That's my girl, Misa," he said softly, running a hand through her golden tresses, so different than the black he was used to.

"Once you find out, let Misa know right away!" Misa said with excitement.

"I will," Light replied.

He grinned darkly to himself. He didn't have to try and get N's name, he just needed to know where the bastard was located. He'd get N to tell him. It would not seem that suspicious if he asked, just so the two teams knew where they were to each other. Besides, so far even though N knew he wasn't the original L, at least he hadn't been so harsh as L and claimed he was Kira instantly.

He hardly noticed when Misa said something about him coming back and he didn't respond to the kiss on the cheek. He glanced into the corner of the room and saw Ryuk watching him with a grin on his face. Light smiled back at the Death God.

"Are you getting interested again, Ryuk?" he asked, letting Misa's fingers entwine about his own as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Very," Ryuk said and Light noticed how his eyes seemed to flick towards the end of the hall. He frowned. Ryuk needed to stop alluding to the fact that there was something down there. Luckily Misa was too entranced by the pressure he had on her hand to notice anything else.

"Misa, it is late and I am sure you are tired from moving and all, why don't you get some sleep?" Light suggested.

"Do I have to?" Misa whined.

Light forced himself to laugh, as if he thought she was so cute. "Yes, I don't want you falling asleep during your photo shoot tomorrow."

"You remembered that it was tomorrow!" Misa exclaimed, practically falling from her seat from excitement.

"Of course I did," Light said. "Now come on, I'll even tuck you in, how's that?"

"YAY!" Misa screamed and Light winced at how loud she could be.

He stood up and offered Misa his hand. She took it, her face flushed and her eyes shining with happiness and devotion. Sad really…how attached she got to him. Light headed out of his apartment and up the communal staircase to the second floor landing. Misa unlocked the door and the two of them stepped inside.

"You know, Misa may be tired, but she has enough energy for…_that_," Misa suddenly said deviously as Light led her towards her bedroom.

Light smiled and shook his head. "You may, but I don't, it's been a rough couple of weeks, Misa," he said.

Misa's hopeful look quickly faded to one of complete disappointment. Light sighed to himself and took hold of Misa's shoulders, forcing her to stand right in front of him. He leaned forward and kissed her deeply. He felt her arms around him, felt her fingers dig into his back in ecstasy as he kissed her. It was the longest kiss they had shared and by the time Light broke away, Misa was quite breathless and seemed dazed.

"Not tonight, but another night," Light whispered with a charming smile. "You know I love you, Misa."

"Yes," she whispered.

"But I think the best thing for you would be to sleep," Light continued.

"OK," Misa whispered.

She turned and sort of glided towards her bed. Light smiled and as he said he would, he tucked her into the blankets and she smiled at him and he kissed her on the forehead before leaving the room and turning out the lights. Ryuk was standing in the kitchen as Light left Misa's room. Light noticed an apple on the counter and he smirked, picking it up and tossing it to Ryuk.

"Thanks," Ryuk said, waving the apple in the air before taking a big bite out of it.

"You're welcome," Light replied smoothly. "I know you're all about getting rid of boredom…but try not to make things so obvious or things are going to end quite suddenly."

Ryuk chuckled and shrugged. Light sighed, that was the best answer he was going to get from the Death God right now. He couldn't tell if Ryuk would leave it at that, or if he would continuously drop hints to Misa that Light was hiding something. Light prayed that Ryuk didn't go so far as to just tell her. He thought L was right, Misa would be driven mad by jealousy and either kill L or himself.

Light returned to his apartment and just stood in the kitchen. He wasn't hungry, he wasn't tired and he wasn't really in the mood to watch TV. He wanted to contact N, but he could only do that from headquarters. He wanted to find out more about N and then suddenly it came to him. He knew N had something to do with L, but he hadn't had time to really question L about it as their time together usually involved their mouths in anything but talking so he hadn't wanted to break the mood and interrupt what they were doing with questions like that.

But tonight he wasn't in the mood to play so he was just going to come out and ask. He didn't expect L to keep the information from him, well, not all of it, not after all they had shared up to this point. He opened the door to the guest bedroom and saw L reading a book Light had left him. Upon Light's entry, L folded the corner of the page down to mark his place and set the book down next to him.

"Caught up with Misa?" he asked.

His tone of voice was innocent, which was better than accusing, but Light was not really in the mood. If he let L keep going, he wasn't going to be able to resist the detective. He shrugged a bit.

"You know how she is," he replied. His eyes flashed. "L, I have to ask you something really important."

L tilted his head to the side a bit, clearly thrown off by that. Light walked further into the room, until he was standing right at the edge of the bed.

"Do you know anything about a guy who goes by 'N'?" he asked fervently.

No change of expression in L's face. His black eyes bore into Light's, but he didn't seem shocked, there was no dawning expression on his face. "N? No, sounds like a poor joke to me," he replied.

It was because there was no reaction that made Light suspicious of his lover's answer. "No? Are you sure? I can assure you it was no joke. Someone contacted me and referred to me as the second L, so they obviously know of your disappearance."

"You mean my death," L corrected him and there was some harshness to that statement.

"…Yes," Light replied. "And I figured if he knew about it, then you two must have known about the other."

"And what if we did?" L asked. "What are you asking?"

"Come on, L, you're too smart to play dumb," Light snapped, growing irritated. "What's his name? Where does he work? Should I be worried about this?" he asked.

L regarded him coolly for a while. "Let me just present what you have asked from my viewpoint, Yagami-kun," he said.

_Back to Yagami huh? You're mad about something…_

"Hypothetically, if I did indeed know who N was and we are somehow connected…do you honestly expect me to tell Kira about him when I know exactly what you want to do to him?" L asked.

Light's jaw dropped. He had sort of expected L to be on his side more than anything these days, since it had been so long since he had done any investigative work. He looked at L with some hurt in his eyes, but he found no sympathy from the detective.

"You really won't help me?" Light asked.

"No, because I refuse to help Kira," L replied firmly.

"Even after everything that we've been through together?" Light asked a bit earnestly now.

"Even after everything," L repeated. "I stand for justice more than I stand for love; you should that by now, Yagami-kun."

Light lowered his gaze to the floor, the shadows falling on his face just so, covering the top half of his face. He turned on his heel and walked towards the bedroom door, pausing after he opened it.

"I should have known that you could never truly love me," Light said. He raised his eyes and to L it seemed as though they were blazing crimson instead of soft brown. "I should have known this was all a fucking game to you. Well screw you, oh powerful L, human emotions are below you, how could I have forgotten something like that?"

And with that said, he stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

"Light-kun, are you all right?" Matsuda asked.

Light blinked and glanced over at him and forced a smile. "Yes, I'm just really tired; I didn't sleep well last night."

Matsuda gave him a knowing smile. "Well, Misa-Misa just moved in right? I can imagine," he chuckled.

"Matsuda," Aizawa said in warning.

Matsuda smiled apologetically and Light shook his head. Good, mine as well let them think he had spent the night making love to Misa rather than fuming about a cold-hearted detective. And as if Fate decided that he needed the worse day of his life, the screen before him suddenly blinked to show he had an incoming transmission. Light sighed and pushed the button.

"L here," he said.

"L, it's N."

_Obviously._

"What is it?" Light asked.

"We were wondering if you've seen anything out of the ordinary lately," N replied.

"No," Light said, trying hard to keep his voice polite. "I assure you we will contact you when we do."

"So it is safe to assume that you have not noticed the increase activity in this area then?" N asked and suddenly on the screen was a satellite image of none other than the street Light was currently living on. "Recently, there have been people searching for something on this street. I think it might have something to do with Chief Yagami, seeing as how his son lives here."

Light said nothing and he thought he heard a light chuckle from N. "Judging by your silence, you are Yagami-san's son…Light Yagami?"

"…Yes," Light answered reluctantly.

"It is nice to formally meet you, Light Yagami…you may henceforth call me Near," the other voice replied.

_Near…I'm getting one step closer. Now to find out exactly where you are in the world._

"Near…I appreciate that," he said. He paused. "How are you getting all this information? Are you in Japan as well?"

"No."

Light waited. He didn't want to push too much. "I'm in New York City." Light hid a grin. Closer and closer, his claws were sinking into the mouse. "We've just been surveying the region in which Kira is supposed to live when we noticed that one person is constantly visiting the street in which you live…I wonder, what is he looking for?"

"I could not tell you," Light said. He glanced at the others in the room and they nodded, obviously on his side more than this mysterious boy's. "Perhaps they know something in regards to the investigation."

"Like information on the Death Note."

"Perhaps…"

"In which case they may believe that you have it," Near continued. "Do you?"

There is was, the first indication that Near was suspicious of him, at least a little. He could hear it in the guy's voice. He smiled to himself. "No," he replied. "We're keeping it in a safe here at headquarters."

"Good, I'd hate to think the Japanese Police were so irresponsible as to leave it in the hands of one person," Near said.

Everyone in the room stiffened, but it was Light who replied. "I am sure you did not mean any offense by that," he said, and his voice held warning. Ah yes, the prideful investigator.

Silence from the other end. "I just find it irritating that Kira has yet to be caught, however, I am sure you are doing your best, I just hope that with our help you will be able to get him."

He hung up and the others immediately started grumbling.

"I don't know who he thinks he is," Ide said.

"It's like he thinks we've been doing nothing but twiddling our thumbs while Kira is out killing all those people," Aizawa growled.

"I don't like him," Mogi said bluntly.

"He needs to show us respect if he expects us to show him any," Matsuda complained.

"That's enough," Soichiro said. "Whining about his attitude is the last thing we need to do. Need I remind you how harsh Ryuuzaki was at times? I feel this is a similar case, but if he's as smart as Ryuuzaki, then we need to cooperate with him."

"Father is right, to a degree," Light said. "I don't like the idea of cooperating completely. We are in charge of this case, not him."

"Yeah!" Matsuda exclaimed, ignoring Aizawa's warning glare. "Light-kun is right! We're going to be the ones who stop Kira!"

Light smiled at him. "Right," he said.

Matsuda seemed so pleased that Light had agreed with him that his grin went from ear to ear. Light sighed to himself. If Matsuda had more brains, he might not have minded him so much. Still, he had to get those followers. Whether they supported Kira or Light, it did not matter; he needed them for both sides, that way, in the end if anything happened that didn't go according to plan, well, he could always depend on people like Matsuda to back him up.

_But who the hell is it that's been stalking me? I need to find out and then I need Misa to find out the name and have him killed immediately. It's not just that the Death Note is in my apartment…if he breaks in and finds L and happens to be connected to anyone who knows who L is…I'm fucked._

"If you don't mind, I'm going to head home and see if I find anything suspicious," Light said. "Maybe it would be better to bring the notebook back here for a while."

"That is fine," Soichiro said. "Keep a close eye out and let us know if we can help you at all."

"Thank you, I will," Light said. "Keep up the great work everyone."

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

When Light got back to the apartment, he thought he felt eyes on him so he acted naturally. He did not look around pointedly; instead he just unlocked his door and stepped inside, making sure to lock it behind him. So then, there really was someone skulking about. Well, he had probably caught them by surprise; he never came home this early, not anymore. However, there was the small chance that the person did not know him yet and was still just looking for his address. Either way, he thought he had felt some comprehension in the air, as if someone had finally figured something out after much searching.

He made his way casually to the windows and drew the blinds, turning his TV on louder than normal to make it seem as if he was just trying to keep the sun's glare from the screen. He moved down the hall to the guest bedroom and opened the door. Better to keep L with him for the time being. He walked into the room and saw that L was napping, perched in his usual position.

Even though Light was still pretty pissed off with the detective, he couldn't help but take a moment to just look at him. Finally, he walked over to him and grabbed his shoulder, shaking him awake. L looked at him and Light could already tell that he was planning something, though he could not decide what. Something about his eyes told him and he didn't like it.

"Come on, let's watch a movie or something," Light said.

"All right," L replied.

Light unlocked the handcuff and took hold of L's hand and pulled him from the bed. L followed behind him as normal. They walked down the hallway and into the living room.

"What do you feel like watching?" Light asked.

But L didn't answer; instead Light found himself upside down as L flipped him bodily over his head. Light landed on the floor with a loud grunt. He tried to roll back to his feet, but L suddenly stepped on his chest to keep him in place. He looked down at him with cold eyes.

"I'm leaving," he said simply.

"_What_?!" Light hissed.

"I can't stand living like this anymore," L growled. "Confined to a room all day, doing absolutely nothing but waiting for you to get here so we can fuck, this is not the life for me!"

"L…" Light said, feeling constricted in his chest. This couldn't really be happening. Not after all the other shit that went on today.

He grabbed L by the ankle and looked up into those empty black eyes, eyes that showed not a flicker of care or of love. Had L been acting the whole time?

"Don't leave me," Light whispered.

"I have to," L replied. "I'm going crazy."

"We can work something out," Light whined.

"No, we can't. We would have done that already if it was that easy," L growled.

"You can't leave me!" Light snarled.

"Watch me," L said.

He kicked his foot free from Light's grasp and hurried towards the door. Light's eyes widened and moving at a speed he didn't even knew he possessed, he threw himself towards L. Honestly, it was a good thing he had locked his door. Had he not, then L really would have been able to swing the door open and run, however, his hand grabbed the handle and twisted, but it did not give. The few precious seconds it took him to turn the lock was enough for Light.

Since he literally had lunged across the room towards his lover, he couldn't quite stop himself and ended up crashing into L and causing the detective to slam into the door. They both fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs. Light felt L's fist smash into his stomach and he coughed, but he got a vice-like grip on L's wrist and he refused to let it go.

"Get the hell off of me, Kira!" L shouted.

"I will not!" Light yelled. "I won't let it end like this!"

"You can't say you love me, you wouldn't lock me up like a dog if you did!" L snapped, twisting out from under Light.

"Don't do this to us," Light pleaded. "Not now, I do love you, L, I only do what I do so that you are safe."

"It's not to keep me safe!" L roared and Light could hear just how much damage he had been doing to him by keeping him locked away. "It's a sick form of torture! I cannot live off of sex; I need more to life than that! If you can't give that to me than just kill me, please!"

Light was slipping behind Kira. He just didn't know how to handle this and he needed to be clear of mind to answer L. He didn't even answer him right away. Instead he waited for the perfect moment, when L was still yelling and then closed his arms around L's waist. He lifted the thin detective then and slung him over his shoulder.

"Dammit, stop it, Kira!" L shouted. "Just let me go!"

His voice was getting desperate and it was breaking Light's heart. Hadn't they had good times together? Weren't they both in love? Why couldn't L just focus on that? Where else was he going to go? Light never saw him really leave the investigation's main room before.

_True, but he had been doing something then. He had been living the life he had chosen. He had been tracking down his enemy. I took all of that away and it is killing him._

"I cannot let you go," Light muttered.

He brought him into the bedroom and closed the door with his foot before crossing the room and dropping L to the bed. Before L could scramble away, he straddled him and held his wrists to the bed with his hands. L bucked wildly and tossed his head from side to side.

"Let me go!" he shouted again.

"I will not," Light said softly.

"Because you think I'm your little slave?" L snapped.

Light almost wanted to just destroy everything since it seemed to be falling apart anyway. He almost wanted to say yes to that question, but he resisted. There was still a chance to save this; there was still a chance for something to go right.

"Why do you want to leave me so suddenly?" Light asked. "I thought you were happy."

"I was happy," L snarled. "But I cannot do this anymore. I need my life back."

"If you get your life back, you will take my own," Light pointed out.

"And you don't think you deserve that?" L demanded. "Some retribution for everything that you have done to me?"

"Stop it," Light said heavily, clenching his teeth together to keep from screaming. "You don't know how much you're hurting me."

"Stop being so selfish!" L shouted. "You do not understand pain!"

Light looked at him darkly. "And I suppose you do? Well then enlighten me, oh great detective."

"I finally had a friend, more than that, I had a potential lover, but that was all taken away because you admitted to being Kira. I was broken, you destroyed me that day and then you proceeded to humiliate me by _raping_ me. I was left heartless and cold, and then you started this little game of twisting my heart, of thawing it from its wall of ice and melting the barriers that stood before us. I actually found myself loving you all over again despite everything you had done. And yet, after all of this I know it cannot be because I simply cannot live my life in a room and you will never let me leave this place."

"At least it wasn't an act," Light growled. "I don't believe you when you say you loved me again, I don't think you truly do. I think you were just acting so that one day I might let you leave because I'd be foolish enough to believe that your so called love would keep you from turning me in. It's all been an act, and now that it is not working, you're just trying to run and tell whoever you can so that I will be executed."

"And you haven't been acting?" L demanded. "You've been trying to break me all along and now that N has showed up, you're trying to use my love for you to get you to tell you things that will lead to someone's death."

"Because these people are in the way of a new world! I love you, L, but I cannot sacrifice everything I have done for these people because of it!" Light shouted.

"Just as I can't sacrifice this world because of my love for you!" L snarled in reply.

"What love?" Light suddenly bellowed. "Admit it, you never cared for me! Even now my heart won't accept this, though my mind will!"

L tried to break Light's grasp on him, but Light held strong. Both their eyes were blazing with anger. There was no love in that look.

"Don't make me say it," L snapped.

"Say what? That you've hated me all this time? I already know that!" Light said icily.

L let out a loud sigh of frustration and anger. "No, you fucking moron!" he finally barked. "I love you, dammit; I was not lying when I said that! I loved you from the beginning; I just didn't know it because I had never been in love before. I loved you even though I thought you were Kira, I loved you even when I _knew_ you were Kira. I loved you even though you killed the only person I counted as part of my family. I love you even know when I desperately want to leave you."

"But I don't want you to leave," Light said, his voice softer than it had been, a little weak even, but he didn't care because L wanted to go and he didn't want that to happen. He would do what it took to keep L with him.

"I know that," L said sharply. "And I don't either, but it's the only way. I can't keep doing this, Light-kun, you have to let me go."

"But if I do, then I'll die," Light said.

"I could speak on your behalf," L said. "Life in prison, not death."

"It's the same thing," Light replied darkly.

"You just don't want to lose," L pointed out.

"Neither do you," Light snapped.

"I already have…"

Light blinked. For L to actually admit something like that was quite surprising. Well, truth be told the detective had lost. He was in the mercy of his enemy, though the mercy of his enemy had proven to be quite a bit more than he had probably been expecting.

"I can't let it happen," Light said. "I have to be here for those people, they want my world, L, they want Kira."

"Only because they are too afraid to say otherwise," L said heavily.

"I don't want to fight you anymore," Light said suddenly.

"I'm sorry but I am not letting this go," L replied. "I want to leave. I can't spend another minute inside of this house."

"Well then I'll take you for another walk," Light said earnestly.

L's eyes flashed dangerously. "I'm not your fucking pet!" he shouted. "I am a human, you can't keep me here!"

"You can either stay or I'll have to kill you."

Damn, Kira was coming through for real now, but Light had no other alternative. If L left, then he would tell someone. His sense of justice was far too engraved in his head. He couldn't just let Light carry on in what he was doing. Since Light knew that was the case, then Kira knew the only thing to do was to kill him to keep him quiet.

"And so Kira presents his merciful options," L said sarcastically.

"I don't want to kill you, L," Light said coldly. "But I will if it means saving my world."

"You mean saving yourself," L replied bitterly.

"Either way those are your options."

"If you keep me here after this I will hate you forever," L said stubbornly.

_Damn you!_

Hearing the word 'hate' coming from L's mouth was like being shot in the heart with an arrow. He couldn't live in a world in which L hated him. Hell, he couldn't live in a world without L. Feeling completely overwhelmed and quite defeated, Light did the only thing he could in that situation. He just had to remind L why he should stay. He leaned in quickly and kissed L, but the detective did not respond in the slightest. Light frowned to himself and bit his lower lip, but still L remained still as a statute.

"It won't work," he said when Light broke away.

"If it does, will you stay with me?" Light asked.

"I'm not answering that right now," L replied.

Light took that as an incentive to keep trying. He knew L's sensitive spots by now, but he wasn't going to go for them immediately. He was going to show L how much he cared for him and how badly he wanted him. He couldn't risk letting L be on stop in case he tried to run, but he shifted so that he was sitting lower on L's legs, around his knees and then he slid his hands slowly up L's thighs.

He massaged L's inner thighs, coming so close to his groin but never touching. He would not look into L's face, because he was worried that he would see that stoic expression. Instead, he let his hands continue to roam sensually about L's inner thighs as he leaned in and bit L's nipple through his shirt. Not a sound from L, but Light thought he felt him stiffen beneath him. Well at least he got some sort of reaction from him, but he knew he had a long way to go before L changed his mind.

He leaned in as if to kiss L now, but the detective moved his head to the side, as if he did not want those lips pressed against his own. Undaunted, Light just focused on the exposed neck and ran his tongue over the skin in a slow, circular motion. Again, nothing from L, but he was not about to give up, this was for L after all, he had to have him with him forever. He moved on from his neck to his ear lobe and bit it gently at first, but when he got no response he bit down harder and L squirmed a bit, but it was from discomfort. Light let go and trailed his tongue over the length of L's ear, but still got nothing.

He was getting frustrated, but Kira was coming through. He had gotten some reaction when he had bit him hard. Well, if it was going to take a rough night to get him back, that was fine by Light. Everything else was forgotten: N, the stalker, Misa, the investigation, even his new world, all of it was put on hold while he tried to arouse L. He broke free and looked into the detective's face. He was met by a cool stare, boredom written clearly upon that pale face. Well, he wouldn't be bored for long.

He leaned in and took hold of L's right nipple in his mouth. Instead of gently biting it, he clamped his mouth over it, hard. L gasped and Light felt his hand bury itself into his hair and try and tug his mouth away, but Light held on, he darted his hand forward and wrapped it around L's waist, his fingers digging painfully into the small of L's back.

"Kira!" L hissed.

Light ignored him. He let go of his right nipple, but just did the same to his left. L bucked again, trying to throw him off, but Light just moved with him. He bit down a bit harder and L actually whimpered from the pain. Light could taste blood in his mouth, but it didn't matter. He was going to get L aroused and he didn't care what it took.

"L-let go!" L cried out.

Light did so but captured L in a rather harsh kiss, keeping L's blood in his mouth as he did so and wrapping his tongue about L's before the detective could do anything to prevent it. He could feel L's chest heaving and knew he was getting somewhere. He let go of L's mouth and attacked his neck. Biting into the soft flesh and then sucking at it. L's hand was still buried rather painfully in his hair, but it didn't stop him and now the detective wasn't pulling at him so fervently. Kinky little bastard.

Light rocked his hips forward, pushing his groin against L's and L shifted slightly, as if trying to get away from the feeling, but Light let his full weight fall on him and continued to rock steadily back and forward, causing L's breath to come in great gasps.

"K-Kira," L groaned.

Light continued to ignore him and bit down on his neck harder. L cried out and Light continued to bite him, pushing his groin into L's harder than before. He was hard and he could feel that the detective was too, but now he was into it and he wasn't about to be gentle. He finally released his throat and looked at his handy-work. The skin was an angry red and he smiled in satisfaction. He looked at the detective and his face was flushed and his eyes brighter than usual since the pain had made tears spring to his eyes.

"S-stop," L said.

"You don't mean that," Light said simply, crushing their bruised lips together again.

His hand snaked down and slipped under L's jeans and gripped his erection. L whimpered into the kiss as Light held him tightly. He squeezed and L stiffened and then fell limp and Light withdrew his hand and continued to rock back and forth instead, their aching erections begging for more. Unable to wait anymore, Light grabbed L by the shoulders and spun him so that he was now on his shoulder.

"Let's make this really kinky," Light whispered.

"I am not in the mood for this, Kira," L snapped.

"Your body says otherwise," Light smiled innocently.

He removed his shirt and used it to secure L's hands behind his back, much as he had done so all that time ago when they hadn't proclaimed themselves as lovers. L strained against the bond but could not break it. Light lay on him but did not remove his pants right away. Instead his slid his hands under L and moved them past his stomach and down to his groin. He pressed his erection teasingly with his fingers and L began to pant. He leaned in and bit the back of L's neck hard and he cried out, but it wasn't just pain anymore, Light could detect some pleasure in the cry as well.

And that cry was enough to make Light decide that the time for foreplay was over. He needed to be inside of L again and so he let his fingers undo L's jeans and he pulled them down before unbuttoning his own pants. He was nervous though. If L really didn't want to do this right now, wouldn't it be raping him all over again? Well, L could protest once Light started to get going and if he did, Light was willing to stop for him because he truly did love him and he wanted L to stay with him.

He entered and L stiffened and then relaxed. Light moved with hesitation, ready to back off immediately. However, L turned his head and looked at him, his gaze was intense.

"You think this will keep me?" he asked rather sharply. "Show me you love me."

Light grinned. "You really are a kinky little bastard," he said.

With L giving him the 'go ahead', Light began to move harder and faster. He gripped L's shoulders and L squirmed beneath him, panting loudly but not moaning yet. Well, Light was going to make him moan, make him scream, just as he had planned when he first took L captive. Only this time it wasn't to break him, it was to keep him. He slammed into L and L cried out, causing Light to slow down again.

"D-don't stop!" L shouted.

Light nodded and slammed into him again and L started to moan loudly, it was more like pleasured yells then moans at this point and it was making a fire erupt within Light to hear so much emotion in L's usually stoic voice. He continued to make love to him harder than he had ever done so before and L writhed about as much as he could, his hands clenching the blankets under him.

They climaxed together, almost at the exact same time and their voices mingled within each other, creating a love's duet unlike anything that had ever been heard before. As if their very voices told the world that they belonged to each other. When the sound died down, Light got off of L and lay by his side, sweating and breathing heavily, utterly exhausted. L slowly shifted to his side, facing Light and he reached out with his hand and brushed some stray locks of hair from Light's face.

Light looked at him and smiled gently. "Well…are you going to stay?" Light asked.

"Yes," L said. "But only if you promise me something."

"Anything," Light replied.

"Some day soon…take a day off of work so we can go somewhere," L said. "It can be far away from here so no one will recognize me."

"Done," Light promised. "I can do that."

L smiled and closed his eyes as Light reached over him and released L's hands from his shirt. He kissed L gently on the ear and then the cheek before he settled back down on the bed. He raised a hand and let it brush through L's raven tresses and the smile stayed on L's face even as he drifted off to sleep.

"Stay with me forever…L," Light whispered.

L nodded sleepily. "I will," he murmured.

**Silent Dagger: **Phew…this was an intense chapter to write! Not to mention it is the longest chapter of this story so far…yay for length!

Anyway, in the next chapter, Light makes good of his promise and takes L someplace special.


	16. Perfect Day

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger:** Ok, so just to let you know, I did set up an RPG forum-based rpg for anyone interested. Even if you've never rped before, feel free to take a look around. The link is my homepage and there's also a link in my profile 

**Nusku (Yeah, they were getting pretty rough. Light gratefully accepts the ice cream), sommar (lol, umm good luck getting your brain back? And hey, wows are always appreciated), whitelilly (annnd here's your trip out. Thanks so much for saying this is your fave story, that means a lot to me), Kamichiro Eris (heh heh I figured it was high time for L to be seme for once. It'd be so nice if their relationship wasn't so crazy, but I don't see that happening any time soon lol. Yeah, L just had enough and I can't blame him, I would be so upset if I was confined to a room! Happy Holidays to you as well and thanks much for the cake! Thanks for the continual support as well), PirateCaptainBo (Well, he's having Matt keep an eye out on them, that's for sure. Yeah, these two will probably always have something to fight about, but that makes them so cute!), SurferGirl (I couldn't agree with you more! Thank you, there is still much to be told haha), Pareidolia (yes, Mello is having Light watched. Light is in quite the tight spot…I can only imagine what will happen…well, I know, but I'm not telling mwahaha), shiroyuki004 (I'm updating, I'm updating!! Lol I tried to do so as fast as possible, I hate crappy internet connections), black.is.the.new.blood (yes, he stays! Ohhh Light would have been SO screwed if L got out. Hope you didn't get too impatient waiting! I tried to update quickly!), Kuroi Kitty (hee they are just adorable, aren't they?), Great Aunt Florence (congrats on reading the whole thing through so quickly lol. Haha YES! I'm like that too! Yeah, Mello's cool but Near…ugh they are going to cause trouble…), xXToxicXAddictionXx (awww thanks, I figured there was only so much L could take before he got fed up with it. Lol you know…I didn't either until I finished it and was like…wow), eli (yes! If ever there were two people destined for each other it's those two!), Shaina (you shall see what the future will hold…), Shadow-of-a-Demon (Thank you very much. And I agree…seriously, I just want to kick that little squirt! I'm glad you love it!)**

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! MY GIFT TO YOU IS THIS CHAPTER!!

**Chapter Sixteen: Perfect Day**

Three days had gone by since Light had promised L that he would take him somewhere. It wasn't that he was avoiding it; he was just planning on what they could do. Finally, it was Saturday and Light went to work very early and once the rest of the team arrived, he sat them down.

"I know this is a bad time and I already feel awful for even thinking of asking," he began heavily. He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair before speaking again. "I have put in a few hours today, but I was hoping to have the rest of the day off and relax. I've been feeling a bit worn out lately…I just want to make sure you'll be okay without me."

"Of course!" Matsuda instantly shouted. "You work harder than anyone on this case!"

Aizawa nodded his approval. "Matsuda is right; you deserve a day to yourself, especially since you've already been working anyway."

Soichiro smiled and patted Light on the shoulder. "I was hoping you would suggest this, I was about to implore you to do so anyway," he said.

Light smiled warmly at them all. "Thank you very much," he said. "I promise I will make it up."

They all waved him away and Light bowed to them and then left the office. He smiled to himself. No doubt L was probably losing faith that he would keep his promise, but he would show him. He hardly noticed the bus ride home as he imagined all the things they were going to do today. How lucky for him that there was a carnival not too far from home. He wasn't sure if L liked that sort of thing, but the guy was childish at times, so Light was hoping he would.

It was only nine in the morning when Light returned home. He thought he heard Misa's TV upstairs, so he made sure he was very quiet as he walked towards the guest bedroom. He opened the door and as he expected, L was awake and reading. Light smiled at him and undid the handcuff quickly before taking his hand.

"What are you doing home?" L asked.

"It's a secret," Light replied, leading L from the room.

He continued leading the detective right out of the house and hurried away from the apartment. L was quiet as Light led the way to the bus stop and when they stopped to wait for its arrival, he looked at Light curiously. It was all Light could do to refrain from giving him a big hug. That look on his face was just priceless.

"Where are we going?" he finally asked as the bus pulled to a stop in front of them.

"I'm not telling you," Light grinned.

They got on the bus and walked to the back, sitting together. Since there were not a lot of people on the bus, Light took hold of L's hand and traced small circles with his thumb. L just seemed like he was about to burst with impatience and Light almost laughed at him. It was cute, really, and suddenly he was finding himself worrying less and less about whether L would not approve of a carnival. He couldn't imagine the detective on any wild rides, but there were many other aspects about the event that would probably draw him.

They were on the bus for about half an hour. Fortunately the bus stopped before the actual carnival so they would have to walk a ways which would keep L in even more suspense. Light stood and L followed him off the bus, hands in pocket and slouched as always. The bus driver gave them an odd look that they ignored and when the bus drove away, Light started making his way towards the carnival.

"Why can't you just tell me where we're going?" L asked.

"Because it wouldn't be as much fun that way," Light answered, sneaking a pinch to L's side.

"Says you," L replied.

"Don't pout," Light chuckled.

"You're in a particularly good mood today," L pointed out a bit sourly.

"Because I get to spend the whole day with you," Light said.

L smiled softly and looked at him. "Good answer," he replied.

Light longed to take hold of L's hand, but he had a feeling that the detective was probably not one for affection while they were out walking down a busy street. He was content to walk by his side though and he grinned to himself as he started to hear the sounds of the carnival. Loud music, happy voices, the sounds of rides working, of people shouting to each other in jovial voices. He glanced at L and saw that he was definitely curious now.

When they finally got to the entrance, Light stopped and faced L. "Surprise," he said.

L looked at him and blinked and suddenly grinned. It was the first time Light had ever really seen him grin like that he was suddenly thanking himself for being so brilliant in planning this for their outing. To his surprise, L gave him a hug that was a bit too quick for Light to really return and, like a little kid; he led the way into the park, Light laughing as he followed.

"I knew you would approve," Light said.

"I was deprived in my youth," L argued.

They stopped by the ticket booth and Light paid for them both. They walked in together and just took it all in. Rides were everywhere, people were running towards their favorite, shrieking as they watched and pointing at their next destinations. Stands were set up everywhere, selling all sorts of sweets and drinks. Games were in abundance and Light couldn't help but feel that this was going to be a wonderful day. He looked at L again and those dark orbs stared back.

"It's your day, L," he said softly. "You choose what we do."

L smiled again and nodded. He started heading towards one of the food stands and Light couldn't help but chuckle. Of all the things here, of course he would choose to eat some sweets first. Light followed him over and they reached the stand and looked at everything being offered.

"You want some cotton candy?" Light asked.

L nodded so Light ordered a large one and handed the cone of spun sugar to L with a grin. "Don't eat too many sweets or you won't be able to go on any of the rides," he said.

L scoffed a bit and as if to argue with that he took a large bite of cotton candy. Light could only laugh. It was like all the tension that was always building up between them was left behind at the entrance. There were no suspicions, there was no bitterness, it truly was like they were just friends enjoying a day together. Well, to the crowds they were nothing but friends, though both were feeling a large rush of love towards the other at the moment.

"You want a bite?" L asked.

"I'd love one," Light replied rather slyly.

L smirked humorously and held out the cotton candy. Light picked off a piece with his fingers and attempted to eat it seductively, but it was rather hard to pull of sexy with such a large chunk of the stuff and he ended up laughing half way through and just stuffing it into his mouth, causing L to chuckle.

"It was a good try," the detective said before eating more himself.

"Oh well thank you," Light replied.

They were walking aimlessly and happened to stop in front of a large Ferris Wheel. Another sideway glance was shared and then they both started for it at the same time. They showed the attendant their plastic bracelets and he let them on. Luckily they got one all to themselves and both were smiling rather deviously as the ride started. As soon as they were high enough that no one would see them, they both went for the other and their mouths collided in a hot kiss.

Light slipped his hand under L's shirt, L's hand buried itself into Light's hair and their tongues danced and swirled about each others mouths. Light shifted so that he was a bit on top of L and continued to kiss him passionately. By the time they reached the highest point of the ride, L was on his back and Light was lying on top of him. They broke the kiss only momentarily to take a breath and went back at it, their hands roaming freely and both panting into the kiss. Light broke the kiss and leaned in, closing his mouth over L's neck again and biting him, L's arms wound tightly around him as he moaned softly as Light began to suck at the skin between his teeth.

"Too low," L murmured huskily.

Light let go of him and sat up, taking a hold of L's wrist and pulling him upright as well. As they passed into the crowd's view again, they were much as they were when they started; sitting next to each other, though the mostly eaten cotton candy was now lying abandoned on the floor of their small carriage. They were going to go around again and when they were safe once more, L took his turn on top and nibbled Light's earlobe affectionately. He then kissed the younger boy deeply, wrapping his arms around his neck and rocking his hips so their groins pushed against each others teasingly. Light's arms were around L's waist and he was crushing the detective to him as L bit his lower lip sensually. They started getting to the 'danger point' and L resumed his seat but smiled devilishly and suddenly grabbed Light's crotch and gave it a pleasurable squeeze before letting his hand retreat.

Light frowned at him as they got off and L only smiled innocently.

"That was just cruel," he said.

"You know you liked it," L replied smugly.

"Well yeah, only now I just want to throw you on the ground and make love to you," Light whispered.

L only continued to smile at him and even dropped him a quick wink. "You're just going to have to be patient now aren't you?"

Light didn't say anything; he just waited for a moment of sabotage. It came in the form of a group of teenagers who were rushing towards them. He grinned to himself and stepped to the side to let them go and reached out wrapping an arm around L's waist and letting his hand rest on L's groin in the pretense of pulling him out of the group's path. L's breath caught in his throat as Light added some pressure and unlike L's quick love squeeze, he kept his hand there until the kids passed, which to L seemed to take an eternity.

"Wouldn't want you to be run over by over zealous teenagers," Light said innocently.

"How…kind of you," L said, clearly straining against moaning. "But they passed so I'm fine."

Light chuckled softly and let go of him. "I'm not a patient person, just so you know," he said.

"That's a lie," L said swiftly.

Light laughed and L smiled. They headed off again, enjoying each other's company as they mingled in with the crowd. It didn't matter that they were two important people, today in this crowd, they were just part of the mass having fun and that was all they wanted.

"I want more sweets," L suddenly said as they passed another concession stand.

"Done," Light replied, walking over.

He ordered a bunch of different candy and handed it all to L. They couldn't go on any rides with all of it, so they just walked around the park, watching the eager faces as they waited for their turn, smiling at the determined look on the children's faces as they concentrated on winning the game to win that giant teddy bear. Light looked at L as he examined everything and felt such a rush of love that he actually stopped walking. L noticed and stopped as well, looking at him questioningly.

"I love you," Light mouthed with a warm look on his face.

L smiled. "I love you too," he mouthed in return.

They stayed at the carnival for most of the day. They went on some of the rides, but as Light expected, L stayed away from the more exhilarating ones that would have spent them both spinning out of control. When they had exhausted the park Light led the way out. He noticed L looking a little put out and he stopped once they were outside the gate.

"What are you sulking about?" Light asked.

"I don't want to go back to the apartment," L admitted.

"Well who said we were?" Light smirked. "I still have plans for you."

L blinked and Light laughed and nodded, leading the way away from the carnival. The sun was beginning to set, casting the city in an orangey glow. It couldn't have been more perfect as they walked side-by-side to their next destination. Light had reserved places at a fancy restaurant and they arrived just in time. L looked around, impressed at Light's choice as the waitress led them to their private table upstairs.

"How did you get this?" L asked.

It was a private dining room with a round table set for two. Candles were set on the table, their flames casting the room in a warm light. Light grinned at the question, a rather satisfied expression coming over his face.

"I have my ways," he said.

Truth was he just told the lady that he worked on the Kira investigation and was rewarded by finding out that she hated Kira and she gave him the room. Though he wasn't too pleased to learn that she hated him, Light decided that since she gave him the room, she was quite safe. L only shrugged and dropped the subject as the waitress came in and took their orders.

"This day has been perfect, Light-kun," L admitted softly.

"I'm glad," Light said truthfully. "You deserved every minute."

They sat in a comfortable silence until their food came. It was of the finest quality and Light made a note to come back to this restaurant in the future. They remained quiet as they ate their meals; both of them were rather hungry as they had had nothing but sweets for the day, though for L that was normal in itself.

"This is delicious," Light finally said. "I'm glad I found this place."

"Me too," L replied.

"So I should be thanking you because I never would have looked for it otherwise," Light replied with a wink.

L chuckled and shook his head. They finished up their meal and Light left the money and stood up, stretching a bit. He grinned and held out a hand for L, who smirked up at him but took it anyway and let Light pull him to his feet. They walked down the stairs together, thanked the man at the door and left.

"Well, on to the next," Light smiled.

L looked at him. "You've set up more?" he asked.

"Of course," Light replied, pretending to be offended. "I promised you a proper outing, I keep my promises."

L smiled and Light led the way to their final destination. He could hardly wait for this. After all, it was a grand hotel and the room sounded absolutely perfect, especially since he was dying to get at L again. Tension had been building today, but not of the same sort, it was purely sexual tension and Light was getting very impatient to get the detective alone again.

He led the way into the nearby hotel and L was shaking his head, as if completely stunned that he would go to such a length. Light only smiled and approached the front desk, giving his name. The clerk nodded and waved a bellboy over who led the way to the elevator. They rode up towards the top floor.

"You're room is the last one of the right," the man told them as the elevator doors opened.

"Thank you," Light replied.

He led the way down the hall and opened the door to the large room he had reserved the other day. Once they were inside, he let the door close and locked it before smiling at his lover.

"And here we are, a nice room all to ourselves," he said. He suddenly grabbed L's hand and placed it over his own groin. "And as you can see, I've been looking forward to this part of the day."

L leaned forward with a sultry smile and kissed Light lightly, giving his lips a quick lick before pulling away. "I'm sure this will be my favorite part of the day as well," he whispered.

Light nodded and kept his hold on L's hand as he led the way towards the reason he had reserved this room. He opened a side room and chuckled at what he saw. As described, most of the room was taken up by a large hot tub, and as he had requested, it had already been turned on before his arrival and the water was bubbling enticingly. He looked at L and saw a fire burning in those dark eyes of his.

"Say it, I am amazing," Light said.

"You really are," L replied.

They both began to undress and then stepped into the hot water. They sighed in content and let the water sooth them for a while before they actually did anything. However, temptation proved to be too hard to resist and soon enough Light crossed from his side of the tub to L's with a sly grin on his face. He darted his hand out and cupped L, who bit his lower lip and closed his eyes in pleasure.

"I love everything about you," Light whispered softly. "You're just too cute."

He ran his fingers teasingly over L and L squirmed. Light continued to tease him and it appeared too much for L at that moment for he suddenly wrapped his arms about Light and crushed his lips against his. As they kissed, Light ran his hand up and down L's length and L moaned deeply, the vibrations of his voice running down Light's own throat and they seemed to travel right to his groin.

He moved his hand faster and L broke away from the kiss and rested his forehead on Light's shoulder, his hold on Light tightening as he felt more and more aroused. Light smiled to himself and continued, but gasped when he suddenly felt L's teeth close over his nipple. He felt the detective's tongue trail over it and he let out a loud breath and moved his hand even faster. Once L was good and hard, Light grabbed his hand and put it once more over his groin. L got the hint and started to administer to Light's needs.

Light moaned loudly as the detective went to work. Those fingers that usually held everything so delicately were wrapped firmly around him. He almost let L keep going until he climaxed, but he stopped him and grinned, turning the detective around. He thrust inside of him and L moaned loudly. He wrapped his arms around L's waist, letting his hands rest on the detective's pulsing groin.

He moved faster and harder within the detective until they were both moaning loudly together. L reached out with an arm and gripped the side of the hot tub for support as Light pushed harder. He suddenly hit L's pleasure spot because L tensed and then let out his loudest moan yet. Light smirked and aimed for that spot continually until L was writhing about in his arms. He slammed into the spot and L yelled in pleasure again and again.

"Call. My. Name!" Light shouted.

"L-Light! Light!" L yelled.

They climaxed together again and Light pulled out from L and the detective turned and captured him in another passionate kiss. He pushed forward until Light's back was pressed against the side of the hot tub and he moved his leg between Light's and Light groaned as pleasure raced through his body once again. It didn't take them long to get aroused again and L moved forward until Light was sitting on the one step in the tub.

L spread Light's legs and then lifted them so that Light's legs were resting on his shoulders. The water swirled enticingly over his chest and he looked up at L with an expectant face. L smiled and this time he thrust into Light and Light closed his eyes as fire erupted within him. L moved harder and faster, following Light's previous lead.

"Yes…Yes…YES!" Light shouted.

L's finger dug into Light's hips and he thrust deeper until he found Light's spot and Light performed similarly as L had done, squirming about from pleasure. He threw his head back, his eyes opened wide in absolute abandon.

"Keep going L!" he shouted. "D-don't stop! Never stop!"

"L-Light-kun," L grunted, panting as he moved faster.

"L! L!"

"Don't call me…'L' right now," L panted, repeating the words Light told him when he admitted to being Kira. "Call me…Lawliet!"

Light's eyes widened even further and he reached his climax before L. He knew his name. He finally knew his name! Lawliet…Lawliet…Lawliet, it was as if the name was echoing about his head. L…Lawliet…L was Lawliet, his name was Lawliet. He knew, he knew the name! It was all he could think about!

They eventually got out of the hot tub, though both were quite willing to stay there all night. It was a rather subdued atmosphere as they both wrapped themselves in fluffy white bath robes and made their way to the beds. Light turned on the TV and sat down, patting the spot next to him. L came over and sat down and Light couldn't help but notice that the detective seemed much too solemn for his liking. He ran a finger down L's cheek and smiled.

"What?" he asked.

L only shrugged and Light sighed.

"If it's about your name…don't worry," Light replied. "I promised you that I wouldn't kill you. I kept this promise; I'll keep that one as well."

"It was a mistake on my part," L admitted.

"Maybe so, but it is a mistake that has made me very happy…I finally know your name, I feel…closer to you somehow," Light replied.

"It is dangerous for people to know my name," L whispered.

"It's only dangerous for Kira to know your name, but seeing as how I already said you're safe from death, you shouldn't be so glum about it," Light said. When L didn't reply he sighed and wrapped his arms about L, pulling him close. "Come on, didn't we just have a perfect day? Don't let this ruin it, it's fine…I'll pretend that you never said it, okay?"

Not that he would ever forget. The name Lawliet was firmly engraved into his memory. It was strange, that part of him that was Kira was laughing in triumph, and yet Light knew that he was not going to write the name in the Death Note. Especially after today, he would die without L.

"You promise?" L asked.

Light placed a gentle kiss on L's forehead and smiled at him. "I promise, L, I love you too much."

L smiled faintly and then lay his head down on Light's lap and turned his gaze to the TV. It was on some American movie that neither of them were really paying attention to. Light was running his hand soothingly over L's head and L was softly nuzzling his face into Light's lap. Light reached forward and grabbed L under his arm pits and dragged him closer while he lay on his side. L smiled and also lay on his side so that they were facing each other.

"Did you have fun today?" Light asked.

"Yes," L replied.

"We'll do it again sometime," Light said. "I'll think of new things to do."

"I'm already looking forward to it," L replied.

Light smiled and slowly pushed his leg between L's and moved it forward until his thigh was pressing against L's groin again. L closed his eyes and let out his breath slowly as Light moved his leg up and down slowly, rubbing it along L's thighs and groin. L buried his face into Light's chest as Light applied even more pressure than before.

"I love turning you on," Light whispered seductively.

L only moaned in reply and Light continued to move his leg up and down in a slow, methodic rhythm. He didn't want this day to end. He just wanted things to remain like this forever. To stay with L…Lawliet like this without having to worry about anything else. He suddenly wished he could pass on his title of Kira and that could forget everything, but only if L could forget as well so they wouldn't have this hanging over them anymore. He shook himself mentally, no point even thinking like this, he had to enjoy the time he had with L because he knew it would be a long time before he would be able to take another day off.

"Remember L…no matter what happens, I will always love you," he whispered.

"And I you," L replied.

Their arms wound about each other and they held each other close. Light stopped moving his leg, but he kept it between L's as he pulled the blanket over them both and then snuggled up against L. Light may have been manipulative, he may have lied but if there was one thing he was entirely truthful about, one thing he truly desired and was serious about, it was his love for L and his adamant wish to fulfill any promise he made to the detective.

**Silent Dagger:** I know it's shorter than most, but I felt like if I kept going it would just drag on and whatnot. This wasn't even a chapter originally, I just added it so yeah…I was just going on what popped into my head.

Next chapter L is contacted…but I'm not telling you by who mwahahaha


	17. Closer

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger:** PLEASE CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO, IT IS FANTASTIC! Arigatou, Whitelilly! Seriously, I love it, I've watched it so many times!

yeah, sorry for the REALLY LONG WAIT!! Yikes, I'm so sorry about that, I feel really badly! I got really sick and for some reason my wireless just refuses to work so I wasn't able to upload it right away. Not to mention this was another long chapter with a lot to get through so it took a little while to write. But hey, at least I'm still going right?

::flat stares from L and Light::

I don't even want to see it boys, you're just mad because you haven't been able to grope each other for the last week or so!

**black.is.the.new.blood (yay! I'm glad I was able to get you something you really liked! and that sucks about Bob so I feel no remorse in spoiling you with steamy sex scenes), Nusku (hooray for forgiveness and yummy cupcakes! I'm glad you're still a fan of the story and that you're willing to share all these awesome sweets!), Kuro-Ino-Chan (Awww thank you very much. I'm very grateful for your compliment and I hope you enjoy the rest of the fanfic!), PirateCaptainBo (hands you some tissues for the nosebleed. Thanks, and now you get to find out who contacts L), eli (I apologize for causing you a toothache but I am glad it was worth it. They really are just adorable together, aren't they?), whitelilly (umm I only wish you had let me ask you first! YES!), Kagome-Chn LP (gah I wish I hadn't taken so much time updating this chapter though! Yeah, let's just keep Near out of there, shall we? Thank you and no worries for the English, you did marvelously), sommar (Yeah, they totally just needed that, no worries or anything, just cuteness. Yay! Glad that it made you smile and you are most welcome, thank you for the continual support!), Kuroi Kitty (Even when they fight they're cute, so them being all cuddly and nice is just even more cute lol), fanofninjawarrior (Thanks, glad to hear that. . . 31 chapters), shiroyuki (thanks! Here's the update, sorry it took longer than usual), Pareidolia (aren't they just perfect? So many choices that it could be...well, now you will get to find out! lol), xXToxicXAddictionXx (Yes, fresh air and sweets! Woohoo!!! Now you don't have to wait, the answer is revealed!), ShadowedDarkness (Aww thanks so much. And that...is impressive::gives you a cookie:: lol hmmm Macbeth or Death Note, I think you made a good choice. Thanks, a Happy New Year to you too!), dark-cinderella (yay, glad you thought so! Oh if only it could end so wonderfully, but there's a lot more coming before the end.)**

**Chapter Seventeen: Closer**

He was still forced to stay inside the house, but after that day he had spent with Light, he had managed to assure the younger boy that he would not leave, so long as Light Yagami promised to do something like that again. The auburn-haired boy had smiled and told him that he would definitely take him out again and therefore, L was no longer confined to the bedroom, but allowed free reign about the apartment. Light told him Misa was liable to stop by, but she did not have a key and all he had to do was make sure he was not too loud, to which L had only fixed him with a rather flat stare and asked him when he had ever been loud. Of course Light had smiled deviously and said he was quite vocal during sex, to which L threw a strawberry at him which had hit him in the face in response.

Three days had passed since their day and L was already waiting expectantly for Light to come through the door early one day and proclaim that he had another surprise for him. No such thing happened, and L should have realized that it would be like this. Light had warned him that it would be a while before he could take another day off. Too many and the rest of the team would get suspicious. So, instead of waiting for Light to get home early, L just waited for him to get home.

He was sitting on the couch, pawing his way through a discarded magazine but not really reading it. Instead he was thinking and he was thinking hard. It had been several months since Light had admitted to being Kira and since then, L had had no chance to really _do_ anything. His greatest case was so close to being solved. All he needed was someone to confess to. But then there came the question of whether he could or not at this point. There was no question about it, he loved Light and though originally he had planned on playing with Light's heart in order to get him to trust him enough for him to escape, now that he had gained that trust a little, L was wondering if he actually would be able to sell out his lover.

L sighed and tossed the magazine to the floor and smirked a little to himself. He was always laying things around, after all, Watari usually picked up after him. Light always came home and would sigh in exasperation at the state of his apartment. There'd be magazines on the floor, crumbs all over the table, china all along the counter and L would never help him clean up, he just liked to watch Light do it and Light would get back at him in various ways. Either by taking the nozzle from the sink and soaking him in cold water, or hiding his favorite snack, leaving the detective deprived for an entire day.

So, upon coming home, Light would find yet another magazine on the floor and a few pillows as well. L stood up and walked out of the living room and into Light's room. He turned on the light and just looked around. Light had asked him to try not and look through all of his stuff, saying something about how he didn't want it littered about the floor, but L was naturally curious and he had stayed out as Light asked for several days now and the desire to know what his lover was hiding was overwhelming at the moment. He walked towards Light's desk and opened up the drawers.

And there it was. The Death Note.

Utterly fascinated and disgusted as he had been when he first laid eyes on the Death Note, L picked it up delicately and brought it over to the bed. No Death God emerged from the darkness, no terrifying apparition of Rem, nothing happened, and yet L knew just how dangerous an item this notebook was. He opened it and just let his eyes scan over the names written down. So easy to kill a person…all the wielder had to do was remember the face and write the name and there was no escape for them. They had to die. It was a terrible weapon, the worst L had ever seen because there was no way to fight against its powers. You could destroy a gun, you had a chance of living it you were hit, but once your name was added to the stark white pages of this old notebook, there was nothing you could do but embrace death.

He had been flipping through the pages and came across a name. Quillish Wammy. His fingers traced over the name, feeling the rough marks of the pen that had made it. Watari…he had no chance in hell. L hardly noticed that his hand was shaking. All he could do was think about the man he had come to see as his father. He had cared for him when no one else would. Watari had never been intimidated by L, he was the one person L could go to when he was feeling confused or upset…and now that person was gone and L hadn't even had a chance to say good bye. He had never been allowed to visit his grave, to pay his respects and just _thank_ him for everything. And it was all because of Kira.

"Because of my Light," he whispered.

He threw the Death Note to the floor and laid back on the bed, his eyes staring unseeingly at the ceiling. Why did things always have to turn out this way? Every time he was feeling particularly close to Light, Kira had to rear his head back and strike like the snake he was. There was just no escaping the fact that Light was Kira and that he would never stop, not until he had managed to create his perfect world. It was so aggravating. Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why couldn't he let the natural order of things fall into place? Those criminals would get their due all in good time, but no, Light just had to believe he was a deity, looking down upon his fear-ridden flock and had to scare away the wolves that threatened to destroy them every day.

"Foolish, completely ludicrous," L said softly. "No one person can change the entire world."

Kira would come close that was for sure. But L wagered that many of those 'supporters' only claimed they were in favor of Kira so that they would not be killed. What was Light going to do when the people got past this initial fear and awe of him and realized that he truly was just a killer? They would turn their backs on him, they would hunt him down until they found him and kill him themselves. Dictatorships never worked, tyranny never worked, a mortal God would fail even more than the others.

And when that time came where would L stand? Would he protect Light, would he stand by him and comfort him whilst he fell or would he be at the head of the masses? Leading them on to capture Light and put an end to Kira and the Death Note? He could not say for sure and to be honest, if he could answer that question he wouldn't. He was afraid that if it was the latter, living with Light would become unbearable again.

He sighed loudly and let his dark eyes focus on a spot on the ceiling. "I can't sell him out…" he whispered. "That's what I want to tell myself…but I can't be selfish. For the good of the entire world…I will confess what I know."

He sat up and placed his face in his hands, hardly daring to believe that he had really said that. Would he? Could he? How could he after what they had shared together? L shook his head. He had to, that was why. There were no other options left to him. He sighed again and stood up, and that was when he heard a knock on the door.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

"Near…how many people know about the Death Note?" Light asked. He was glaring down at a letter before him; the rest of the team hovered close by, noting how stiff his shoulders appeared to be.

"Myself and the other members of the SPK," Near replied.

"No one else?" Light prompted. "Because if not, then I can assume one of you sent me this letter, a letter I rather resent."

"Letter? I assure you we sent you no letter," Near said in that infuriatingly calm and deadpan voice.

"If you're the only other ones who know about the Death Note you must have. It says here that they, the writers, want the Death Note in their possession and they will get it under any means necessary," Light growled.

"Mello," Near whispered.

"Excuse me?" Light asked sharply.

"A man who matches my intelligence though lacks patience and is rather hot-headed. Mello would know about the Death Note, though he isn't with us," Near replied. "So, L, what do you plan to do about this?"

"Do you think I would just agree?" Light replied coldly. "It would have been good if you had mentioned this Mello beforehand."

"There was no reason to do so," Near said. "And I certainly hope you don't give them the notebook that could be disastrous."

"We would never give it up," Light said. "It's locked away."

"At the station?" Near asked.

"Yes," Light lied.

"I'd like confirmation from a member of your investigation," Near demanded.

Light had to force his jaw shut for he longed to shout at Near. Who did he think he was? Light was already sick of him and his attitude. Instead he just turned to the others behind him. Yes the notebook was still at his apartment, but he told them he would bring it back as soon as he was finished studying it. Soichiro nodded and stepped up to the microphone.

"Near, this is Chief Yagami, I confirm that the Death Note is locked here with us in headquarters," he said.

"Thank you, Mr. Yagami," Near replied.

"Since you know Mello, do you think he is serious about his threat?" Light asked, hiding a smirk that Near wouldn't be able to see anyway.

"He is serious. I told you he is hot-headed," Near replied, sounding bored with Light. "I'll get in contact with you again soon, good bye."

Light tossed his headset to the side moodily and heard Matsuda say something quite rude about Near. He would never say anything unprofessional like that, but he had to agree whole-heartedly. Near reminded him of L, too much so, however, he would never replace L no one could do that. Not to mention, Light had the feeling that Near knew more than he was letting on, a lot more. He was a dangerous enemy and Light was determined to get rid of him before things could escalate.

He glanced at the clock hanging on the wall and frowned. He still hours left to the day before he could head home. All he wanted to do right now was take L into his arms and kiss him. He smiled to himself. Maybe he would sweep the detective off his feet and carry him to the bedroom. If L let him do that, of course. It was all well and good imagining it, though if L wasn't in the mood to be carried, chances were that they'd both end up on the floor in a heap. Which, Light thought with a grin, wouldn't be so bad either.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

L figured it was Misa Amane coming to see if Light was home for some reason or another. However, something didn't feel right. As soon as he heard that knock, he felt apprehensive and his shoulders stiffened. He never felt like that when he thought about Misa, she didn't make him nervous in the least. He took a few hesitant steps out of the bedroom and looked at the front door. The person knocked again, the knocks sounded irritated and impatient. L paused when he heard voices on the other side, so there were at least two people. Maybe it was the couple that lived upstairs…but there was something familiar about those voices, though they were speaking too softly for L to hear them properly.

He heard something slide into the lock and could do nothing but stare as the lock was forcibly turned and the door slowly opened. He suddenly found himself staring into the faces of Mello and Matt from the orphanage. L wasn't one for showing a lot of shock on his expression. His eyes widened and his mouth parted slightly, but it was nothing compared to Mello's face. His jaw literally dropped and his eyes seemed to pop from his face.

"It really _was_ you," Mello managed to choke out, staring at L as if staring at a ghost.

L closed his mouth and wiped his face of any and all emotion before trying to speak. "Mello…so you found me," he said.

Mello's blue eyes flashed and he crossed the room before Matt could even try to hold him back. He grabbed L by the front of his shirt and glared at him angrily.

"How the fuck can you say that so calmly?" he snarled. "I thought you were _dead_, L!" He lowered his head so that his gaze was focused on the floor and L could see that his shoulders were trembling.

"Mello…"

"Just shut up! Do you know how upset I was when I heard you were gone? I idolized you, L! I wanted to please you so that you would one day choose me, even though Near was the obvious choice. When you died, it was like a part of me died too and now I find you standing here very alive and you don't even have the balls to apologize?" Mello ranted.

"Mello, calm down," Matt sighed. "We went over this…what it would be like if the person you saw really was L…" he fixed his eyes on L now. "But Mello has a point, we were all devastated to learn of your 'death', the least you could do is apologize by telling us what this is all about."

L frowned. He could do it now. He could tell them he was a prisoner here, captured by Kira. Instead, he raised his hands and grabbed Mello's wrist firmly and pulled the younger boy's hand away from his shirt. He kept his grip on Mello's wrist, making it gentler and more reassuring.

"I know it was wrong," he said. "I never should have done this to you," he let his gaze wander from Mello to Matt, speaking to them both. "The truth is, I was getting more and more frustrated with the Kira case, I couldn't solve it…I was ashamed of myself. I knew if I gave up I would never be able to take on another case…so I decided to take a break, but I couldn't find a way to justify taking such a long one."

"So you played it off like you were dead?" Mello demanded. "And how exactly were you going to get back on the case if everyone thought you were dead?"

"Unless he and the team worked something out," Matt said quietly. "He's living in the house of the Chief's son after all."  
Mello glanced over at Matt and L was given time to think furiously. He would have to work off of what Matt said because it would be the only plausible explanation. He wouldn't be able to get back on the case if the team really thought he was dead. However, maybe the whole team wouldn't know. Maybe just the Yagamis. And by that, L was thinking only just Light. He would have to tell him about this encounter before Mello and Matt had a chance to contact Soichiro.

By the time Mello turned back to face him, L's face was firm and his dark eyes were challenging Mello to call him a liar after his next words.

"Matt is almost right. I am friends with Yagami-kun and I was able to confide my concerns to him. Though he was quite opposed to the idea of me faking my death, he eventually agreed and we were able to convince his father Chief Soichiro Yagami. This isn't exactly a vacation either. I've been working a lot on my own, covering my tracks. I'm hoping Kira will focus on the main investigation and what they are doing while I come closer and closer on my own, a pincer attack, you understand," L explained.

Mello looked at him and L stared right back. He was glad it was Mello. Near would never have fallen for something like this, but Mello ran on emotions far more than he or Near did and he would believe what he wanted to believe. He backed away from L finally and punched the nearest wall in frustration.

"I don't understand why you had to go through such drastic measures," Mello growled. "And something just doesn't seem right…"

Matt was looking around the apartment. "Does anyone besides Yagami's son know you live here?" he asked.

"No," L replied.

"Why did you choose to live here? Wouldn't it be rather risky to your plan in case they decided to come here for any reason?" Matt asked.

"I needed to be in direct contact with the investigation," L pointed out.

Matt nodded but L wasn't sure if he was completely convinced. Mello glanced at L again and reached into his back pocket and withdrew a bar of chocolate. He opened it and took a big bite, crunching the chocolate noisily between his teeth. He looked as though he were thinking hard about something.

"So…do you have any clues about Kira?" Mello asked. "It just seems weird that you would be living with your prime suspect."

"Light Yagami was proven innocent," L replied.

"By the thirteen-day rule in that notebook," Mello sighed. "So I've heard…but it still seems so unlikely for you, L."

_Fine, because I love him and that's why I chose to live here_.

That's what L was tempted to say; instead he only sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "I know it's strange, but this way I can keep an eye on him while he is away from the investigation headquarters."

"And have you learned anything about him?" Mello demanded.

L gave him a glare that quite clearly stated that he did not like the tone of Mello's voice. Mello's cheeks flushed a bit but he did not apologize or ask any nicer so L decided to let it slide and answer the question.

"All I have learned is that he is adamant about catching Kira," L lied.

Mello sighed and began to pace about the room in obvious frustration. "I just don't know what to do about this, L," he said. "I should tell Near, but I don't want to work with him. I want to do things on my own."

L's face didn't change but he felt a twist in his heart when Mello said mentioning something to Near. No, he couldn't have both of them on this. Together they would be able to solve this very quickly. Mello's evidence backed by Near's hard-driven determination, Light wouldn't stand a chance and if anyone was going to try and hurt Light, they would have to deal with L.

He shook himself mentally. One minute he was telling himself that he would turn him in, now he was thinking of protecting him. Why couldn't he just make up his mind about him? He should just tell Mello. Tell him he had been lying and that Light was Kira, that was the only reason he was here. But he couldn't.

Mello sighed again. "I know you're not telling me something, L," he said softly. "I may not be as good as you or Near, but I'm still sharp, especially when it comes to reading emotions. You don't show much, but I know you're trying hard to maintain that stoic look."

"Mello, I cannot tell you anything until I know what it is you are trying to do," L replied.

Mello paused and glanced at Matt, who only nodded at him. Mello didn't say anything only continued to look at him and L figured they must have been working closely together for a while since it seemed as though they did not even need words to communicate. Mello closed his eyes for a minute and then opened them, looking at L again.

"I want the Death Note," he said and there was a hint of that confidence back in his voice as his initial shock of the present situation was receding.

"Why?" L asked sharply. "It is a terrible weapon."

Mello smiled softly to himself and only then did L realize the terrible ambition hidden within him. "Mello?" he prompted. Mello's eyes flashed dangerously as he glared at L with a smirk on his face.

"I'm going to beat Near at finding Kira," he said.

L's eyes widened. "You mean to kill him?" he asked.

Mello shook his head, chuckling a bit. "Come now, L, you know I am not that horrible. I just want to…even the playing fields. I have Matt, but he has an entire force gathered around him. I want him to learn that he can just play with toys, he has to get his hands dirty himself once and a while."

"You've changed Mello," L said coldly.

"Because of you," Matt said suddenly. "You're death changed him. What else was he supposed to do?"

"Matt's right, without guidance I decided to choose my own path, this is the one I chose and there is nothing you can do to change that," Mello hissed.

L shook his head. "It is not my place to try," he pointed out. "All I can ask is that you continue to work independently and to keep this from Near."

Mello smiled widely. "Out of curiosity…who would you have chosen as a successor?" he asked.

"I'm not going to tell you, because I am not ready to choose," L replied. He would not tell Mello how he had asked Light to take his place should anything happen. Mello would be likely to explode if he learned that someone outside of orphanage, one who hadn't been working at it for his life, had been chosen, well anything L said afterwards would not be heard.

"I knew you were going to say that," Mello sighed. "Whatever, I don't need to be the next 'L'…I'll just make a name for myself without you."

"That's all I can hope for from you," L said.

"Mello, we've lingered here too long," Matt said. "We should probably go." He looked at L with an unreadable stare and L just looked back.

He had a feeling that the two of them would discuss this whenever they returned to wherever they were staying. What they would be able to learn from it was another thing. L had not really told them much, but even if Matt wasn't with the other two, he was right below them and very intelligent. Therefore, L had a feeling that the two of them would connect things eventually, which would lead to a lot of trouble.

"I guess you're right," Mello said. He looked at L too, but it was a more longing look, a look of a piece of his past that he could not take back no matter how much he wanted to. "It is a relief to know that you aren't dead, Lawliet," he whispered. "But I can't just forget about this…if this is connected to the Kira case in a bad way at all…I'll never forgive you."

"I am only working for the downfall of Kira," L replied.

Mello smiled a bit and L was sure he saw some disbelief in that look but he did not call the blonde out on it. Instead, Mello turned his back to him and headed towards the door, Matt following him. He paused right at the doorway and looked back at L.

"I will probably be back," he said. "So don't think this is our last meeting."

L just put his hands into his pocket as an answer and Mello muttered something that sounded very much like 'typical' and walked out of the door. Matt nodded once in farewell to L and closed the door behind him. L waited a good five minutes, not moving from where he was. Then he turned on his heel and walked back into the bedroom and quickly grabbed the Death Note and threw it back into the drawer. If they had insisted on searching the place they would have seen it on the floor! Mello just had to pick it up and he would see Watari's name written down!

He sat on Light's desk chair, his knees drawn up and his thumb in his mouth, his eyes clouded with thought. This was bad, very bad. Mello would only buy his story for so long before he called it into question. No doubt Mello would now review everything he knew about how far L's investigation had gone. He'd grow suspicious of Light and eventually be forced to contact Near to see if he had learned anything about him, and judging that Light had been speaking to Near they would be able to figure something out.

"Light…you must get home," L whispered.

…………………………………………………………………………………………...

Light returned home and saw once more a mess. There were magazines and pillows strewn about the living room floor and two coffee mugs left on the table and a plate lying discarded on the counter with cake crumbs littering the surface. He sighed and laid his briefcase down and removed his coat.

"You know, it wouldn't kill you to clean up a little," Light called.

He saw L emerge from his bedroom and smiled a bit, pleasant warmth spreading through him at the sight of the detective. However, the smile quickly faded when he took one look at L's face. L looked worried about something and for him to show worry on his face was enough to tell Light that he was _very_ worried about something. He hurried over to his lover and placed his hands on his shoulders.

"L…what's wrong?" Light asked with concern.

"They're getting closer," L replied.

Light's heart seemed to stop within his chest. His concern about Near…could it be that the bastard had somehow spoken to L.

"What…do you mean?" Light asked, his heart seemed to be racing.

L looked directly into his eyes and Light thought his saw some internal struggle pass within the detective. Finally though, L sighed and shook his head. "Mello…he found me."

Light's secure world, his new world where he reigned supreme, shuddered from an almighty crack. Near had mentioned Mello today. He had said they were not working together, but that didn't matter. If Mello found L, did he find the Death Note? Did he know about Light? Did L tell him? His grip on L's shoulders tightened and he ignored the slight wince from L.

"What happened?" he demanded. "What did he learn? Did he take the Death Note? He's after one. Does he know about me?"

L shook his head. "He did not learn much, he was too surprised to see me," he replied. "He thought I was dead, so all other thoughts must have been driven out of his head. But he did come here and he asked how I came to be here. I ended up telling him I needed a break from the Kira investigation and that you and your father agreed to this plan. I reassured them by telling them I was still working covertly on the Kira case."

Light released his painful grip. Even under the enormous pressure he must have felt, L still managed to keep his composure. It was one of the things he loved about him so much.

"So we're all right?" Light asked.

"No," L replied.

"Why not?"

"Mello is smart," L answered. "He doesn't know enough to do anything but he's impatient and eventually he will go to Near and the two of them working together will figure everything out."

Light's eyes seemed to flash to the crimson that L hated so much. He walked away from L and like Mello, he began to pace about. How could this have happened? Why did Near and Mello have to show up? It just wasn't fair! He was so close to winning and now he just had more obstacles to blast out of the way. Though if L was worried about them, he knew he was going to have to start taking them way more seriously and work nonstop on getting them out of the way. For that, he would need Misa and his supporters. A thought was formulating in his mind on how to at least get Near out of the way. He was in New York, well, Light would find out exactly where in that city he was and send in the troops. As for Mello, if he was working alone then Light would have Misa keep an eye out for someone of his description if he came near the apartment again. She would see his name and kill him.

"L, what does Mello look like?" Light asked.

L didn't say anything and Light glanced at him. A cold look had settled over L's face. Light just didn't have the patience for this today. "Tell me," he ordered harshly.

"I don't want you to kill Mello," L replied.

"I can't, I don't know his full name," Light pointed out.

L pointed at the ceiling. "She doesn't need to know his name, she will see it," he replied.

"Do you want all of this to be over?!" Light shouted.

There was knocking at the front door and Light cursed as L slipped back into the bedroom. Light hurried to the door and opened it to see himself staring at Misa.

"What?" he asked too sharply.

Misa pouted at his tone but would never dream of not answering him. "Misa heard you shouting and she got worried. Is my Light-kun okay?" she asked in a simpering voice.

Light sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I was talking on the phone, Misa," he said. "It's been a rough few days at work."

"But you're still being too clever for them, right?" Misa asked with a wink.

Light smiled. "Right," he replied.

Misa glanced around his shoulder to the mess behind him. "Sheesh, Light-kun, you're getting sloppy living on your own. You should let Misa clean up for you during the day!" she exclaimed.

Light laughed and shook his head. "That's quite all right, Misa, I should be fine. I'm going to clean up now," he said.

"Misa actually has a favor to ask," Misa said.

Light blinked. "What is it?" he asked.

Misa held out her Death Note.

"I don't get it," Light admitted.

"Misa is having some friends over tonight," Misa replied. "But one of them is a snoop, she just can't help herself. I don't want her to snoop around with this. It's just for tonight, and I'm still maintaining ownership!"

Light sighed. "All right fine, thanks for being careful, Misa," he said, actually a bit surprised that she had been.

"I do it all for you, Light-kun!" Misa exclaimed.

Light smiled and leaned forward, giving her a deep kiss before sending her on her way. He closed the door and locked it for good measure before walking into his bedroom. L was sitting on his bed in his usual position, his dark eyes trained on Light's. Light glared at him across the room.

"You're not even going to give me a hint, are you?" he asked.

"No," L replied.

"Even though Mello could ruin everything between us?" Light demanded.

"If I let you kill Mello, it will destroy me," L explained. "I was hurt enough with Watari's death. He was like my father, Mello is like a brother."

Light sighed and walked over to the bed, sitting down next to L. He was glad the detective remained still for he thought that he might shift away from him. He lifted his hand and pushed a strand of black hair from L's pale forehead.

"I wish you would just help me," Light said. "But I know what it is like with siblings…I could never do anything to hurt Sayu."

L glanced at him. "I thank you for understanding."

Light nodded and they just sat there for a while in silence. L glanced down and noticed the Death Note in Light's lap and suddenly reached for it. Not expecting it, Light couldn't pull it away from him in time and L took a look at the thing.

"You really shouldn't," Light said, disapproval in his voice.

"Amane has been busy," L replied with distaste.

"Orders are orders."

L snapped his gaze from the notebook and to the far corner of the room. Light's eyes narrowed in warning as Ryuk chuckled and walked closer to the bed.

"I'm Ryuk," the Death God said.

"Another Death God," L whispered.

"The first one, actually," Ryuk grinned. "I was here before Rem…and now I'm here after, I always told her apples increased your luck."

"Apples…" L repeated. He looked at Light. "This was the first notebook…this was your notebook."

"Yes," Light said, trying hard to keep his voice level while shooting daggers at Ryuk. Damn Death God.

"I'll tell you, it was a lot of fun watching the two of you," Ryuk said. "I honestly couldn't tell who was going to win. You were tricky, Lawliet, but I guess Light was just one step ahead of you."

"Ryuk!" Light snarled. "That's enough."

Ryuk cocked his head to the side. "Well, seeing as how you didn't scream at me, I'm guessing Light already knew your name…interesting. Humans really are amusing creatures."

"What is the price of using the Death Note?" L suddenly asked.

"Ehh? Is that what you want to know? I don't really have to answer you, you know, you're not the owner of the notebook," Ryuk said, glancing at his fingers. "But since it's nothing too important…I'll let you know. The price is that you can go to neither Heaven nor Hell, but to Nothing and there you stay forever. Alone."

"Not a bad price," Light said.

"A horrible price," L argued. "To never know peace."

Ryuk shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me. All I know is that at some point in the future, I'll be writing down your name Light Yagami."

He laughed and disappeared through the ceiling while Light fumed on the bed. Everything was shattering now. L was staring at the notebook, completely ignoring Light while all he had to think about was the fact that he was indeed going to die one day. But he was God, and God should live forever. How could his death be in the future? He wanted nothing but life.

"If I wrote down Misa's name…would that make me the owner?" L asked quietly.

"Yes," Light replied softly.

Why not? Why not have L carry on Misa's work? He could have L write that Misa had something bad in her drink at her party tonight, it would be so simple. And then the two of them could create a new world together. He didn't want to make one with Misa, he wanted to make it with L. He glanced at L, but his gaze was still fixated on the Death Note.

Light reached into his pocket discreetly and pulled out a pen. He then draped an arm over L's shoulders and pulled him closer and then held the pen out to him.

"All you have to do is picture her face in your mind and write the cause of death," Light whispered in L's ear, letting the tip of his tongue touch the soft skin. "Or let her die of a heart attack."

L's eyes shifted to the pen in Light's hand and back to the notebook. Yes, if Light could just enlighten him then maybe all the stress and tension between them would disappear forever. L grabbed the pen and looked at it, as if studying every aspect of it. Light wanted to urge him on again, but he remained quiet, knowing that too much would cause L not to do it.

Suddenly the pen was flying across the room and landed with a small clatter somewhere in the corner. L turned his face to Light and Light was shocked to see the absolute anger and disgust in those black pools.

"You honestly think I would ever use this to kill anyone after everything that happened?" L growled.

"B-but you were willing to test it before!" Light stammered.

"That was only because I did not know of its powers, I did not know if it was real, but I do and I will never taint my soul by writing a name in this notebook," L said savagely.

"L…"

"Just leave me alone!" L shouted.

He shoved Light away from him, dropping the Death Note to the bed and storming out of the room. Light heard the guest bedroom door slam and the turn of the lock. He sighed and glanced at the notebook. What was it that Ryuk had said all that time ago? That the notebook would bring nothing but unhappiness? Light hadn't believed him then, had known he was above regret, but now he was beginning to feel otherwise. These things, these weapons, were driving him and L apart and if he didn't do something soon, the distance would be too great to cross.

**Silent Dagger:** Finally another chapter done! Phew! Anyway, in the next chapter, Light confronts L and reveals his vision to him fully.


	18. Dreams

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger:** Wow, so Light really screwed up at the end of the last chapter didn't he? For being so smart, he can be really stupid sometimes lol.

Sorry for such the long wait. I've been really sick lately and I just moved back to college so things have been a bit hectic lately. I should be able to write more often now though…or at least once I get my college schedule down I'll be able to.

Oh totally realized that the link for Whitelilly's awesome video did NOT show up…grrr! You can find it on youtube if you search for**Death Note In Paridisum. **Please check it out.

**Nusku (Yeah, things get good between them and then just crash, but I don't see it happening any other way. Thank you for the review and the delicious cake!), xXToxicXAddictionXx (Thanks much! Well, you're just going to have to read this chapter to find out teehee. Yeah, had a dilemma on that one. Should he write it, or should he not? Lol), PirateCaptainBo (lmao yeah, sucks to be Light right now. Both these boys are probably under a huge amount of stress these days, I feel somewhat guilty), Kagome-chnLP ( Yeah, for being so smart he's an idiot when it comes to love haha. Near always has to show up unfortunately. And thanks for that I'll try to keep it up), black.is.the.new.blood (Awww thanks so much! I'm sorry I kept you waiting again for this chapter, I had a bit of a writer's block, but I'm past it now. I'm glad you and Frank are working out and no worries, I won't say a word to Bob lol. Haha yeah, it was more he didn't want to use the notebook than killing Misa), ShadowedDarkness (he could have saved us all from Misa's annoyingness lol. Thank you for the lovely compliment and I'm sorry to hear about the Macbeth test, that sounds harsh o.0), shiroyuki004 (glad you were joking, you startled me lol. Sorry I didn't update sooner!), Pareidolia (thank you very much. And yeah, things seem to be crashing down now), Spelljammer (thank you, I was a bit hesitant about that scene but I think it worked out nicely), dark-cinderella (haha poor Misa, everyone wanted L to write her name down. Chapter 16 ended so happily and this just…was completely opposite), Kuroi Kitty (even though Light does it all to himself, I still feel bad for him lol), demonlifehealer (Thank you! I've been trying hard to keep them in character, but don't worry, there is a lot more to come and many events left to unfold), DomWit (Thank you very much for the encouragement! Unfortunately I can't tell you if the ending is happy or not, but I'm more than half way through the story so it's almost there!), unsolvedenigma (Aww thanks so much, I've never put as much time and effort into a ff before. Yeah, keeping them in character is SO hard because they're both so much smarter than me and more complex, but I try to make it believable and that's the best I can do). **

**Chapter Eighteen: Dreams**

Light knew he had screwed up; in fact, this may have been the worse he had ever messed up. He had thought forcing himself upon L was the worse decision he had ever made, however, he wasn't so sure anymore. L had been disgusted with him then, he had told him he would never forgive him for it, but at least they had been able to move on from those troubled times. However, L had sealed himself in an icy silence and no matter what approached Light tried, L refused to talk to him after he had tempted him with the Death Note.

Two days had passed since the incident and since then L had not uttered a single word to Light no matter what Light tried to say to him. This, added with more conversations with Near in which Near seemed to be suspecting him of foul play, added to the fact that Mello knew where L was and that he alive was just building more and more stress up for Light. A part of him wanted to take L by the shoulders and shake him until he said anything, or at least make some sort of noise, anything from the other man. He knew that wouldn't really improve anything though. As it was now, L would get up and leave the room if Light came in so if Light tried to use physical force at this stage he would just make matters worse.

Obviously the strain was starting to show for the rest of the team spoke to him carefully these days as he was liable to snap at them if they made any suggestion he was not fond of. Even Misa, who he thought had no sense for when he was in a particularly bad mood, had been avoiding him and giving him his own space and avoided asking him what it was that was bothering him. The only person who was not intimidated by his shortening temper was Ryuk, who still seemed to get amused by annoying him about his current situation. The only good thing that was keeping Light sane was the fact that even more people were supporting Kira. He had entire countries backing him now, including the United States. It was a major victory and supported his conviction for his actions.

He was at the investigation when a message appeared showing that Near wished to speak to him. Light was tempted to ignore it for he would rather not speak to the guy as he had an uncanny way of pissing him off with every smug word he spoke. However, he knew it would not do to ignore him, so he accepted the call and steadied his temper so that he would be able to deal with Near with a clear mind.

"Yes?" he asked curtly.

"I have a question, one that may help with our investigation," Near replied without so much as a greeting.

"What is it?" Light asked rather coldly.

"How did L die?" Near asked.

Light froze. Why on earth was that important now? Couldn't he have asked the question when he first started working on the case? Unless Mello had contacted him! But no, L said it would take him a while before he resorted to that and Light knew that L knew Mello more than he did. He cleared his throat.

"Honestly, we cannot say for sure," Light replied.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Near asked coldly.

"I was speaking with L when he suddenly collapsed. I figured it was Kira, however, he was still breathing. I was going to bring him to the hospital, but once we got outside, L suddenly woke up and broke away from me. He kicked me and I was dazed, by the time I regained my feet, he was disappearing into darkness," Light explained just as coldly.

"You were there…when he suddenly collapsed," Near repeated. "Something about this just does not make sense. Why would Kira not simply have him die of a heart attack? It was no secret that the two of them were enemies."

"I'm afraid I cannot answer that," Light replied. "All I can guess is that he had him die in another way."

"So you acknowledge that Kira can kill using other means than a heart attack?" Near demanded sharply.

"It has been a theory," Light growled.

"Say it was true, what then, happened to L's body?" Near asked.

"We never found it," Light replied.

"So you left it to rot? L would not allow you to be acting in his name unless you had some sort of bond…doesn't sound like something a friend would do…abandoning him," Near said and Light could just see the triumphant smile on a face he did not know.

He did not answer for a long while. It wasn't that he didn't know what to say, it was that he was continuing with the act. Finally he slammed his fist onto the panel in front of him, loud enough that Near would hear it.

"Do not dare to assume I did nothing!" he shouted. "L was my friend, even through difficulties, I did all that I could do save him, I looked everywhere for him, but I couldn't find him, such is the power of Kira!"

"There are rumors that he is not dead," Near suddenly said, completely unimpressed with what Light said.

Light, meanwhile, felt his heart stop in his chest. Mello, Mello must have said something! He may not have told Near everything, but he knew instantly that the two had communicated. He forced his hand to remain steady though it desperately wanted to shake and he took a deep breath.

"If this rumor is true it will be a huge relief," Light said. "Where did you hear such a rumor?"

"That information is classified," Near replied. "It's been a pleasure as always, Yagami-kun."

The line went dead and Light just stared at the blank screen before him, hardly hearing the whispers behind him.

"Ryuuzaki may still be alive!" Matsuda finally exclaimed, unable to hold back any further. "This is great news, we should pursue it!"

"Matsuda," Soichiro sighed.

Light turned his chair around so that he was facing all of them. "Matsuda-san has a point. It would be great to have L back with us. However, our main priority remains Kira. We cannot chase a rumor unless it becomes more valid."

"I agree," Aizawa said.

"As do I," Ide replied.

Matsuda's shoulders sagged and his face fell. "I guess so," he muttered glumly.

"I just wish I knew where Near heard of that rumor…especially since he's all the way in New York City somewhere," Light sighed.

"Well he is in a communications building so that may be one reason," Matsuda pointed out.

Light looked at him and Matsuda smiled. "The day you were off from work, Near revealed where his location was." He walked over to one of the computers near Light and typed something in. A tall building clustered between other tall buildings was pulled up on the screen. Light's eyes flashed crimson briefly and then he turned to Matsuda.

"Thank you, Matsuda-san," he said. "The more human Near seems, the more I'll be able to get along with him."

Matsuda grinned and Light saw, over Matsuda's shoulder, Aizawa looking at him harshly in the corner of the room. Light stared right back and realizing that he was spotted, Aizawa turned his gaze away and engaged Mogi in conversation. Maybe that was why Near waited until he learned that Light was not working, he didn't trust him at all. Perhaps Aizawa was joining his team. Well, if he had too much trouble with the man, the Death Note would have to be put to use.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

"What did you end up telling him?" Matt asked.

Mello sighed as he sat down on the couch. He didn't answer right away, instead he unwrapped a chocolate bar and took a big bite out of it. Finally, he looked over at Matt and shrugged a bit.

"I told him that the statement of L's death may have been issued too soon," he said.

Matt frowned. "Something tells me that those were not your exact words," he replied.

Mello grinned and took another bite of chocolate in response. Matt only sighed and pushed himself off the wall he had been leaning on. He snuffed out his cigarette and then walked over to the couch and sat down next to Mello, fixing his eyes upon Mello's face.

"You know that we should tell Near everything," he said. "With all three of us we'll solve everything in no time."

Mello looked away stubbornly. "We can handle it by ourselves," he said. "Besides, it won't do any of us much good unless L starts telling the truth."

"You didn't believe a word he said, did you?" Matt asked.

"I'm not too sure, to be perfectly honest," Mello answered. "A part of me sincerely does, because L would never announce that he was giving up on a case and this situation he is in makes sense. However, something tells me that he was holding something back, something important."

"I felt the same thing," Matt said. "He's not telling us about something. I can't be sure if it's something with the investigation team, with Kira or with Light Yagami."

Mello rubbed his temples as he thought furiously. "Damn, this really is more Near's department then mine," he growled in frustration. He was quiet and then leaned back, looking straight up at the ceiling. "Matt, do you honestly think we should just swallow our pride and work with him?"

"I think it is for the greater good," Matt replied.

"Well too bad," Mello said darkly. "I just can't bring myself to do it. That brat has too many people on a leash anyway and I will not join their ranks."

Matt sighed but he did not argue. Mello knew that he wouldn't. Matt would always stay by his side no matter what decision Mello made. He knew for himself that he should listen to Matt and just agree to join Near, however, the very thought made his blood boil. Near was the obvious choice for successor, but who was it who had found L? Who was it who spoke to him? Who was the one in Japan where Kira was? It was him, all him and he would be damned if he let Near steal the glory for his hard work. It would be a dream come true if he could catch Kira and save L all by himself.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Near was sitting on the floor surrounded by a train track again. However, the train that was usually circling the tracks was in his hands. He was holding it up and staring at it in a bemused sort of way. His face was ever serious and as he laid the train to the floor, his hand rose to his head and his fingers dug into his white hair, twirling a snow white tress between delicate fingers.

"Gevanni…it's time you went to Japan."

Stephen Gevanni stepped forward. He brushed a stray lock of black hair from his face and nodded. "My mission?" he asked.

"Follow Mello," Near replied. "His call this morning implied many things though he revealed few."

Gevanni nodded. "I will do as you ask," he said.

Near only nodded and Gevanni strode from the room, leaving Near with the rest of the SPK who were all busy trying to track down Kira. Near wasn't thinking about Kira for once though, he was thinking about L and what Mello had said. The blond had been bragging and smug when he called, saying something along the lines of L's death being confirmed too soon. This could only lead to one explanation. Mello was either trying to send his investigation array, or he had actually seen L.

How would he feel if he knew L had been alive all this time? Near was not sure. He supposed he would handle it like he did every other situation. He would show no emotions either way then move on. Even if L was alive it did not change the fact that he was no longer working on the Kira investigation, not officially anyway and if that was the case, then Near would continue with what he was doing and ignore the fact that his predecessor was even back into the game.

Either way it was clear that this was where things were really going to get started. L had to be connected to Kira somehow and that was all Near would need to know from him. He would corner Kira and he would bring him to justice. "Iacta alea est," he muttered to himself.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Light walked into the apartment and looked around with a sigh. No sign of L which meant he was probably sulking in his room. He walked through the house and knocked on the door. No answer. Light sighed and unlocked the door, walking in to the room and saw L reading. L looked up, his gaze was icy and Light stared back. He was irritated today, nothing seemed to be going right for him anymore and seeing that L was still this upset at him for the Death Note incident was not helping his mood in the least.

"How long is this going to go on?" he demanded.

L didn't answer him, as Light expected. He strode further into the room and sat down on the chair, crossing his arms across his chest and raising an eyebrow.

"Are you really never going to talk to me again?" he asked. "Because I can tell you now that you're only going to hurt yourself."

L glanced at him and then returned his gaze to the book, clearly not interested in what Light was trying to say. Light had to suppress the urge to lunge across the room and punch L in the face. He was being insufferable at the moment and Light wanted to let him know that with a nice hard hit to the face.

"Look, I'm sorry I asked you to write Misa's name down," he sighed. "I just got caught in the moment."

L let out a noise that sounded like a very disbelieving snort. Light didn't care though, if it was going to take the truth to get him to lighten up, then Light would tell him the truth. He would tell him why he was caught in the moment and why he wanted it to be L writing names in the notebook.

"You can snort all you like, but it's the truth," Light said. "I want to build a new world, L, you know that. However, the only person who can help me build it right now is Misa and though I do not hate her, I will never love her. I want to build my world with someone who is really close to me, who really means something to me."

"How romantic," L muttered, the first words he had spoken to Light since that night. "Two lovers destroying the lives of millions for their own selfish desires."

"It's not selfish!" Light snapped. "I'm doing this for the people, L! I'm doing this so no one has to live in fear anymore!"

"Fear is a part of life, a part of society," L pointed out. "Without fear there can be no hope for something better."

"There will be no need for something better," Light argued. "Because the world I create will be a Utopia for good people."

"Such a world cannot exist, it's been tried before, though never with these awful measures," L growled.

"Don't you see L? It _is_ working this time!" Light shouted, exasperated. "Whole countries are supporting Kira and Kira is justice. I will make it so there are no wars, so that innocent people are not murdered, this world needs to be cleansed and I shall do that for the good of the people."

"You are going to hurt everyone in the end," L said softly.

"Why? The only people who are against me are you, Near and Mello," Light said bitterly.

"You are not looking into the future far enough. Say you do create this world, what happens when you die?" L demanded.

"By then the people will realize what a better place the world has become and things will continue as they should be," Light said with finality.

"You are wrong," L replied. "Think about it. Once the fear of death is taken away, people will resume with violence. It is, sadly, a part of the human nature, one that cannot be taken away."

Light did not say anything for a while and then he sighed and shook his head. "You're the one who is wrong. Crime may increase a little when I'm gone, but most of the people will shut it out because they will not want their perfect world destroyed."

"You still aren't thinking," L growled. "Kira is a threat to everyone. If it becomes knowledge that Kira is gone for good, we may be looking at an explosion in the rate of crime. People will be free to act once again and they will embrace this freedom with open arms."

Light stood up and started to pace. He had to move or else he was going to scream his head off and the last thing he needed was for Misa or the couple on the third floor to come down and see what was going on. He couldn't believe this was happening. Why now? It seemed that L was further away than ever and after this conversation, Light wasn't even sure if he wanted to cross the bridge between them. He had thought that the detective would come to understand his dreams for this world, but apparently L was going to resist until the bitter end. Did Light really have to get rid of him? How could he live knowing how much L disapproved of his goals? He shook his head. No, killing L would only make things that much worse for him.

"You're never going to understand me, are you?" Light asked quietly.

"I was never meant to," L replied. "That is why we are perfect enemies, like I've always said."

"I know, I just didn't want to believe that," Light sighed. "Because despite how different our ideals are…I will always love you, L."

"And I you," L replied. "But things are spiraling out of control now…we cannot keep this up."

"What would you propose then?" Light asked. "With the way things are, the moment you step foot outside that front door you will announce my identity to the world."

"Yes," L admitted.

"So I either have to keep you here as a prisoner again…or kill you," Light said, surprised with how calm his voice was.

"Yes," L replied simply.

"And you will not stand for being a prisoner."

"No."

Light stopped pacing. He was facing the wall, his back turned to L. Suddenly he lashed out, his fist slamming into the wood and crashing through it, leaving a hole in the wall and blood running down his knuckles. He turned back to L, his eyes burning crimson and he strode over to the bed. He grabbed the front of L's shirt and yanked him closer.

"What the fuck is that?" he shouted. "Do you honestly think I could kill you after everything that we shared? I _love_ you, L, you may see me as a ruthless killer, but I could never hurt you like that!"

L gripped Light's wrists and fixed him with a deadly glare. Light stared right back, undaunted and they stayed like that for a few minutes, communicating silently, each hoping to come up with a solution, though for all their intelligence neither one could seem to think of anything. Finally L sighed heavily.

"I cannot let your dream become a reality," he said softly.

"My dream is to stay with you," Light replied. "More so than changing the world, I want you."

L smiled but it was humorless and Light knew that the detective did not believe what he had just said. He let go of L and he backed away from Light, sitting in his awkward position, his gaze fixated on Light.

"Why can't you just believe me?" Light asked. "I don't want this to end. Don't you remember how much fun we have together?"

"Yes, I remember," L said. "Which is why I want this to end before anything else happens to break my heart further."

"Don't say that," Light said quietly.

"If you're so adamant about speaking the truth then you will hear the truth from me as well," L pointed out a bit harshly.

"Is there no way to fix this?" Light asked, somewhat desperately.

"Can you think of a way?" L asked. "No matter what solution we come up with, Kira will get in the way and destroy everything. I'm not meant to live in your world, Light, it's why you were supposed to let me die in the first place."

Light sat down on the bed and ran a hand through his hair. A bad day had just become a hell of a lot worse. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? L seemed determined to remain pessimistic and refuse to find a solution. It was like he was truly to goad Light into just killing him, but no matter how mad Light got at L, he would never right his name down. L Lawliet was not going to be killed by Kira.

"Once upon a time there was an innocent boy," Light suddenly whispered. L glanced at him but said nothing, clearly wondering where that statement had come from. Light was not looking at the detective, he was looking out of the small window in the room.

"That boy was brighter than any other boy or girl in his grade. Everyone admired him, everyone wanted to be him or be with him. The boy accepted his role and studied hard so that his role would never be taken. He learned to smile at the people who loved him, he learned to stay polite and nice. Though he had so much on his shoulders so that he would get into a good school, though he was busy every night with classes and homework, the boy was terribly bored.

"One day, as the boy looked out the classroom window, he thought he saw a very odd sight. A black notebook falling from the sky, as if the very heavens had spit it out. The boy watched the descent with curiosity, a feeling he had not experienced for a long time. When the class was over, the boy walked outside and went to the notebook to find that it appeared to be nothing by a practical joke. It was called the Death Note.

"However, despite the obvious fact that the notebook was a hoax, the boy grabbed it and brought it home with him. That night he gazed through the empty notebook and read the rules over and over again. The persons whose name is written down in this notebook shall die. That is what the notebook said. The boy laughed at the thought, how unoriginal, was what he thought.

"But the notebook had a special pull to him and the boy was unable to help himself. He watched the news and saw a man had taken children hostage in a school. A picture of the man was shown, his name was stated and the rules implied that that was all he needed to kill him and free those hostages. And so, the boy took up his pen and wrote down the man's name. 40 seconds later, the man was pronounced dead, died of a heart attack, just like the notebook said.

"The boy was afraid. He had just killed a man, he was a murderer. But it could have been a coincidence. The boy had to test the notebook again. Once more he did so, and once more it came true. He had now killed two people. Guilt overtook him, he wanted to crawl away and never show his face again. Until the boy realized something, the people he had killed had been criminals, rejects of society that were never meant to belong because their sole purpose in life was to cause others pain. The boy took on his new role. He would save this world from people like that by eradicating those who needed to be destroyed.

"And so the boy's journey began. The Death God appeared and informed the boy about the consequences of using the Death Note. The boy could deal with the consequences because it would be worth it when his dream came true. That boy's dream was to create the ideal world, because there was so much death and sadness surrounding everyone and he wanted to mend the hearts of society and let people live their lives freely."

There was a long period of silence following Light's story. It was a story he had never really told L fully. He wasn't sure if it would effect their situation, but he had been unable to hold it back, the words had just flowed from his lips and he would not have been able to stop them even if he had wanted to.

"And then the boy learned of the detective," L said softly. "And the two swore to kill each other. The detective risked his life to meet the boy and found him at the university. The first time he laid eyes on the boy, he knew in the depths of his heart that he was Kira, and yet he also knew deep down that the boy was the only person capable of understanding him. But the detective was still unused to emotions and so he confronted the boy and simply told him who he was to gauge his reaction.

"No matter how good the boy was at acting, the suspicion would never die, even when the boy's personality seemed to change entirely and he became adamant about catching Kira. The detective came to realize that he was starting to think of the boy as a friend, despite the barriers between them. That friend became a lover, a lover who was about to kill him until the boy must have realized his own feelings. The detective and the boy managed to have a long affair, but the detective came to realize that it was too good for their own good and that soon everything would come to an end."

More silence followed L's words and a dark feeling hung about the room, the sort of atmosphere one expects to feel at a funeral. In a way, there had been a death, the death of the love to two of them were so willing to share for the other. Light glanced at L and L glanced back at him. They just looked into each other's eyes for a long while and suddenly Light was gripped with a powerful urge to do two things. One was to kiss L fiercely; the other was to write his name in the Death Note.

Physical action ruled out and Light lashed out with a hand and grabbed L. He yanked and pulled L hard, so that the detective practically landed in his lap. Without waiting to see if L would protest, Light clamped his mouth over L's and kissed him passionately and harshly. L replied to the kiss in the same way. They grappled with each other, rolling about on the bed, neither breaking their lips apart except for brief moments to draw in a breath. Their breathing was ragged, they were holding each other painfully tight, and their eyes were shut tightly against the world they longed not to see.

"Let. My. Dream. Come. True," Light said each time they broke apart for air.

"Kira. Can't. Become. True," L replied coldly.

Light broke away and gazed deeply into L's eyes. "Then let my other dream come true. Let me stay with you," he pleaded.

L shook his head. "It's not working," he pointed out. "I won't do this anymore."

"We've discussed this, in the end we always work it out," Light growled.

"Not this time," L said.

"Is this hurting you at all or have you been planning on leaving since the beginning?" Light snapped.

L's eyes narrowed. "I may not show emotion much, but my heart has shattered from this. It is the hardest decision I have ever had to make."

"L, I can't let you leave here," Light said.

"I know," L replied. "But I am leaving unless you find a way to stop me."

"And where the hell will you go?" Light asked.

"Mello," L replied bluntly.

"You've planned this all along!" Light shouted, his heart twisting in his chest from the realization. "You never loved me, you just want me to be put to death!"

"No," L said and Light knew that he was wrong. L did love him, the detective _still_ loved him. But just like Light could never stop being Kira, L could never stop being himself. He was the world famous detective for a reason, because he solved so many cases that were deemed impossible. If L gave up on a case, he wouldn't be L anymore. He had lasted this long, but his sense of justice was finally overriding everything else and Light knew that no matter how much it hurt L to do this, it was something he _was_ going to do.

"Don't make me kill you," Light whispered. It was not a threat for Light was pleading with him not to make it the only outcome in all of this.

"I am not asking you to," L said. "The decision lies entirely up to you."

"I wonder," Light began, not caring that his voice was shaking slightly. "Would you care if I was caught and about to die?"

"Yes, I would care," L answered. "The remains of my heart would die completely and I would never be able to love again."

Light nodded briefly and stood up and looked down at L, who looked right back up at him. Light smiled sadly.

"Whatever happens…is there any chance at all…that you will sleep in my room tonight?" he asked.

L sighed and shrugged lightly. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to do that," he replied.

**Silent Dagger:** I know I'm sorry; this chapter ends with them on a really bad note. I won't reveal anything, but just know the rest of the story is not going to be so dismal. By the way, what Near said (Iacta alea est) is Caesar's famous quote: The Die Is Cast. OK! Next chapter Near and Mello…finally work as a team which can only lead to major trouble!


	19. Not Sorry

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger:** Things are crashing oh so fast.

**Kamichiro Eris (Thank you so much for the lovely review, your encouragement really helps! Hey, life hits you hard, missing a review or two is fine and hey…seriously, if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm a great listener ::hugs::), Nusku (Oh thank you for the ice cream and a wonderful review that had me laughing. Near is a prick), demonlifehealer (thanks! Yeah it's about time they stopped being stubborn and worked together), Pareidolia (nah, I think it would save them both a lot of misery if he just did, so it's not that weird. Hope the chapters lives up to your expectations!), shiroyuki004 (Aww sorry for making you sad), dark-cinderella (thank you very much! Err I hope I don't make you cry, if I do…I have tissues lol), wierdchick(thanks much!), Kuroi Kitty (this is the problem with Death Note…everything always ends up being sad at some point), black.is.the.new.blood (LOL, omg that would be the most brilliant plan L ever could do! Thank you, and I don't know if I'm going to play out any other pairings. To be honest, I don't think there's enough time left in the story to give it justice. Awww thanks, the ending is on the close horizon, though there is still much to happen), choticati (hello, and thanks very much, I'm glad you like it), Shadow-of-a-Demon (You know…that is a wonderful question…I have everything planned out and you will find out how things happen soon. Thank you so much for the lovely review, it means a lot and keeps me going.), sarah havoc (well, let me say I'd WAY rather you be addicted to my story than heroine, I'll just have to make sure to update soon so you don't have withdrawals lol. Thank you very much, I'm really glad you're enjoying the story!), Brittany745 (I love stumbling on stories! Lol. I'm glad you're enjoying it so far and the title is in Latin and means In Paradise which refers to the fact that even though they have more downs than ups, the two love each other), xXToxicXAddictionXx (awww sorry for making you sad, but I'm glad you like where it's going!)**

**Chapter Nineteen: Not Sorry**

There was silence in the room. The pre-dawn gloom filled the room in a smoky gray hue as particles of dust floated by the window, looking like miniature stars. The muffled sounds of car engines could do nothing to break the serenity of the room, however, the loud crunch of chocolate shattered the peace as if it were a rock being thrown through a window.

Mello wasn't normally awake at this hour, unfortunately, sleep had been far from him recently and his eyes were starting to remind him of those of his predecessor. He rubbed at his blue eyes now, taking another large bite of chocolate. He was seated on a recliner chair in a dark bedroom. He glanced at the bed, Matt was stirring from the sounds of his eating, but he did nothing to try and quiet himself.

At the fourth bite, Matt sat up and gave him a sleepy glare. He got up and dressed quickly before storming out of the bedroom, causing Mello to chuckle to himself. He stood up and followed Matt to the kitchen, where his dark-haired friend was lighting up a cigarette. Mello flipped the light switch and light filled the room as he sat down at the table and sighed.

"You're agitated…but not just by the early wake up call," Mello pointed out.

"More like early wake up crunch," Matt sighed.

"Either way, that's not what is really upsetting you," Mello continued.

Matt paused to take a long drag off his cigarette. Mello frowned, he could not see why Matt chose to smoke those things, they smelled awful, tasted worse and just didn't seem worth it when you could eat chocolate instead. Matt blew the smoke from his mouth and looked at Mello again.

"We've spoken to L, we know he's not dead, we know that he's hiding something, we've somewhat let Near know that he might not be dead and now we've hit a brick wall because we just can't seem to figure out what to do," Matt seethed. "We need Near's help, Mello."

Mello narrowed his eyes. "Near…we do not need him," he growled.

Matt walked over to him and placed both his hands on Mello's shoulders and looked at him fiercely. "Yes, we do," he argued. "Even if we were to speak to L again, he's too good at hiding his secret, even for you, but if all three of us were to see him…we could find out, I know we could!"

Mello knocked Matt's hands from his shoulders and scowled. "If you wanted to work with him so badly, you should have just joined the SPK from the beginning," he snapped.

"Don't say that," Matt said severely. "You know that this is not about that. I chose to come with you Mello, and that should be saying enough about where my loyalties lie."

Mello didn't say anything for the longest time. The sun started to make its presence known as its bright rays passed around the large buildings and filled the streets. He sighed heavily and propped his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his hand.

"Stopping Kira…is more important than my stupid pride," he muttered.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

"Mello, are you finally going to tell me what you know?" Near asked.

Mello had finally called again after about two full weeks. Near had wanted to contact him, but he knew if he did, Mello would only gloat. He had known that he had to wait and thus had proven himself right again with this call. His fingers played with the usual strand of hair as he sat in the middle of the floor.

"Yes, yes, you know patience is a virtue, Near," Mello snapped.

Near sighed, Mello was always impulsive and that wasn't likely ever going to change either. He did not reply to that comment and instead just continued to wait, knowing how Mello worked and knowing that if he started to argue with him, nothing of importance would be said and his time would be wasted.

"L is alive," Mello said.

"I figured as much from your hint the last time we spoke," Near replied. "Where is he?"

"Let's just set things straight right here before I tell you," Mello said. "I am only doing this because Matt insisted. I could have found out on my own but he reckons the sooner we find Kira the better."

"I do not doubt your skills, Mello, but I am glad you listened to Matt," Near replied. Matt had always had a good head on his shoulders.

Mello didn't say anything and Near thought he might have offended him in some way until he heard the sound of food being eaten. He rolled his eyes. He had once tried to count how many chocolate bars Mello ate in a day, but the number was growing so obscenely large that he had stopped before he got sick.

"He's with Light Yagami…do you know the name?" Mello asked.

Everything suddenly fell into place and for the first time, Near smiled. It was much like his predecessor's grin when he realized something, it was intimidating and eager. His fingers fell from his hair as he was no longer speaking in a bemused sort of way, he was now completely focused.

"Light Yagami you say?" he repeated.

"Sounds like you do know him," Mello replied.

"The Japanese police did not want anyone to know about L's death," Near explained. "They thought it would just be the final step to giving the world over to Kira. The person acting in L's name at this time is Light Yagami."

Silence from Mello's end and then a faint chuckle. "You're saying Yagami is Kira?" he asked.

"There is a high percentage," Near replied. "Something about him I do not trust and now I know why."

"L would know," Mello said. "I'll speak to him again."

"Mello…you will wait," Near replied.

"What?" Mello hissed.

"I am going to go with you," he said.

"But that's--" Mello began but Near cut him off.

Something was happening outside the building. He glanced around at the others and they seemed frozen. The sound registered in Near's mind. There was a helicopter outside the building and someone was shouting from a megaphone. Someone who apparently was Kira's spokesperson.

"Do not seek out L yet, Mello, I will contact you shortly, something has come up," Near said, hanging up the phone.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Light watched smugly as Sakura Television was showing the event happening in New York City. He had contacted Demegawa and ordered him to do this for him as Kira, knowing that the man would do absolutely anything to stay in Kira's favor so that his ratings stayed up. He was sitting in the investigation room and on the outside, he seemed tensed and worried, half standing out of his chair, watching with a horrified expression as Demegawa ordered the people of New York to storm the building where Near resided in order to destroy the non-believers.

"What do we do?" Matsuda exclaimed.

Light grabbed his headset and attempted to get in contact with Near. He figured that he would not answer, but to his mild surprise, that cold voice came to life on the other end.

"Light Yagami," he said.

"Near, are you all right?" Light asked earnestly. "Is there anything we can do?"

There was a long pause which surprised him slightly. Near always knew what he was going to say right off the bat, but it seemed as though he were hesitating about what to say.

"No, we'll be fine…Kira won't win so easily," Near said coldly and Light clearly heard the accusation in his voice.

The line cut and Light threw the headset to the desk. "Stubborn fool, he's going to get himself killed!"

"How did Kira find out?" Aizawa asked darkly. "How did he find the exact location of Near?"

Light shook his head. "I don't know," he said, clenching the desk just hard enough to show how worried he was.

Actually he was excited, very excited because at this moment, Misa was sitting in her apartment with the Death Note open watching the same program. Once the members of the SPK came out, she would be able to locate Near (for Light had a feeling he was going to stand out just as a certain detective did) and write his name down, thus ending any worries Light had of the bastard.

"Shit, they're in!" Mogi growled.

Light focused back on the news and hid a grin. The rioters were listening to Demegawa and were fighting fiercely to get inside the building. Sirens could be heard as armored police vans came barreling through the streets and screeched to a stop outside the building. The police got out and rushed towards the front of the building, shoving people roughly aside, trying to shield the entrance.

Light's eyes narrowed. Most of the police got to the entrance and stood in place, beating the crowd back, but a large group had gone into the building. He supposed that they could be grabbing the few people who had actually managed to get inside, and then his eyes widened and he almost punched the desk in anger.

Some of the cops were holding something…extra suits. They were all wearing helmets with the visors pulled down to conceal their faces and Light pieced it together in an instant. Near had contacted them and told them to bring the suits. He was going to get out with the SPK by disguising themselves. No, NO Light had planned this all perfectly, how could this be happening?

"Look!" Ide exclaimed, pointing at the TV. "There's a lot more police coming out than went in!"

"Awesome!" Matsuda shouted gleefully. "Near's going to make it out of there!"

Soichiro breathed a sigh of relief. "He's in a lot better situation now, all that is left is to clear out this crowd," he said.

"Kira should have known that Near would not be so easy to defeat," Light said. His voice sounded relieved but he was beating himself up. How could he not have thought about all possibilities? Now he watched as the building was cleared out. A police helicopter came and Demegawa was forced to land while the crowd was being dispersed, those remaining being taken down by the police.

_Shit, shit, shit! This was not supposed to happen. You think you've won, Near? You think that I'm out of ideas? Think again, you got lucky today but you are dead, I will not stop until you are dead!_

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

There was a knock on the door and Mello started. Hours and hours had passed since he had spoken to Near. The sun had long since set and he even thought he saw a hint of dawn light in the air when the knock resounded through the room again. He glanced at Matt who shrugged and they both stood up and moved to the door. Mello opened it and blinked.

"No…way," he said.

Near stood there with a man behind him. The man was tall with blue eyes and short black hair.

"I told you I was coming," Near pointed out.

"You also said you were going to call…how the hell did you find us anyway?" Mello demanded.

Near indicated the man behind him casually. "I had Gevanni following you. He told me where you were living," he replied.

Mello felt his hands twitch as if they longed to reach out and strangle Near. "Oh…you did? Well aren't you a smart one," he growled.

Near glared at him and then walked into the apartment, Gevanni following after him. "I did not come here to argue with you, Mello, I came to catch Kira," he said. "You may not have been watching the news, but today a man from Sakura Television flew to New York and ordered a crowd to attack the building where the SPK was based."

Mello raised his eye brow. "Well you are going against God," he pointed out.

Near narrowed his eyes. "The only people in Japan who should have known where I lived was the Japanese Police involved with the Kira investigation. They must have told Yagami because I specifically revealed it to them when he was not there."

"Ahh so he digs his grave," Mello said dramatically. "It's not enough evidence you know."

"Which is why we need L," Near replied. "Take me to him."

Mello stood in front of the door, his eyes narrowed. "Hold on," he said. "We're not just going to march in there are we? Do you have any idea of what you're going to do when we get there?"

Near lifted a hand and twirled a lock of white hair between his pale fingers again. "We're going to take him back here," he said. "We cannot risk interrogating him in Yagami's residence in case he comes back."

Mello covered his eyes with a hand. "You are so unbelievable," he said. "You're making it sound as if you don't even need me or Matt, just that you need a place to bring him."

Near didn't say anything and Mello was very, _very_ tempted to tackle him at the moment. Perhaps Matt felt this for he stood next to Mello and crossed his arms over his chest, glaring down at Near.

"Just remember that it was us who found him," he growled. "Without us you would be stuck."

Near smirked lightly. "I understand, now let us depart," he said.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Light had taken to locking him up again. He was not in the guest bedroom, but in Light's which was slightly bigger though did not change the fact that he was once again being kept more as a pet then a lover. A darkness was building in his chest, a soft resentment growing towards Light, thrown in sharp contrast to the love he still had for him. He had wanted it to work, but they had been wrong. They could not keep the world outside from breaking into their sanctuary. It had been a dream, a good dream, but nothing else.

L was sitting on Light's bed, his knees drawn to his chest and his thumb in his mouth as he chewed at it. What was he going to do now? He loved Light, he hated Kira, and Light seemed to be embracing Kira more and more. He had asked him to kill Misa. It wouldn't have been as bad if it had been a criminal. But it was Misa. L knew that Light did not love Misa, that he found her presence annoying, but he also knew that he didn't hate her and at times, the way he spoke about her, proved that he enjoyed her company when she was clinging to him desperately. L could almost call them friends if Light allowed himself to have friends, and he had asked him to kill her. Not for L's benefit, but so that he, Light, could create a world with him, because he didn't want to create it with Misa.

How could he have been so stupid?

L sighed as he remembered everything that had happened from the moment of Kira's confession and onwards. He wished that he could block it from his mind because even though the bad times had been really bad, the good times made up for them. He remembered breakfasts, movies, lying beside Light with Light's arms holding him close. He remembered being intimate, experiencing sex for the first time with the only person he had ever allowed himself to love. Experiencing love, realizing that he was indeed human, that he could feel like everyone else.

And having that stripped away from him after only getting a taste was torture. He still loved Light, Light sill loved him, but he was pretty sure that it was over between them. How could they repair it? L was not going to give in and accept what Light had done and he knew Light would never apologize for what he had done.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't hear the lock being undone until the front door creaked open. He snapped back to reality and glanced at the bedroom door. Then he stood up and pressed his ear to the wood. Yes, he definitely heard someone moving about the apartment and he was pretty sure he knew who it was. Mello had said he would be coming back after all.

"Where is he?"

L's eyes widened. Mello and Matt he had been expecting, but he recognized that voice. Near…Near had come as well! He heard someone grab the doorknob to Light's bedroom and try to turn it, but since it was locked it didn't give way.

"L?"

It was Matt.

"Are you in here?"

L paused. Even if he didn't say anything, after they checked the other rooms they would just break in to this one anyway. Besides…he was no one's pet, why should he remain locked away in a room?

"I am," he said.

"He's in here," Matt called.

L heard hurried footsteps, probably Mello and then there was a scratching noise and something slid into the lock and turned it. The door opened and L was met by Mello, Matt and Near. Mello grinned and Matt smiled, but Near remained stoic, as did L as he slowly looked at them all.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"What do you think?" Near asked sharply. "You have some explaining to do."

L glared at him. "Watch your attitude, Near," he said icily.

Near frowned and looked away. L had always been the only one who could make him quail from a look and he knew that Near would listen to him even if he went out of his way to make it seem like he didn't care what L said.

"What more do you want?" L asked, directing the question to Mello. "I told you everything."

"You're hiding something," Mello replied firmly.

"We want you to come with us," Matt added.

L frowned. "Where?" he asked.

"Just our apartment," Mello said. "We need to ask you some questions, L, we'd rather not do it here."

L shrugged. "Whatever makes you comfortable," he said.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

The four were reunited once more, each of them sitting at the small table in Mello's apartment. Mello was eating chocolate, Matt was smoking a cigarette, L was eating an assortment of sweets and Near was holding onto an action figure. They were all looking at each other, but none of them were speaking. Finally L cleared his throat, his dark eyes narrowed.

"Well, you had questions?" he prompted.

"About Light Yagami," Near replied.

"What about Light Yagami?" L asked, his voice stoic though there was a hint of venom in his tone, along with longing.

Mello, ever the expert in emotions, was the only one who really caught the undertones, but he decided not to say anything for which L was grateful.

"During your absence…Yagami has been acting in your name," Near pointed out.

"Yes, I know," L replied.

Near raised an eyebrow and Matt snuffed his cigarette out.

"The last time we spoke with L he informed us that he arranged with Light Yagami and his father to work on the investigation alone and make it seem that he was dead so Kira would focus on the investigation while L moved in on his own," he explained, glancing at L who nodded.

Near's expression darkened. "Did it ever cross your mind, L, that Light Yagami was Kira?" he asked.

L narrowed his eyes. "Yes, it did, he was my top suspect for months, but the Death Note cleared his innocence," he replied.

"Why are you living with Light Yagami?" Near asked harshly.

"Watch your tone," L growled.

"Yeah, we didn't agree to snap at him, we're trying to just find something out," Mello said, jumping to L's side.

Matt only sighed and lit up yet another cigarette and inhaled slowly. Near and L were glaring at each other, and then Near turned his gaze away. L shook his head, Near was always like this so it didn't bother him too much. He glanced at Mello who smiled faintly and nodded, as if affirming that he was still on L's side even though he had no idea of the nature of L's situation. L nodded briefly in returned all the same.

"We do need to know why you are living with Yagami," Near said again, his tone quieter this time.

L looked at him. He could easily give him the same excuse he had given to Mello and Matt. That he had to be in touch with the investigation somehow. But the lie would not leave his lips. He loved Light, why couldn't he lie for him? _Because he is Kira and Kira is a murderer and justice must prevail. I cannot let my own emotions cloud my judgment…I cannot…_

He looked down at the table top, his area covered with many uneaten sweets. Now that he was away from the apartment, and more so because he was surrounded by the other residents of Wammy who were close to his intelligence, the detective in him that had lain dormant for so long was starting to surface again. The gentle side of him that had started to show, the more human side, was quickly being swallowed in his once more stoic and die hard determination for justice. Kira was a murderer, stopping Kira would be saving Light from damning his soul further.

"I am not living with Light Yagami," L replied.

Three pairs of eyes widened and L's heart felt like it crumbled inside his chest. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see, why had he said that? Now the others would know something was up. What could he do? What could he say to take back what he had just said? But no, this was good, justice had to be served, didn't it? He could see Light's face in front of him, everything else had disappeared. Light's eyes were filled with hurt and betrayal. His mouth parted in surprise at L's confession. Why was he ruining everything they had? Ah yes, even now when L knew it was just his imagination, he could see Light telling him once again that it could work, they just had to think of a new way to make it work.

"What do you mean, L?" Near asked, a slight grin on his face as if he were on the verge of being rewarded a particularly nice toy.

"I just mean that I am staying there temporarily," L said. "It has been long enough; I think my return to the investigation is necessary as they have not made enough progress."

Mello, Matt and Near all sighed. Yes, not exactly the answer they were waiting for with bated breath, and though L had meant to say 'I've actually been a prisoner these past few months' the lie had slipped from his lips before he could stop himself. Not to say that he couldn't just blurt out the truth now, but he just couldn't. His heart was somewhere in his throat and it was preventing him from saying anything else.

"L…Light is Kira," Near said firmly.

L looked at him.

"I purposefully revealed the location of my headquarters in New York during a day where he was absent from the investigation. All was well, then suddenly, Sakura Television's Demegawa promoted an attack on my headquarters…how Kira would even know about the SPK is beyond me since we've been keeping in the shadows…the only people who knew a good deal about us was the Kira Investigation stationed here in Japan…an investigation run by your Light Yagami," Near explained.

L's expression darkened. He had not heard about the attack orchestrated by Demegawa, who was merely a puppet for Kira. Light had tried to have Near killed. Although Near came off as harsh, he was like L in many ways and these three boys were the only people L could consider family, no one hurt his family. But his heart would not sit in its normal place and his throat was completely constricted.

"One of the people on the investigation must have told Yagami where I was based, I never told them not to," Near said with a slight grin. "That would make the percentage of Light being Kira very high…we just need some more evidence."

"We were hoping you would provide that last piece of evidence," Mello said.

"I have nothing more to tell you," L replied and was relieved that he sounded truthful.

Near clenched his action figure tightly and his mouth twisted into a frown, but L would never be intimidated by him, he only looked across the table at him and Near stared right back.

"You are hiding something," Near insisted.

"Even if I was, I do not have to reveal all my thoughts to you," L pointed out coldly.

"Do you want Kira to win?" Near asked.

"No," L replied honestly.

"Then help us," Matt jumped in.

"I'm trying, I cannot make something up in order to satisfy you," L replied a bit sharply.

"Keep your secrets then," Near said. "But we cannot allow you to go back to Light Yagami's apartment under suspicion of him being Kira."

L narrowed his eyes. "What did you have in mind then?" L asked.

"You'll stay here," Mello said. "Near is staying as well."

Near nodded and L shrugged. "That is fine," he said.

But it wasn't really fine. What would Light do when he returned to the apartment only to find that L was no longer there? He would probably think that L escaped and went to turn him in and L knew the idea would destroy Light. He would become merciless and he would write L's name down in the Death Note because of L's mistake. L was going to die, even in the face of this fact he was not afraid, not for himself. He knew if he died, it would be the evidence Near needed to convict L which was the only reason he was keeping L here. He didn't care if he was told that Light was Kira, he was just waiting for L to die.

**Silent Dagger: Cliff hanger!!!!! Sorry, I had to do it. We're winding down people, the story is slowly wrapping up. Next chapter, Light finds out that L is gone and chaos ensues. **


	20. My Violent Heart

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: Ok, first of all I just want to apologize for leaving it at a cliff hanger. I couldn't resist! So, I'm trying to get this chapter out as fast as I can so that you don't have to remain in suspense.**

**Nusku**(thanks again for the lovely cookies, they are delicious…erm…try not to kill Near, he still has a part to play lol)

**Kamichiro Eris**(you are very welcome. Btw, thanks for commenting on the youtube video, I tried posting a comment back but youtube hates me, I can't wait to see your videos! Thank you very, very much for the wonderful review, I'm glad you're enjoying the story so much)

**choticati**(Well, here's another part of what's happening lol and yes, they are frickin adorable!)

**shiroyuki004 **(you're review made me laugh, I don't know why…but it did so thank you)

**Lawliet-loves-Raito**(It's here! It's here! Gomen for the cliff hanger!!)

**dark-cinderella **(If I could, I would lead an angry mob against Near, we could have pitchforks and torches and everything)

**xXToxicXAddictionXx **(yeah, things have started to go a bit crazy and now you're going to find out exactly what Light did)

**Addictedreader09 **(thanks for the review and now I present…what happened next lol)

**Pareidolia **(aww I apologize for making you sad. Get ready for some chaos)

**Desdemona **(it seems that way, doesn't it? But with me, you'll just never know. And no, I do not like Near)

**black.is.the.new.blood **(Who wouldn't want L? lol. And no, I do not want to make you cry so let's hope the ending doesn't cause that…)

**wierdchick **(yeah, L's been having a rough time this entire story…Lmao at the uke comment because people involved on the death note rpg forum are constantly arguing about which one is uke)

**Kuroi Kitty **(voila, ze update, mademoiselle…don't ask why I chose French for that…I think I'm just crazy)

**demonlifehealer **(yeahhh sorry about that lol. Near is always kind of mean and yes, Matt is definitely the most stable one of the bunch. All your questions shall be answered in the coming chapters. Thanks for reviewing)

**Shadow-of-a-Demon **(I'm glad I put that apology up, but sorry again!! Yeah, let's just say that Light…makes some intense choices this chapter)

**ReidMorgan **(awww thank you so much)

**skye.fell.over.me **(Yeah, he is!)

**Gaaras-lef-hand-man **(glad you're loving the story so much. Yeah, I know I didn't really explain that, but Light did let him use the toilet and stuff. You're welcome and thank you for reviewing the story!)

**Piper **(o.0 sorry? Lol I hope you weren't too anxious waiting for the chapter!)

**Sarah Havoc **(he really ruined everything…Thank you so much for the fabulous review, that really means a lot to me and I'm glad you enjoy the story so much!)

**Gaaras-left-hand-man **(lmao I loved that chapter too, you're most welcome. Oooh food! Thank you ::sets up a picnic:: feel free to join us lol. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter so much! And no need to apologize lol)

**Chapter Twenty: My Violent Heart**

_I remember taking you by the hand and leading you to a new world…I thought I could keep leading you, but you went your own path. All I can hope for now is that our paths will meet up so that I may hold you close to me once again._

Light shook his head. He was sitting in his usual place at the investigation building. Near had not contacted them since his escape from the attack and Light could only conclude that the mysterious person seriously thought he was now Kira. Not that it mattered; he didn't have enough proof to convict him.

This was all starting to seem so meaningless. He would come here all day and look over the same shit over and over. It wasn't even fun anymore. He had liked L's challenge, but since he had triumphed over it, Near's presence was nothing but a giant nuisance. His blood didn't boil quite the same way it had whenever he heard the name 'L'. L was his rival, he had defeated him and now L was nothing but his lover. However, maybe half the reason he had been attracted to the man was _because_ there was so much risk. Then again, L was far from him, their hearts, once so intermingled had spilt and even though he lived with L, they could not be farther apart.

He sighed heavily. What he wouldn't do to get L back. He was afraid that his last mistake had been his final one. Why did he think that L would use the Death Note when it was that very notebook that had caused him all this grief? He had been right with his suspicions of Light being Kira, but he had never guessed how he might have been killing all those people. He must have hated that notebook with all his heart when he learned of it, and there was Light, urging him to kill with it. Even now the memory of his stupidity made him want to slam his head into the desk repeatedly.

"Light-kun, are you all right?"

Light blinked and glanced at his side. Matsuda stood there, holding out a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, I'm fine thanks," Light replied, taking the offered cup and taking a sip. Sweet, too sweet…Matsuda had added too much sugar but instead of discarding the cup, he drank on because it reminded him of a time in which he had been able to explore the sweet taste of L's mouth.

Just thinking about the detective was driving him crazy! He couldn't even focus on the information in front of him; he just kept reading the same line over and over again without taking it in. His mind kept drifting off to when he and L were on great terms. Cuddling up next to the older man, the passionate nights they had, the smiles passed when they noticed the other staring, the smiles that Light had never seen from the detective before. All of that was slowly slipping from his grasp and he was desperately trying to cling to what remained, a shallow shell of what he had once had. L had given him a second chance. He had raped him, humiliated him, kept him locked up and L had _still_ given him another chance and Light had ruined it.

"Light, it's growing late…perhaps we should call it a day," Soichiro suggested.

Light turned and smiled softly at his father and shook his head. "All of you are free to go," he said. "I think I'm going to stay for a little bit."

Soichiro nodded and though Matsuda looked like he was about to offer to stay and help, he shook his head and patted the younger man on the shoulder before turning to leave. Matsuda sighed and wished Light luck and followed after Soichiro. The others soon followed and Aizawa glanced at him somewhat suspiciously and Light stared dully back.

Once the door was closed he turned back to the computer and just stared at the screen for a good half an hour. He was falling, falling into memories. When was it, when exactly did he become a God? It was true that when he first got the notebook he had set out to become the God of a new world…but he wasn't at first. People used to be afraid of him. So now that he had the time to think about it, why was that? Why would they ever be afraid of him?

Well, he had to give them some slack. People just dying of heart attacks was scary, so maybe it was when they discovered the pattern that they lost their fears. Kira was only going after criminals. Kira was good because he was striking down evil. If only L had opened his eyes to the fact then he would have never had to worry about killing him. Then again, if L had never bothered with the case, Light would never have met him.

Would it have been better that way? For the most part yes. He would not be feeling miserable, L would not be a prisoner, Watari would still be alive, He would have never had to deal with all that shit involving Misa when she was caught…and yet, all of this was worth it for the small time he had spent with L in which they weren't at each other's throats. The time L had agreed to sex, the passion and love Light had felt, the day out that was easily the best day Light had ever had, it was all worth the pain of loss.

But if he was a God, and this was his new world, shouldn't he be in control of things? Why was this happening? Why was Near even in the picture? Why was the mysterious person known as Mello popping up on TV? These people did not belong in his world…just as L wasn't supposed to belong in this world. God was not supposed to _love_ anyone, but despite that his heart was still longing for the man back at his apartment. Near and Mello…they were dangerous, so dangerous…He had to kill them.

Because he was God and God did not permit the unbelievers.

The sun rose on a glorious morning when he had found that Death Note. It rose on the dawn of a new age, the world would be transformed. Violence would disappear altogether; the place would be clean again. It would be beautiful. And finally, when the sun set, when everything was how it should be and Light could stop being Kira, everyone would be looking at a world in which wars were a thing of the past, where everyone was kind to the other and they would forever thank their God for showing them the way. Their eyes would be opened to the goodness in life and for once, that good would outweigh the evil and all would be well.

"I've made so many sacrifices for them all," Light whispered. "But I knew from the moment I set out on my destiny that it would be something I had to deal with."

He sighed. He really was not getting any work done. He decided to just shut down and head on home. He turned everything off and locked up, heading out and getting on the bus. He stared out the windows, the bright lights of Tokyo rushing past. He sighed, he had been planning on taking L out at night the next time he had a break. Maybe that would be a way to redeem himself…or maybe L would just knock him down and run away.

The bus pulled to a stop and Light got off and walked the rest of the way to the apartment. He was about to unlock the door when he heard someone running down the stairs. Misa…

"Light!" she screamed, leaping towards him and grabbing him in a hug before planting a wet kiss on his cheek.

"Hello Misa," Light replied forcing a smile.

"Misa has missed you so much!" she exclaimed. "Misa just wanted to say that she is sorry she didn't see Near, but that she will try again and again for you."

Light ran a hand through her hair. "It's all right, Misa, you couldn't do anything about it," he reassured her and she beamed up at him.

"Oh…Light, Misa also wanted to tell you that she thinks you left your TV on today," Misa said, a thoughtful look on her face. "Misa thought she heard some voices downstairs earlier but the landlord came today so he must have turned it off." She grinned playfully. "Misa bets Light has a note from the landlord telling him to remember to turn the TV off before he goes!"

Light forced a chuckle and nodded. "Yeah, I guess I was too hasty this morning," he said, though inside his heart had turned to ice. He didn't even remember having the TV on today, so what were the voices Misa heard? Unless the landlord really did come and discovered L. Light had a feeling that if L told him anything about the true nature of his presence, the police would have stormed the investigation building or be waiting for him now so he was pretty sure he was still safe.

"Would Light like his Misa Misa tonight?" Misa asked with a sweet smile.

"Sorry, Misa, I'm still working," Light said.

Misa sighed. "Well, Misa Misa may be staying up late tonight, so if you finish up, you can come visit."

"Thanks Misa, I'll keep that in mind," Light smiled, leaning in to kiss her briefly before unlocking his door, stepping inside and closing it on her face.

_I just want to erase what I have done. I just want to apologize for what I've done. I just want to go to you and hug you close. I just want to press my lips against yours, I want to taste your sweetness, I want to give you pleasure. I want to cross out all the bad times and replace them all with good memories. L…I still want you so badly._

Light stood in the doorway for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. What could he possibly say? Would he have to do it like they did in the movies and drop to one knee, taking L's hand within his own and singing some sort of ballad about how much he loved him? The thought made him slightly ill and he was quite sure L would kick him in the face the moment his knee touched the floor.

He steeled his expression. Whatever he was going to do, he mine as well just do it. He would let his heart control things for once. He nodded to no one and walked towards his bedroom door. He paused. Something wasn't right. His footsteps quickened and when he got to the door, he froze. The door was open.

Light lunged into the room and flipped on the light and his eyes widened. L wasn't there. He felt his body start to tremble, his vision blurred in and out and the hand that was still covering the light switch tightened to a fist. His teeth clenched together, his eyes were burning crimson and his body was as stiff as a board. L had left him.

The first sensation that washed over him was an oppressive sadness that was so powerful it brought Light to his knees. He found his arms wrapped about himself as he rocked slowly back and forth, his eyes shut tight as if he could block the image of the empty room from his mind. He felt a burning sensation in his throat as the same thought kept playing over and over in his mind.

_I've lost him forever, I've lost him forever, I've lost him forever…_

The second sensation was pure rage, a rage he had never, ever felt before. His crimson eyes were ablaze as he stood up slowly, his back straight and stiff as he regained some composure…only to lose it a second later as his fist connected painfully with the wall, leaving a hole in it the size of an apple. He hissed loudly, to keep from screaming, and stormed over to his desk. He ripped open the drawer and grabbed the Death Note, slamming it to the desk and fervently turning through the pages until he reached a blank one. He grabbed his pen, a manic glint in his eyes.

"You want to fuck with me, L?" he growled. "You want to go against God? You want to see what happens when you defy me?"

His breathing grew hoarse as he poised the pen over the page. He grinned cruelly, his eyes alight with a crazed look. "L Lawliet…you've made your final mistake," he chuckled darkly.

"I wouldn't be so hasty," a voice suddenly said, startling Light so that he dropped the pen. It landed on the floor with a soft thud and rolled under the desk.

Light turned and glared at Ryuk, who was standing behind him, looking at the notebook with that infuriating grin on his face.

"I thought you weren't choosing sides, why the fuck did you stop me?" Light demanded.

"For the simple reason that it would be boring if you fell into a trap," Ryuk replied with a shrug. "You should be thanking me."

"A trap?" Light asked.

"L didn't leave," Ryuk grinned, clearly enjoying the fact that he knew something Light did not.

But when Light heard that he was in no mood for Ryuk's little games. "What do you mean, Ryuk? Tell me," he ordered.

Ryuk gazed up at the ceiling, mocking a look of deep concentration as if he could not remember what had happened. Light wished that he could strangle the damn Death God. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Ryuk let his gaze lock with Light's and his grin grew ever wider.

"He was taken away by three people," he said.

"Who?" Light asked, trying hard not to scream.

"Three boys going by the name Matt, Mello and Near."

Time froze, Light's heart stopped, his eyes couldn't see, his mouth was open. He stared blankly at the Death God for a moment and then he turned, looking down at the open Death Note, unable to talk, unable to think. Near and Mello and now Matt as well. They had come here; they had taken away his L. His hand twitched slightly. Quick as lightning he brought it down upon his desk in a furious punch, his knuckles screamed in pain as the skin broke and blood flowed down his hand.

"Those….fuckers!" he snarled, his face twisted in furious agony.

Ryuk was floating in the air behind him, clearly enjoying himself as he got to watch Light lose control for once.

"I will kill them with my bare hands! I'll find out where they've taken him and I will kill them all!" he shouted.

His lips curled into a malicious smirk and he took hold of the Death Note, holding it aloft, raising it higher and higher until he was holding it over his head. His red eyes were aglow and his lips trembled as he continued to grin.

"You want to mess with me, Near? You want to get little helpers to ruin everything? Then you shall pay the price," Light whispered.

He walked out of his room and out of his apartment, walking up the stairs and knocking at Misa's door. He heard her squeal in excitement and then the door opened. Ryuk must have floated up through his ceiling for he was already in the kitchen, munching on a red apple.

"Light! You came to see Misa!" she exclaimed.

"Misa…we have work to do," he whispered.

Perhaps she had noticed that something was wrong, for her smile faded and she looked at him closely.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

He grinned cruelly. "Yes, but it is time to pay Near back…he's just made a big mistake and he must be punished for it."

Misa's eyes shined and she smiled, nodding. "Anything for you, Light," she whispered.

He walked into the apartment and while she turned on the TV, he grabbed her laptop and accessed the police database. He smirked as he looked at all the faces of the criminals who were going to die. But that wasn't enough, that just wouldn't cut it. He sat down on the couch next to Misa, the laptop sitting on his lap and he lifted a hand to stroke her hair.

"Misa…we have to really punish him," Light said.

Misa turned her gaze from the TV to stare at him. "What do you want Misa to do?" she asked.

He smiled and glanced at the television. There was a program on that was promoting some Hollywood movie and a famous American actor was being interviewed. Light pointed at him.

"Kill him," he said.

Misa blinked. "But Misa likes him and he isn't a criminal…" she replied with uncertainty.

"Dammit, Misa! You gave yourself to me so do what I say now!" Light shouted.

Misa's eyes widened and grew bright with tears. She took hold of her pen and wrote down the name, her hand shaking but the name still came out legibly. Light smiled as he watched the program which was live. He counted silently to himself and then the actor clutched at his chest, his eyes widened and he fell from his chair. The person interviewing him screamed in fright and then the camera cut.

"Change the channel," Light said.

Misa did as she was told. On the news was coverage of a small gas explosion. There were a bunch of people milling about.

"Kill them, Misa," Light said fervently.

Misa had silent tears streaming down her face as she focused her Shinigami eyes on the people and started writing down random names. Light started to laugh as people behind the report began to collapse. The reporter turned just as his heart stopped and he cried out to the camera, falling down onto the street.

"Change the channel," Light ordered again.

"Misa can't do this, Light!" Misa cried. "She knows you don't want to do this!"

Light growled and grabbed her by the throat, looking at her with blazing eyes. "Do not assume you know what I do not want to do," he hissed. "Sacrifices are necessary for the new world, now stop fucking around and change the channel."

Misa was sobbing as she did so and continued writing down names of innocent people. A school teacher who was being promoted for good deeds, a famous potter, another actor, and many, many more soon fell to their death at the hands of Misa and the words of Kira.

"Misa…Misa can't do anymore," Misa pleaded.

"That was sufficient," Light replied casually.

"Light…" Misa said longingly.

Light draped an arm over her shoulders and pulled her close; he kissed her gently on the forehead and let his free hand play lazily with a strand of her blond hair.

"You did well, Misa," he whispered. "You have proven that you really will follow me. You shall be honored in our new world as a Goddess."

Misa smiled weakly, clutching him tightly. "Misa is so happy to have proven herself to you," she whispered, closing her eyes. "Misa will do anything for Light."

"I know you will, Misa," Light replied.

He gently pushed her away and shut her laptop down, removing it from his lap. He started to stand up but Misa grabbed his wrist. He looked at her and she was looking up at him with a desperate look in her eyes.

"Stay with Misa tonight?" she asked hopefully.

"Not tonight," Light replied.

Misa's hand let go of his wrist and her eyes seemed to cloud over as Light kissed her quickly and then left her apartment. He walked down the stairs and into his own. He sat down at the table and just stared at it. He took deep breaths and let them out slowly. His eyes shifted from the table to the dim light and he just stared at it for a while. Innocents, innocents had been killed. Now that the rage that had been burning in his heart had been extinguished for the time being, reality crept up with him.

He had Misa kill innocent people. Kira, the defender of justice, had murdered people. His eyes narrowed. He didn't kill them with his own hand. If Misa wasn't so fucking passive, she could have refused him until he saw reason. That's what L would have done if he and Misa had changed positions. Once more the desire to get rid of her came over him. Why hadn't she said no? Had it not been obvious that Light was not in his right mind?

But then…it was L's fault too for letting those bastards take him. Had he put up a fight or did he go willingly? He leaned back in his chair. He'd like to think that L had fought, that he had demanded they leave him alone because he had yet to give up on Light. But what if he hadn't? What if they told him that he had to go with them and he had simply agreed? What would Light do if he found out that was the case?

More importantly, what was going to happen to him now? Near must know who he was and was waiting for one final piece of evidence…L's confession. But if L had gone with them willingly, did that mean he had already told them? What was he going to do? How could he get L back? How could he kill Near, Mello and Matt? He had to kill them; he wanted to see the life leave their eyes.

A faint memory of a conversation rose into his mind. It was when he had first learned about Mello. He remembered asking L about him and how angry L had gotten. The reason for that was because to L, Mello was like a brother. He remembered apologizing to L, saying that he would feel the same if anyone was trying to ask him how to hurt Sayu. So then, if he killed those three (Light was guessing L felt the same about Near and Matt as well) would that not just make L hate him even more? Unless he had resisted them and was mad at them for taking him away, but why would he be? He was free now; he could live his life again. A life without Light…

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

Near, Mello and Matt sat in the living room. L had wanted to be alone for a bit and they hadn't stopped him. They had just been watching the news and the big story? Kira had lashed out at innocent people. Of course his supporters had yet to see how evil he was and were only saying that someone must have provoked him. The new manager of Sakura Television made a statement saying that it was obviously those who were stationed in New York, the ones that had been stormed just a few days ago. Near narrowed his eyes. The stupidity of mankind was astounding.

"This further proves that Light Yagami is Kira," he whispered.

"Yeah, but not enough to convict him," Matt pointed out.

"No, but the more we know that he really is Kira, the more we will be able to see it and catch him," Near replied.

"I can't believe it…all those people," Mello said. "How did he kill all those people?"

"The Second Kira," Near said.

"They must be in contact," Matt added.

"Who else lives in that apartment complex?" Near asked.

"Shiro and Yumi Gara," Mello said. "And Misa Amane moved in about a month or so after Yagami."

Near's eyes flashed. "L had Amane arrested under suspicion of the Second Kira," he said.

Mello nodded. "Yeah, looks like she was released too soon," he growled. "That bitch must have killed them all."

"Most likely at Yagami's order," Matt said. "It's a message to us."

Near nodded. "For freeing L," he said. He paused, his finger curling a strand of hair. "What I don't understand is why he didn't just kill L…why would he keep him alive now?"

Mello and Matt were quiet as all of them fell into a thoughtful smile. It was Mello who spoke first.

"Maybe they're secret lovers," he said.

"I ask that you remain serious," Near said darkly.

Mello chuckled. "Sorry, I couldn't resist," he replied.

Matt didn't say anything, instead he looked rather thoughtful. He turned his attention to Mello. "When you first thought you saw L…didn't you say he was with someone?" he asked.

"Yeah…" Mello trailed off.

"What if he was with Yagami?" Matt asked. "And if it was Yagami and he wasn't trying to run…"

Near tilted his head to the side. It wasn't possible, was it? Why would L ever get involved with his top suspect? Knowing L, he had never believed Light to be innocent, so why had he gotten involved? Why? "We need to speak to L again," he whispered.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

_This aching pain within my chest, I don't know if it's because my heart is gone or that it's just swollen. I need your presence, but you are far away from here. You'd been slipping further and further, I couldn't hold on to you, my fingers are groping into empty darkness. I am surrounded by darkness and that darkness is your eyes. Eyes that have known my secret, eyes that have shown me hatred…eyes that have shown me love. Slowly now your face appears before me, angry, sad, smug, happy, passionate, the faces that you have only let me see. I can feel your arms around me; I can feel your body pressed up against me, your hot breath tickling my neck, my fingers buried in your soft, ebony hair. I can feel the burning heat within you, I can feel your tongue wrapped around mine, taste the sweetness of your mouth and the salty taste of your sweat as my tongue trails over your chest. _

_And yet it is all a memory. Your arms are not around me, you are not even in my bed, you are not even in my house, you are somewhere out there, in the world we tried so desperately to hide from. You're in the world that did not approve of us, the world that beat our love no matter how much we convinced ourselves it wouldn't. _

_You were taken from me and the bastards that stole you will woe this day. The lives of those lost were lost because of them. If they had just stayed out of our affair then it wouldn't have happened. How I hate them, and I hate you for letting them take you and I hate you for hating me and I hate myself for still loving you. I know you still love me…I don't care what it takes; I will hear you say it again. I need you to say it again; my world is nothing unless I can hear those words from your delicious lips just one more time. Anything can happen after that, I don't care…_

His face was buried in his pillow and he was clenching the Death Note to his chest, just needing to hold on to something. He had a mad desire to storm up to Misa's and continue killing people to teach those bastards a lesson, but he knew Misa could do no more tonight. His eyes were tightly shut and the arms holding the notebook were shaking with suppressed rage and sorrow.

Light wanted to scream as loud as he could, just to let it all out. But he could not, he could not allow himself to lose control anymore. The moment he lost control, the moment he would make a serious mistake and be found out and he was still going to fight for his new world, no one would stand in the way of the new God.

A part of him wanted to write L's name down still, just to rid himself of the man entirely just in case he could never have him back. Would he be able to handle L saying that he hated him? Instead of hearing those words he longed to hear, he might hear the complete opposite and that may crush him. So why not kill him and just be done with it? Never have to worry about what L thought of him again? He shook his head. No, he knew that it would just make this empty feeling in his chest even worse. He needed L, he needed to see him again. He wondered if L was feeling this pain right now. His eyes opened slowly, they were dry but he almost wished tears would flow. He wanted L to be feeling this, he wanted him to be suffering as he was because then he would know that there was still a chance, just one small chance, of taking the detective into his arms and just holding him tight.

_L…can you feel how miserable I am?_

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Ebony eyes opened slowly and the dark room came into mild focus from the light of the computer. L was sitting in a chair, his knees drawn to his chest. His chin had been resting on his knees and he had his arms wrapped about him. His eyes had been closed, but he had not been sleeping. He could hear the murmured voices of the three successors in the kitchen, but he couldn't focus on them. His eyes were opened to the room, but all he saw was Light.

He could picture the boy in his mind clearly. He could picture him asking why he would abandon him and he could feel the boy's agony simply because L was feeling the same thing. Those soft touches, those lingering kisses, everything that Light had showed him that he had never experienced before, they were moments that he could only share with Light because he would never allow himself to love anyone ever again. In the end he would be betrayed and hate the person for all those good memories.

_But I can't hate you…no matter how hard I try…_

It would be so simple if he could. If he could hate Light he would leave the room right now and tell Near that which he desperately wanted to hear. He knew the three were convinced that Light was Kira, but until they had substantial evidence they could do nothing. It was a huge accusation and Light was brilliant when it came to covering his tracks. But that would only happen when he could hate Light and he couldn't.

He closed his eyes again and was surrounded by darkness. He felt like he was suspended in that darkness, alone and cold. And then he felt arms wrap around him and a warm body press against his from behind. He felt those arms turning him and suddenly he was face to face with Light Yagami. Light was smiling, but it was a sad smile, tormented and pained. L knew the same smile on lifting his own lips as he focused on the man he loved.

Light wrapped an arm around L's waist and pulled him close. His other hand buried into his black locks and gently pressed his head against his chest. L closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of his lover. A scent he had grown so accustomed to that even now in his thoughts he could smell it as if Light were lying by his side. His arms wound about Light and held him tightly, he couldn't let him go.

_"I still love you, L."_

_"And I you."_

Light was Kira, but L loved him. He opened his eyes again and looked up at the ceiling. Near, Mello and Matt longed to destroy Kira, but Light was his rival…his enemy…his lover. He was L's to deal with and L's alone. And that is what made the world's three top detectives decide to keep the knowledge of Kira's identity to himself. He would not tell the three, he would not give them what they needed to send Light away from him forever. He would find a way to get back to Light and there he would deal with this.

**Silent Dagger: Sorry for the ooc-ness of Light in this chapter, but I needed him to do something dramatic to show just how much emotion he was feeling. So, I know this was a rather dark chapter, but at least they admitted that they still love each other! Next chapter: Conspiring with Kira is a crime worthy of death…**


	21. Death is the Road to Awe

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: **::gasp:: time has gone by so quickly! There are only ten chapters left of the story, I shall be sure to tie up all the loose ends and just want to thank everyone who has stayed with it so long. I love you all! Oh and if anyone ever feels like hitting up my myspace, the url is in my profile

SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT!!

**Nusku:**Teehee yes he did! Thanks for the fabulous review and the wonderful cake, Mello appreciates the cake too.

**Demonlifehealer:**Poor L is just all distraught over everything right now lol. Don't worry, Misa's not out yet.

**Wierdchick:**He just couldn't really control himself, but yeah that was a mistake on his part. LMAO omg, I love you for saying that!

**Pareidolia:**Yeah, Light threw his entire philosophy out the window in that chapter all for L, which is cute in a really, really sad way.

**Dark-cinderella:**Misa is far too in love with Light to ever consider that, which is sad, it would release her from being a servant. Thanks for the support!

**Unsolvedenigma:**Thank you I was a little afraid that Light would appear too out of character in that chapter, but I think it worked out. ::sighs:: it is too bad about the two, but there is still many things to happen.

**MysteriousPenname:**Thanks! Yeah, I actually felt bad for Light when I wrote that chapter.

**Gaaras-Left-Hand-Man:**Aww Misa needs to learn to just think for herself, poor thing. Haha yes, Mello is the true genius! I'll try and update sooner so you don't have to wait so long! And don't be too sure about no more steamy sex ;) Don't worry about writing too much, I like long reviews

**Eli:** Yeah, I definitely feel bad for Light this time. L is better than all three combined!!

**Black.is.the.new.blood:**::dies of laughter:: Ohhh my god, your review has just made my night! Heh heh you will see what happens lol

**Sarah Havoc: **Yeah for squeeing lol Sorry for giving you withdrawals ::pats her head:: and yes, poor L and Light I feel so badly for them! And hooray for myspace!

**Xenia Marvolo: **Thank you very much!

**Zagirad:**You speak English well enough for me Thank you for the wonderful review, I love encouragement, it really keeps me going.

**Shiroyuki004:**I'm always one for supporting made up words and snazzle is awesome so it's all good lol.

**Kitsune-grl:**Yeah not a huge fan of Misa myself but I actually did feel bad for her this chapter. Umm how about you slam Near's head against the desk instead since he's the one responsible instead of hurting yourself, yeah? Hmm I think I'd be with Kira to an extent, but yeah, definitely hide your face from the TV. I'm glad you're enjoying it so much, thanks for the review!

**xXToxicXAddictionXx:**Yes, this chapter was rather sad…and err this chapter is also rather sad…Oops. But I swear it won't be completely tragic!!

**Shadow-of-a-Demon:**Hooray I did!! Sorry it took so long for this chapter! Yeah, I felt bad for Misa and for Light because he was just so, so upset. Thank you very much for the wonderful encouragement.

**Sioen:**Umm ::hands you a tissue:: Sorry if I make you cry!

**Kamichiro Eris: **Thanks for your continual support, it means a lot! I know things seem pretty down right now, and they're probably going to stay that way for a while, but I'm not really one for complete tragedies.

**ReidMorgan:**Aww yeah, poor Light he was so, so sad. Yeah, originally I was planning on making them sort of fall apart completely, but I figured after everything they shared they couldn't just not love each other. Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it so much!

**Triangles:**Mello is totally a pimp, just look at his fashion sense, I would totally see him as a pimp. And I will definitely make it to chapter 30.

**SexySpoonsWillRuleUsAll:** First of all, I LOVE your name lol. And I am in awe of your review! Thank you, thank you, thank you::hugs:: I really appreciate the support!

**LightofaThousandSuns:** Thank you very much. Unfortunately there is no reunion in this chapter. Glad you like it!

**DomWit:** Wahh I don't want you to die!! Update, update, update!!!! Lol thank you for the compliment and sorry it took me a while to update the story.

**Sarah Havoc:** It was a mixture of both. Thank you very much for the offer (I sent you a friend request on myspace). It's been a bit stressful lately and then I was at a friend's for a while so I didn't have time to really write.

**Kuroi Kitty:** Yeah, it's like…in the world's best interest for Near to let L go back to Light. Thanks for the review!

**Chapter Twenty One: Death is the Road to Awe**

A ghost white hand reached up, delicate fingers holding a tress of snow white hair and twirling it slowly about the digits, white on white, the color of innocence. The absence of color, the absence of emotion. For though he was just a child he was hardened and he was determined to follow his beliefs no matter what they forced him to do. Near was sitting with Matt and Mello again. They were seated at the table, but he was on the floor, one leg drawn to his chest, the other stretched out. In his hands was an action figure which he was playing with absent-mindedly as the ever present sound of crunching chocolate pervaded the air.

"So…what do we do?" Mello asked.

"That which we must do," Near replied coldly.

"What…just go after Yagami?" Mello sneered.

"No…" Near said. "Being an accomplice to a criminal is a crime…doing so with Kira is almost another matter entirely."

Mello's eyes widened a bit, catching on instantly to what Near was about to do. He stood up, hardly aware that Matt's eyes were focused on him, as if willing him to calm down so he wouldn't have to step in.

"You bastard, Near," Mello growled. "This is L, world's top detective; do you honestly think he's with Kira?"

Near frowned but chose not to even grace Mello with his dark-eyed gaze. His eyes were still locked to the toy in his hand. "Not in the way you concluded," he finally replied. "However, it is clear he knows something vital that will allow us to destroy Kira and withholding that information is helping Kira which is not allowed."

Mello's expression darkened, a sure sign he was brewing with emotions, but Near hardly spared him a glance before turning back to his toy. To conclude that Near was happy about what had to be done would be going too far. He was actually rather indifferent about the matter. Yes, he respected L and he knew that the man was brilliant, but Near did not play games like this. He would not allow anyone to prevent him from catching Kira even if it was his predecessor.

"We don't have the right to threaten him," Mello growled.

"Why? Would you rather do nothing and allow Kira free reign?" Near asked.

Mello's hands clenched into fists. Near knew how much it must be annoying him, to be working with Near in the first place was a huge blow to the blonde's pride, being constantly shut down was probably even worse. However, Near was not interested in their rivalry at the moment, all he was concerned about was catching Kira and ending this game of cat and mouse once and for all. He had almost everything he needed, he just had to get L to say something and if L refused well…Near would take the necessary measures to ensure that he won.

"What do you suggest then?" Mello asked in the most scathing voice he could muster, which probably would have seriously insulted anyone else though Near was used to it and simply brushed it off.

"We talk to L of course," he said, laying his toy on the ground and standing up.

Mello glanced at Matt who only shrugged. Near already knew, their hands were tied, they could not argue with his reasoning. He made his way to the room where L had taken to locking himself away and knew the others would follow. Sure enough, as he was turning the door handle he heard their footsteps coming down the hall.

The room was dimly lit, just the desk lamp was on and the blinds were drawn. Near spotted L instantly. He was sitting at the desk in his usual position, biting his thumbnail thoughtfully, his eyes filled with distance. Obviously he was thinking about something though it mattered little to Near. What mattered was what he had to say and how L would respond.

"L," Near said simply.

L did not move the hand from his mouth, but his dark eyes shifted from the wall to Near's face. Near looked right back at him. The world's most famous detective, the best of the century. The one who had solved over 3,500 difficult cases, never really getting involved until the number of murders grew too serious or if a million dollars was at stake. A man who had waged war with other detectives, always coming out victorious, claiming their names for his own. The man that Near was expected to replace should anything happen to him. He knew that it was him, he was more capable than Mello, whose emotions really did get in the way of his judgment, and Matt wasn't even in the running in his mind.

"What is it?" L asked, pulling Near out of his thoughts.

"Tell us what you know about Kira," Near said. He was never one for beating about the bush. It was a waste of time; he wanted answers so he was going to ask the questions needed to get them. "We know you know something that you haven't been telling us."

L continued looking at him. Even Near found the gaze a bit disconcerting. It was hard to stare down L, the infinite knowledge inside that head impressed even him and though he felt no remorse in such an accusation, he found that he actually felt mildly discomforted by the look he was receiving now.

"You assume too much," L replied.

"No," Near said firmly. "We know Yagami is Kira, just as you knew it the moment you started the case. We do not have the proper evidence to capture him, I know that you do."

L's black eyes narrowed dangerously. "Again you assume too much, Near."

Near had to hand it to him, if L did not want to talk he would not talk. Which was a pity because Near had rather been hoping he would not run into this problem. If L was going to protect Yagami (which made Mello's little joke about them being lovers suddenly seem more plausible) then Near was just going to have to lay it out straight.

"You know being an accomplice is as bad as being the criminal, L," Near replied. "When dealing with Kira, accomplices must be dealt with accordingly. Kira has killed millions of people, protecting him means giving yourself to the embrace of death."

L's expression did not change in the slightest. It made Near feel somewhat cheated. He hadn't expected the man to suddenly agree to everything, but it did not even look like what he had said fazed him in the least. L had always known about the dangers of his job, however, Near had never really thought of him as someone who would die to protect someone else. L knew how important his preservation was. Without L, crime would erupt all over the world and even though he had his successors, there was only one L and Near knew no one could ever replace him.

Near could hear Mello shifting his weight from foot to foot. He really wasn't comfortable with this. Then again, Mello had always cared more about L than Near had. To Near, L was just L…but Mello being himself probably saw him more as a person than Near ever had. He continued to stare at L, not letting any of his emotion show in his face.

"I am not assuming, L, I know that you know something about Light Yagami and I know Light Yagami is Kira…therefore you are protecting a mass murderer and will suffer the consequences," Near said coldly.

L said nothing. Was he thinking about it now? Probably, but Near had a feeling that he wasn't going to tell him. A pity really, he never would have thought L would choose this as his ending.

"Very well…" Near sighed.

He turned and headed out of the room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

L watched as Near walked out of the room. He should have just told him the truth, he knew that it was the right thing to do, it was the path of justice and that was a path L had been following since he was only eight years old. But he couldn't, every time he thought about Light, he couldn't see Kira, he could just see Light and all he could remember was the time they shared when they had been happy. It was beyond frustrating, he wished he could just shut out everything but it wasn't possible, not even for him.

"L."

He had hardly noticed that Mello and Matt had stayed behind. Mello was now looking at him imploringly.

"L, Near is serious," Mello said.

"Yes I know," L replied casually.

"Are you really willing to die to protect Kira?" Mello asked.

"It is not about protecting Kira," L answered.

Mello looked at Matt and Matt nodded, leaving the room and closing the door behind him. Mello said nothing for a moment, as though waiting for Matt to leave the hallway as well. Finally, after a long pause, Mello crossed the room and sat at the edge of the bed.

"You're in love with Light Yagami, aren't you?" Mello suddenly asked.

L didn't say anything for a while. A part of him wanted to deny that, to tell Mello that he was over thinking things, but he couldn't. So instead, he just nodded his head slowly, only once, just an affirmative to Mello's question.

Mello's eyes narrowed. "Why? How could you fall in love with someone like that?" he hissed. "He's a murderer, L, worse than any other person you've ever dealt with."

"Yes, I know," L replied.

"Then why?" Mello demanded.

"Because there is another side to him that he has shown me, and I have fallen in love with that person," L answered.

"Is he worth dying for?" Mello snarled. "Near may not have enough evidence right now to lock him up, but he will soon. Whether you tell him or not he will figure it out and you will die for nothing!"

L shook his head. "I don't expect you to understand, Mello," he whispered.

Mello stood up and glared at him. "Fine, die for Kira, why should I care?" he snapped, storming out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

L sighed, yes, he knew Mello would be upset. After all, Mello knew him better than Near and Matt. He sat in absolute silence for a minute, not even thinking about anything in particular and then his thoughts started to pervade his mind as they always did. He looked up at the ceiling. Death, he was facing death for Kira. The criminal he had been trying to stop for so long, the criminal that he swore he would beat. Why the hell was he acting so strange? He was L, he never let justice be beaten.

"Are you happy, Light? You've completely destroyed the man I was," he whispered.

Was L afraid to die? Not in particular. His life had been nothing but constant work and dedication; to him death would just be a break. His hard earned break from all of this evil. L was not a religious person by any means, though he did wonder if there was that mysterious 'life after death'. If there was, what would it be like? Would it be everything he dreamed of? He shook his head, he had never really dreamed of anything before, he was much too logical to waste time wondering about what death would be like.

However, now that he was faced with it, he could not help but think about it. Would it be how people described it? Would he head towards that bright, white light, stumble through it and find himself in a new world? Or would he simply cease to exist. His logical mind believed in the latter. Humans were just biological organisms. You never really heard about animals running wild in Heaven, no, when humans died that was probably it for them too.

It was almost a sad thought; L wasn't going to let it depress him. Still, he was a young man and the thought of being ripped from this world, especially by his successor, was not a pleasant feeling. Not only that, but his heart was starting to ache. He would never get to see Light again. He tried to tell himself that this was a good thing; he should not want to see Light ever again. Light was Kira and Kira was evil.

But it wouldn't leave him alone. He wanted to see Light, he wanted to be held in his arms again, and he wanted to just love him again. So no, L was not afraid of dying he was afraid of dying with regret and the only regret that he possibly had at this stage was the way things ended between him and Light. Things had been going so well and now it was over and he wouldn't even get to speak to him ever again. To just let him know that despite it all, he couldn't hate him that even now he still loved him even if it was now impossible for them to be together.

"I wonder…how would you react if you knew I was dead?" L asked.

As if on cue, the people living in the apartment above them turned on their TV. The volume was so loud that L could hear it. He tilted his head when he heard something about a mass killing. The reporter said something about famous actors being killed and then many innocent people collapsing of heart attacks. L's eyes widened, Light…he couldn't have killed those people! Was it possible? What had happened? Light was a firm believer that he was justice, that he would never kill an innocent person and yet this, this was an act of the devil. The volume was turned down and L could hear no more, but he did not need to hear anything else. Light had snapped, he had started killing innocent people and that was inexcusable!

And yet his heart still yearned for him. Why? Why did he still care? This act should have ended everything, should have destroyed whatever feelings L still had for the youth. But they didn't go away, in fact, a part of him, a hopeful part, was starting to think that Light had simply reacted because of him. Because he was gone Light could not channel his rage just at criminals, no, maybe not his rage…maybe his sorrow. L shook his head. No, that was a completely irrational way of thinking about it. Light would not go to such lengths for him…but then why would he throw away his philosophy so rashly? The people would be afraid of him if he kept this up and eventually they would bring Kira down.

Eventually, Light would be destroyed, now all that was left to wonder was would he be around to witness it?

He stood up and shuffled over to the window, peering out into the dense city of Tokyo. Would he be able to look upon this city for much longer? Well, the city didn't really matter to him; he supposed he was really thinking about whether he would be looking out over anything soon. He knew Near was serious, he hadn't needed Mello to tell him that. Near was like him, he would do what he had to in order to see justice prevail. He sighed and looked up at the sky.

Just for argument's sake…if there really was a heaven or something like that, what would it be like? Would he see himself leave his body and float on up into the sky? It sounded ridiculous. But where would he go if it was true? Would it be like some artist's interpretation in which everyone lived on fluffy white clouds and wore robes? If that were the case he'd rather just rot underneath the ground. But what if it was anything he wanted? What if it really was a paradise? What would it be like? Would Light be there?

No, Light would not be allowed in heaven. He looked at his reflection in the glass. Would he? L was no saint…then again, he did what he did in order to save people and rid the world of evil. Still, his methods were harsh, and that was putting it lightly, so he could not say for sure whether he would be allowed in or not. Perhaps he was fated to meet with Light in hell.

L closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the cool glass. He still wasn't frightened about the thought of dying. If there was something in store for him when his life left his body, he would embrace it. Would he go somewhere or would he simply wake up in a new place? And would it really be waking up? He'd be dead after all. You could not really have a life after death. No time would pass, nothing would change, he would remain the way he was forever. It wouldn't have been such a bad thought if he could have Light with him, if he could spend the rest of eternity with Light at his side. But again, Light would not join him here and there was nothing L could do to change that.

_Go to hell and stay with him there or face eternity alone…_

He shook his head, keeping his eyes closed. No, there was no point to thinking like this, it was unlike him, very unlike him and he was not keen on spending the rest of his life (which, judging Near's character would only be a few more days anyway) dwelling on such thoughts. He was L, he was the world's greatest detective, the least he could do was die as himself instead of some love struck fool.

_Head towards the light when you see it…heh, that's not the light I'm looking for. I want my Light, I want to see him again._

He was not doing such a good job of not being the fool. However, being away from Light made him realize just how deeply he felt for the younger man. He really did love Light. It was sad in a way. L was not supposed to love anyone; he was supposed to stay out affairs such as these. L had gone his entire life without feeling desire for anyone. And then Light had to come in, brimming with confidence, matching L's wit easily, leaving all the others behind in their conversations. His first real challenge in a long time, how could he not rise to the bait?

Was he thinking about him right now? L was actually mildly surprised that he was even alive right now. He would have thought that Light would have written his name down the moment he found out he was gone. It seemed the sort of thing that Light would do. However, maybe he figured that Near was just waiting for that to happen and had taken his rage out on the unsuspecting masses instead. Did Light know that L hadn't simply escaped, that he had been taken from him? Well, truthfully L hadn't really fought with the other members of Wammy's house, but he certainly hadn't come up with the plan himself.

Light…L wanted him to be thinking of him. They could at least share one more thing before he was killed. Maybe their thoughts would be connected; maybe they would think of each other so strongly that in a way he would get to say his farewell to Light Yagami. He wanted to curse the youth and thank him at the same time. He wanted to destroy him and save him, he wanted to end him and to keep him going, he wanted nothing and everything for him.

If he couldn't say good bye the least he could do was say good bye in his thoughts. His eyes remained closed and he thought of Light and only Light. He thought about only the good times they had together, the fun and the love they had shared. He thought about the hope he had that everything really would work, he thought about when his heart accepted that he really loved Light, he thought about Light in his entirety. He thought about how much he had given to L and how much he appreciated every touch, every gesture, every smile, every look. He loved Light and he would always love Light, even when his life was taken, he would love Light. Whether he truly went to heaven or some other place or not, he would love Light.

_Light…may you find true peace in this world. May you realize your errors and throw it all away. Run from here, Light, just run and don't turn back. Remember me, but don't dwell on me, start your life anew and leave this death behind you…_

**Silent Dagger: I know, I know, this chapter is quite short compared to the others but I felt like it would drag if I kept going on it. **

**Next Chapter: Light will stop at nothing to get L away from Near, Mello and Matt…even if it means claiming a life.**


	22. My Own Worst Enemy

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger:** Someone dies…that's all I can say right now.

**Nusku:**hahahaha nice shot with the jelly-filled water balloons. Take that Mello!! Thank you for the review

**MysteriousPenname:**Voila, I present…how it unfolds! Hahaha Team Light…I like that

**AlyEms:** Yay! I'm glad you really love the story! And yeah, poor L…he really has the worst times in this story…::apologizes to L::

**Pareidolia:** Yeah….sorry about the oppressive mood of that chapter. Yes, L does not know about the fact that Light would be in neither Heaven or Hell…which makes it even sadder…oops. And yes, things are starting to be wrapped up now.

**Wierdchick:** Yeah, I constantly wish I could just hug L…::coughs:: thanks for the review and the awesome theory concerning yaoi. I'm betting there are a lot more where that came from lol

**Eli:**The problem with writing Death Note ffs…they tend to be sad…damn you Death Note!!

**Akane-nechan:** ummm :offers a tissue and pats on the shoulder:: I'm sorry! I cannot reveal what happens in the chapter here…but umm…I think it will make you feel better? Hopefully lol

**Miaoshou:** Woot woot for reading thirteen chapters in one go::Hands you a cookie:: And yeah, ending of Death Note always makes me cry…even when I just think about it…::thinks about bunnies and puppies instead::

**SasuneUchiha:** You tell him! Damn you Near!! Hmm you should take L aside and tell him that, it'd probably make him feel better lol. Oooh! Cake::eats cake happily:: and hooray for joining the gang! Glad you're liking the story so far!

**Demonlifehealer:** I'm known to be sappy sometimes…it's rare, but it happens .

**xXToxicXAddictionXx:** Thank you so much for the lovely praise!! Your encouragement really helps to motivate me to write more! J'aime l'encouragement!! Don't worry about the French, I'm studying the language myself so it's all good! Merci!

**LillithRose:** Thank you very much! I'm glad you're still enjoying the story so far! I know I'm still enjoying the writing of it!

**Shiroyuki004:**::falls over laughing at the image of L as Urban Ninja:: Ninjas rock!!

**Eli:** Give him a motivation kick in the ass! Woohoo!

**DomWit:** You're welcome! Lol, please don't die. Awwww that just made me sooooo happy! Thank you::hugs::

**SoraXNamine:** Yay! Glad you found it and are enjoying it so far! Thanks for the review!!

**Gaaras-left-hand-man:** I try my best Aww don't we all just want to hold him and snuggle him? Lol. Yeah, that was a bit of me coming out in that chapter in regards to death and all that. ::pats on the shoulder:: thanks for the wonderful review and umm I'll try and think of the best way to do this so you don't suffer lol

**Iridescentcloud:** Hooray, glad you found and like the story so far! Interesting that you come into the story when there are ten chapters left and you have ten episodes of the anime to watch…lol

**SexySpoonsWillRuleUsAll:** awww they just can't get past the fact that they love each other!

**Shadow-of-a-Demon:** I really want to punt Near out the window!! Awwww thanks so much, just keep working and working and your writing will get better and better!

**Ohtori Choutarou:** Well you found it just in time for another chapter! Yay!!! Lol thanks for the review!!

**Chapter Twenty Two: My Own Worst Enemy**

Light sat in his room at the desk. His chin was resting on his hand and he was staring blankly at his laptop. The screen had long since gone black since he had not touched it for at least fifteen minutes now. He just couldn't concentrate. His amber eyes finally shifted to his bed where the Death Note lay. Seemingly harmless, the black notebook seemed to be calling to him, its vast powers known to so few a number. The Death Note had helped him become a God, and yet for being a God, he felt horribly down. When had he started to care this much about that damn detective? He shouldn't have let this happen. He should have kept him around as a pet, not a lover.

"You're lookin' rather miserable."

Light glanced behind his shoulder to see Ryuk standing in his room. His eyes narrowed. He was not in the mood to deal with the irritating Shinigami. He turned back to his computer and tried to think of something he could do. He supposed he could continue smiting down those who did not belong in this world, but even that did not interest him at the moment.

"Oy, Light," Ryuk said. "Are you really just going to sit around moping forever? Because if you do, I can always write your name in my Death Note and save you the trouble."

"Fuck off, Ryuk," Light growled.

Ryuk cackled and instead of leaving as Light wished he floated above Light's head and looked down at him. Light stared resolutely at his laptop. He was not going to fall for Ryuk's bait. If he ignored the damn Death God long enough he'd get bored and go back to Misa.

"This isn't like you, Light…you should just go do something about it," Ryuk suggested.

"Like what? Announce to the world that I want L returned to me, that would confirm my identity as Kira," Light snapped. "Why don't you go amuse Misa and leave me in peace?"

"Misa's as down as you are," Ryuk said. His eyes brightened. "I'm thinking it's because she killed a bunch of innocent people, ya know?"

Light closed his eyes and took a deep breath to keep from screaming at Ryuk. He glared at him. "Well go cheer her up then," he growled.

"That's your job, ain't it? You're her boyfriend," Ryuk chuckled.

Light was about to snap at him again when he heard his cell phone ring. Sighing heavily he grabbed it. "Hello?" he asked, keeping his voice calm and composed.

"Yagami-kun."

Light's blood boiled. Near, that smug bastard…

"Yes Near?" he asked, not even bothering to keep the contempt out of his voice. If Near really had L, well, there was no denying that the bastard knew he was Kira. He would still play it safe of course, but he was in no mood to remain so polite to him.

"As you must be aware by now…we have rescued L from your grasp, Kira," Near said. "All we need is his confession and you are finished."

"Do you honestly think that L would protect Kira?" Light asked, keeping his voice as careful as possible.

"Apparently he would," Near replied easily.

Light narrowed his eyes. Oh how he would love to be able to kill Near, it would bring him the utmost pleasure to clear his conscious of the arrogant bastard. He sighed and forced himself not to think about that at the moment.

"L would not throw his beliefs away for Kira," Light said. "Now, are you quite finished accusing me?"

"No, I am not," Near answered. "I am positive that you are Kira…and because L refuses to tell me the truth, he has been conspiring with Kira and will be given the death sentence."

If Light had been standing on a floor of glass then that glass had just shattered. He felt like he was falling though endless space. L was going to die? Wait…L was going to die for him? They must have told him the consequences of withholding that information. So then why didn't L just tell Near that Light was Kira. Would Light do the same for L? No, it would take him time to answer that question truthfully; he had to focus on this conversation now.

"You are going to kill the world's top detective?" Light growled.

"Yes," Near replied.

"That's ridiculous," Light said sharply.

There was a pause at the other end and Light wondered if he actually threw Near off for a minute with the tone of his voice. He hadn't meant it to sound like that, truth be told he hadn't even meant to say something like that. It was clear that he was trying to save L and showing that he cared…well, perhaps it would be a good thing. Kira would not care about that after all, he'd be encouraging Near to kill L.

"I'm beginning to believe Mello," Near muttered, talking to himself rather than to Light.

Believe Mello? That sent a somewhat unpleasant sensation to grow in the pit of his stomach, but he ignored it for now and simply waited for Near to speak again. He had to be careful, so very careful.

"I want to meet you, Light Yagami," Near said suddenly.

Light raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You…want to meet?" he repeated.

"Yes."

Light's eyes seemed to glow crimson and he grinned cruelly. Yes, oh yes he would love to meet Near as well. "That can be easily arranged," Light replied. "Where do you want to meet?" he asked.

"Do you know the old yellow warehouse?" Near asked.

Light thought about it for a minute. "Yes, I do," he replied. "So then, when did you want to meet?"

"Three days at noon," Near replied.

Ahh, so perhaps Near did have a bit of a theatrical side. The age-old showdown at noon, it suited Light just fine. He smiled to himself. "Very well, I shall see you then and we can clear up these accusations against me. I certainly don't appreciate being called a mass murderer," he said.

Near hung up.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Light put his phone down, stood up and walked out of his room. He paused in the hallway and then walked down to the guest bedroom. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He slowly walked to the bed and sat down carefully. He glanced down at the neatly made bed beneath him. It seemed so long ago that L had slept here. With a soft sigh, Light lay down on his back, resting his hands behind his head and gazing up at the plain ceiling. L wouldn't tell Near about him, he was protecting him…he was facing death for him.

He frowned. Well, maybe L was just thinking that he was dead either way. If he told Near about Light, Light would be finished and would end up taking the detective's life out of anger and betrayal. But maybe…that wasn't the reason. Maybe L really did want to protect him because he loved him. No, L wasn't that much of a romantic after all. He tried to picture what he would do if he were in L's position.

Light's first thought was survival. He'd sell L out. But when he thought about it more, when he pictured the quirky detective in his mind's eye and everything they had been through, he found it so much harder to convince himself that he would save himself. But he had to survive; he had to be the God of this new world. No one else could do it. Then again, no one else would ever match L either.

His eyes narrowed. "Near…you won't find everything falling into your control. I will get L back, I will find out your name, I will win," he whispered.

Yes, he would win. He was Light. He had defeated L, he would defeat Near and his two cohorts. Mello and the other who was still unnamed to him at the moment. He was going to beat them, he was going to take L back with him and he was going to hold the thin detective in his arms and tell him that he loved him and would be with him until the end of time.

A sudden idea came to him and he grinned into the falling darkness.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

"LIGHT!!!" Misa screamed in delight as he knocked at her door.

He had to keep her devoted. As soon as she opened the door, he pulled her into a tight embrace and kissed her deeply. He felt her tense in his arms and then melt, her arms wrapping around him, her hands clenching bunches of his shirt within them. He led her back into the house, leading her slowly, keeping his mouth latched to hers.

When they were back inside the apartment, he kicked the door shut behind him and kissed her, running his tongue over hers briefly before breaking away from her, looking at her with confident, half-closed eyes. Misa's face was beat red, her chest was rising and falling quickly as she looked up at him with wide eyes. A good start, he had chosen his actions wisely.

"Misa," he whispered. "I wanted to see how you were doing." Here he paused to hug her tightly, adopting an apologetic voice. "Ryuk told me you were down. I am so sorry for making you suffer, Misa," he lied.

"L-Light," Misa cried, burying her face in his shirt.

He did feel bad for making her do such a thing, but she had proven herself in any case. He knew she really would follow him everywhere. He stroked her hair soothingly and allowed her to cry softly into his chest for a while, leading her slowly to the couch and sitting her down, sitting right next to her and covering her hand with his own.

"I won't make you do something like that again," he promised her.

"L-Light…Misa will do anything for you," she whispered.

He was hoping she'd say that. He smiled warmly and kissed her on the forehead. "I know you would," he said. He gently placed a loose strand of blond hair behind her ear, keeping that smile on his face. "Lately I've been having some problems," he admitted.

"What is it, Light?!" Misa exclaimed, ever ready to serve him and help him solve it.

"I have new enemies, three of them. Near, Mello and another I do not yet know of," he began. He couldn't tell her about L, he'd have to think of how to get rid of that annoyance. Would he have to kill Misa? There was no telling what she would do if she found out about him and L.

"These three are closing in on the truth, Misa, they are sure that I am Kira," he told her.

"You need them killed," Misa replied.

Sometimes the quick replies that came from Misa surprised him. He nodded.

"Yes, I have a plan Misa…in three days time I must meet with Near. We're going to meet in the yellow warehouse, I'm betting he thinks I'm just going to be coming on my own. I want you to come with me, but do not bring your Death Note and do not let them see you. I want you to look at their faces and write their names on a regular notebook," he explained.

"Misa doesn't know why she can't just write them on her notebook," Misa said, tilting her head to the side.

"Because I want to kill them," Light replied.

Misa smiled. "Misa understands!" she said in a simpering voice.

"If you are seen, you must destroy that paper using any mean necessary and you must tell them that you followed me out of concern," Light replied. "I will make no acknowledgments of knowing you were there."

Misa nodded in a determined sort of way. This was why Light would never hate her no matter how annoying she could be. She would always be here for him no matter what he asked and no matter what the risk to her own life entailed. It was a relief to have someone under his control instead of someone constantly trying to one-up him and have him sent to his death.

Light was loathed to do it, but he needed some sort of release and he had a great imagination. He cupped Misa's chin and smiled at her. "Well, now that that's out of the way, shall we move to the bedroom?" he asked.

Misa cheered happily.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

"You have three days to consider confessing what you know," Near said.

L glanced at him. "I have nothing to say," he replied.

Near looked at him for a while. He sighed and closed the door to keep Mello and Matt out of the room. He sat down on the floor, his dark eyes regarding L coolly.

"Is this really what you want?" Near asked.

L didn't answer him.

"I don't want you to die, L," Near finally admitted after a long pause. "I don't consider us to be friends, but I respect you, I looked up to you…I still look up to you, to be so calm when you're being told you will be killed. I just think what you are doing is a foolish mistake that you and many other people are going to regret."

L was mildly surprised to hear Near say something like that. It wasn't in the boy's nature to confess what was on his mind. L sighed heavily. Despite learning that Near wasn't completely heartless and hell bent on killing him in order to get his way, L just could not bring himself to tell him what he desperately needed to hear.

Near narrowed his dark eyes, eyes that mirrored L's own in so many ways. "L," he said simply, as if he could not think of anything else to say. There was a long pause and he lowered his gaze to the floor. "Do you think Kira is really capable of love?" he finally asked.

"I do not love Kira," L replied truthfully.

"…You love Light Yagami."

"Yes."

"Light Yagami is Kira."

No answer.

Near sighed heavily and got to his feet. He seemed to stand out against the dim light of the room; his white hair looked like a halo about his pallid face. He regarded L with his deep eyes and L, being who he was, could see emotion in them for the first time since he had known the boy. Near was frustrated, but it was not only that, there was regret and sorrow in those eyes as well. The boy said nothing more, he turned slowly and exited the room, closing the door behind him.

_Light…what will be your next move?_

He tried to imagine what Light was doing right now. The worst case scenario was that he was simply carrying on with how he was before anything between them happened. Fooling the investigation, writing names into the Death Note, never giving L another thought, glad that he was finally rid of the detective.

L scowled to himself. Honestly, what were these thoughts? He was thinking like a teenager going through a break up and it disgusted him. Whatever Light was doing was of no consequence to him at the moment. He had to focus on himself and his next move. Was he really just going to sit in this room until his three days were up? It was so unlike him. The door wasn't lock after all. He knew that his three successors would not let him leave the apartment, but they had said nothing about confining him to this room.

And yet, what would him walking about the apartment prove? Was he to act like a wraith before he was even dead? Haunting them with his presence, saying nothing because there was nothing to say? No, he would remain in here and he would contemplate. He would think of everything and nothing. Knowing Near, he would probably let him get his affairs in order before it happened. Would they demand that he choose his successor? What if L refused to choose? No doubt Near and Mello would battle it out and decide for themselves, but still the thought irked him. His main concern, though he wished it was not so…was the thought that he might never see Light again. He just wanted to see him, one last time…

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Three days passed agonizingly slow for Light, but it gave him time to think at least. He needed a back up plan in case his original one failed. If Misa was discovered and they used that to name him Kira, he had to find a way to make sure all three of his enemies were killed and that he could escape without notice. There was the matter with L as well. If he killed the three bastards, he'd have no idea where L would be. He couldn't exactly demand Near where he was staying. Would L simply come back to him? He was not sure…truthfully, he doubted it. If L was given a chance for freedom he would probably take it. Would he reveal Light's identity then? There'd be no way for him to return to being the world's best detective if he didn't because he would have to reveal himself to the investigation and Light doubted whether both of them could actually explain his long absence.

So then, he'd either have to wait and see if L returned to him and if he didn't…if he didn't…his brown eyes lingered on the Death Note. If L decided to go against him again, would Light finally have to carry out his vow to kill his rival? He shook his head, best to just keep his mind off the damn detective for the time being and focus on Near and his two supporters. No doubt all three of them would be at the warehouse, leaving Light pretty much alone against them since Misa was not to show her face. She had to get all their names…it wouldn't work if she just got one. He needed to kill them all…

So if she only managed to get one or two of the names…what then? Light would never dirty his hands by bringing a weapon of some kind. He knew having Misa write that one of them saying the others names wouldn't work because if they were like L, it just wasn't something any of them would do. So then…what could he do? He supposed he'd have to wait. Find another opportunity to find out the names of the others. He shook his head, maybe what he had to do first was put more trust in Misa. She was an airhead, but when it came to carrying out his orders, she put her entire heart and soul into succeeding. Misa would get their names and Light would be rid of them.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

"Are you ready?"

"Misa will always be ready for you, Light."

Light smiled and ran a hand through her hair and Misa beamed. In the end, he decided that if Misa was discovered, they'd do what they could to leave the warehouse and write the names down. Light had a piece of the Death Note within his watch, it was small, but he would be able to do it, he was confident in himself. He had yet to come to a decision regarding L, but he would deal with that when the time came. He had to focus on this meeting.

"Remember, do not enter the warehouse until ten minutes have passed, by then I should have their attention," Light reminded her.

"Misa knows, Light," Misa said with a grin.

He smiled. They would be taking different buses to the warehouse just in case Near had anyone watching the apartment building. He leaned forward and kissed her quickly before leaving the apartment. He walked purposefully to the bus station, trying to block out the memory of coming here with L to go to the carnival.

The bus ride was, as he predicted, uneventful and he got off at the closest spot and walked the rest of the way. He entered the area and looked around with a distasteful look. There were many old warehouses here, most of them abandoned and decrepit, the place really didn't suit his tastes. He continued walking until he saw it, the dirty yellow warehouse where Near and the others would be waiting. He checked his watch discreetly. 11:58, two minutes early. No doubt the others were already waiting inside.

He opened the heavy door and entered the dimly lit warehouse, the only light coming from sputtering fluorescent lights and the holes in the ceiling. He stopped and found he had been correct, they were there…but there were only two of them. He kept his eyes from narrowing. They were children. One was sitting on the floor with one knee drawn to his chest and…a ridiculous mask over his face that was a poor representation of L's beautiful face. The other was standing behind the first, a cocky grin on his face as he brushed a strand of blond hair from his face. He recognized him as the one from the TV, Mello…then the one on the floor was Near.

"Light Yagami," Near said.

This was the first time Light had heard his voice without it being distorted, however, he felt like he had always known it.

"Near," Light replied simply.

"You know why you are here," Near said.

"You think that I am Kira," Light answered.

"We know you're Kira," Mello jumped in.

Light glanced at him. Apparently the blond had a fiery attitude. He kept his face completely composed, raising an eyebrow slightly at the harsh accusation. Near glanced at Mello and Light could tell that his little outburst had not been planned. Still, that mask was disturbing Light. It was childish but at the same time, slightly creepy. He sighed and held his arms open in a rather open sort of way.

"Here I stand, coming here as you asked me to and all you can think to say to me is that I am a murderer? I must say I am offended," he said.

Near turned his covered face back towards Light and lifted an impossibly white hand and removed it. Light was taken aback by what he saw. Dark eyes, the eyes of the man he loved, were focused on him with such indifference that it was like a slap to the face. He composed himself, forcing himself to take in the rest of that damn face. Pale skin, still childish and innocent but for those eyes and seriousness, surrounded by white hair. The mask was placed on the floor and his hand reached towards his hair, twirling a lock between thin fingers.

"Light Yagami, do you not think this has gone on far enough?" Near asked. His voice was monotonous but threatening at the same time. "We are confident that we will catch you in the near future, it would be better for you to simply confess."

"There is nothing to confess," Light replied, keeping his voice calm with just the right amount of irritation to it, clearly fed up with these accusations.

Mello opened his mouth to say something but Near held up a hand to silence him. Light could see the loathing in Mello's eyes as he fixed them on his companion. Interesting…he could probably use that to his advantage if he needed to. However, he kept his gaze focused on Near, pretending not to have seen the spark of animosity that Mello had issued from Near's gesture.

When…when was Near going to bring up L? Ryuk had said that three people had taken him away and he was sure that it was them. That was why the third wasn't here; he was probably making sure L remained wherever he was. Near eyes penetrated deep into his soul, but Light was trained against such a look by now and he wiped his mind completely blank except for the feeling of frustration at being accused as Kira yet again.

"I must say, you are both incredibly stubborn," Near suddenly said.

Light raised an eyebrow. So then, now the questions about L were going to come. He was not sure if he was ready, but he was Light Yagami, he was smart and confident, he would be able to thwart this child. That was all Near was, a petulant child.

"Perhaps you will both see sense together since you refuse to when you are apart," Near continued.

Light's eyes widened. What did he mean? He saw Near nod and Mello grumbled under his breath before walking away. Light watched as he disappeared around the corner and he could hear voices before the blond returned with another young man who was leading…

L

He had an urge to suddenly rush forward and grab the detective but he couldn't, he could not allow himself to lose control. He felt a stab of anger in his heart when he saw him. He was not mad at L, he was mad at the three bastards. L's hands were cuffed behind him and a heavy black blindfold covered his eyes. Mello was walking ahead of him and the third person, the one Light did not know, had a hand on L's arm and was leading him back towards Near.

"Light Yagami, Mello, Matt and myself have concluded that you are Kira, however, we do not have substantial evidence of this fact. We located L at your apartment but he refuses to confess…unless either of you confess, he will be executed on the grounds of conspiring with a mass murderer," Near said calmly.

Light glared at him. Whether he was Kira or not, he would be this angry. "You cannot do that," he growled. "If you kill him you are killing an innocent man. I am not Kira; Ryuuzaki has not been conspiring with Kira."

He had decided to call the detective by this alias. After all, Kira would probably take great delight in calling L his real name, but no. He was Light Yagami and Ryuuzaki was his friend…his lover, and he would refer to him as such.

"That is not for you to decide," Near replied. "It does not make sense for L to be in your apartment at all. Even if it was as he said and you planned it merely for the sake of letting him rest and attack Kira on his own…he would simply return to England, he would not do such a thing, it would betray his sense of justice."

"Why do you not let me speak for myself, Near?" L asked, his face turned towards Near and though his eyes were covered, Light could imagine what they looked like right now easily.

Hearing L's voice again, it was enough to make Light want to shudder and hold him once more, but he would not show any of this. He would not permit any weakness to be shown to Near no matter how desperately he longed to remove that blindfold and look into L's eyes.

"Speak then," Near said.

"I do not appreciate being called a liar, first of all," L said, his voice was dark and even though he was in a vulnerable position, he still demanded great respect. "The story I told Mello was true. I could not return to England because Kira is in Japan, I was not running from the case, I merely had to rethink it."

Light kept his face passive, as if he had known this all along. Even now, L was actually protecting him. Did he know about the innocent lives that had been taken? If he did, he made no signs of it though Light knew that he could not have been happy about it if he did. Light believed in L right now, if Near was convinced he was Kira, then nothing he said would change the youth's mind, the only person who could possibly do that would be L.

"If Kira believed that I was out of the picture than he would grow a lot more relaxed, the percentage of him making a mistake would rise and I would be able to close in on him without his knowing," L continued. "I started with brazenly challenging him, my original intent was to continue working that way, but it became clear to me that such methods would only succeed in getting me and the rest of the investigation killed."

Mello glared at Light. "And he explained all this to you and you agreed?" he asked. "You decided to pretend that the world's best detective had been killed and took on his name for yourself?"

"I did only what Ryuuzaki asked me to do," Light answered coolly. "Who am I to question his methods? He brought the investigation along the entire way; I figured this plan would work as well."

Did it irritate L that Light was saying such a thing? After all, the truth remained that no matter how much care Light eventually showed towards the detective, he had originally kidnapped him and degraded him, treated him like a dog and tried to break him before realizing that he actually loved him. He glanced at L but it was impossible to discern what the man could possibly be feeling right now.

"Did you learn anything of significance?" Near demanded.

"If Kira truly does not get his way he will act in a childish manner," L replied. "Caring nothing for the consequences of his actions or the lives he may destroy."

Ah, so L did know about Light's attack against the innocent people. It was hard to keep his face neutral on that one. Consequences? What consequences did L mean? Was he to be reunited with L only to find that the detective could never forgive him for his actions?

He was broken from these thoughts by a flare of light as the third member of the team, Matt, lit a cigarette. He had yet to speak, though Light had a feeling that out of the three, he was probably the least strange and the least of a threat. If that was the case, then he just wasn't going to think about him. He knew without even glancing at his watch that ten minutes had already passed. Misa was undoubtedly somewhere in the warehouse. He smirked to himself. _Yes, keep acting smug Near, soon your life will end_.

"And you would protect such a dangerous killer?" Near asked.

"No, I would not," L replied.

Near's eyes narrowed. "I do not know the power of love's bond," he said, his voice finally showing some irritation. "But this is getting quite ridiculous…Yagami is Kira, I would hope to clear this matter with as little difficulty as possible. He is killing people, L, he must be stopped."

"I am not Kira!" Light snapped. "If this is the only thing you are going to say to me then I believe our business is finished!"

Misa had had enough time to write the names. He needed to get out of here as soon as possible. But he would bring L, he would find a way to bring him back. He glowered down at Near, showing that he was quite fed up with the brat.

"You've interrupted our investigation numerous times, Near," he said. "I welcomed your presence at first, but now I am repulsed by it. I do not want you to contact me again and I wish to continue working where I left off."

He figured Near would say something in protest, but instead the albino merely tilted his head and a very disturbing smirk crossed his lips. It was the same kind of smirk L would give when he was on to something, something that would put Light in a very precarious position. Near was planning something, and Light would counter it as soon as possible by writing the man's name down in the Death Note.

"As you wish, Yagami-san," Near suddenly said.

Mello's jaw dropped and Matt looked at him with surprise written across his face. Clearly this had not been a part of the plan. There was silence and Light crossed his arms over his chest.

"Release Ryuuzaki," he said.

Near nodded to Mello and Matt. Matt blinked and shrugged, pulling out the key for the handcuffs, but Mello rounded on Near.

"What the fuck are you saying?" he demanded. "We did not discuss this, Near!"

"Mello, keep your emotions in check," Near said rather sharply.

Matt brushed Mello's elbow with his fingers and the blond glared at him but ceased with his argument though Light could read his eyes well. Near had not heard the last of it from him. As soon as L's hands were free he reached behind his head and undid the blindfold. Light expected to see some sort of emotions in the man's black eyes, but they were void of everything. Light supposed he shouldn't be surprised, he knew his eyes were the same.

"My suspicions of you have not been cleared, Yagami-san," Near stated. "However, as this really is a waste of time, I shall allow you to leave and continue investigating Kira myself. You shall not be contacted again."

There was something about Near's voice…something that told Light that he would most certainly be hearing from Near again in the future. He merely nodded, as if forcing himself to be polite. Wherever Misa was, he would catch up with her later, they had agreed to not be seen together at all this day. Instead he merely looked at L, wondering if the detective really would go with him or say something about working on his own. If he did that, saying he wanted freedom, Light could not deny him it here. However, L simply shoved his hands deep within his pocket and walked over to Light.

"Are you all right, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked.

"Fine," L replied.

Light was a bit thrown back by the tone of his voice but he simply nodded and turned around, heading towards the door. He wouldn't be surprised if Near said one last thing, but the albino remained silent, sitting upon the floor playing with his hair.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

The ride back to the apartment was unbearable. L remained completely silent, his eyes locked to the window. Light wanted to reach over and hug him, or punch him, both actions seemed like a fantastic idea though neither were carried out. When the bus stopped, they got off without a word, without so much of a glance to each other and walked to the apartment. Light unlocked the door and led the way in. The door closed with a snap and he stopped, his back turned to L.

He didn't know how long they just stood there, in complete and utter silence, not a movement from either and then Light turned around and set upon the detective. Pushing him against the door and kissing him eagerly, his arms wrapped around him as he tasted his sweet mouth again. L did not respond at first, but then slowly, his arms lifted from his sides and wound about Light as his lips started to move against his. It felt so good, Light realized then how much he had really missed L.

He broke away from the kiss only to latch his mouth to the detective's neck, biting down on the flesh. L moaned softly and turned his head, exposing more of his neck which Light gladly took advantage of, running his tongue over the skin and then leaving a trail of hot kisses along it, biting and sucking at the flesh as he pressed his body even closer to L's. L was shuddering in his arms, his hands holding tightly to Light's shirt as Light continued to kiss and bite his neck.

Light pulled away to just look at L for a minute and their eyes locked. Both of their cheeks were slightly flushed and they were breathing heavily, holding to each other tightly. Light leaned forward and pressed a kiss against those lips, moving his leg between L's and sighing softly against him.

"L…I never want to lose you again," he whispered.

"You never will," L replied softly.

"I…I couldn't stop thinking about you," Light admitted. True it could be considered a weakness on his part, to reveal such a fact, but his heart seemed to melt in his chest when he saw L's lips lift into a soft smile.

"I know," the detective answered. "I thought of you constantly as well."

Light returned the smile and leaned in to kiss him again. L pulled him even closer as he returned the kiss, rocking his hips slightly against Light's leg and Light pressed his leg more firmly against L's crotch, causing the older man to moan into the kiss. Light needed him, he wanted L badly. He wrapped his arms around L more firmly and lifted him. L wrapped his legs about Light's waist as Light pushed him against the door for further support, kissing him deeply.

Light broke away from the kiss to lean in to L's chest, biting his nipple through his shirt as L's buried his fingers into his auburn hair. Light felt heat spreading quickly through his body at this contact. Nothing compared to this. No one would ever be able to replace this beautiful man. And he had thought of killing him? Light needed L in his life. He had been bored, that was why he had picked up the Death Note…but if he had someone managed to meet L before obtaining the notebook…would he have even kept it?

He longed to just carry L back to the bedroom and take him right now, but there was still so much to do. Misa would undoubtedly return soon and if she had stayed until the end of the meeting, she would demand to know why L was still alive. Not only that, but he needed to get the names from her. He needed to kill those three bastards as soon as possible.

He broke away from L reluctantly and lowered him to his feet. He looked into his face; pale skin flushed the delicate color of a ripening apple, and planted another loving kiss upon his lips.

"Are you hungry?" he asked softly.

L nodded slowly and Light smiled. He took hold of the detective's hand, entwining his fingers about L's and led him towards the kitchen. He let go only when they reached the kitchen and L walked over to the table and sat in his usual perch, making Light just want to tackle him to the floor right then and there. But no, he would wait and he would give L the best night the detective would remember.

"What would you like?" Light asked grinning, he felt like a child, he just could not wipe the smile from his face.

L tilted his head and raised his eyebrows and a smile crossed his features as well. "Well…Chef Yagami, I'm remembering you having a particular talent in making pancakes," he replied.

Pancakes in the afternoon? Well, good to know L hadn't changed at all. He smirked at being called 'Chef Yagami' and nodded. "Pancakes it is," he replied, setting to work.

Fifteen minutes later they were both sitting at the table, Light eating pancakes with a small amount of syrup covering them, L eating pancakes smothered in syrup, whipped cream and strawberries. Light couldn't help but just look at L. He had almost thought that once L was back with him he would forget ever having lost him, but it was quite the opposite. The time they spent apart hung over him, making him appreciate the odd man even more as he held his fork delicately, happily munching on his pancakes.

"You're so adorable," Light finally laughed as L scooped up some whipped cream with his finger and sucked at the digit. L tilted his head to the side again and Light smiled, leaning over the table to kiss his forehead.

"You've become quite affectionate," L pointed out.

Light rolled his eyes. "You expected anything less? I don't know what you did to me, L, but the days you were gone were a living hell."

L's eyes darkened a bit and he nodded gravely. "Yes, I realized how hard it was for you," he said.

Light gulped. He had been expecting his attack to be brought up sooner than this and had been dreading it.

L set his fork down and regarded Light rather coldly. "You killed innocents," he said. His eyes narrowed. "Worse yet, you had Misa Amane kill innocents because you refuse to dirty your stained hands."

Light looked at the floor, actually feeling ashamed for the first time in his life. "I know…I fucked up," he whispered. "I completely lost my head…but I suppose…that does not excuse what I did."

"I had half a mind to tell Near that you were Kira then," L replied.

"I would not have blamed you."

"But you would have killed me."

Yes, Light would have killed him if L had told Near, especially while he had been in such a murderous state of mind. He locked eyes with the detective. "I won't ask you to try and forgive me, or forget what I did…I just want you to understand _why _I did it," he said.

"Because you love me," L answered.

"Yes."

"And you couldn't bear to see me gone."

"Yes."

"I understand why you did it."

There was a long silence in which L returned to eating his pancakes. "I'm still beyond angry with you for what you did…"

"I know."

"But I'll never tell them that you're Kira."

"Because you love me."

"Yes."

"Even though I did such a horrible thing…"

"Yes."

Light got up and walked over to L and wrapped his arms around him. L did not hug him back, but Light hadn't expected him to.

"I'm sorry, L," Light said truthfully.

"I know, which is why I still love you," L said. "If you hadn't shown me how much you regretted your actions, I would not have come here at all."

Light heard Misa return to her apartment and he broke away from L and cupped his chin with his hand.

"I have to meet with Misa," he whispered. "I promised I'd see her after her photo shoot and she can get nasty when I lie."

He saw calculations immediately start going off in L's eyes, but he nodded and leaned forward to kiss Light. "I understand," he said. "I shall be here when you get back."

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Light walked into Misa's apartment and locked the door behind him just in case. He looked around and did not see her. Odd, usually she was waiting to pounce him as soon as he walked through the door.

"Misa?" he asked.

Ryuk floated out of the wall where Misa's room was and chuckled. "She seems mad…what did ya do know?" he asked.

Light ignored him and hurried to Misa's room. What could she be mad about? He entered her room without knocking and saw her sitting on the bed with a pout on her face. But it was not her usual cute pout when she was denied her way, this was a rather dark one. This was the first time Light had ever seen the model generally angry about something. He sat down at the foot of her bed and smiled softly at her, a smile she for once did not return.

"What is it, Misa?" he asked, deciding not to demand her for the names immediately.

"Light did not tell Misa that Ryuuzaki-kun was still alive," she said. Her eyes flashed. "Why is he still alive?"

How could he have been so stupid? He had completely forgotten about the fact that Misa would see L. This was dangerous; he would have to play this cautiously. Light was not afraid of Misa retaliating against him, she never would, but she could see L's name and she still had her Death Note. A confident smirk crossed his features.

"Am I not allowed to bask in my victory over the once mighty L?" he asked. "I have the man so beaten that he follows me like a dog."

He was loathed to say it, but ultimately pretending that L was nothing but a pet would save the detective's life against Misa's wrath. He was surprised when Misa did not immediately brighten and fling herself at him.

"I don't want him around my Light," she snapped.

"And why is that?" Light asked. "Personally I like having a slave."

"Because Ryuuzaki-kun gets to spend more time with Light," Misa snarled. "Misa was not allowed to move in with Light because of him!"

"Misa--" Light began, heaving a sigh.

Misa actually cut him off. "That little boy said he did not understand the bond of love, you love Ryuuzaki-kun! You never loved me!" she cried.

Light's eyes narrowed. "I do not know what L told Near in the time he was with him," he growled. "We are not lovers, Misa, do you think me capable of loving someone like him? He is a pet, nothing more…I've never touched him in a loving manner and I don't plan on it either."

Misa was breathing heavily, tears falling from her eyes and she started to shake her head, denying what he was saying for the first time.

Light reached forward and grabbed her wrist and pulled her to his chest. She stiffened, but apparently she could not deny her craving for him as she relaxed and wrapped her arms around him.

"Misa, I love you and only you," Light lied. "What Near said…he was probably trying to make me slip and deny what he said so that he could demand to know exactly how I thought of L."

"Misa loves you Light…she doesn't know what she would do if you loved someone else," Misa whispered.

She was giving in, but the threat was still there. She would kill L if she ever figured it out and Light knew she was not totally convinced. If that was the case, Light might have to get rid of her…

"You never have to worry about that, Misa," he replied softly. He sat in silence for a time, stroking her hair in a comforting manner. "Misa…did you get there names?" he asked finally.

Misa looked up at him and withdrew a piece of paper from her pocket. "Do not be mad at Misa…but she only got one…Misa wrote it down and the one with brown hair noticed her. He did not say anything, but Misa didn't think it was best to linger."

Just…one…Light kept his eyes from narrowing and instead smiled at her and kissed her cheek. "Good work Misa," he whispered and her face brightened considerably. He looked at the paper and saw a name. Mihael Keehl. "Which one is this?" he asked.

"The one with the same hair color as Misa-Misa," she replied.

Mello…

The fiery blond. Light grinned, he could work with this. He could even kill the blond today now that he knew his personality better. "Let me see your notebook…Misa," he whispered.

Misa smiled and pulled it from under the mattress and handed it to Light. His mind was already working quickly. After this, Misa's little part in this would be over. He didn't even have to kill her, but she could not remember who he really was, not after this. He grinned and pulled a pen from his pocket.

_2: 45, October 7__th__, 2005 Mihael Keehl, feeling frustrated about the current situation goes to get fresh air. He is so preoccupied with thoughts about L and the Kira case that he does not noticed the truck lose control and is caught in the explosion as the truck crashes._

He glanced at the clock in Misa's room. Fifteen minutes. As soon as it happened, he was going to have to demand Misa give up possession of the Death Note. That way if L found out, he could show him proof that Mello's name was not in his notebook and assure him that Misa had relinquished ownership of the Death Note after the fiasco with the innocent people.

Fifteen minutes passed and Light grinned. One down, two to go. He was sure he'd be able to get their names, he was God after all. Misa smiled and clapped as the time passed. Mello would be gone, out of the way by now. He grinned and stroked Misa's hair.

"Listen to me, Misa," he said. "The game is only going to get more dangerous from now on…"

Misa blinked in confusion.

"Near and his companion, Matt, are incredibly sharp, they are going to try and connect this with us. I want you to give up ownership of your Death Note. Ryuk can take it away…that way even if they get their hands on my notebook, Mello's name will not be written and you will be of no help to them," Light explained.

"But Light!" Misa protested. "Misa wants to help build your new world!"

"I want you to live a normal life, Misa," Light continued. "I will still be right here, I will still love you."

Misa's eyes filled with tears. "Do you promise Misa?" she asked desperately.

"Yes," Light replied. "I cannot take the risk of you being caught again, I don't want to put you into that situation."

Misa nodded emotionally. "Misa understands and is grateful for Light's concern," she said. "Ryuk," she said. Ryuk drifted through the wall, he had undoubtedly heard everything. "Misa wants you to take this notebook far away from here," she said.

"You sure about this?" Ryuk asked.

Misa glanced at Light and he nodded briefly. "Yes, Misa gives up ownership of her Death Note," she said.

"All right then," Ryuk said. "I'll see ya both around."

He took hold of the notebook and gave them both a little wave before disappearing. Misa's eyes widened and then closed as she fainted. Light tucked her into her bed and then left her apartment, making sure to wipe the smug expression from his face as he returned to his own.

He was expecting to see L still sitting at the table, probably licking up the last of the sweets, but the detective was standing in the main hall, glaring at him. Light blinked and saw a phone in his hand. Where…had L gotten a cell phone?

"Mello…is dead," he snarled.

**Silent Dagger:** Light…really is stupid. He finally gets L back and fucks up again, sheesh! I'm sorry for the somewhat anti-climatic death of Mello, I can promise you that it will be elaborated far more in the next chapter. And woot woot! This is the longest chapter of **In Paridisum** thus far!!

Next Chapter: "I could still love you for the atrocious slaughtering of those innocent people…but this Light Yagami…you have just gone too far this time…"


	23. Everything's Not Lost

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger: **Ohhh man, L is pissed and Light…is an idiot. Sorry for the long wait! I was on Spring Break and couldn't upload the chapter!

**MiaoShou:** Oh why thank you Yeah, this is the problem with love, it kind of blinds you to other things. I'm glad you're enjoying the story, thanks for reviewing!

**Pareidolia:** Yes, poor Light didn't not take everything into consideration with this one. Sorry about offing Mello, but it had to be done. Thanks for the review!

**Kareen:** Aww I'm sorry, I actually like Mello a lot too, but Near still has a part to play. As for their ages, they would be younger than they were in the anime, they'd be about 15, 16 and 17. Appreciate the review.

**Elevenn:** Yay, I'm glad you like it so far! Thanks for reviewing!

**SoraXNamine:** Thank you very much!

**Island of the Ships:** Aww thank you so much, you're review is very encouraging. I would have killed Near, but unfortunately his has an important role to play yet. Thank you for the encouragement!

**AlyEms:** Sorry for killing your favorite character! And no, I feel sorry for Light as well. He means well…sort of. Thanks for the review!

**LustAndVengeance:** omg, thanks so much! I'm really glad you're enjoying the story so far. I appreciate the encouragement.

**Lolo:** Yeah, it was an unfortunate event but one necessary for the progression of the story. I would have developed the friendship more, but there just wasn't enough time for it. And Light is suffering plenty enough now that L found out about Mello. Thanks for reviewing!

**Kamichiro Eris:** All of your reviews are so appreciated and encouraging. Seriously, thank you for everything you say because it really keeps me going. I'm glad you're still enjoying the story and I thank you for the wonderful review.

**Ikumak:** Damn those school nights!! And wow, thank you so much! I'm sort of at a loss of words on how to thank you for the support. I'm just glad that you're enjoying the story. It makes me happy when I can write something other people can enjoy. Thanks again.

**Skye.fell.over.me:** lmao now you have me thinking about that again. Little albino boy is punted out the window! Like a football! Thanks for the review and you shall see what happens between our boys soon!

**xXToxicXAddictionXx:** Oooh well that's certainly a new way to describe a story lol, I like it. Thanks for the review!

**Shiroyuki004:** Yes, Light really can be a complete and utter IDIOT! And I bet he wants to punch me in the face for saying that :glances at Light: we love you! Lol. Thanks for the review!

**Zedin:** Yes, there are times where I do write them OOC. However, in Light's defense, he did not think L was going to find out so soon, therefore when he did he would check Light's notebook, not find Mello's name and Misa would no longer have hers, thus there would be no evidence against Light. And hey, not disturbed at all, I'm all for constructive criticism. Thanks for the review!

**Eli:** Oops, sorry about leaving it at another cliff hanger for so long! Thanks for reviewing!

**Triangles: **LMAO! Yes the purple pimp hat will never leave Matt's side! Haha, I have a lot of free time on my hands. Thanks for reviewing!

**ReidMorgan:** Yay, I'm glad you had time to read the story again! And I totally agree about the Light thing. You go that far to show your love and I am so yours! Hahah. Thanks for the awesome review!

**Kitsune-gurl:** Yeah, Near is rather disturbing in a weird way…I think it's just…I don't even know, something about him…thanks for the review!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Three: Everything's Not Lost**

Light blinked slowly as he stared into the furious eyes of L. How…did he know? Who gave him the cell phone? His eyes narrowed slightly. Near, that bastard. Had he known Light would do something like this? He wouldn't be surprised if the brat had known and that he had done nothing to prevent it from happening, sacrificing Mello in order to get L to see who he really was in order for L to confess what he knew. And that look in L's eyes…he would tell Near. Maybe he already had…

"L…" Light trailed off.

L struck suddenly, his hand grabbing the collar of Light's shirt as he slammed him against the door. Light winced as his skull connected to the wood painfully, quickly grabbing hold of L's wrists to keep those hands from wrapping about his neck.

"You…are a monster," L growled. "I do not know how you managed to blind me to this fact."

"L listen to me--" Light began.

"No!" L snapped. "I have listened to you for too long, Kira."

"L…"

"Do not try and say anything, Kira. I have tried again and again to look past what you have done," L said darkly.

"L…I…" Light trailed off again, not sure what to say.

"I could still love you for the atrocious slaughtering of those innocent people…but this Light Yagami…you have just gone too far this time…" L whispered.

Light's eyes widened. No, no this could not happen. He could not be reunited with L only to lose him all over again. But that look, it was like none Light had ever seen before. He had seen hatred in L's eyes when he had first captured him, but this…it was as if L's soul was on fire with rage. He could not talk his way out of this one…there was nothing to really say. He had killed Mello…he could not simply deny it by showing L his Death Note because he had just gone up to see Misa and though Misa would no longer remember being the Second Kira, L would.

"You have taken the lives of innocents, now you have taken the life of an important young man," L said coldly. "Mello was almost like family, Kira, and I will not stand for this."

"And you expected me to know that?" Light asked suddenly. "L, if I had known that you were close to them I wouldn't have done that…from what I knew, they had kidnapped you and were keeping you as a hostage."

L shook his head. "Do not think ignorance will save you, Kira, even if you did not truly know, what you've done is irreversible and final," the detective snapped.

L's hands tightened on the collar of his shirt and Light remembered to keep a firm grip on those slender wrists. He had never seen L so angry before. He knew that those three had to have been connected with L's past in some way, but he had never expected the detective to react with such emotion. He hadn't known he was capable of such feelings. He felt afraid. Not of what L might do to him, but because L might really be unable to forgive him.

"Kira, tell me how you killed Mello," L said.

By the tone of his voice, Light could tell that L already knew exactly what had happened to Mello. So then why was he asking this? Light's eyes narrowed. He wanted Light to admit it to him, to put it in his own words, to try and make him drown in guilt.

"Mello was killed when a truck lost control and crashed, catching him in the explosion," Light said.

He had meant to keep his voice cool and factual, but it sounded heavy and a bit hoarse, as if the words did not want to pass his throat. L narrowed his eyes dangerously. "Do you now try to act like you care about your actions, Kira?" he asked softly.

Light frowned. "You don't know the reason I did what I did so stop acting like you do," he suddenly snapped.

L raised an eyebrow. "I don't?" he asked. His dark eyes flashed. "I think I know the exact reason. Near, Mello and Matt are in your way, in the way of your perfect world. Just like I was in the way of your perfect world, only you decided to get rid of me in a different way. You deceived me, made me fall in love with you so that I would protect you when you needed it. You used me, Kira."

Light said nothing for a minute, and then the full realization of what L was accusing him of hit him and he growled, grasping the detective's thin wrists tightly and shoving him roughly so that the small of L's back crashed into the back of the couch. L regained his balance and returned equal force towards Light so that the two were shoving against each other.

"Do you honestly believe that?!" Light roared. "Do you honestly think everything I did was just an act?!"

"Why should I believe otherwise?" L demanded. "You blinded me, Kira! I have never let a criminal go and you are the worse criminal I have ever dealt with and yet I could not give you up…you made me fall in love with you! Did it amuse you greatly to hear me say those three words, Kira?"

"God dammit L! Shut up!" Light snapped. "Do not think for one minute that I was acting when I said that! I wasn't amused that you said it, I was grateful!"

L paused before suddenly punching Light harshly in the face. Light stumbled backwards and clutched at his now throbbing cheek. L was breathing heavily, ready to attack him again, but Light kept his distance.

"I can't believe you," L said. "I can't believe a word you say to me."

"That's not fair, L," Light growled. "How can I speak to you if you won't even listen?"

L raised an eyebrow. "And what makes you think I'm going to stick around to bother listening?" he replied sharply.

Light's eyes flashed. "Don't fuck with me," he warned. "You have to listen to me because you have to know the truth."

"The truth?" L asked, chuckling humorlessly. "The truth is that you are Kira, the man named Light Yagami has completely disappeared."

Light couldn't handle this. He suddenly lunged and his body collided with L's. The two men flipped over the back of the couch and landed on it heavily. Light made quick work to get on top of L to keep the detective from escaping him. L growled and punched him in the face again and Light grunted, returning a vicious blow to L's stomach.

"Get off of me, Kira!" L demanded.

"Stop calling me Kira!" Light ordered.

"But that is who you are," L pointed out harshly. "It is all you are. I knew it all this time…but now, you've made it impossible for me to love you. Everything you've done…it's just too much."

Light looked down at him and his eyes widened. L's eyes were brighter than they usually were. He realized that they were swimming with tears. L's face suddenly blurred slightly and he realized that his eyes were filling with tears as well. He couldn't lose L…he needed him.

"Will we ever…just be allowed to be together?" Light asked.

"No…I think not," L replied.

Light paused and lowered his gaze, his auburn hair covering his stricken eyes. "We…were never meant to be together, were we?" he asked softly.

"…No," L answered.

Light snapped his eyes back to the detective's face and gripped his shoulders tightly. "Don't say it so nonchalantly!" he shouted. "Do you not see how much I fucking love you?"

"Let's review what you've done to me in the time we've been together," L said coldly. "You raped me, kept me locked up like an animal, manipulated my heart, killed people right under my nose, slaughtered innocent people, killed Mello and oh yes, you're attempting to kill Near and Matt as well."

"Don't just focus on the bad times," Light snarled. "Because you know that the good times outweighed the bad. L, I showed more love to you than to anyone else I have ever known because I love you more than anyone…more than the world."

"Sweet nothings, Kira, they will not save you this time," L replied coldly.

"It's not sweet nothings!" Light shouted. "L, I need you!"

"You have a funny way of showing it," L said darkly, looking away from him.

Light took hold of his chin and gently turned his head to look at him. L sighed in annoyance and focused those over-bright black eyes upon his face. They just looked at each other for a long while. Light could not comprehend what was going on inside the detective's mind. All he knew was that he felt afraid because he was beginning to think it really was hopeless. He needed to convince L that he did it all for him, to be with him and to live with him because he loved him.

"L…" he trailed off.

"Just…stop, Kira," L replied.

Light narrowed his eyes. L was being unreasonable. He wouldn't even listen to a word he had to say! Light was beginning to feel quite flustered. How? How could he convince L? How could he keep him here? He wanted L to stay…because if L left, he would lose him forever to the cold clutches of death. But no words seemed to placate the stubborn detective. Everything he said was going in one ear and right out the other because L was completely uninterested in what Light had to say. Because L really thought that Light was only Kira now and that he was lying to him even now.

"I'm not lying," Light muttered. "I'm not acting…this world isn't worth living in without you."

"I wonder, did you say the same thing to Misa Amane?" L asked coldly. "Did you promise her the world? Tell her that she was the most important person to you. Tell her that you loved her?"

Light's eyes flashed and he glared down at L who glared right back up at him. "Misa was nothing, you've known that from the moment she came into the picture," he growled.

"I wonder…have I simply been an obstacle in your path from the moment this all started?" L asked. "I must say you chose a rather unique way of removing me from your troubles."

"Stop it, L!" Light shouted. "That's not what this is!"

"I cannot see it as anything else," L replied.

Light growled suddenly and leaned in, pressing his lips against L's. L did not respond, but Light didn't care. He moved his lips eagerly over those pale, full ones below him. His hands buried into ebony tresses as he fisted the silken locks between his fingers, moving his mouth over L's. He maneuvered himself between L's legs and though L did not fight him, he did not respond in the least. His arms lay resolutely at his sides and his lips seemed frozen where they were. Light finally had to break away and looked down at him, keeping the hurt from his eyes.

"What are you doing, Kira?" L asked almost lazily.

"Proving to you that I'm not acting," Light replied sharply.

L raised an eyebrow. "Is this how you deal with problems, Kira? When vocabulary fails you turn towards physical activities? How childish of you," he said coolly.

"L…I can't stand this, I can't stand you being this cold," Light whispered.

"And I can't stand that I allowed you to kill for so long. I see I am being forced to atone for my mistake with Mello's death bearing down on my conscience," L sighed heavily.

"You wish that you had turned me in," Light said.

"I am going to turn you in," L replied. "Even though you'll kill me for doing so, thus proving that you will remove any obstacles because you don't truly love anything but yourself and that notebook."

"What would you have me do?" Light asked. "What can I do to make things the way they were?"

"Hmm how about you bring Mello and all those innocent people back to life?" L suggested.

"You know that's not possible," Light growled.

"Yes, just as going back to how things were is not possible," L replied.

"Do you _know_ the meaning of the word compromise?" Light growled angrily.

L narrowed his eyes then and fixed Light with an impressive stare. "I thought you were intelligent," he said softly. "Compromise…I have compromised every second since you took me. I moved past all the things you did to me in order to be with you, in order to make you happy…I think that is compromising."

Light frowned heavily and looked down at him. What could he do? Everything L was saying was true. It wasn't like Light could just say he was lying because he had been present for all of this…no, what was worse was that he was the one who was responsible for all of this. L wouldn't be in this situation at all if it wasn't for Light and now Light was asking if he would come back to him because he loved him? What was he thinking? He knew the detective better than that…

"Things will…never be the same will they?" he asked sadly.

"No, they will not," L replied.

"The moment I let my guard down you will call Near and tell him everything," Light continued.

"Most likely," L sighed.

"You're going to force me to kill you before that will happen," Light said darkly.

"I am not forcing you to do anything, Kira, that is just the natural reaction of your mind," L pointed out.

There was a long, oppressive silence before Light took a firm hold of L's shoulders again and locked his eyes with the detective's own again. He just stayed there, staring into that endless abyss, trying to find a hint of sorrow, of pain. But L was either a master at hiding his emotions by now or he really just did not care as much as Light had hoped he would.

"Tell me sincerely that you do not love me anymore," Light suddenly demanded.

L raised an eyebrow. "I hardly see how that would make a difference," he said.

"It will…now tell me," Light said quickly.

L looked at him for a long time and Light considered this to be better than if he had simply said no…but if he really was assessing him for this amount of time and said no, then Light would only be able to conclude that he was being truthful and that would hurt him more than anything in the world ever could. He kept these thoughts from his expressions and simply looked at the detective patiently.

"Yes, I still love you," L finally said. "Though I loath myself for this."

"L…look into my eyes," Light whispered. Once he was sure that those black orbs were staring straight into his auburn eyes, his lips parted again. "I really do love you," he said softly. "I always have."

"I know…" L replied. "I wish that you didn't."

Light blinked and L looked away. "It would make this so much easier if I knew you hated me."

"I can never hate you," Light said.

"Even if I told Near?" L asked.

Light shook his head. "I would be furious, beyond furious…but I would still love you. No matter what you do, L, you are stuck with me loving you."

L opened his mouth, probably to protest this idea, but Light didn't want to hear it. He leaned in again and he kissed him gently. L froze again and pushed Light away and Light looked down at him with narrowed eyes.

"I cannot love you," L said. "You killed Mello…"

"L, I did that for you," Light admitted. "I was so alone when you weren't here. I was worried…I didn't know he was close to you, honestly I didn't. I did it because I didn't want you to be taken away from me again…L, I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you. If they are determined to separate us…I just…I couldn't let it happen."

L shook his head. "This doesn't change anything," he sighed.

"Well it should!" Light argued. "Does it mean nothing that I did what I did because I love you and not out of cruelty?"

"I don't know," L replied softly. "You are quite the enigma Light…one minute I find myself believing you, the next I try desperately to escape your foul words."

"L…" Light trailed off. "Please don't do this…"

"Do what? Abandon you as you have done to me?" L asked. "I had a faint hope that I could save you from Kira, I see now that I was hoping for something impossible."

"I've said it before, L, I am Kira just as you are L, it can't be changed," Light sighed. "Though now that you say this…I wish I could give this all up to be with you."

"Then do it," L replied coldly.

Light shook his head. "This world is still rotten," he whispered.

"Because of people like you," L pointed out.

Light frowned and looked at him for a long moment again. No, why was this happening to him? He was God! If this was his world then things should go as he planned! Not that he could say that, voicing such a truth would only make L hate him more. Hate? Did L hate him now? He was quite certain the answer was yes. Where was Kira? If L hated him then there was no reason to keep him alive…he should kill him before L got the chance to destroy him. His breathing started to pick up…the Death Note, could he reach it and write L's name down before he called Near? Maybe he should just do it with his own hands…wrap his hands about that pale throat and choke the life out of L.

"Are you contemplating my death, Kira?" L asked suddenly.

Light blinked. "No, I'm contemplating about taking you into my room and fucking you," he said with a rather sweet smile.

"I am in no mood for such an act," L said with a dark frown.

"L…you refuse to listen to my words, you refuse to hear my truths, let me show them to you," Light said. "Let me prove to you that I love you through my actions since my words seem to be failing."

"No," L said quickly.

"Please L," Light whispered; leaning in close, his lips close to L's ear. "I need you. I love you, please do not deny me. I've done everything for you, anything I've done I have done because my heart is so focused on you."

"…Light."

Light turned his face slightly, his lips trailing along L's neck. "L I love you…I want to prove it to you."

"You are only Kira…" L sighed.

"No, I'm not. Kira cannot love, Light Yagami can."

"Why should I trust you?" L demanded.

"Because I've given you my heart, L…I know I've fucked up, a lot, but I want you to give me one last chance."

"…Light."

Light did not say anything though he almost wanted to smile. That hesitation in L's voice…maybe the detective really would consider giving him another chance. He wanted him, he wanted to be with him, but he was afraid that his actions had destroyed that chance completely this time. He knew that words were not enough anymore. If he really wanted to prove to L that he loved him, he would have to do so with his actions.

"L," he whispered.

He stood slowly and then grabbed the detective, lifting him bridal-style from the couch. L's expression darkened, but he said nothing as Light brought him away from the couch and towards his bedroom. He nudged the door open and closed it with a quick kick after he had carried L into the room.

Light walked right over to the bed and placed L down on it, leaning over him and running a hand through his hair.

"Let me prove it to you," Light whispered.

"I do not think it will change anything," L replied softly.

"Let me try, I'll regret it forever if I don't try to fix this," Light said a bit urgently.

There was a long silence and then finally L nodded slightly, the barest hint of a nod. Light wasn't sure what to make of this situation. Perhaps L needed to see if he could still love him. He knew that the detective would never forgive him for his actions and if Light really didn't show that he loved L right now, the detective would leave him. All Light could hope was that L had not made up his mind to say no. He would prove it. He loved L, he would show him just how much.

* * *

Near sat on the floor, his cell phone next to him and his black eyes gliding over the small object every other minute. Near usually wasn't one to show impatience and though it was hardly noticeable, the fact that an observant person would be able to notice said something. Of course, the only person who could possibly notice him right now was Matt and he was beside himself with grief and wasn't paying any attention to the way Near's eyes continuously ran over his phone.

"I can't believe this happened," Matt said for the fifth time. "How did Kira find out? Yagami was there the entire time…he can't see a person's name…we've decided that already."

"He must have brought someone who could," Near replied calmly. "And after he left that person must have written Mello's name down."

Matt said nothing for a while and Near knew what he was thinking. The small flash of gold by the door. Someone else had been in here. He figured it was Misa Amane, whether it was or not she was definitely someone to call upon soon. But for now, he was waiting for L. All Near had told L was that Mello was dead, killed by a truck…killed by Kira. He figured this would spark L's sense of justice into calling him and telling Near what he needed to hear. But no, there was no call yet. Had L really changed that much?

"You could show a little compassion, Near," Matt said coldly. "Mello is dead…he's never coming back."

"He lost the game," Near said cryptically.

Matt stood up and glared down at the small albino. "This isn't a stupid game, these are real lives on the line. You can't hit reset and start again," he snapped.

"Yes I know," Near replied.

Matt didn't say anything for another moment before his eyes flashed. "You knew something like this would happen…" he said softly.

"Yes," Near replied. "Though whether it was going to be myself, you or Mello I did not know. This works for the better as I still have a plan to carry out."

Matt stared at him in horror. "You really don't care that Mello's been killed," he said. "You're using his death to benefit yourself! You knew it would happen and now you're hoping for L to call you for a confession, that's why you gave him that phone!"

"You are partly correct," Near admitted. "I am not completely heartless, Matt, I do care that Mello was killed."

"Really? You don't sound like you are," Matt snapped.

"Please do not waste my time with your emotions," Near sighed. "There is much work to be done."

"Fuck you, Near, you can work on it by yourself," Matt growled. He stormed out of the room and began to pile his things into a bag. He could not stay here with just Near. No, he would work on this himself. He knew Near was far ahead of him, but he did not care. Mello was dead. He could clearly recall the blonde standing up with a sort of glazed look in his blue eyes, still muttering about Kira and storming out the door. Matt had thought nothing of it and had let him go. About ten minutes later, they had heard a large explosion and Matt had raced out.

The body had been burned, almost to the point where it would not be recognized, but Matt knew that hand, knew it as well as his own. It was Mello's and he knew that his best friend was dead. And now he knew that Near had expected such an event to happen, was probably hoping for it to happen, all for a chance for L to tell him something he already knew!

He growled to himself again and slung his bag over his shoulder, placing his goggles firmly over his eyes and lighting up a cigarette.

"I'm bowing out," Matt said.

Without another word he stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him before jumping onto his motorcycle and driving off as fast as he could.

Near hardly moved at Matt's exit, he was still staring at the phone, waiting for his predecessor to call.

* * *

**Silent Dagger:** Hmm be prepared for lots, and lots of smexiness in the next chapter…it is going to be mainly devoted to Light showing L how much he still loves him.


	24. Bright Eyes

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger:** Hmm many of you seem to be under the belief that L has accepted Light back. Remember, he's only agreed to let Light try and prove himself, nothing more. Though Light can be very convincing…you shall have to see how it plays out.

Sorry for not posting individual responses to people, blame it on me being very lazy. However, to answer the question about Light saying he didn't know L cared about Mello so much when L made a reference to it earlier, that was just carelessness on my part and I apologize.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Four: Bright Eyes**

Light didn't know that it was possible for him to want anyone this badly. He was a man who had spent his years having people pining after him. Ever since he had entered high school girls (and even a few boys) had expressed how much they desired him. And yet, though Light accepted a few of the girls, he had never been attached to them. He had never really cared, it was just to play at being normal. To experience what the life of a regular student would be like. But Light wasn't a regular student, he wasn't a regular person at all. He was a God and when he had first come to realize this after gaining the Death Note, he had known that the reason he could not seem to fall in love was because he was above these people. He was not meant to live with them, he was meant to live above them and govern them to a new world in which they were all equal under him.

And then this man had come along. This quirky, socially inept detective that had challenged him on live television. This man who refused to accept his beliefs, refused to live peacefully under his new God. A man who refused to believe he was a God, who claimed he was nothing but a murderer. Light had hated him then, wanted nothing more to do then to meet him and kill him. Destroy the greatest obstacle standing in the way of his utopia.

Through all the time he had spent with this man, he had loathed him. And then his plans started to fall into disarray when he abandoned his Death Note, the tool that made him above human feelings. He had begun to care about him. He hadn't recognized the emotion for what it really was, but though the detective annoyed him like no other, Light had come to understand that the detective was his friend. His only friend. Then he had regained his notebook and his desire to defeat the great and powerful L had rushed back to him.

But the problem was…he saw that L had known about his death. And though at the time he had simply wanted to keep him to rub it in his face, now that he was looking back on it, he realized that it wasn't just his desire to beat L that had made him keep him alive. It was because he knew that during the time they had spent together L had, even on a subconscious level, become friends with him as well. More so, as the detective had admitted while in his chloroformed state of mind.

And through the pain Light had caused him, his real emotions had shown through and he was able to convince L that they were real and L had responded. He had reciprocated these feelings. That was what Light had to do now. He had to get L to see that even though he had done more horrible acts, he was still in love with him and wanted L's love in return.

He had done nothing to L so far, he was simply straddling him, looking into those endless black eyes. L had not spoken a word for the last five minutes, he just stared back and Light wondered if perhaps he was reflecting on everything they had been through as well. Light's maddening desire for L…it wasn't as simple as before, it was more desperate than it had ever been because if he failed to show his emotions, L would leave him. No, he would be sure to let L know, he would prove it to him and L would stay with him and they could put the bad times behind them once more.

"L, I love you," Light whispered.

"Prove it," was all L said.

Light leaned forward slowly, his lips brushing gently against L's. Prove it…oh he would prove it. After all, if L truly had no love for him at all anymore, he would not even let Light prove anything, he would simply walk out the door his first chance.

He closed the short distance between their lips and kissed L. His tongue traced along L's lips and the detective parted his mouth, allowing Light to deepen their kiss. He let his tongue roam the familiar shape of L's mouth, dipping it under the detective's tongue as he seemed unwilling to return the kiss. L moved his own tongue lazily and Light, eager to get more out of him, sucked the detective's tongue into his mouth, grazing his teeth gently over the ligament as his hands started to move.

His hands slipped under L's white cotton shirt, over the familiar contours of the older man's torso gently. They moved up until they reached the detective's nipples and he ran the pads of his thumb over the supple skin slowly. L's back began to arch towards him which he took for a good sign so he allowed his fingers to play with the area more. The need for air took over and Light finally broke away from the kiss. He longed to say something, anything, but he was afraid words would ruin everything so instead he moved to L's neck.

Teeth connected to soft skin as he gently bit the spot under L's ear. L's arms finally moved, one wrapping around his waist while his other hand buried in Light's hair, holding him at his neck while Light sucked the skin between his teeth, nibbling on it gently. L gave an impatient sort of sigh and Light took it as his initiative to bite down a bit harder. The man beneath him gasped and his arm tightened around Light's waist.

Good, these were all good signs. Light ran his hand down L's chest, down his navel, and dipping slightly under the waist band of his jeans before moving up again. L squirmed slightly from the sensations this brought and so, while his mouth was busy grazing over the slender neck, his hands began to slowly roam over the body of the man he couldn't stop loving.

He felt delicate fingers sliding under the material of his shirt and he shivered as L allowed his hand to run across his bare back. Light leaned in and traced L's ear with his tongue, earning him a soft moan from L as he felt those fingers curl against his skin from pleasure. He moved again, giving L's earlobe a rather harsh bite and claimed those lips as L gasped again.

The detective was far more responsive this time and their tongues engaged in a rather furious battle. The intensity of the kiss was making Light feel hot all over and he rocked his hips against L's experimentally and L groaned deeply into the kiss. Another good sign. Light continued rolling his hips into the other, biting down on L's lower lip as he did so.

He felt L's legs slowly circle around his waist, holding him in place as he continued grinding himself against the detective. He broke away from the kiss to gaze into L's face. His brow was glistening, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were half lidded with pleasure. He was absolutely beautiful. If Light was God then L was his angel, the only one who had ever stood on the same pedestal. The only one Light would allow to stay by his side. L was too worthy to be considered one of the masses, he was above them too and it was for this reason, the reason that once made a fire of hatred burn in his chest, that Light loved him so much.

He grabbed the hem of L's shirt and slowly began to slide it up his chest. Once the material was out of the way, Light tossed it carelessly to the floor and lowered himself, his lips connecting to L's chest. He imagined that he could feel L's heartbeat through his lips; a heartbeat that he had been so close to stopping though now would give almost anything to keep it going forever.

He kissed his way to L's nipple, enveloping it in his mouth and causing L to moan as he bit down on it. He felt L's hand bury itself in his hair again and he smiled against the detective's chest and bit down harder. L arched his back, his body shuddering beneath Light's. Light ran his hand down his torso, slipping it under L's baggy jeans and grasping him through his boxers.

"Nnnh L-Light," L moaned, rocking his hips into Light's hand.

Hearing L say his name like that sent a fiery throb straight to his groin and he longed to engulf himself in that fantastic heat. But that could wait; he wanted to bring L pleasure, as much as he could bring him. He kissed his way down L's chest, down his stomach and dipped his tongue in L's navel, causing him to tense before falling slightly limp.

He began to kiss his way back up now, his hand gently rubbing L through his boxers causing the detective to squirm beneath him. His lips connected to L's throat and he bit down again making L wince before turning his head to expose more of that beautiful neck. Once Light had thoroughly marked the skin he leaned forward to kiss L again, letting his hand slip under those boxers and wrap around bare flesh. L moaned a bit desperately at his touch arching his back once more and wrapping his arms around Light to bring him closer.

Light kissed him deeply, increasing the speed of his hand and feeling himself go rock hard as L's moans vibrated down his own throat. He broke away from the kiss, knowing his face was flushed just like L's was. Knowing that sweat glistened on his brow, that he was aching just as much as L. He leaned back and let his fingers trail down L's torso, stopping at his jeans and unbuttoning them. He slowly slid them down past L's hips and down further, moving out of the way to pull them off completely. He did the same for L's boxers and then he just gazed upon his lover.

His rival, his enemy, his friend, his lover.

L was all of these things.

But Light only wanted him as his lover. He would have him. He would be able to keep the detective. He could see the longing in those black eyes even now as they stared up at him. Light smiled down at him and leaned in, kissing the detective lightly before straightening to undo his own pants. He paused when a pale hand rested over his own as he started to unclasp his pants.

"Allow me, Light," L whispered.

Light smiled. "As you wish," he said.

L's delicate fingers slowly undid the buttons and unzipped the pants before pulling at them and his boxers. Light maneuvered himself so that the detective could get the irritating material off completely. They stared at each other for a while and then Light made to straddle L again. He paused however before moving over him.

"L…I want to try something new," he said.

L blinked but nodded and Light smiled warmly at him before grabbing hold of the detective and turning him over so that he lay on his stomach.

"L-Light," L stammered, clearly uncertain about this.

"Don't worry, I won't hurt you, L," Light assured him.

L seemed like he was about to say something, but fearing for losing the mood, Light sucked at his fingers for a minute before sliding one into L. L froze, his mouth still open to speak, but all that came out was a shuddering moan. Light took this as the okay to keep going and slid in another finger. L shut his eyes, his hand clenching tightly to the blanket below him.

"I won't hurt you…because I love you," Light added, his fingers stroking L gently.

Either L was incapable of answering because he was moaning or he chose not to say anything about that. Since he hadn't snapped at Light so far, the younger man took it as a sign to just keep doing what he was doing. He scissored his fingers in order to make this as pleasurable for L as possible. With his free hand, his guided L's hips into the air, having the detective support himself with his knees as his free hand now wrapped around L's erection.

Light let his fingers trail around the arousal teasingly. He heard a muffled whimper and saw that L was clenching the pillow between his teeth to keep from yelling out. He smiled and let another finger slid in, finding L's prostrate and focusing on that while his other hand wrapped around him and administered to his needs. L rocked back, pressing himself more firmly towards Light and moaning loudly, tears of pleasure trailing from behind closed eyes.

Light increased the speed of his hand, running it smoothly over L, pressing his thumb over the tip and causing L to shiver in delight. Not long afterwards, the detective climaxed, covering Light's hand, which was what he'd been waiting for. Using L to prepare himself, he pulled his fingers from L and pressed himself against his detective's entrance.

He let L catch his breath slightly before he entered him. L's hands held to the blankets hard enough to make his pale knuckles even whiter and he let out a long, low moan, his eyes shut, his cheeks flushed and his lips parted. Light leaned over him, thrusting slowly and sensually as his lips brushed L's ear.

"I love you," he whispered.

He'd just managed to find L's prostrate again and the only answer he got back was a longing moan. Light smiled and pulled out almost completely, causing L to writhe in anticipation, before thrusting deeply inside of him. L cried out, his breath coming out in great pants and now Light's breathing was picking up as he was surrounded in that glorious, tight heat.

He began to pound L a bit mercilessly into the mattress now, but L's pleased moans told him that he was doing the right thing. The detective began to lift his hips just as Light thrust, letting Light in even deeper and causing Light to let his own moans form a chorus with L's.

Light let out a loud yell, shouting his lover's name as he climaxed and in the far distance of his mind he could hear L calling out his name as he climaxed for the second time. Light pulled out of him gently, breathing heavily as he rolled of the detective's back and lay beside him. He smiled and reached over, grabbing L's shoulder and turning him so that L was facing him.

"I love you, L," he whispered.

"I love you too, Light," L replied.

There was something about his voice that was troubling. Light raised an eyebrow. "You sound like you have more to say…"

But of course he couldn't. Being with L again, it had been amazing. Light could never let him go now, not after that. No one he had ever been with before came close to comparing what he felt like when he was with L. Sure they had had more than their share of troubled times, but Light was confident that he had managed to show his love.

"I do have more to say," L said and Light blinked at how cold his voice was becoming. "Truth be told, I do love you, but I also know that you will never change. You killed Mello, Mello was like a brother and you knew that he was such even if you try to deny it…You are Kira, you will always be Kira. I am L, I will always be L. We cannot be together because we are natural enemies, and natural enemies cannot be lovers no matter what their feelings are."

Light blinked and propped himself up on one elbow. This…couldn't really be happening. No, no way, L was not…thinking of leaving? His eyes flashed crimson. No, he couldn't leave!

"L…what are you saying?" Light asked.

"Was it good for you, Light? Our last time together?" L demanded.

"Our…last time?"

"Sex cannot prove anything, I would have thought you smart enough for that," L said. "You showed me when you first kidnapped me that sex was a show of dominance. And while I do believe your intentions were pure, you failed to impress me, Light."

"I…what?" Light stammered, sure he was hearing this wrong.

"You've made one too many mistakes Light. Yes, I love you, but I cannot be with you anymore," L replied, standing up and beginning to dress again. "I expect once this sinks in you shall kill me, I assure you I won't blame you so feel free."

He pulled his boxers and jeans on, glanced around for his shirt, retrieved it, and covered his torso from view with it once more. Light just sat stunned on the bed, completely caught unawares. L…was leaving? Just like that.

"But…I love you," he said desperately.

"I know," L replied.

"And you love me," Light growled.

"I know."

"Then why the hell are you leaving?!" Light shouted.

"Because it's for the best, it was never meant to be, Light," L replied solemnly.

He looked like he was about to approach Light, maybe to kiss him one last time, but decided against it and instead walked over to the door. He did pause as he opened it and looked over his shoulder at the still shocked Light.

"I thank you for showing me happiness, Light, I only wish that it could have lasted forever," he whispered.

Without another word, L walked out of the bedroom and closed the door after him.

_Go after him…GO AFTER HIM!! He's really not coming back! Hurry and catch him!_

Light's mind was screaming at him, but his body didn't seem to want to move. L was gone. L left him. It refused to sink in even though he knew it was true. L couldn't really be gone. He would come back through the door in five minutes, admitting that he could not leave. Right? RIGHT?!

Light's heart suddenly seemed to twist painfully and he leapt out of bed, frantically throwing his clothes back on and rushing out of the room. He rush through his apartment, but he couldn't find L. He slammed the door open to the guest bedroom, but that was unoccupied. No, no he couldn't have left! Light practically sprinted to the front door. It was unlocked. He threw the door opened and jumped down the steps.

L was nowhere in sight.

L was gone.

Light was alone.

* * *

**Silent Dagger:** I am sorry for the length. It is a bit short...and I'm also sorry about ending it on such a depressing note...but I suppose that answers the question of whether L forgives Light or not :holds up hands in a defensive manner:

Next Chapter: The showdown begins between Light and Near...will Light write L's name down in the Death Note? You shall have to wait and see!


	25. Right Where It Belongs

In Paridisum

**In Paridisum**

**Silent Dagger:** SORRY! I couldn't upload anything over the entire summer, but here it is!!

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! You guys seriously made this story keep going. I was about to put ff aside for a while but then I decided not to because of you readers! Thanks again for keeping me motivated!!**

**Chapter Twenty Five: Right Where It Belongs**

* * *

He was going to die. He knew this already. The minute he had left that house, L kept a record of every forty seconds that passed. But he wasn't dying. This did not mean that he felt secure, no; on the contrary it actually made his heart beat just a bit faster. How would Kira pay him back for this? The idea of a heart attack seemed too mild for retribution. L knew he was probably going to have to look forward to a long, drawn out death. Or maybe Kira would actually show some mercy and kill him quickly. Either way, it was a thought that would not leave his head, and the more time that passed, the more his anxiety grew.

No, he could not let himself panic. L wasn't able to assess the situation clearly because of nerves. He had gone into this case with the chance of losing his life, he had known he'd been close to death a few times during the course of everything, so why should he care now? L was not morbid, he did not _wish_ for death, but his entire life had been one risk after the other…perhaps it was finally going to catch up with him now.

He had gotten in contact with Matt, figuring the youth was still with Near and was slightly surprised to find that he was working solo. He gave L his current address and L made his way over there, all the time expecting his heart to just erupt within his chest, to seize up much as it had when he was separated from Light…He quickly chased that thought away. Light was Kira, there was no Light anymore.

He arrived at Matt's soon afterwards and the redhead let him into the small apartment with a gentle smile.

"You escaped?" he asked as soon as L had a chance to sit down.

"I would not call it that…I just left," L replied.

"It was probably for the best," Matt said carefully.

L studied the younger man's face. He looked tired and exhausted, his eyes were not filled with their usual vibrancy, and he looked as though he had lost a great part of himself. L knew exactly what was going on then, because it was a look he had known had crossed his face during his separation with Light. Matt was mourning over Mello. Not mourning over a friend, mourning over a lover. L had always suspected…but he had never given it much thought. How hard must it have been for Matt to come to terms that he would never see Mello again? Well, L supposed he would find out for himself. He did not expect to ever meet up with Light Yagami ever again either.

"Are you all right?" L asked.

"No," Matt answered truthfully, lighting up a cigarette. "But I will be in time, I guess…now then, why did you seek me out?"

"It's about Kira," L said.

Matt blinked. "Light Yagami is Kira, isn't he?"

L nodded.

"And you didn't say it before because…?" Matt asked.

"I love him," L replied.

"Well, I can understand that then," Matt sighed after a moment's pause. "I feel for you, but I will never support it. Kira killed Mello and so many others, he's evil."

L looked up at the ceiling. "Evil? I do not think Kira himself is evil, even if the acts he orchestrates are anything but good. It is for justice, his sense of it has just become twisted and warped because of the power he has," he explained.

"Call it whatever you want, doesn't change the fact that he's a killer," Matt said stubbornly.

L sighed, knowing that he would not change the youth's mind. They sat in a slightly uncomfortable silence for a few minutes.

"So…you want to get in contact with Near?" he asked.

"Yes that is correct," L said.

"Unfortunately it may take awhile. I sort of just walked out on him so I don't have his contact information. However, I'm sure I could hack my way into his computer system and deliver a message or something," Matt said.

"How long will it take?" L asked heavily.

"In a rush?" Matt asked wryly.

"He knows my name, Matt," L said.

Matt's face seemed to pale and his eyes widened, his jaw dropping slightly. L knew that repercussions would come soon. Matt was not as quick to show his emotions as Mello, but he was not as controlled as Near and L either. Soon enough, his eyes narrowed and he stood up in anger.

"Do you have a death wish?!" Matt shouted. "Why would you tell him your name?! I don't even know your name!"

Ah, so jealousy was part of it, L had figured that would be part of the case. For someone who had been trying to succeed him since the time he was a child, only knowing him as L only to learn that an outsider, and an enemy at that, knew it must have been infuriating.

"It was a mistake on my part," L replied coolly.

"Well I hope it was a mistake!" Matt snapped. "So if you drop dead I shouldn't be surprised, is that basically the gist of things?"

L narrowed his eyes and Matt sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair and sitting back down, his elbows resting on his knees as he buried his face in his hands to think and to compose himself again.

"Sorry, that was out of line," he finally muttered. "I'm going to go get to work on getting in touch with Near."

He rubbed his face as though he were tired and then stood once more, heading out of the room and into his bedroom. L had considered following him before that outburst, but he figured the youth needed time to himself now after hearing about L's predicament. L sat alone, nibbling at his thumb and just wondering what Light was playing at. He must have realized L's intentions when he left him like that. He must have known L was going to reveal him…so then, why? Why was he still alive?

* * *

Light was sitting at his desk, the Death Note open in front of him, his pen poised above the blank page. _L Lawliet, L Lawliet, L Lawliet_…the name echoed repeatedly through his mind, begging to be written, to be made immortal upon this page even while the person it belonged to died. L had left him, he was going to betray him first. The world that they had once had together had been shattered, left beyond repair. Why was he hesitating? One of them had to die. Light would face death for being Kira and L would face death for defying God. He lowered the pen, the tip brushing against the page.

_Just write it…It's not like I'm ever going to see him again anyway. He doesn't want to see me again. I failed to show my feelings for him and he, as merciless as ever, just walked away._

Merciless? Could he really describe L in such terms? Light let out a pained sigh and rested the pen upon the desk; leaning back in his chair, head tilted back to study the ceiling. Who had made all the mistakes? It hadn't been L. L had worked with his mistakes, looking past his cruelty, seeing past his bias towards Kira to love him. Light had done well at first, he had shared his heart with the detective, had been honest with him, had tried to keep Kira out of their personal relationship as much as possible. But the world was not perfect yet, and things had happened that made Light do things he now regretted.

Forcing Misa to kill innocents, going against the very truths he so ardently followed. Killing Mello when he knew it would bring L pain, being foolish enough to believe that L would choose him despite what he had done. Light supposed that he thought he'd never drive L away. Had been…arrogant enough to think that no matter how bad he was, L would still be there for him, supporting him through it all. But no, L had never supported what he did. He had always been opposed to him.

Light's eyes flashed crimson. Those who opposed God would perish! He leaned back over his desk, grasping the pen firmly in his hand and bringing it once more to the paper. _L Lawliet, L Lawliet, L Lawliet...write it, dammit, just write the name down. Give him a quick death and push him from your mind. Do it, Do it, DO IT!!_

His mind screamed at him, urging his hand to move, to write the letters ingrained in his memory. But his hand was frozen, because thinking of the name made him think of the man, and thinking of the man reminded him of why L was even alive today. Light still loved him. He could find a way to make it work…or, if that was impossible he could at least make it how it was supposed to be. Him against L, and only L. He would remove Near from the fight, this was not his battle. Light dropped the pen. There were no more facades to hide behind, no more masks. L was L Lawliet and he was Kira. Now the race was almost finished, it was time to see who would make it across the finish line.

* * *

"L, I've finally got in touch with Near," Matt called from the other room.

L got up from his seat and walked over to where Matt was. It was like time was slowing down. Light was going to be found out. Light was going to lose, he was going to win, things were getting back to how they were when he first started on the case. Only back then he expected to feel relieved at catching Kira, now he was dreading each passing minute that passed.

He settled himself in front of Matt's computer. "Near," he said simply.

"L," Near replied.

"Light Yagami is Kira."

"Thank you, L, my respect for you has been restored," Near said. "This only confirms what the investigation team told me. I got in touch with Mr. Aizawa, he revealed that the team had no idea about this plan of yours…they all believed you to be dead."

"Yes, well I shall apologize to them later," L replied. "What are your plans?"

"To convict Light Yagami and have him arrested," Near replied.

"I request one thing," L said.

"Yes?"

"I will be the one to do it," L replied. "We will meet back at the warehouse, have the investigation team there as well, it is time to end this."

There was a long pause. "As you wish, L," Near replied.

* * *

Light went to the investigation room. It was early, very early so none of the others had arrived yet. He sighed heavily. He could not stay in his apartment, not with the Death Note right there. His burning desire to write L's name was constantly wrestled with his inability to touch the pen to paper. He thought that being here might help, maybe push his mind to make some sort of decision so that he was not stuck as a pendulum, swinging back and forth between executioner and savior.

He sat down heavily, his chocolate brown eyes unfocused, his face stoic as he was deep in thought. So what now? He had to make some sort of decision. The team, he would have to continue using the team to his advantage. He had to discredit Near because surely L had told him by now. Light frowned. He'd made it this far, he was sure he could convince them of this easily. He was just thinking about what he would say to them, when the nearby computer monitor flashed into life and the large letter N appeared on the screen.

"Kira," Near said, not even bothering to hide things any longer. "I request your presence at the warehouse again; meet me there in an hour."

Near did not wait for a response and the monitor darkened as quickly as it had lit up. Light narrowed his eyes. Who did Near think he was? He was not L, he was not his rival. He had half a mind to just ignore the 'request' but he knew he couldn't. This was his chance to kill Near and he probably would not get another one. That dark smile slowly began to lift his lips. He would destroy Near, he was sure of it. He might be late though, since Near knew and they already were aware of the Death Note, well there was no reason not to bring his.

* * *

L stood in the warehouse, Near was seated beside him, playing with some toys and the investigation team stood behind them. When Near had first contacted Soichiro to tell him that L was still alive the elder Yagami had hardly dared to believe him. Near told him to get in touch with the rest of the investigation except for Light and to assemble here. When they had arrived, Soichiro had looked gaunt, knowing what implications this whole situation held for his son, Aizawa looked resigned, Ide had a cold expression upon his face while Mogi looked sympathetic towards the chief. Matsuda had nearly jumped to give L a hug but was off put by the look L shot him and instead just expressed how glad he was that L was all right.

L had briefly explained what had happened, leaving out the part about their relationship, giving them the truth that they both longed and dreaded to hear. Light Yagami was Kira. Soichiro's complexion had paled further and his hands had begun to shake, but he only nodded in understanding, his unwavering sense of justice remaining strong even in the face of such an awful truth.

They stood in silence now and soon enough the doors to the warehouse opened and there he stood. Light Yagami, Kira…the hopeful 'God' of a new world. His eyes widened briefly when he saw the entire team there and he stopped a good ten feet away from them, his eyes traveling over the familiar faces and coming to rest at L's. L stared right back at him. Why? Why didn't Light write his name down? Why was he letting it get this far? Unless of course he was going to write it down here, and show his power to the others. Yes, he would not be surprised if that was the case.

Near glanced at L quickly and L realized that he could not just stand here and stare at Light. He stood a step closer.

"Light Yagami," he whispered. "It is over."

Light frowned and looked at L with a hurt expression flashing in his eyes. L blinked. Had his misread him completely? Could it be that Light hadn't been _able_ to write his name down because of what had happened? But no, he must have realized this would happen if L left. It was the reason he had kept him captive in the first place. He _must_ have known he would tell Near that he was Kira. Of course Light would have killed him to keep his secret. Right?

"Light," Soichiro said, unable to keep silent. "Why? Where is your sense of justice? Where has it gone?"

Light did not answer for a while. He was piecing together this entire scene. L told Near, who must have contacted the investigation team and now he was alone against them as he had let Misa go from this particular life. He tore his eyes off L's face and looked at his father coldly.

"I AM justice!" he exclaimed. "This world is rotten, I am cleaning it, I am making it pure for the innocent people! I am giving them the life they deserve! Some people deserve to die! They believe that it is _them_ in power, but not for long! I will stop them, I will create a new world!"

Soichiro's dark eyes widened and took a step back. "L-Light…"

Light pointed at them now. "You think stopping Kira is justice, it is a crime! I want to _help_ these people! Why do you feel the need to stop me and make them live in such a rotten world?"

"Light-kun."

That gentle voice, spoken in the same way he was used to, almost drove Light to the breaking point. Crimson eyes settled on L again. L stepped forward again, despite Near's warning glance.

"Light-kun must see the horrors of what he is doing. You have killed innocent people…" L reminded him.

"That was for YOU!!" Light shouted, making the entire investigation team stare at him in shock and even L blinked at the unexpected outburst. "I KNOW YOUR NAME, L!! I COULD KILL YOU IF I WANTED TO, BUT I CAN'T SO DON'T YOU FUCK WITH ME!"

Near's eyes widened from that exclamation. "Is this true, L? He knows your name?" he asked quietly.

L only nodded, his black eyes fixed upon Light.

"Light-kun?" Matsuda asked, sounding completely confused.

Light glared at him. "No, no…I won't let anyone get in the way of my vision, this world will be changed!" he shouted, taking hold of his Death Note.

Matsuda's confused expression was slowly changing into one of disbelieving anger as tears started to fill his eyes. He had respected Light, looked up to him, and all this time he'd been pulling them in circles while countless people had been killed. It couldn't be real, but there he stood, Death Note in hand.

"Are you going to kill me now, Light?" L asked.

"Didn't you hear me?" Light practically spat. "I can't kill you!"

L knew in that instant that it wasn't an act. Light really couldn't bring himself to kill him. The coldness that L had let settle over him after he had left Light was slowly shattering. He had figured Light had still loved him before, but he had also thought that Light had crossed the point where his success surpassed everything. He had thought Light had become a monster. But this, this was proving him wrong. This…was proving Light's love more than physical contact ever would.

"Light! Just stop, it's over!" Soichiro shouted.

"It will never be over!" Light exclaimed.

And it was clear to all that in this moment, Kira, cornered and outnumbered, snapped as he ripped open his Death Note and began to write his own father's name onto the page. Mogi shouted, Ide jumped forward, Aizawa pulled out his gun while Soichiro stood in frozen disbelief as the pen touched the page. However, two loud gun shots rang throughout the warehouse and Light let out a pained cry and fell backwards. Near looked up from his toys staring at Matsuda's smoking gun.

"Everything you stood for, everything your father stood for! You were lying the entire time!" Matsuda sobbed, storming over to Light.

Light grit his teeth together, forcing himself to his feet. One bullet had struck his hand, the other his shoulder, leaving his right arm dangling uselessly at his side and he placed his left hand against his wounded shoulder, blood flowing over it. His eyes were the color of his blood as he glared at Matsuda.

"You will never understand," he hissed.

"Don't you realize you just tried to kill your own father?!" Matsuda shouted shrilly.

"You…are all obstructions in my path," Light growled.

Matsuda let out a scream and raised his gun. Soichiro ordered him to stand down but Matsuda seemed beyond the ability to listen right now as his shaky fingers pulled the trigger, the gun aimed right between Light's burning eyes. Light knew in that instant that now it was over. The bullet would pass through his brain, he would probably live for a few minutes, possible, depending on where exactly it hit, but he wouldn't function anyway. He would pass on and his world wouldn't be completed.

But the brief pain he had expected to feel before nerves went completely numb never came. He opened his eyes and saw white. Perhaps he just hadn't felt it? No, there was a patch of red in the white and it was spreading and he could hear the sound of a gun clattering against the floor as it was dropped.

A body suddenly fell on him and Light caught it reflexively and studied the face. He was cradling L in his arms. L's hands were pressed firmly against his stomach where the bullet intended for him lay buried within him as blood poured from the wound. Matsuda was sitting on the floor shaking, Near had actually stood up and for the first time Light saw emotion upon his face.

"L," Light whispered, shaking the detective.

L drew in a shuddering breath and opened his eyes slightly, a pained grimace crossing his features as he looked up at Light. "You…couldn't kill me…and I couldn't…watch you die," he whispered.

"Kira," Near finally spoke, his voice bitter. "When will it be enough? How many have you killed? How much pain have you caused for those close to you? End your foolish 'quest' for a better world; it will never happen through murder."

Light barely heard him, his eyes were focused on the man in his arms, who was paling and breathing in pained gasps. He started shaking his head slowly as images from recent memories filled his head. Days with L, nights with L, spending that time with L. Loving him, loving every touch…the person he loved was in pain, could very well be dying and they were ignoring that fact!

"I don't care," Light growled. "I don't care! I don't CARE! Save him!!"

Near blinked, the finger that had been coiling a lock of white hair slipped away from his head to come to rest at his side. Light didn't care what he thought. Why weren't they doing anything to save L?!

"Mr. Aizawa, contact the closest hospital," Near said.

Aizawa nodded and left the building to go make the call. Near turned to Mogi and Ide. "Detain Kira," he ordered. "Mr. Yagami, please keep L supported."

The three men nodded and moved forward but Light hugged L to him. "No, don't touch me, just leave me be!" he shouted.

Mogi and Ide stopped, glancing at Near who stared back stoically so they moved a bit closer until L coughed and glanced at them.

"Stay where you are, Light-kun is aware that once I am taken to the hospital he will….be arrested," he said.

Light looked down at him and nodded. L smiled faintly before glancing at Near and the others. "Please…I need a moment…to speak with Light-kun privately…"

Near looked as though he was about to protest, but Soichiro, who had been looking back and forth between them sighed heavily and nodded in affirmation. "We shall be…close by, Ryuuzaki," he assured the detective.

He and his team moved away, leaving Near to stand there. He looked upon the two of them coldly for a moment before he turned and walked away with the team as well. Once they were far enough away not to be able to hear him, L turned his attention back to Light.

"I am sorry…Light-kun…I assumed…that you had been completely…lost," L said slowly.

Light almost wanted to yell at him, berate him for betraying him when he had been so convinced that it would be Light to do the betraying. But he couldn't, it was as impossible for him to yell at L right now as it was for him to kill him.

"What made you realize that I was still here?" he asked softly.

L's dark eyes shifted to the Death Note momentarily before focusing back on the face above him. "You…could have killed me. You knew what I would do when I left…and yet you…didn't kill me."

"I couldn't," Light reminded him. "I tried…but I couldn't."

L smiled softly. "I know…and that…more than anything…proved to me…that you really do…love me."

Light leaned in, not caring if any one was paying them attention, and pressed his lips against L's gently. "I always have, L," he replied.

"I…know," L whispered. "And I you…"

He winced as his felt a harsh stab of pain and his eyes clenched shut as his breathing quickened.

"Don't you dare even think about giving up," Light growled. "I can…live with whatever happens to me, but I never intended for this world to be without either of us. Kira or L, whoever won was the right…for the world anyway. I still believe that my justice is true justice, but I lost…"

L's breathing had become shallower and Light did not like the look of his eyes when he opened them again. They seemed somewhat distant, but the detective nodded slowly. Light knew he had to keep him talking; he couldn't let him slip away.

"Hey, you remember the carnival trip?" he asked, rocking back and forth slowly as if cradling a child to sleep.

"Hmm….yes," L replied, smiling at the memory.

"And I wanted to go on that roller coaster but you absolutely refused? It would have been fun," Light said with a soft grin.

"L-Light should know…that I would never go near…such a thing," L whispered.

Light was getting worried. Where the hell was that ambulance? "I suppose…but we had a lot of fun that day, didn't we?" he began to slowly stroke L's hair.

L shivered slightly and Light held him more firmly as the detective nodded. Sweat was beading on L's brow and now tremors were running through his body. Light refused to let it end like this. L would not die.

"Hey…look at me," Light urged.

L complied, locking his eyes with Light's once more. "W-Why are you…still protecting me…? I betrayed you…"

Light shook his head. "I won't say that didn't hurt," he admitted. "But how many times have I betrayed you? I've killed innocent people…I killed Mello…"

He couldn't bring himself to say he deserved it, Light would never say something like that, even if it was true. "And…I love you too much," he added, placing a soft kiss upon L's forehead.

"I love you, Light," L said, shifting slightly and grimacing as pain coursed through his body.

Light cupped L's chin. "Keep looking at me," he reminded him and L nodded, keeping his eyes locked on Light's.

"It's…too bad…we couldn't shut out the world…a little longer," L whispered.

"I wish we could forever," Light replied.

Aizawa entered the building again, glanced at Light with a look of disgust, but Light did not let it phase him. Aizawa had always hated Kira. He did pause to look down at L.

"Ryuuzaki…help is on the way," he said stiffly before walking over to the others.

Light waited until Aizawa had engaged in the current conversation of the team before turning to look back at L, smiling down at him. "You hear that? You'll be taken care of soon…you'll be ok."

"It's not me…I'm worried about," L replied and Light thought that he heard sadness in his voice. He looked steadily at the detective, and L stared right back. "I've found you…but I'm just going to lose you again…"

Light did not speak for a few moments. "I am sorry," he replied. "But I'm afraid…you have, I'm not going to try and pretty the situation up with words."

L turned his head slightly, burying his face in Light's arm. Light could not tell if the sudden gasp issued from the detective was caused by pain or a sob. Light leaned over and kissed the top of his head. His own arm felt numb and some of the blood from his wound had dripped onto L's white shirt, staining it further, but he didn't care.

"L…I'll think about you in my dreams…always," Light whispered.

L looked up at him then. "Likewise," he replied softly.

"They'll be here soon," Light said, finally tearing his eyes from the detective to look at the door. "I am sure Aizawa contacted the authorities as well."

"No," L replied. "The idea was, when Kira was captured, we would keep it a secret."

Light blinked and looked down at him again. "A secret?" he asked.

"Yes," L replied. "Many people support Kira, it would not do to endanger the lives of officers because of his execution. Therefore it would be kept a secret and his followers would eventually believe that he had simply ended his judgment."

"And so Kira would just fade from the minds of all," Light replied. "Become nothing but a distant memory."

"Memories tend to fade," L replied.

Light blinked. "So then that was your intention as well. Make Kira…make me, insignificant after time."

"Yes."

"Well, I suppose I can't hate you for that," Light replied. "I had no intentions of having you remembered back when I wanted to end your life."

A horrible tremor suddenly wracked L's body and Light focused more intently on him. The blood staining his shirt was now seeping into his jeans. There was so much. Light knew that Matsuda had hit a fatal area. Using some quick estimates, Light figured the detective had maybe an hour to live if he did not get help. He would survive, he had to.

"L, hold on for me," Light said urgently, taking L's hand within his own and holding it firmly.

"It would be so easy to just close my eyes and be lost in a dream forever," L said rather cryptically.

Light growled and shook L slightly, making those dark orbs shift so that they were trained upon his face.

"Don't you dare," he said. "It's not much of a victory for you if you die in the process."

L frowned heavily. "Do not speak like that," he said coldly. "Do you honestly think I am finding any joy in this? That I am sending you to your death? Once I may have, even when I first saw you, convinced that you were nothing but Kira, but now…now that I know you are not completely damned…the knowledge that I am going to be the cause of your death hurts far more than this wound ever could."

Light could hear the faint sounds of sirens now. So then, L would be taken from him soon and surely the task force would place him under arrest. He looked at L and noticed the detective was staring at the door, obviously listening to the imminent sound of their final separation.

"L," Light whispered.

L looked at him again.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Light."


End file.
